Escape from Raptors

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mathgeek17
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby mathgeek17 » Mon Nov 14, 2011 4:42 am UTC

Too bad the raptors have slowly built up an immunity to radiation of all kinds.

I move to imagionation land, where there are no raptors and everyone lives.

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby xkcd follower » Tue Nov 15, 2011 8:27 pm UTC

The wall is broken, where millions of raptors pour out. South Park wins!!!

I would turn myself into a single atom. You cannot kill an atom unless you are ready to die also.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

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madjo
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby madjo » Fri Nov 18, 2011 11:15 am UTC

The raptors split you from a safe distance.

I, after being exposed to the same chemicals as Alex Mack, turn myself into a liquid and hide disguised as a puddle.
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby xkcd follower » Sat Nov 19, 2011 2:04 am UTC

They drink you, thus devouring you as you are liquid.

I become an Angel from Doctor (The ones that turn to stone the moment you look at them). Since you cannot kill a stone, I can kill them :)
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

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madjo
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby madjo » Mon Nov 21, 2011 4:18 pm UTC

One raptor shatters your statue with its tail (while another raptor was intently watching you, so you couldn't change form)

I hide in the highest tree available.
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby xkcd follower » Tue Nov 22, 2011 10:38 pm UTC

Raptors cut it down, then eat you.

I hypnotise them all (and I mean ALL) to Not attack me. Only I can control them and only I can release them. I made myself forget how to release them and I made myself unable to release them no matter how hard I try. Any new raptors that come into play here are immediatly hypnotised.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

Ralith The Third
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Ralith The Third » Fri Nov 25, 2011 10:32 am UTC

Raptors are immune to hypnosis.

And doorknobs.

I get in one of those neato planes that can fly forever, and I stay in it, well, forever.
Omni.

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madjo
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby madjo » Fri Nov 25, 2011 3:13 pm UTC

The raptors ask the pterodactyls to take down your plane and then share your body with them for eats.

I hide in a coal mine.
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby xkcd follower » Fri Nov 25, 2011 5:58 pm UTC

They light the mine on fire. You have the choice of burning to death, dying of lack of oxygen, or fleeing the fire for the raptor to eat you.

I kill them all, every ally of theirs, and any more that ever come.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

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madjo
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby madjo » Sun Nov 27, 2011 2:25 am UTC

You're the only one left on a completely barren planet. You won't last long.


I, given my super-handy mind control powers, make all raptors believe I don't exist.
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby xkcd follower » Tue Nov 29, 2011 12:32 am UTC

They are immune to mind-control as I recall it when I tried that> They eat you.

I still do previous plan and Kill all raptors to come and those that exist, as well as allies. But this time, I leave myself plentiful food and people to rule.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

Meem1029
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Meem1029 » Tue Nov 29, 2011 7:01 am UTC

You forget about the raptors close relative, the uber space raptor. They decide earth looks like a good place to go and avenge their fallen brothers.

I go to sleep in a perfectly secure location, and don't dream about raptors.
cjmcjmcjmcjm wrote:If it can't be done in an 80x24 terminal, it's not worth doing

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BlackHatSupport
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby BlackHatSupport » Tue Nov 29, 2011 3:52 pm UTC

Raptors invade your dreams and eat you, causing you to wake up and see a Raptor standing over you. Nom.


I go into space and freeze myself, becomeing another orbiting ball of ice in the solar system.

Oh, and I attatch myself to the outside of an asteroid.
Avenger_7 wrote:You are entitled to your opinion though. Even though it's wrong.

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby xkcd follower » Tue Nov 29, 2011 10:08 pm UTC

They find the asteroid and attack rockets to it. When it goes near the sun, the rockets ignite and send you there to cook.

I eat the raptors. all of them> Those I fail to eat go into the shredder.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

mathgeek17
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby mathgeek17 » Wed Nov 30, 2011 2:22 am UTC

They eat you from the inside out.

I cast FIREBALL!!!!!!

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby xkcd follower » Wed Nov 30, 2011 3:13 am UTC

They cast ICEBARRAGE!!!

I use smelly socks
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

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BlackHatSupport
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby BlackHatSupport » Thu Dec 01, 2011 4:20 pm UTC

They simply tear your feet off and throw them away, then eat you.

I sit in a steel room with tiny airholes and a solidly locked doorm, with an automatic sentry pointed at it. The only window is tiny.
Avenger_7 wrote:You are entitled to your opinion though. Even though it's wrong.

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby xkcd follower » Fri Dec 02, 2011 11:36 am UTC

There is no food, you either starve to death, slowly and painfully, or the raptors are let in to kill you quickly to end agony.

I use marbles, lots and lots of marble, on the ground. They cannot walk on marbles!!
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

Kain
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Kain » Fri Dec 02, 2011 12:12 pm UTC

They jump down from the rafters and eat you.

I split my essence into an infinite set of semi-mes, each of which is then bound to a raptor/space raptor/pteraptor/rafter. They can eat me, yes, but to eat me fully requires them to eat every last one of themselves, and since raptors and orobouri are not related, I think I am safe.
Look, you know it's serious when a bunch of people in full armor and gear come charging in to fight a pond of chickens - Steax

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madjo
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby madjo » Fri Dec 02, 2011 1:09 pm UTC

Nothing is infinite, therefor there is a limit of how many of you are there. And the raptors are extremely hungry and eat all the tiny bits of you. You're dead.

I set myself on fire.
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby xkcd follower » Fri Dec 02, 2011 10:05 pm UTC

YOu make yourself a grilled piece of meat before they eat you with sauce. Fail.

I make a ball of sticky material that never loses its stickyness. Its special power is that anything it touches sticks to it and grows. I am inside of it at the core, safely hidden with a few other people (no raptors) and more then enough supplies to survive a lifetime. The ball, being like a gyroscope, never gets me dizzy.

The ball hits the raptors and grows. Nothing can stop it. No way in.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

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madjo
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby madjo » Mon Dec 05, 2011 12:16 pm UTC

The raptors invent a one-way site-to-site teleportation device, and teleport a raptor inside the bubble. It starts eating the other people but keeps you alive for a while. No way in, also means no way out. So you're stuck inside with a raptor that's waiting till it gets hungry again. Have fun! :)

Hmmm setting myself on fire works against ninjas, but apparently not with raptors. I put on a bowler hat and pretend I'm a raptor in disguise.
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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BlackHatSupport
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby BlackHatSupport » Mon Dec 05, 2011 4:21 pm UTC

A human mistakes you for a disguised raptor and kills you.


I go deep underground, living near the Earth's core with A) PLenty of supllies, B) shields to prevent teleports, C) Automated security, and D) CO2 scrubbers, and finally E) A genetically engineered Super Raptor to be friendly to humans and eat any normal raptors.
Avenger_7 wrote:You are entitled to your opinion though. Even though it's wrong.

mathgeek17
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby mathgeek17 » Mon Dec 05, 2011 9:15 pm UTC

Your genetic experiment went wrong and now the super raptor is hungrier for human flesh than normal raptors. It eats you, but saves your eye for last so you can watch it eat you, bit by bit.

I summon Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All, to save me.

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby xkcd follower » Mon Dec 05, 2011 10:52 pm UTC

That is close to a win (nice Doctor Who joke), but cybermen take Stormmageddon away for conversion. You are now defenseless.

I pause time whenever I want. This power only goes to me, and I can only pause/unpause it while I am conscious. I pause it right before raptors attack me, and can move out of the way, get food, sleep, play it and watch chaos. Do this repeatedly.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

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BlackHatSupport
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby BlackHatSupport » Tue Dec 06, 2011 2:06 pm UTC

You misjudge and a raptor nails you, POW! Right in the kissah.

I summon a zombie army below me and I stand on top of a building to watch the chaos.
I also float around in the airz.
Avenger_7 wrote:You are entitled to your opinion though. Even though it's wrong.

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby xkcd follower » Wed Dec 07, 2011 4:23 am UTC

Zombies make Raptors zombies. Now both want brains and you are the only source. Try and stay on that building that is being raided by zombie raptors, faster then before with the desire for Braaaiiiinnnnnssssss.

I disappear from everything. I cease to exist and I never do. I never can exist and I never will. I am nowhere. Find me and you do not exist either, making it impossible to kill me ever...
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

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BlackHatSupport
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby BlackHatSupport » Wed Dec 07, 2011 3:01 pm UTC

But if you don't exist, you were never alive, and as such are dead.

I nuke it from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
Avenger_7 wrote:You are entitled to your opinion though. Even though it's wrong.

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bug sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby bug sniper » Wed Dec 07, 2011 8:16 pm UTC

The space raptors, angered at the loss of their main source of human flesh, decide to follow you and bombard you with lots and lots of micro-waves. They then eat you once you are sufficiently cooked.

I am a raptorvore. The end of my tongue is a human-shaped lure. It has the human scent and even has a hat. I am big enough to eat the largest raptors alive.

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby xkcd follower » Wed Dec 07, 2011 9:10 pm UTC

They are in space also. Your single nuke does relatively little help for you after you used it.

I AM a raptor. Not a human. Not in disguise. I am a raptor who eats people. I like eating others and I lead kills to kill everything but raptors.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

mathgeek17
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby mathgeek17 » Thu Dec 08, 2011 1:56 am UTC

As my last act before I die, I kill one raptor and it happens to be you.

I turn all forms of raptors (including zombie, robo, etc.) into peaceful humans.

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby xkcd follower » Thu Dec 08, 2011 3:08 am UTC

They find a cure for the change and go back. They hunt you down for trying to kill all of a single species.

I make such good origami art they spare me as long as I make for ONLY them really cool art, which I can.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

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BlackHatSupport
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby BlackHatSupport » Thu Dec 08, 2011 2:04 pm UTC

One of them gets bored and eats you.

I fly around the world with Magicz, and I shoot and raptor that gets close and use it for food.
Avenger_7 wrote:You are entitled to your opinion though. Even though it's wrong.

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby xkcd follower » Fri Dec 09, 2011 2:40 am UTC

You run out of fuel and crash. Also your signature is the best I have seen. (I play Piano Man on the piano).

I create a ball. It makes me invisible when I am inside. I have supplies and they cannot detect me. I do not leave.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

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madjo
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby madjo » Fri Dec 09, 2011 1:20 pm UTC

A raptor was walking around the forest when it suddenly bumped into something it couldn't see. It, being a hungry raptor, decided to eat the invisible object.

I turn myself into a tree.
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

User avatar
xkcd follower
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Joined: Thu May 26, 2011 11:13 pm UTC

Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby xkcd follower » Fri Dec 09, 2011 7:50 pm UTC

Raptors burn the trees to cook the humans.

I make the world cease to exist. I think therefore I am.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

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BlackHatSupport
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby BlackHatSupport » Fri Dec 09, 2011 7:52 pm UTC

The raptors go into nothingness with you and still manage to eat you.

I simply transform myself into a water-breathing human and eat seafood. Hanging out at the bottom of the Pacific.
Avenger_7 wrote:You are entitled to your opinion though. Even though it's wrong.

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby xkcd follower » Fri Dec 09, 2011 7:55 pm UTC

Raptors catch you in a net and haul you to the surface. They watch you suffocate to death before eating you.

I launch all nuclear weapons in the world and kill everything, even myself.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

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bug sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby bug sniper » Sat Dec 10, 2011 1:26 am UTC

Post-apocalyptic raptors rise from the ashes and eat your now-irradiated corpse.

I am the same raptorvore from above. That, or I genetically engineer myself into one. Either way, I become higher than raptors on the food chain.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby xkcd follower » Sat Dec 10, 2011 2:21 am UTC

They rebel and eat you.

I tempt them with pretty treats to eat, laced with Cyanide.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.


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