Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

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pollywog
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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby pollywog » Sun Jul 19, 2009 11:15 am UTC

Post-coitus, my girlfriend frequently teases me, saying things like "Awww, it's so small/limp/useless now", or grabbing my penis and squeezing it together (putting the tip right close to the base) and calling me meatball dick. If I had self esteem, it would hurt.

"I'm gonna lock you in the basement, you naughty girl!"

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My dad's friend's favourite caht-up line. He comes from the Isle of Muck.
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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby eaglef2 » Mon Jul 20, 2009 8:55 am UTC

"1 minute later" after every minute that you last
"I am a four hundred-foot tall purple Platypus Bear with pink horns and silver wings."
-Azula, Avatar: The Last Airbender.

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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby Bulvox » Mon Jul 20, 2009 9:05 am UTC

Anything said in Red vs Blue. Or singing the intro song to it.
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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby eaglef2 » Thu Jul 23, 2009 1:05 am UTC

"that's what she said!" (after everything she says)
"I am a four hundred-foot tall purple Platypus Bear with pink horns and silver wings."
-Azula, Avatar: The Last Airbender.

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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby MildCore » Thu Jul 23, 2009 6:41 am UTC

During:

"Time to take out the trash!"

"I am fluent in over six million forms of coitus."

"Your mom makes those same sounds."

"My mom makes those same sounds."

"Falconnnn... PUUUUNCH!!!"

After:

"If you thought that was good, just wait until my girlfriend gets home!"

"You said inside, right?"

"Hey, (wrong name)?"
"Yeah, I've got a Gateway."
"From what, the 1800's? Do they even make those anymore?"
"Sigh..."

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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby TheGuyWithTheHat » Thu Jul 23, 2009 1:47 pm UTC

This may or may not have been posted already, but...

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:P
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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby eaglef2 » Fri Jul 24, 2009 1:08 am UTC

to quote ted from Scrubs "if only you were 40 years older"
"I am a four hundred-foot tall purple Platypus Bear with pink horns and silver wings."
-Azula, Avatar: The Last Airbender.

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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby Bulvox » Fri Jul 24, 2009 1:30 am UTC

Anything you'd hear on Xbox Live.
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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby Link » Fri Jul 24, 2009 6:54 pm UTC

"I think it's stuck!"
"Oh baby, call me Santa Clause!"
"Vroom, vroom! Nyyyyyyyeeeee, nyeeeeeeee! IIIIIIIEEEEEEE crsh BOOOM! Awie-wa-wiee-waa-wiee-waa. Charging! Fwiiiieee... clear! Bzpsh! It's no use, this man is DEAD!"
"Turn over; your face makes it go limp!"

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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby lilbillyd40 » Sat Jul 25, 2009 12:02 am UTC

You want me to put what where?

or... were gonna need more lotion

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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby eaglef2 » Sat Jul 25, 2009 12:09 am UTC

"why?" after first thing schlee says, repeat until schlee says, "don't say that anymore!" then switch to "how come"
"I am a four hundred-foot tall purple Platypus Bear with pink horns and silver wings."
-Azula, Avatar: The Last Airbender.

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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby aurumelectrum13 » Sat Jul 25, 2009 12:10 am UTC

During post-coital urination.

"Hey, that fucking burns!"

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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby GraphiteGirl » Fri Oct 16, 2009 2:46 am UTC

Thread necro, just for people who've seen Jekyll the television series.

(While kissing someone's neck) "Neckity neck neck..."
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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby Diadem » Tue Dec 15, 2009 12:58 am UTC

.
Last edited by Diadem on Fri Aug 03, 2012 2:39 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby scrovak » Tue Dec 15, 2009 7:39 am UTC

To quote [can't remember his name] from Forgetting Sarah Marshall:

"My cock doesn't want to be around you anymore!"
MrGee wrote:I would never eat a person. Have you seen the conditions they're raised in?
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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby clever_username » Fri Aug 05, 2011 5:31 am UTC

As you finish:

"Thar she blows!"

EDIT: On a more topical note, mid-coitus: "Happy Shark Week."

Edit again, because my mind won't release me once the innuendo begins: Replace my first suggestion with "Boom goes the dynamite".

I think I may be missing the point, though, because I think any of these three things would be incredible to yell during sex. If she doesn't think so, then she's obviously not the right girl for me.

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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby RowanE » Fri Aug 05, 2011 8:29 pm UTC

All I have to say is, this looks to me more like the Best Things to Shout Out During Sex thread.

Seriously, >50% of these, I wish I had a (nerdy) girlfriend so I could say them.

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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby thicknavyrain » Sat Aug 06, 2011 10:36 pm UTC

"I've worked it out, and the frequency of my thrusts is 3.5 Hz, that's one fifth the frequency of a large hummingbirds wingbeats"
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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby The EGE » Sat Aug 06, 2011 11:17 pm UTC

3.5 Hz sounds awfully fast.
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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby Xannon » Thu Jul 26, 2012 7:48 am UTC

I don't know if anyone has referenced this yet, so I thought I would.

"The slow blade penetrates the shield."

Just before climax, "The spice must flow."

At climax "Father... father, the sleeper has awakened!"

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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby RollingHead » Fri Jul 27, 2012 6:24 pm UTC

"Hang on, should we be doing this on my friend's bed? I mean, he is trying to sleep here..."
Person on top: "Vrooooooom vrooooooooooooooom!" *steers partner by the shoulders like a motorcycle*
Person on bottom: "Eeeeew, I can see right up your nose from down here!"
Imitate these vocals

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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby ConMan » Mon Jul 30, 2012 1:12 am UTC

eaglef2 wrote:"why?" after first thing schlee says, repeat until schlee says, "don't say that anymore!" then switch to "how come"

Which then reminds me of another extremely obscure reference, which would suggest "Assault! Assault! You touched me officer ... sorry."
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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Thu Aug 02, 2012 8:56 pm UTC

"I am the gatekeeper"

Pull out, ejaculate. "NO BABIES FOR YOU!"

Just start singing any TV theme song: Beverly hillbillies, Brady bunch, Gilligan's island, where in the world is Carmen San Diego ...

Listing things: State capitals, elements, pokemon, digits of pi...

"Previously, on Battlestar Galattica:"

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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby gingermrkettle » Thu Aug 02, 2012 10:36 pm UTC

Quizatzhaderac wrote:"If you go to Za'ha'Doom, you will die."


Only if you can then arrange for a priest to quizzically ask afterwards "Woo hoo?"

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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby Lawsome » Fri Aug 03, 2012 1:15 pm UTC

I know it's been supposedly scientifically proven, but the mathematicians didn't take into account that there was liquid fuel in the tank! I'm telling you, the sloshing of the liquid could have made the tiny difference needed to send them, the car, and the gold falling off the edge! Wait, pass my notebook, I need to do some sums.
Spoiler:
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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby Xannon » Tue Mar 05, 2013 3:33 am UTC

Me and my wife were watching television when we came up with this, the situation in using it is made up by me and but does not apply to us.

When one is trying very hard to conceive with one's partner, just before the act, stand at the end of the bed nude and in a Dalek-esque voice say loud and clearly. "Inseminate!"

Being erect is preferable. ;D

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Re: Worst Things to Shout Out During Sex

Postby Freddino18 » Thu Mar 30, 2017 8:55 pm UTC

Dammit. RENT.

*inhales argon* "ITS SCIENTIFIC!"
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