Escape from Raptors

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Mike Rosoft
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Mike Rosoft » Fri Sep 19, 2014 5:47 pm UTC

You are so fast that you run all around the Earth and into the raptor you were trying to outrun. He eats you.

I step to an alternate Earth without raptors. (Raptors can't use the stepper, can they?)

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dzamie
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby dzamie » Fri Sep 19, 2014 6:04 pm UTC

The Doctor-raptor from a couple pages ago manages to get his TARDIS into your alternate universe, and his companions find a way to start the neverending raptors in that world as well. You are easily caught and eaten.

I grab one of these.

Code: Select all

:Clrhome
:while 1
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16),randInt(0,9))
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:End

Mike Rosoft
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Mike Rosoft » Fri Sep 19, 2014 7:08 pm UTC

Too bad it's only effective until the end of the level.

I become an invulnerable NPC.

AarexTiaokhiao
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby AarexTiaokhiao » Mon Nov 17, 2014 5:50 pm UTC

Raptors become an invulnerable.

I teleport to Mixels world.
I QUIT

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bug sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby bug sniper » Fri Dec 12, 2014 5:44 pm UTC

There are lego raptors. They jump off their prongs and attach your head into their mouth prong, which takes you into their digestive prongs where you are slowly absorbed.

I upload myself onto TOR exit nodes around the world, and one on Mars.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
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bug sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby bug sniper » Sun Feb 22, 2015 7:15 am UTC

I delete myself wherever the TOR destinations go. Emboldened after several uneventful months, I sneak into the government offices and steal the gubernatorial seal and then stamp my restraining order forms against the raptors with it.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
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bug sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby bug sniper » Sun Aug 09, 2015 8:46 pm UTC

After almost a year of silence, I realize what happened to the raptors. They are nothing more than harmless birds now. Knowing this, I leave my hiding place and get on with my life.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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dzamie
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby dzamie » Mon Aug 10, 2015 2:48 am UTC

The raptors quickly shed their bird disguises and devour you.

I hide an hour in the future. Since I can always see what they're going to do almost an hour before they do it, I can counteract their plans to thwart me trying the other methods in this thread.

Code: Select all

:Clrhome
:while 1
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16),randInt(0,9))
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:End

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Echo244
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Echo244 » Mon Aug 10, 2015 8:49 am UTC

The raptors surround you, in a giant circle, at the maximum distance you can travel in an hour, in a manner similar to the diagram in question 2. Air travel is cut off, all tunnels are blocked. From your spot in the future, you can see them draw their plans against you. Every escape scenario you could attempt merely ends with you being eaten by a different raptor.

I build a secret underwater base, far from shore. It's surrounded by cyborg sharks, lookout-dolphins and the like, and has enough food supplies, underwater farms, science facilities and company to that I would need to wait out the raptorpocalypse.
Unstoppable force of nature. That means she/her/hers.
Has committed an act of treason.

Mike Rosoft
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Mike Rosoft » Sat Nov 28, 2015 9:04 am UTC

Turns out, dolphins really dislike sharks, and try to drive them away. While the two groups are fighting, a raptor sneaks into your base, and sabotages your oxygen generator.

I send the raptors into the "Mispost, deletey please" thread and delete them.

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dzamie
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby dzamie » Sat Nov 28, 2015 2:21 pm UTC

The raptors look temporarily baffled that you think they'd follow your directions, and just eat you immediately.

I stay DETERMINED against the raptors' attempts to catch and destroy me.

Code: Select all

:Clrhome
:while 1
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16),randInt(0,9))
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:End

Mike Rosoft
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Mike Rosoft » Sat Dec 19, 2015 9:20 am UTC

Your determination is praiseworthy, but staying on the spot will only make it easier for them to catch and destroy you.

I trap the raptors in a portable plot hole.

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dzamie
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby dzamie » Sat Dec 19, 2015 9:18 pm UTC

The raptors shoot their way out with a Chekov's Gun that wasn't there originally and eat you.

I choose to continue existing in narrative streams where I have not yet died, à la Fraa Jad from Anathem.

Code: Select all

:Clrhome
:while 1
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16),randInt(0,9))
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:End

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Neil_Boekend » Tue Dec 22, 2015 9:38 am UTC

That those alternate yous survive doesn't change the fact that this you does get torn apart into bloody chunks by a pack of raptors.

I build an Orion class spaceship and leave, setting off millions of nukes just after I left. Some to provide thrust but most to sterilize the earth and kill all raptors in order to prevent them from following me. This costs such a large part of the fissile material that the raptors couldn't fuel their own Orion even if they were to survive.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

Mike Rosoft
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Mike Rosoft » Sun May 08, 2016 8:07 pm UTC

Turns out, the raptors have already invented fusion propulsion, and are waiting for you. You have destroyed the Earth for nothing.

I activate the spiral power to defeat the raptors.

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heuristically_alone
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby heuristically_alone » Mon May 09, 2016 6:29 am UTC

The raptors have spiral power proof vests.

I hire the flash to come pick me up.
Bow gifted by adnapemit.

You can learn to levitate with just a little help.

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thunk
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby thunk » Mon May 23, 2016 5:14 am UTC

The raptors develop the ability to fly at hypersonic speeds, and so bump into the flash, causing both heuri and the superhero to tumble out of control and disintegrate due to aerodynamic overpressure.

I develop a poison that sticks to floof, thus causing the raptors to fall ill and die.
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Blitz on, my friends Quantized, GnomeAnne, and iskinner!
troo dat

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heuristically_alone
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby heuristically_alone » Mon May 23, 2016 5:29 am UTC

The raptors are immune to all poisons.

I put on a raptor costume and try to walk among them.
Bow gifted by adnapemit.

You can learn to levitate with just a little help.

:idea: = Surprised Cyclops

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thunk
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby thunk » Thu Jun 02, 2016 1:57 am UTC

You blend in among a raptor family for a while. But one day, while trying to hunt a wounded animal, the family kills it. In the frenzy to grab bits of fresh meat before every other raptor, your disguise comes off. Seeing as you are juicy, cornered prey, you are eaten.

I introduce genetic vaccines to sterilize the raptors.
Free markets, free movement, free plops
Blitz on, my friends Quantized, GnomeAnne, and iskinner!
troo dat

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Neil_Boekend » Fri Jun 03, 2016 9:27 am UTC

The raptors eat you before they go extinct.

I ask Bruce Schneier to kill all raptors for me.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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dzamie
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby dzamie » Mon Jun 06, 2016 9:39 pm UTC

What you thought was Bruce Schneier is a raptor in a very good disguise, who then eats you.

I unleash a fast-spreading anti-raptor plague, then lock myself in a well-stocked bunker which, after thorough checking, is raptor-free.

Code: Select all

:Clrhome
:while 1
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16),randInt(0,9))
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:End

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thunk
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby thunk » Mon Jun 06, 2016 9:51 pm UTC

The plague, of course, does not kill all the raptors. A hungry Epidexipteryx, seeking some bugs to eat, gets into the crawlspace of your bunker due to its small size. Eventually they invite their friends along. They eat all the bugs and end up devouring you next.

I distract the raptors by feeding them bread crumbs. This works for ducks, right?
Free markets, free movement, free plops
Blitz on, my friends Quantized, GnomeAnne, and iskinner!
troo dat

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bug sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby bug sniper » Tue Jun 07, 2016 8:00 am UTC

The raptors finish the crumbs too quickly. When your feeding can't keep up with their eating, they then jump towards your bag of bread to eat the rest, and then your arm and the rest of your body thinking there's more.

I cover myself with mold and maggots to make the raptors think I'm already dead for too long to be edible anymore. Even if the raptors are immune to poison and disease, food poisoning to this extent will consume them from the inside out if they aren't zombies.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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dzamie
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby dzamie » Wed Jun 08, 2016 2:14 pm UTC

The raptors clean off the mold and maggots to discover an alive, edible human underneath, then eat you. Alternatively, the mold and maggots kill you before the raptors stop caring about finding humans to eat.

I roll the raptors up in a big Katamari.

Code: Select all

:Clrhome
:while 1
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16),randInt(0,9))
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:End

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thunk
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby thunk » Thu Jun 09, 2016 7:14 am UTC

There are too many raptors. The ball exerts its own gravitational pull and you fall, straight into hungry raptor maws.

I befriend the raptors, by telling them how nice they are.
Free markets, free movement, free plops
Blitz on, my friends Quantized, GnomeAnne, and iskinner!
troo dat

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Neil_Boekend » Thu Jun 09, 2016 8:14 am UTC

A raptor hugs you and accidentally squishes you to death.

I cover my self in bbq sauce in order to fool the raptors into thinking I went insane. Surely raptors don't want to risk becoming insane by eating me?
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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thunk
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby thunk » Tue Sep 13, 2016 1:37 am UTC

The smell successfully discourages the ground-dwelling fauna, but the tree-dwelling raptors sneak up on you and nom you before they realise how delicious barbecue sauce is, then nom you further.

I sneak away on a giant azhdarchid.
Free markets, free movement, free plops
Blitz on, my friends Quantized, GnomeAnne, and iskinner!
troo dat

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bug sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby bug sniper » Sun Oct 30, 2016 3:59 am UTC

There are raptors hiding underneath the wings of the azhdarchid.

I get Donald Trump elected for his tough stance on raptors. He'll round up all those bad lizards and leave nowhere for them to hide from his deportations. Enhanced border security, as well as a 55-foot wall, will keep them out.
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Freddino18
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Freddino18 » Mon Oct 31, 2016 7:20 pm UTC

The raptors' president refuses to fund the wall. They get back in to the country and devour you.

i defeat and kill rayquaza, then send a large meteor towards the earth. i then become mark watney and live on mars.

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Pied typer
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Pied typer » Tue Nov 01, 2016 5:05 pm UTC

Space raptors eat you before you can reach Mars.

I use my ninja skills to render myself invisible to raptors. I also remember to cover my scent.
Hey, is my flairTM small enough for here?
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Mike Rosoft
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Mike Rosoft » Sun Jan 15, 2017 3:48 pm UTC

You forgot to make yourself impossible to hear. When you walk over the creaky floor in the raptor base, the guards immediately hear you. They activate the sprinkler system, revealing your position. (Looks like they won't need to buy lunch tomorrow.)

I install anti-raptor software and delete all raptors.

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Freddino18
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Freddino18 » Fri Mar 03, 2017 9:40 pm UTC

The r4pt0rz saw that coming and converted to 1337 speak.

I willingly submit to the r4pt0rz.
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GENERATION 23: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
Shriekin' Criminal: Wu Tang, Voodoo Foote: pirate, Amos Quirell: wizard, Sun-Ray Fool: blues, Thomaz Hettkamp: Nazi, farty monkey snatcher, phire AvAtAr: 1337 h4x0r

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thunk
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby thunk » Mon Jul 31, 2017 6:13 pm UTC

You get hug20r2ed to death.

I jump into hyperspace, then land into a universe where the very concept of a 'raptor', or indeed their existence is forbidden by the laws of physics.
Free markets, free movement, free plops
Blitz on, my friends Quantized, GnomeAnne, and iskinner!
troo dat

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BittahOverlord
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby BittahOverlord » Tue Aug 01, 2017 12:02 am UTC

Okita wrote:We all know that eventually Raptors will get bored and decide to rise up and take over the rest of the world. Most likely this will happen after Fox cancels one too many a Whedon show or if enough Lindsey Lohan/ Paris Hilton clones propogate and form a critical "Annoying celebrity 'bad girl'" mass.

At that point, raptors of course will consume the flesh of humans everywhere leading to the new Saurian Empire.

There is no hope for human kind.

But you might be able to live a little longer.

Rules of the game:
Posters alternate posting escapes for raptors and then how the raptors will eventually bypass said escape.

Ex.
Poster A posts: I'm going to hide in a locked bunker with enough food to last them out.
Poster B posts: The raptors have the key and one of them snuck in with you before you closed the door. Cat & mouse that has lost a leg, is anemic, and blind.

Edit:
This has become apparent a few times so I'm just going to be clear:
If you kill yourself or destroy the entire universe or basically in any way cause your demise to be sooner, then you have not survived any longers. It is presumed that raptors will destroy you and the point is to increase the length of time you live a little bit longer (even a second will do). So if you off yourself before then, well... you just look like an idiot who gave up.


easy. i created a mech replica of a raptor that has an autopilot mode, so it behaves and acts like regular raptors -- eventually taking on the role of alpha raptor and devouring the rest of humankind except for Elaine. A second mechanism is already prepared in a giant hamster ball that can't be accessed because it's hidden.
... and then what?

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Peaceful Whale
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Peaceful Whale » Tue Aug 01, 2017 1:32 am UTC

Raptors are too intelligent to not notice that this mecha raptor doesn't eat or drink. And before it can become an alpha, the raptors turn on it. They then hunt you down and eat you.

I kill hundred of people and use them to create the tastiest burger the raptor world has ever know. Becuase raptors are so smart they realize that kill me means and end to the human burgers. So they breed the people like cattle, make me immortal so the raptors can forever have their preacous burgers.
My meta for future reference
Spoiler:
cemper93 wrote:Your meta appears to be "just writes whatever is on his mind and doesn't remember what happened more than five hours ago"

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BittahOverlord
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby BittahOverlord » Tue Aug 01, 2017 11:45 am UTC

before dying i use my portal-creating bionic eye to transport myself into my dimension of infinite clones of myself. there and only there we have anti raptors. they only eat the meat of other raptors and are immune to anything outside of our dimension's laws of science.
... and then what?

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Freddino18
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Freddino18 » Fri Aug 18, 2017 1:28 am UTC

Your eye short-circuits, and you are instead transported to a universe of (nearly) infinite raptors, who mostly eat human flesh but subsist on cat memes.

I post no cat memes, so the raptors are not drawn to me.
Image
Blenders!
GENERATION 23: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
Shriekin' Criminal: Wu Tang, Voodoo Foote: pirate, Amos Quirell: wizard, Sun-Ray Fool: blues, Thomaz Hettkamp: Nazi, farty monkey snatcher, phire AvAtAr: 1337 h4x0r

Mike Rosoft
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Mike Rosoft » Sun Sep 03, 2017 4:58 pm UTC

Seeing a distinct lack of cat memes, the raptors capture you. Now you face a choice: either you are eaten, or you spend the rest of your life as a lolcat-posting slave. Eventually, they probably get bored with you and eat you anyway.

I invent a lolcatotron which posts cat memes automatically. While they are busy feeding on them, I escape back to my own universe.

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Freddino18
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Freddino18 » Tue Sep 05, 2017 9:17 pm UTC

You have made a mistake. While you were gone, the raptors took over the entire universe and are immune to lolcats.

I swear fealty to the raptor emperor, granting me status as a raptor spy to help track down the rest of the human resistance.
Image
Blenders!
GENERATION 23: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
Shriekin' Criminal: Wu Tang, Voodoo Foote: pirate, Amos Quirell: wizard, Sun-Ray Fool: blues, Thomaz Hettkamp: Nazi, farty monkey snatcher, phire AvAtAr: 1337 h4x0r

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bug sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby bug sniper » Thu Dec 21, 2017 9:01 pm UTC

You left your data in a public S3 bucket. The humans find it, discover your identity, and lock you up.

I replace their coffee with decaf, making them too tired to eat anyone.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.


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