*almost* the best superpower in the world

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mathmannix
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby mathmannix » Tue Jul 15, 2014 8:13 pm UTC

but then you have the mind of that animal, with no higher reasoning or sense of self, just a vague memory that things used to be different, and things are scary now. You are unable to change back, and live the rest of your (short) life as a frightened, wild animal. (I mean, sure, if you chose tortoise, horse, or elephant you might have a reasonably long life expectancy, but if you chose to be a mouse or a fish or any invertebrate, you are probably rather quickly doomed.)

I have the power to summon peanut butter and jelly sandwiches out of thin air, whenever I wish.
I hear velociraptor tastes like chicken.

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Moose Anus
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Moose Anus » Tue Jul 15, 2014 9:40 pm UTC

However, you can't make the peanut butter chunky style.

I can have sex with your mom every night.
Lemonade? ...Aww, ok.

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Yablo
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Yablo » Wed Aug 20, 2014 9:28 pm UTC

But there's always a line around the corner, and you aren't allowed to cut.

I can cause overwhelming apathy in anyone simply by winking.
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Neil_Boekend
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Neil_Boekend » Fri Aug 22, 2014 7:06 am UTC

However, you don't care enough to actually do it.

I can grant any wish if I want to.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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fyrenwater
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby fyrenwater » Sat Aug 23, 2014 3:42 am UTC

This ability is known to all in your vicinity and they leap on you like over-excited dogs, drool and all.

Power of supernatural heat transfer. (Insta-cool drinks! Warm your buddies! Be your own super-cooled heatsink!)
...It made more sense in my head.

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bachaddict
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby bachaddict » Sat Aug 23, 2014 7:05 am UTC

You can't stop the transfer until the heat-losing part is at absolute zero. Really cool!

I can fill or empty anything at will. Plate, bank account, garage, etc.
slinches wrote:Also, the OTC isn't a disease. In fact, it's the cure. As we all know, Time heals all wounds.

Thanks for the molpish wig ggh!
he/him/his

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Yablo
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Yablo » Fri Sep 12, 2014 12:02 am UTC

But it only works with expired dairy products and World's Greatest Grandpa t-shirts.

I can survive for a month with only a single loaf of bread and two glasses of water.
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Tomlidich the second
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Tomlidich the second » Mon Sep 15, 2014 4:39 pm UTC

You can. this lands you in the hospital for three months afterwards.

(so ecstatic that this thread has become so popular!)

I can cause uncontrollable joy in anyone i touch.
Image

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Yablo
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Yablo » Tue Sep 30, 2014 10:43 pm UTC

But it causes uncontrollable sadness when you touch yourself.

I can spin in place at such a high rate of speed that I am often mistaken for the Tasmanian Devil.
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faubiguy
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubiguy » Fri Oct 03, 2014 7:21 pm UTC

But you get motion sickness as easily as normal.

I can debug any code instantly.

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Yablo
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Yablo » Mon Oct 06, 2014 7:50 pm UTC

But only in Commodore BASIC and MUMPS.

I can levitate.
If you like Call of Cthulhu and modern government conspiracy, check out my Delta Green thread.
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bachaddict
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby bachaddict » Tue Oct 07, 2014 5:57 am UTC

At a maximum height of 1mm above solid surfaces.

I can see all electromagnetic radiation, not just visible light.
slinches wrote:Also, the OTC isn't a disease. In fact, it's the cure. As we all know, Time heals all wounds.

Thanks for the molpish wig ggh!
he/him/his

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Neil_Boekend » Tue Oct 07, 2014 6:33 am UTC

But not with a useful spectral resolution or useful intensity limits. Everything is bright white and closing your eyes doesn't help.

I can pet a puppy.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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Yablo
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Yablo » Thu Oct 09, 2014 12:16 am UTC

(Not sure how this qualifies as a superpower, but what the hell. Let's see if we can make it suck.)

But only one puppy. Ever. And it had better be the right one. If you choose poorly, you'll contract a horrible skin disease and die alone. If you choose wisely ... good for you! You got to pet a puppy.

I can win any election in which I choose to run.
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12obin
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby 12obin » Thu Oct 09, 2014 5:48 am UTC

You become a political figurehead with no power over policy decisions. You were so electable because you are tall and have nice teeth.

I can cure herpes.
Robin, she.

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Yablo
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Yablo » Thu Oct 30, 2014 5:24 pm UTC

But only by removing the affected area with a dull blade.

I can convert excess calories in my food to whatever nutrients my body needs most at the time.
If you like Call of Cthulhu and modern government conspiracy, check out my Delta Green thread.
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faubiguy
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubiguy » Sat Nov 01, 2014 5:34 am UTC

But only if it's food that you don't like.

I can always know which choice is optimal to take.

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bachaddict
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby bachaddict » Sat Nov 01, 2014 6:17 am UTC

But you can never choose that choice.

I can sit anywhere!
slinches wrote:Also, the OTC isn't a disease. In fact, it's the cure. As we all know, Time heals all wounds.

Thanks for the molpish wig ggh!
he/him/his

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Neil_Boekend » Sat Nov 01, 2014 8:01 am UTC

But never comfortably.

I can grow additional bodyparts at wish
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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faubiguy
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubiguy » Sat Nov 01, 2014 9:17 am UTC

But they're not connected to your body.

I can bring drawings to life.

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phillip1882
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby phillip1882 » Sun Nov 02, 2014 8:36 pm UTC

but only abstract art.

i can meditate deeply and come out as i see fit.
good luck have fun

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bug sniper
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby bug sniper » Mon Nov 03, 2014 7:53 am UTC

Doing so changes your sexual orientation. And the type of meditation involved requires you to fast for 24 hours.

I can walk backwards and forwards in a dimension unknown to ordinary humans.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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Yablo
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Yablo » Tue Nov 04, 2014 6:00 pm UTC

But the inhabitants of that dimension are terrible, flesh-eating monsters who instinctively swarm at the slightest vibration.

My word is law.
If you like Call of Cthulhu and modern government conspiracy, check out my Delta Green thread.
Please feel free to ask questions or leave comments.

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faubiguy
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubiguy » Tue Nov 04, 2014 6:06 pm UTC

But is not accepted as such by any authority.

I am able to withstand temperatures up to 10000 K.
Last edited by faubiguy on Tue Nov 04, 2014 11:34 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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phillip1882
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby phillip1882 » Tue Nov 04, 2014 11:18 pm UTC

but only while moon walking.

i can levitate heavy objects with my mind.
good luck have fun

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faubiguy
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubiguy » Tue Nov 04, 2014 11:35 pm UTC

But only by 1 millimeter.

I can exist in two places at once.

AarexTiaokhiao
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby AarexTiaokhiao » Wed Nov 05, 2014 1:06 am UTC

But another place disappears.

I can teleport to other universe.
I QUIT

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Neil_Boekend » Wed Nov 05, 2014 7:16 am UTC

But you can't teleport back and the other universe doesn't contain oxygen.

I can see the future implications of all of my options and choose the best one.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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faubiguy
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubiguy » Wed Nov 05, 2014 7:37 am UTC

You can choose the best one, but you still choose not to.

I can read books without opening them.

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Yablo
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Yablo » Mon Nov 24, 2014 6:15 pm UTC

But your comprehension drops almost nothing. All you can manage to retain has already been reprinted on the dust jackets anyway. Also, it takes you twice as long as if you'd opened them.

I can predict the outcomes of sporting events with startling accuracy.
If you like Call of Cthulhu and modern government conspiracy, check out my Delta Green thread.
Please feel free to ask questions or leave comments.

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faubiguy
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubiguy » Tue Mar 03, 2015 3:32 am UTC

But only within 30 seconds of the events' conclusions.

I can determine the original writer of any piece of text.

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bachaddict
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby bachaddict » Tue Mar 03, 2015 4:50 am UTC

But only by licking the author's signature.

I can always pay in exact change.
slinches wrote:Also, the OTC isn't a disease. In fact, it's the cure. As we all know, Time heals all wounds.

Thanks for the molpish wig ggh!
he/him/his

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Neil_Boekend » Tue Mar 03, 2015 7:10 am UTC

However, it requires you to carry 10 metric tons of coins.

I can focus (sure looks like a superpower right now).
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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SirGabriel
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby SirGabriel » Wed Mar 04, 2015 1:38 am UTC

But only on the things you don't actually need to focus on.

I can give myself any superpower I wish, without any of those powers (including this one) having unforeseen negative side effects.

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faubiguy
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubiguy » Wed Mar 04, 2015 2:20 am UTC

However, they have every negative side effect that has ever been foreseen by anyone.

I can reverse entropy within a 10m radius of myself.

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Yablo
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Yablo » Tue Jan 12, 2016 8:28 pm UTC

But you can only affect entropy as a measure of diversity. Any time you use this power, you and any other living thing within the radius begin to devolve. Also, everything near you becomes eerily similar to the point where you literally can't tell your head from a hole in the ground.

I can walk on water.
If you like Call of Cthulhu and modern government conspiracy, check out my Delta Green thread.
Please feel free to ask questions or leave comments.

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SirGabriel
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby SirGabriel » Tue Jan 12, 2016 8:33 pm UTC

But only when you are within ten meters of someone else who is also walking on water.

Whenever I die, I respawn on a random street corner in New York City.

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faubiguy
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubiguy » Tue Jan 12, 2016 9:28 pm UTC

Which is fortunate, because you also spontaneously die once an hour.

I can save the current state of the world at any time with unlimited saves, and can reset to different saves (like a video game).

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PeteP
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby PeteP » Tue Jan 12, 2016 9:42 pm UTC

The state includes your memories so you just end up in endless loops.

I can dematerialize , travel through the internet and materialize at any place that has an internet connection.

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SirGabriel
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby SirGabriel » Tue Jan 12, 2016 9:58 pm UTC

Unfortunately, you were born in 1785 and died long before the internet was invented.

I can accurately paint onto a canvas anything I can visualize in my mind.


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