*almost* the best superpower in the world
Moderators: jestingrabbit, Moderators General, Prelates
- eran_rathan
- Mostly Wrong
- Posts: 1828
- Joined: Fri Apr 09, 2010 2:36 pm UTC
- Location: in your ceiling, judging you
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
but you have to ask other people what to do to the time, and you have no control over it.
I can read any book by looking at its cover, and have perfect recall of it.
I can read any book by looking at its cover, and have perfect recall of it.
"Does this smell like chloroform to you?"
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
- Neil_Boekend
- Posts: 3220
- Joined: Fri Mar 01, 2013 6:35 am UTC
- Location: Yes.
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
You walk into a library and go mad. Well, madder than you were.
I can solve any equation in a second.
I can solve any equation in a second.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.
patzer's signature wrote:flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!
he/him/his
- eran_rathan
- Mostly Wrong
- Posts: 1828
- Joined: Fri Apr 09, 2010 2:36 pm UTC
- Location: in your ceiling, judging you
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
But you can't show your work or tell what units its in.
I can change water into any alcohol I want, instantly.
I can change water into any alcohol I want, instantly.
"Does this smell like chloroform to you?"
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
- SirGabriel
- Posts: 42
- Joined: Wed Jul 16, 2014 11:54 pm UTC
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
In fact, you can't help doing so to any water you touch (including the water that makes up parts of other liquids, such as your blood). You die from alcohol poisoning, and then doctors spend decades studying your corpse, trying to figure out how you managed to get that much alcohol into your bloodstream.
I can be in two places at once.
I can be in two places at once.
- eran_rathan
- Mostly Wrong
- Posts: 1828
- Joined: Fri Apr 09, 2010 2:36 pm UTC
- Location: in your ceiling, judging you
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
But only if you cut yourself in half, leading you to die from massive blood loss.
I can declare something to be true, and the universe rearranges itself such that what I said is in fact true.
I can declare something to be true, and the universe rearranges itself such that what I said is in fact true.
"Does this smell like chloroform to you?"
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
- flicky1991
- Like in Cinderella?
- Posts: 770
- Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2011 3:36 pm UTC
- Location: London
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
However, you can't control what else changes at the same time. It doesn't take long for the universe to be in a state where you no longer have this power.
I can recognise anyone I've met.
I can recognise anyone I've met.
any pronouns
----
Forum Games Discord
(tell me if link doesn't work)
----
Forum Games Discord
(tell me if link doesn't work)
- eran_rathan
- Mostly Wrong
- Posts: 1828
- Joined: Fri Apr 09, 2010 2:36 pm UTC
- Location: in your ceiling, judging you
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
but you can't remember their name.
I can turn into a superfluid, and back again, at will.
I can turn into a superfluid, and back again, at will.
"Does this smell like chloroform to you?"
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
- eviloatmeal
- Posts: 565
- Joined: Thu Dec 11, 2008 9:39 am UTC
- Location: Upside down in space!
- Contact:
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
Superfluids, however, do not have this power. So even though you are capable of turning yourself from a superfluid into a human being, it does you no good once you stop being you.
I can walk on any hard, flat surface, regardless of its orientation (walls, ceiling, underside of cliffs, car door...)
I can walk on any hard, flat surface, regardless of its orientation (walls, ceiling, underside of cliffs, car door...)
- SirGabriel
- Posts: 42
- Joined: Wed Jul 16, 2014 11:54 pm UTC
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
But only if it is flat at the molecular level. Since there are no surfaces which are perfectly flat, you can't walk at all.
I can teleport between parallel universes.
I can teleport between parallel universes.
- eviloatmeal
- Posts: 565
- Joined: Thu Dec 11, 2008 9:39 am UTC
- Location: Upside down in space!
- Contact:
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
But only to the exact point in space where parallel-you is in those universes, fusing and killing you both in the process.
I can determine if any program will halt or not based on its source and input values.
I can determine if any program will halt or not based on its source and input values.
- SirGabriel
- Posts: 42
- Joined: Wed Jul 16, 2014 11:54 pm UTC
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
But only if the program is written in Cobol.
I can quickly solve any problem whose solution can be quickly verified by a computer.
I can quickly solve any problem whose solution can be quickly verified by a computer.
- araprado613
- Posts: 18
- Joined: Fri Feb 12, 2016 12:44 am UTC
- Location: Sydney
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
but the internet no longer exists.
I have telekinesis.
I have telekinesis.
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
Since you didn't specify what is meant by quickly, this only applies to O(1) constant time problems.
I can experience other peoples' memories by thinking about that person.
I can experience other peoples' memories by thinking about that person.
- flicky1991
- Like in Cinderella?
- Posts: 770
- Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2011 3:36 pm UTC
- Location: London
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
You don't get to choose which memories. The next time you think of your parents, you experience your conception.
I can keep eating without gaining weight.
I can keep eating without gaining weight.
any pronouns
----
Forum Games Discord
(tell me if link doesn't work)
----
Forum Games Discord
(tell me if link doesn't work)
-
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Sat Feb 13, 2016 10:06 am UTC
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
Because skin falls off at the same rate as you add food.
I can make the best paper airplanes.
I can make the best paper airplanes.
- eviloatmeal
- Posts: 565
- Joined: Thu Dec 11, 2008 9:39 am UTC
- Location: Upside down in space!
- Contact:
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
"Best" being defined in terms of looks, and you must sacrifice aerodynamics in the process.
I can levitate.
I can levitate.
- eran_rathan
- Mostly Wrong
- Posts: 1828
- Joined: Fri Apr 09, 2010 2:36 pm UTC
- Location: in your ceiling, judging you
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
Only objects which are less dense than their surrounding fluids.
I can spell everything in every language correctly.
I can spell everything in every language correctly.
"Does this smell like chloroform to you?"
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
- eviloatmeal
- Posts: 565
- Joined: Thu Dec 11, 2008 9:39 am UTC
- Location: Upside down in space!
- Contact:
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
Uh Sue ming yew no watch ew wont too spell.
I can calculate the volume of an object by looking at it.
I can calculate the volume of an object by looking at it.
- eran_rathan
- Mostly Wrong
- Posts: 1828
- Joined: Fri Apr 09, 2010 2:36 pm UTC
- Location: in your ceiling, judging you
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
But you don't know what the units are.
I can cook the best food.
I can cook the best food.
"Does this smell like chloroform to you?"
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
- SirGabriel
- Posts: 42
- Joined: Wed Jul 16, 2014 11:54 pm UTC
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
"Best" meaning most nutritious. But it tastes so terrible that people would rather starve than eat it.
I can cook the best-tasting food (without sacrificing nutritional value in the process).
I can cook the best-tasting food (without sacrificing nutritional value in the process).
- eviloatmeal
- Posts: 565
- Joined: Thu Dec 11, 2008 9:39 am UTC
- Location: Upside down in space!
- Contact:
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
But the ingredients you have to use to make the food taste that good are completely off-putting to everyone, including yourself.
I have perfect pitch (another for-reals superpower that I wish I really did have).
I have perfect pitch (another for-reals superpower that I wish I really did have).
- SirGabriel
- Posts: 42
- Joined: Wed Jul 16, 2014 11:54 pm UTC
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
"Pitch" meaning "the steepness of a slope, especially of a roof." The roof of your house is sloped at the perfect angle.
I never get drunk no matter how much alcohol I drink.
I never get drunk no matter how much alcohol I drink.
- emlightened
- Posts: 42
- Joined: Sat Sep 26, 2015 9:35 pm UTC
- Location: Somewhere cosy.
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
You do however get drunk easily off water, and hence live dehydrated or drunk.
I can shapeshift at will.
I can shapeshift at will.
██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
"Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet."
"Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet."
- flicky1991
- Like in Cinderella?
- Posts: 770
- Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2011 3:36 pm UTC
- Location: London
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
You can choose when you shapeshift, but not what you shapeshift into.
I can choose what people with shapeshifting powers turn into.
I can choose what people with shapeshifting powers turn into.
any pronouns
----
Forum Games Discord
(tell me if link doesn't work)
----
Forum Games Discord
(tell me if link doesn't work)
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
Except for your own shapeshifting powers, which get activated whenever you do so.
I can control any electronic device with my mind, without needing physical access.
I can control any electronic device with my mind, without needing physical access.
- Neil_Boekend
- Posts: 3220
- Joined: Fri Mar 01, 2013 6:35 am UTC
- Location: Yes.
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
All the devices in the world send statusupdates to directly your head and you can't switch that off.
I can fly.
I can fly.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.
patzer's signature wrote:flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!
he/him/his
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
Very, very slowly.
I can fly quickly.
I can fly quickly.
- eran_rathan
- Mostly Wrong
- Posts: 1828
- Joined: Fri Apr 09, 2010 2:36 pm UTC
- Location: in your ceiling, judging you
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
but only in the shortest geodesic to the nearest major source of gravity, i.e. falling.
I am the fastest person alive.
I am the fastest person alive.
"Does this smell like chloroform to you?"
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
You can now run at 300 km/h. But you can't slow down.
I can violate conservation of energy.
I can violate conservation of energy.
- Neil_Boekend
- Posts: 3220
- Joined: Fri Mar 01, 2013 6:35 am UTC
- Location: Yes.
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
You violate it alright, but conservation of energy sues you for rape.
I can lift a car with my bare hands.
I can lift a car with my bare hands.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.
patzer's signature wrote:flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!
he/him/his
- eran_rathan
- Mostly Wrong
- Posts: 1828
- Joined: Fri Apr 09, 2010 2:36 pm UTC
- Location: in your ceiling, judging you
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
but only if you are completely naked.
I can disintegrate things at will with my mind.
I can disintegrate things at will with my mind.
"Does this smell like chloroform to you?"
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
- heuristically_alone
- Posts: 280
- Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2016 7:43 pm UTC
- Location: 37.2368078 and -115.80341870000001
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
But your mind it causes your mind to disintegrate. You're not expected to live past the year.
I can shoot a yak from 200 yards away with mind bullets.
I can shoot a yak from 200 yards away with mind bullets.
Bow gifted by adnapemit.
You can learn to levitate with just a little help.
:idea: = Surprised Cyclops
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
But only if the yak is exactly 200 yards away, to the nearest eighth of an inch.
I have the power to project my senses temporarily to other locations without physically being at them.
I have the power to project my senses temporarily to other locations without physically being at them.
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
But only for locations further than one parsec away, and light-speed lag still applies.
I have complete control over towels.
I have complete control over towels.
Free markets, free movement, free plops
Blitz on, my friends Quantized, GnomeAnne, and iskinner!
troo dat
Blitz on, my friends Quantized, GnomeAnne, and iskinner!
troo dat
- Lawrencelot
- Posts: 23
- Joined: Sun Oct 13, 2013 8:10 am UTC
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
But only when applied to wet dogs.
I can edit the text on any T-shirt print I see.
I can edit the text on any T-shirt print I see.
- eran_rathan
- Mostly Wrong
- Posts: 1828
- Joined: Fri Apr 09, 2010 2:36 pm UTC
- Location: in your ceiling, judging you
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
With a silk screening machine and only after you remove it from whoever is wearing it (note that they might be a bit annoyed at that.)
I can cause hot coffee to appear in my mug by thinking about it.
I can cause hot coffee to appear in my mug by thinking about it.
"Does this smell like chloroform to you?"
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
Granted. Decaf instant coffee. With lots of milk.
I can telepathically rummage around in other people's brains, at will.
I can telepathically rummage around in other people's brains, at will.
Unstoppable force of nature. That means she/her/hers.
Has committed an act of treason.
Has committed an act of treason.
- Neil_Boekend
- Posts: 3220
- Joined: Fri Mar 01, 2013 6:35 am UTC
- Location: Yes.
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
Doing so gives everyone brain damage. Not just the one you're doing it. Everyone.
I can modify other people's superpowers.
I can modify other people's superpowers.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.
patzer's signature wrote:flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!
he/him/his
- Lawrencelot
- Posts: 23
- Joined: Sun Oct 13, 2013 8:10 am UTC
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
But you lose your power when you do so.
I can increase the speed of my internet connection by a factor of 10000.
I can increase the speed of my internet connection by a factor of 10000.
- eran_rathan
- Mostly Wrong
- Posts: 1828
- Joined: Fri Apr 09, 2010 2:36 pm UTC
- Location: in your ceiling, judging you
Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world
"Does this smell like chloroform to you?"
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: chridd and 61 guests