Escape from Raptors

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Ginger
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Ginger » Sat Dec 23, 2017 2:43 pm UTC

bug sniper wrote:You left your data in a public S3 bucket. The humans find it, discover your identity, and lock you up.

I replace their coffee with decaf, making them too tired to eat anyone.

They find your trick very amusing because raptors are coffee connoisseurs and they drink their decaf then chase it down with a side of you. Now they're perky happy raptors!

I turn into Wonder Woman and beat up every raptor in the world For Justice and the Amazonian Way of Life. Now there are no more raptors and all the Amazons come out and dance with me.
Amy Lee wrote:Just what we all need... more lies about a world that never was and never will be.


Azula to Long Feng wrote:Don't flatter yourself, you were never even a player.

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The Snide Sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby The Snide Sniper » Fri Jan 05, 2018 5:36 pm UTC

The raptor god smites you.

I shoot myself into orbit, where the raptors can't reach me. For that matter, they probably wouldn't be able to find me.
Also known as "RamenChef" on various other fora.
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Freddino18
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Freddino18 » Fri Feb 02, 2018 5:29 pm UTC

Unfortunately, you have no spacecraft, and when the raptors find you, what happens at the end of the book version of this entry happens to you. Hope you like vanilla.

Edit: I get the Moderatrix banned.
Last edited by Freddino18 on Tue Feb 06, 2018 4:50 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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GENERATION 23: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
Shriekin' Criminal: Wu Tang, Voodoo Foote: pirate, Amos Quirell: wizard, Sun-Ray Fool: blues, Thomaz Hettkamp: Nazi, farty monkey snatcher, phire AvAtAr: 1337 h4x0r

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Ginger
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Ginger » Sat Feb 03, 2018 10:48 am UTC

The raptor moderatrix edits you back and eats you.

I use a clever perfume of raptor pheromones to infiltrate their packs and slay them with twin, venomous daggers, as my assassin mistress trains me to do every day for twenty years....
Amy Lee wrote:Just what we all need... more lies about a world that never was and never will be.


Azula to Long Feng wrote:Don't flatter yourself, you were never even a player.

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Freddino18
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Freddino18 » Tue Feb 06, 2018 4:54 pm UTC

They are intrigued by your hair, for it looks like blood. Tasty, delicious blood...
Freddino18 wrote:*NOM*


Being one of the pack, I attempt to *NOM* Ginger before she can stab me.
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GENERATION 23: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
Shriekin' Criminal: Wu Tang, Voodoo Foote: pirate, Amos Quirell: wizard, Sun-Ray Fool: blues, Thomaz Hettkamp: Nazi, farty monkey snatcher, phire AvAtAr: 1337 h4x0r

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The Snide Sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby The Snide Sniper » Tue Feb 06, 2018 7:06 pm UTC

Your attempt fails, as she is a master assassin. She stabs you.

I become Godzilla. As Godzilla, I am too big to be eaten by raptors.
Also known as "RamenChef" on various other fora.
Me on: Drawception | Explain xkcd | NationStates | The Sluggite Zone | Stack Overflow

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Freddino18
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Freddino18 » Wed Feb 07, 2018 5:51 pm UTC

Unfortunately, due to the Square-Cube Law, you are unable to support your own weight, let alone feed. After you die, the raptors, unable to pierce your thick hide, eat you from the inside out.

I feed the raptors mutton. And wait for the prions to kick in.
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GENERATION 23: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
Shriekin' Criminal: Wu Tang, Voodoo Foote: pirate, Amos Quirell: wizard, Sun-Ray Fool: blues, Thomaz Hettkamp: Nazi, farty monkey snatcher, phire AvAtAr: 1337 h4x0r

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Ginger
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Ginger » Mon Feb 12, 2018 9:35 am UTC

The raptors eat the mutton and far from being sleepy or whatever you wanna outta them they instead get more hungrier to eat you 'cause they got warmed up on the mutton. So they chase down their mutton with a side of you.

I use a complicated scheme to take down the raptors that takes years to femininely orchestrate, allowing me to know about every possibility for the raptors to gain advantages and plan ahead so that I come out on top accordingly.
Amy Lee wrote:Just what we all need... more lies about a world that never was and never will be.


Azula to Long Feng wrote:Don't flatter yourself, you were never even a player.

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The Snide Sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby The Snide Sniper » Mon Feb 12, 2018 3:22 pm UTC

The plan you created would indeed be perfect, if only you had time to plan it. Unfortunately for you, you do not have years to plan; you have only a few days at most before the raptors find you and devour you.

I use a "Groundhog Day" Loop to devise the perfect plan.
Last edited by The Snide Sniper on Wed Feb 14, 2018 3:10 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Freddino18
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Freddino18 » Wed Feb 14, 2018 3:08 pm UTC

Ginger wrote:The raptors eat the mutton and far from being sleepy or whatever you wanna outta them...

Do you even read?

http://jurassicpark.wikia.com/wiki/DX

To The Snide Sniper: You die many, many times, only to discover that in order to escape the loop, you must offer yourself up as a sacrifice to the raptors.

Side note: What have the raptors been eating until now? Besides us.

I continue to feed the raptors mutton. I also reintroduce Procompsognathus.
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GENERATION 23: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
Shriekin' Criminal: Wu Tang, Voodoo Foote: pirate, Amos Quirell: wizard, Sun-Ray Fool: blues, Thomaz Hettkamp: Nazi, farty monkey snatcher, phire AvAtAr: 1337 h4x0r

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Ginger
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Ginger » Wed Feb 14, 2018 4:33 pm UTC

Yes, I know it's a disease now, point being: You shouldn't make obscure, hard to understand references when we're... mostly laypeople not scientists over here. Anyways, the raptors introduce indomitus rex, who stomps on your dinosaur, and then they invent new medicinal techniques to combat your stupid prions diseases and eat you... again. And indomitus rex gnaws on your bones. And please, please don't insults me when you're asking me to read about your nerdy books or movies references okay okay?

I disguise myself as a raptor to make myself a non-target and live peacefully among them.
Amy Lee wrote:Just what we all need... more lies about a world that never was and never will be.


Azula to Long Feng wrote:Don't flatter yourself, you were never even a player.

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Freddino18
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Freddino18 » Wed Feb 14, 2018 5:31 pm UTC

You get several diseases from eating the raw mutton, including an infection from Listeria monocytogenes, which can cause meningitis. Did I mention that raptors kill off the weak/diseased?

Spoiler:
Unfortunately for you, there are two problems with your rebuttal:
1. Indominus rex can't stomp all the Compies. They are small and agile scavengers.

2. From the Wikipedia article on Scrapie, a well-documented prion disease affecting sheep:
Wikipedia wrote:Scrapie is infectious and transmissible among conspecifics, so one of the most common ways to contain it (since it is incurable) is to quarantine and destroy those affected. However, scrapie tends to persist in flocks and can also arise apparently spontaneously in flocks that have not previously had cases of the disease. The mechanism of transmission between animals and other aspects of the biology of the disease are only poorly understood, and these are active areas of research. Recent studies suggest prions may be spread through urine and persist in the environment for decades.
Wikipedia wrote:No treatment is available for affected sheep.
There is no cure for prion diseases.
I continue to feed the raptors mutton.
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GENERATION 23: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
Shriekin' Criminal: Wu Tang, Voodoo Foote: pirate, Amos Quirell: wizard, Sun-Ray Fool: blues, Thomaz Hettkamp: Nazi, farty monkey snatcher, phire AvAtAr: 1337 h4x0r

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby The Snide Sniper » Wed Feb 14, 2018 5:41 pm UTC

Some of the raptors see their brothers eat the mutton and drop dead from it, and they conclude that the mutton is poisoned. They turn to you as a suitable alternative.

I ask a genie to make the raptors think I'm not tasty.
Also known as "RamenChef" on various other fora.
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Freddino18
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Freddino18 » Wed Feb 14, 2018 6:07 pm UTC

You asked the Corrupt-A-Wish genie. The Indominus Rex eats you instead.

Actually, prion diseases take a long time to manifest, so by the time the raptors start dying, all of them have been infected, and wouldn't think to link it to me. Also, the symptoms are not consistent with poisoning, and tend to cause neurological signs, and eventually signs of a chronic disease (Wikipedia). I continue to feed the raptors mutton.
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GENERATION 23: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
Shriekin' Criminal: Wu Tang, Voodoo Foote: pirate, Amos Quirell: wizard, Sun-Ray Fool: blues, Thomaz Hettkamp: Nazi, farty monkey snatcher, phire AvAtAr: 1337 h4x0r

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby The Snide Sniper » Wed Feb 14, 2018 8:06 pm UTC

The raptors have plenty of time to eat you before the symptoms kick in.

I cover my body in denatonium benzoate so that the raptors don't think I'm tasty.
Also known as "RamenChef" on various other fora.
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Ginger
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Ginger » Thu Feb 15, 2018 12:30 am UTC

The raptors don't eats you now yet they cage you for the rest of your natural born lives and use you as a pet and entertainments sources. Is that any better I ask you?

I use magics to turn myself into the perfect warrior to fight all raptors, slay them, and develop an empire in my wake where as empress I outlaw all raptors': Breeding, living, and generally existing anywhere in my new "might makes right" empire that outlaws and kills all non-humans except livestock, raptor women and girls and boys and men and raptors' babies too.
Amy Lee wrote:Just what we all need... more lies about a world that never was and never will be.


Azula to Long Feng wrote:Don't flatter yourself, you were never even a player.

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Freddino18
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Freddino18 » Thu Feb 15, 2018 5:17 pm UTC

Your blatant genocide campaign leads to the creation of raptor rights activist groups. They overthrow your government and kill you, because your fighting abilities only work against the raptors. Ironically, this leads to peace between raptors and humans.

I lead the rebellion against you.
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GENERATION 23: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
Shriekin' Criminal: Wu Tang, Voodoo Foote: pirate, Amos Quirell: wizard, Sun-Ray Fool: blues, Thomaz Hettkamp: Nazi, farty monkey snatcher, phire AvAtAr: 1337 h4x0r

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby The Snide Sniper » Thu Feb 15, 2018 7:29 pm UTC

The raptors want one of their own to lead their rebellion, and decide to replace you by eating you.

I offer the raptors more food if they don't eat me.
Also known as "RamenChef" on various other fora.
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Ginger
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Ginger » Fri Feb 16, 2018 12:51 pm UTC

The raptors humor you for a few hours and then toy with you mercilessly before killing and devouring you ravenously.

I convince the succubus that torments my alternate personality Suzette to protect me from raptors by whipping them whenever they gets close with her shadowy whips.
Amy Lee wrote:Just what we all need... more lies about a world that never was and never will be.


Azula to Long Feng wrote:Don't flatter yourself, you were never even a player.

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Freddino18
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Freddino18 » Tue Feb 20, 2018 5:48 pm UTC

You become besieged by the few remaining male humans, who wish to meet the succubus. She finds herself too busy to fend off the raptors.

I sacrifice one of my companions to the raptors.
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Blenders!
GENERATION 23: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
Shriekin' Criminal: Wu Tang, Voodoo Foote: pirate, Amos Quirell: wizard, Sun-Ray Fool: blues, Thomaz Hettkamp: Nazi, farty monkey snatcher, phire AvAtAr: 1337 h4x0r

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The Snide Sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby The Snide Sniper » Tue Feb 20, 2018 7:30 pm UTC

The raptors eat your companion and then eat you.

I activate my jetpack.
Also known as "RamenChef" on various other fora.
Me on: Drawception | Explain xkcd | NationStates | The Sluggite Zone | Stack Overflow

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Ginger
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Ginger » Wed Feb 21, 2018 7:41 am UTC

The raptors speed up time and develop jet packs of their own, and rocket shoes, and fly after you and eats you dead.

I use raptor scents they don't like to trick them into thinking I not tasty please?
Amy Lee wrote:Just what we all need... more lies about a world that never was and never will be.


Azula to Long Feng wrote:Don't flatter yourself, you were never even a player.

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Freddino18
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Freddino18 » Wed Feb 21, 2018 5:40 pm UTC

The raptors are a bit rude. They eat you anyway.

I show them their own Wikipedia article, and they realize that they have been living a lie.
Image
Blenders!
GENERATION 23: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
Shriekin' Criminal: Wu Tang, Voodoo Foote: pirate, Amos Quirell: wizard, Sun-Ray Fool: blues, Thomaz Hettkamp: Nazi, farty monkey snatcher, phire AvAtAr: 1337 h4x0r


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