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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu May 26, 2016 3:48 pm UTC
by Neil_Boekend
By sacrificing your own bodyparts at an exchange rate of a finger per second of increased internet speed.

I can regrow any bodypart I have lost at will.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu May 26, 2016 6:45 pm UTC
by eran_rathan
but only if you lose them intentionally, and they take as long to grow as normal (re: baby hands Deadpool).

I can encrypt or decrypt any digital information perfectly in under ten minutes.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu May 26, 2016 8:09 pm UTC
by heuristically_alone
The digital information is instantly deleted afterwards.

I know every xkcd comic that will posted later this week.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu May 26, 2016 11:03 pm UTC
by Sableagle
The more you try to tell people about it, the more words you miss out.

I can accelerate spacecraft to 0.9c in under 1s with telekinesis.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu May 26, 2016 11:59 pm UTC
by thunk
As in What If #1, this only works when you're within the blast radius.

I have the power to remember every face I see perfectly, forever.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Fri May 27, 2016 3:38 am UTC
by faubiguy
But lose the ability to remember anything else.

I can perfectly predict the locations of earthquakes no less than 30 days in advance.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Fri May 27, 2016 3:40 am UTC
by thunk
But not the time when they take place: average error is plus/minus 50 years.

I can hear the music of the spheres.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Fri May 27, 2016 7:46 am UTC
by Neil_Boekend
But it's not very good music and you can't turn it off.

I can walk on water

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Fri May 27, 2016 7:56 am UTC
by Lawrencelot
Just to be with Donald Trump.

Walls tell me what they've heard and trees tell me what they've seen.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Fri May 27, 2016 8:48 am UTC
by Neil_Boekend
But walls can't hear and trees can't see. So they are shouting "NOTHING" at you all day and they won't freaking shut up.

I can make programs do what I want.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Fri May 27, 2016 10:46 pm UTC
by faubiguy
However, they'll also do lots of things you don't want.

I can spin without getting dizzy.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Sat May 28, 2016 12:12 pm UTC
by Sableagle
Unfortuantely you can't stop spinning without getting dizzy.

I can perform any piece of music ever composed, on any instrument, in any style, perfectly.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Mon May 30, 2016 6:02 pm UTC
by heuristically_alone
However, you live alone and no living soul has seen or heard you in 20 years

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Mon May 30, 2016 8:05 pm UTC
by bug sniper
So, I guess you have the power to digitally censor information and were forced to censor your own post.

I can walk through any waist-high and shorter barriers, which is definitely a superpower by FPS standards.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Tue May 31, 2016 11:54 am UTC
by Echo244
However, this power means you also fall waist-deep in to the floor.

I can break anything I choose with the power of my mind.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Tue May 31, 2016 12:09 pm UTC
by Neil_Boekend
You also break everything you don't choose with the power of your mind. Starting with all of your bones, one by one.

I can understand every little quirk of Autocad

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Tue May 31, 2016 4:23 pm UTC
by Sableagle
Nobody can understand your quirks.

I can see through clothes.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Tue May 31, 2016 4:56 pm UTC
by Beavertails
But only on the elderly.

I can travel at the speed of light without suffering any ill effects or time dilation.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Tue May 31, 2016 10:03 pm UTC
by Sableagle
You are a photon.

I can prod things at any distance.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2016 8:07 am UTC
by Neil_Boekend
You accidentally prod the sun and burn your magic prod power. And your hand.

I can make good espresso appear from thin air.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2016 8:36 am UTC
by Lawrencelot
Only when inside a room, and it uses up all the air of the room you're in.

I can do the Kamehameha technique from Dragonball Z in real life without effort.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2016 1:50 pm UTC
by Neil_Boekend
You can't consciously control it. You just blast the hell out of things at random.

I can heat objects with the power of my mind.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2016 3:22 pm UTC
by Beavertails
The first object you heated was your mind and fried your power after one use.

I am incapable of getting a paper cut.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2016 3:25 pm UTC
by Lawrencelot
While underwater.

I have a selective photographic memory: at any time, I can decide to remember what just happened for life or only for a short time.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2016 3:27 pm UTC
by Beavertails
Unfortunately you forgot to remember that you had this ability so it will forever lie dormant.

I can live forever without aging.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2016 5:56 pm UTC
by heuristically_alone
My mind still ages and you become very forgetful.

I have the power to change baby diapers with my mind from miles away

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Fri Jun 03, 2016 9:00 am UTC
by Neil_Boekend
But the smell is amplified by a thousand and stays with you all day.

I can teleport.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2016 5:08 pm UTC
by Sableagle
Neil_Boekend wrote:I can teleport
... wasps.

Any cancer cell that gets within 1km of me immediately suffers total DNA hydrolysis.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2016 7:15 am UTC
by Neil_Boekend
Just like all the normal cells do.

I can selectively kill cancer cells at will.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2016 6:52 pm UTC
by Beavertails
You can only do it by isolating each one and destroying them one at a time within your direct line of sight.

I can control ants with mind control.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2016 8:21 am UTC
by Neil_Boekend
But most ants don't have mind control.

I can read minds.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2016 11:40 am UTC
by flicky1991
But most minds don't have anything written on them.

I can play any musical instrument perfectly without having to learn.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2016 11:59 am UTC
by eran_rathan
but only F-sharp, and with no rhythm.

I can make the perfect cup of coffee, in a mug, appear at will, from thin air.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2016 1:02 pm UTC
by Neil_Boekend
Too bad you can only live in dense air.

I can heal any injury or illness instantly without discomfort.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2016 1:29 pm UTC
by eran_rathan
but not your own, which is unfortunate when the mob comes and tears you limb from limb in a vain attempt to get you to heal them.

I can make the most delicious and healthy snacks in the world.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2016 1:32 pm UTC
by Beavertails
I accept your superpower as is. Though your delicious snacks and your healthy snacks are always separate entities.


I can drink my coffee black.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2016 2:56 pm UTC
by Neil_Boekend
You can. But you won't because you think it tastes like ass.

I can ride my human powered bicycle at 130 km/h for 3 hours.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2016 3:03 pm UTC
by JackHK
But not for any shorter or longer amount of time, and only in straight lines.

I can put ink on exam papers with a pen in exactly the right configuration of words so that any examiner will give it full marks.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2016 3:58 pm UTC
by Beavertails
But only in the very specific field of "Comparative Religious Studies in Antarctica from 4001BC to 4000 BC."

I am immune to iocaine.

Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2016 9:51 am UTC
by Neil_Boekend
Granted. Not to Tetrodotoxin, which is in your next beverage.

I am immune to all poisons.