Oneupmanship

For all your silly time-killing forum games.

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Patashu
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Oneupmanship

Postby Patashu » Tue Nov 13, 2007 12:48 am UTC

The game is simple: Post a feat or achievement slightly better than the one in the above post.

I can run a mile.

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Rodan
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Rodan » Tue Nov 13, 2007 12:50 am UTC

I can run a mile over large shards of broken glass.

(nice, game, by the way. kudos)

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Patashu
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Patashu » Tue Nov 13, 2007 12:53 am UTC

Oh yeah? I can run a mile over large shards of broken glass backwards!

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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Luderhow » Tue Nov 13, 2007 12:53 am UTC

I can run a mile through a zombie infested highway with crazy rednecks driving drunk and tossing large shards of glass at me.

(does it have to be plausible?)

edit: backwards too.

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Thunderbird4!
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Thunderbird4! » Tue Nov 13, 2007 1:00 am UTC

I can run a mile on my hands through a raptor infested forest full of thorny undergrowth.
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Kerberos
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Kerberos » Tue Nov 13, 2007 1:04 am UTC

I can run through said forest while dodging laser beams from alien spacecraft.

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clockworkmonk
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby clockworkmonk » Tue Nov 13, 2007 1:21 am UTC

I can walk through said forest at a leisurely pace. and still remain untouched.
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Rodan
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Rodan » Tue Nov 13, 2007 1:41 am UTC

I can have a nice, leisurely picnic in the middle of said forest and remain untouched.

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Chaos9
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Chaos9 » Tue Nov 13, 2007 2:18 am UTC

I can call you liars and get away with it.
I intend to keep my post count at 42 for the rest of my life.

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scowdich
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby scowdich » Tue Nov 13, 2007 2:38 am UTC

I removed seven of your toes half an hour ago...and I'm still getting away with it.

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Col. Mustard
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Col. Mustard » Tue Nov 13, 2007 5:08 am UTC

Yeah, well I removed all 11 of your toes, framed Rodan for the crime, and got away with it.

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clockworkmonk
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby clockworkmonk » Tue Nov 13, 2007 5:32 am UTC

I convinced you I removed all your toes, and you didn't wise up about it for a week.
418 I'm a teapot

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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby The Mighty Thesaurus » Tue Nov 13, 2007 5:44 am UTC

My penis can support my entire body whilst on shards of glass.
LE4dGOLEM wrote:your ability to tell things from things remains one of your skills.
Weeks wrote:Not only can you tell things from things, you can recognize when a thing is a thing

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pollywog
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby pollywog » Tue Nov 13, 2007 5:56 am UTC

My penis can support your mother's entire body weight, while juggling chainsaws at the same time.

(What's that? Your penis can't juggle? Shame.)
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DrStalker
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby DrStalker » Tue Nov 13, 2007 6:25 am UTC

pollywog wrote:My penis can support your mother's entire body weight, while juggling chainsaws at the same time.


You need your whole penis to do that? I can do it with just my foreskin.
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clockworkmonk
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby clockworkmonk » Tue Nov 13, 2007 6:30 am UTC

DrStalker wrote:
pollywog wrote:My penis can support your mother's entire body weight, while juggling chainsaws at the same time.


You need your whole penis to do that? I can do it with just my foreskin.

Hell, that's nothing special. I can do it with my foreskin, even though I'm circumcised.
418 I'm a teapot

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Nw0428
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Nw0428 » Tue Nov 13, 2007 6:31 am UTC

My penis's penis has arms and hands and it can juggle while doing (penis stands?).
Also
PENIS
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Maseiken
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Maseiken » Tue Nov 13, 2007 6:44 am UTC

My Penis is attached to my groin.
"GRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOWR!!!!"
(Translation: "Objection!")

Maseiken had the ball at the top of the key...

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Moo
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Moo » Tue Nov 13, 2007 10:42 am UTC

I manage to be a confident, functioning member of society and I don't even have a penis.
Proverbs 9:7-8 wrote:Anyone who rebukes a mocker will get an insult in return. Anyone who corrects the wicked will get hurt. So don't bother correcting mockers; they will only hate you.
Hawknc wrote:FFT: I didn't realise Proverbs 9:7-8 was the first recorded instance of "haters gonna hate"

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4=5
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby 4=5 » Tue Nov 13, 2007 3:27 pm UTC

ummmmm.... well... your mom?

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Moo
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Moo » Tue Nov 13, 2007 4:10 pm UTC

Nope, neither does she ;)
Proverbs 9:7-8 wrote:Anyone who rebukes a mocker will get an insult in return. Anyone who corrects the wicked will get hurt. So don't bother correcting mockers; they will only hate you.
Hawknc wrote:FFT: I didn't realise Proverbs 9:7-8 was the first recorded instance of "haters gonna hate"

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keozen
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby keozen » Tue Nov 13, 2007 7:37 pm UTC

My Mum doesn't just not have a penis, she has an anti-penis
Image

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Matthias
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Matthias » Tue Nov 13, 2007 7:42 pm UTC

I can one-up people without referencing male genitalia.
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Rodan
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Rodan » Tue Nov 13, 2007 8:17 pm UTC

I can one-up people without referencing male and/or female and/or raptor genitalia.

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LE4dGOLEM
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby LE4dGOLEM » Tue Nov 13, 2007 8:22 pm UTC

I can one-up people without mentioning genitalia of any sort, or your mom.
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Rodan
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Rodan » Tue Nov 13, 2007 8:30 pm UTC

I can one-up people without mentioning genitalia, your mom, sex, farts, or Narsil.

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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Robin S » Tue Nov 13, 2007 9:01 pm UTC

I can one-up people without mentioning genitalia, your mom, sex, farts, or Narsil, yet choose to mention them anyway, just for the sheer hell of it.
This is a placeholder until I think of something more creative to put here.

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keozen
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby keozen » Wed Nov 14, 2007 8:49 am UTC

Well I can TWO up people, just by looking at them
Image

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pollywog
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby pollywog » Wed Nov 14, 2007 9:24 am UTC

I can two-up people in the next room, just by thinking about them. Hah!
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The Mighty Thesaurus
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby The Mighty Thesaurus » Wed Nov 14, 2007 10:16 am UTC

I can two-up people seven miles away, and I don't even need to think about them.
LE4dGOLEM wrote:your ability to tell things from things remains one of your skills.
Weeks wrote:Not only can you tell things from things, you can recognize when a thing is a thing

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

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Maseiken
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Maseiken » Wed Nov 14, 2007 10:38 am UTC

I 10-up everyone, all the time, fo no reason, without even being aware of it. It takes a supreme force of will to become aware that I am ten-upping everyone. But it is a constant process.
"GRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOWR!!!!"
(Translation: "Objection!")

Maseiken had the ball at the top of the key...

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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Robin S » Wed Nov 14, 2007 10:59 am UTC

I do not require a supreme force of will to be aware that I am [insert arbitrarily-large positive number here]-ing everyone, because I have the common sense to realize that if I am doing it all the time, I must be doing it all the time.
This is a placeholder until I think of something more creative to put here.

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no-genius
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby no-genius » Wed Nov 14, 2007 12:50 pm UTC

I can bend space-time? (I don't think I quite get this)
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madjo
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby madjo » Wed Nov 14, 2007 12:58 pm UTC

I can fold space and time
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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Moo
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Moo » Wed Nov 14, 2007 1:13 pm UTC

I can move independantly of space-time!
Proverbs 9:7-8 wrote:Anyone who rebukes a mocker will get an insult in return. Anyone who corrects the wicked will get hurt. So don't bother correcting mockers; they will only hate you.
Hawknc wrote:FFT: I didn't realise Proverbs 9:7-8 was the first recorded instance of "haters gonna hate"

The Mighty Thesaurus
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby The Mighty Thesaurus » Wed Nov 14, 2007 1:18 pm UTC

I can do my laundry without losing any socks.
LE4dGOLEM wrote:your ability to tell things from things remains one of your skills.
Weeks wrote:Not only can you tell things from things, you can recognize when a thing is a thing

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

Robin S
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Robin S » Wed Nov 14, 2007 1:37 pm UTC

madjo wrote:I can fold space and time
I practise spacetime origami.
This is a placeholder until I think of something more creative to put here.

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Moo
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Moo » Wed Nov 14, 2007 2:08 pm UTC

I invented origami
Proverbs 9:7-8 wrote:Anyone who rebukes a mocker will get an insult in return. Anyone who corrects the wicked will get hurt. So don't bother correcting mockers; they will only hate you.
Hawknc wrote:FFT: I didn't realise Proverbs 9:7-8 was the first recorded instance of "haters gonna hate"

Robin S
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby Robin S » Wed Nov 14, 2007 2:27 pm UTC

I invented spacetime.
This is a placeholder until I think of something more creative to put here.

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clockworkmonk
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Re: Oneupmanship

Postby clockworkmonk » Wed Nov 14, 2007 2:28 pm UTC

I invented paper.
418 I'm a teapot


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