Escape from Raptors

For all your silly time-killing forum games.

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bug sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby bug sniper » Sat Sep 14, 2013 7:00 am UTC

The raptors eat your body while your soul departs to the reincarnation pool.

I enter the void as a water elemental. Due to prior interference, it has become a container for an infinite amount of chai tea, which will make the raptors pop like a water balloon if they try to drink it all.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
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jdj42
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby jdj42 » Sat Sep 14, 2013 11:20 am UTC

The deities of continuity kill you for making reference to another forum game.

I trick the raptors into referencing another forum game.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Mon Sep 16, 2013 4:49 pm UTC

the raptors are slightly confused for a few seconds, until they realize what you are doing. they kill you in the slowest manner possible for something so distasteful, then eat you.

i find a payphone to exit the matrix of raptors, and wake up in the real world.
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jdj42
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby jdj42 » Mon Sep 16, 2013 7:31 pm UTC

The real world has raptors too.

I go to the give in to the raptors.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Mon Sep 16, 2013 9:42 pm UTC

they gleefully accept a human who is willing to be eaten.

i build a couch cushion fort. the raptors will be confused by such a pathetic attempt to protect oneself, and not bother searching the fort.
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jdj42
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby jdj42 » Mon Sep 16, 2013 10:01 pm UTC

Damn it, you win.

I cast magic missile at the raptors!

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:50 pm UTC

jdj42 wrote:Damn it, you win.

I cast magic missile at the raptors!

i....what? i can't win. thats IMPOSSIBLE.
i.... i..... dammit.

(kills self. smell of rotting flesh attracts hungry raptors, and they eat me. FIXED IT)

your magic missile misses. its so bright, it attracts the literally thousands of raptors within a 50 mile radius. they consume you.

i run in the opposite direction of your magic missile, in the hopes to find a place devoid of raptors.
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jdj42
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby jdj42 » Tue Sep 17, 2013 1:08 am UTC

Tomlidich the second wrote:
jdj42 wrote:Damn it, you win.

I cast magic missile at the raptors!

i....what? i can't win. thats IMPOSSIBLE.
i.... i..... dammit.

(kills self. smell of rotting flesh attracts hungry raptors, and they eat me. FIXED IT)

your magic missile misses. its so bright, it attracts the literally thousands of raptors within a 50 mile radius. they consume you.

i run in the opposite direction of your magic missile, in the hopes to find a place devoid of raptors.


OBJECTION! Magic Missile never misses!
Since your plan was based on magic missile missing, you die.

I sue the raptors.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Tue Sep 17, 2013 4:25 am UTC

you lose. the judge, also a raptor, eats you.

i apply icy hot to all the raptors tails, to confuse them. their tails mysteriously feel hot, and they can't make sense of why. i slip out the back door, never to be seen again.
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jdj42
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby jdj42 » Tue Sep 17, 2013 8:36 pm UTC

When you die of old age, the raptors eat your corpse.

I become immortal.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Wed Sep 18, 2013 8:53 pm UTC

the raptors travel back in time to a time when you were not immortal, and eat you.

i infuse my skeleton with adamantium, making myself nearly impossible to eat.
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jdj42
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby jdj42 » Sat Sep 21, 2013 7:22 pm UTC

Nearly isn't good enough for when the moon starts crashing into the earth.

I wish that this was the corrupt a wish thread instead of escape from raptors

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bug sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby bug sniper » Mon Sep 23, 2013 6:04 am UTC

Granted, subject to the stipulation that the raptors cannot be unwished, and that we don't have to make more wishes if we think of better ideas.

When the raptor mafia comes to demand protection money, instead of taking my chances, I pay them.
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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Tue Sep 24, 2013 6:13 pm UTC

they take your money, then eat you. why did you think you could trust the mob, much less the RAPTOR mob?

i write myself into a book, becoming nothing more than a large volume of written works. not very tasty that way.
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bug sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby bug sniper » Thu Sep 26, 2013 5:58 am UTC

Tomlidich the second wrote:they take your money, then eat you. why did you think you could trust the mob, much less the RAPTOR mob?


Wikipedia and the fact that raptors are eating people who refuse payment, suggesting that this raptor mafia may determine who gets eaten by how much people pay them.
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jdj42
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby jdj42 » Wed Oct 02, 2013 11:52 pm UTC

A goat eats you.

I wish this was the misquote a wish thread.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Thu Oct 03, 2013 5:27 pm UTC

the raptor-mods get pissed at you for destroying the flow of the thread, and eat you for all the others to watch and praise.

i put on sexy lacy panties, and the raptors are blinded by my whiteness.
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jdj42
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby jdj42 » Thu Oct 03, 2013 8:46 pm UTC

They can still smell you.

I derail the thread.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Thu Oct 03, 2013 10:09 pm UTC

the engineer of this train was a raptor. he gets upset for losing his tail in a horrifying train of thought accident, and murders you.

i shed my lacy panties and toss them away from myself. the blinded raptors follow the scent and leave me be.
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jdj42
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby jdj42 » Fri Oct 04, 2013 3:49 am UTC

The non-blinded raptors kill you.

I make the raptors realistic raptors, and kill them all by stepping on them.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Fri Oct 04, 2013 4:31 pm UTC

like potatoes, they have guns. NOT TODAY.

i get endless amounts of lacy panties and build a barricade with them.
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jdj42
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby jdj42 » Sat Oct 05, 2013 3:15 am UTC

You fail to get endless amounts of panties.

I steal the raptors kidneys.

Mike Rosoft
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Mike Rosoft » Sat Oct 05, 2013 4:36 am UTC

You get eaten by raptors on dialysis machines.

I destroy the raptors using Zeno's robot that kills the first raptor in a minute, the second raptor in half a minute, the third in quarter a minute etc., and every single raptor in two minutes.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Sat Oct 05, 2013 2:24 pm UTC

a mathmetician raptor gets pissed and eats you. but not before slapping the back of your head.

i become a shaolin monk with amazing kung fu skills.
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bug sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby bug sniper » Sat Oct 05, 2013 10:16 pm UTC

The training involves the completion of a number of tasks assigned by the Shaolin masters, some of which are perilous to a novice. On your second week of training, your assignment is to carry a heavy rock across a narrow ledge with a pit of raptors below. If you fall off, you are deemed unworthy of their gift of Kung Fu mastery, which happens to be the case for you since you don't happen to be born with superhuman willpower.

I live underneath the surface of one of the habitable moons of Jupiter, and then plug the hold I built.
Last edited by bug sniper on Mon Oct 07, 2013 6:07 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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blademan9999
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby blademan9999 » Sun Oct 06, 2013 10:55 am UTC

Unfortunately that moon happens to be the raptors home (Planet? Moon?) So you get eaten.

Oppen Gangnam Style.
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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Mon Oct 07, 2013 4:43 pm UTC

PSY is actually a raptor in disguise. he eats you, while dancing and being filmed. the good news is, your death got over 5 million hits on youtube!

i drink coffee and sit on a lawn chair out in the open. the level of not giving a shit repels the raptors.
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jdj42
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby jdj42 » Wed Oct 09, 2013 9:43 pm UTC

That is too funny to not succeed. So I have to kill you.

I summon bigger fish.

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firesoul31
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby firesoul31 » Thu Oct 10, 2013 12:52 am UTC

The smell of fish attracts raptors from miles around, even though it squishes those around you.

I repel the raptors with a sword in hand.
Pronouns: she/her/hers or they/them please.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Thu Oct 10, 2013 4:41 pm UTC

granted, but the raptors just bite that hand off first and take your sword.


i wish the raptors away and escape to the corrupt a wish thread.
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jdj42
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby jdj42 » Thu Oct 10, 2013 8:08 pm UTC

Granted, but the corrupt a wish thread is a crapsack world.

I time travel to when the first raptor is born, and blow it up with a rocket launcher.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Thu Oct 10, 2013 11:55 pm UTC

the thing that birthed the first raptor horribly mutilates you, and then you get to watch as it gives birth to the rest of its twenty raptor pup litter. you are their first meal.

i give free diet coke to all the raptors. mysteriously, they all contract diabetes and are too slow to catch me.
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jdj42
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby jdj42 » Fri Oct 11, 2013 12:27 am UTC

They get cured of diabetes. And you die.

I cast polymorph anything into anything on myself to turn myself into a raptor.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Fri Oct 11, 2013 4:21 pm UTC

but you are just so danged delcious due to your human DNA, that the other raptors eat you anyways.

i use the force to shoot lightning at all the raptors.
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jdj42
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby jdj42 » Fri Oct 11, 2013 9:34 pm UTC

Okay, but I kill you for not capitalizing I.

I live my life as normal after tomlidich killed every raptor.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Fri Oct 11, 2013 11:52 pm UTC

time travelling raptors show up and murder you, then restart raptor civilization.

while they are busy murdering you, i steal the time machine and escape.
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jdj42
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby jdj42 » Sat Oct 12, 2013 12:52 am UTC

They have another.

I steal the other time machine.

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bug sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby bug sniper » Sat Oct 12, 2013 2:50 am UTC

The raptors also have a TARDIS machine.

I steal the face of every raptor.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
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jdj42
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby jdj42 » Sun Oct 13, 2013 4:46 pm UTC

I kill you and sell the raptor faces on eBay.

I surround my house with lava so that nobody can get in.

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bug sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby bug sniper » Tue Oct 15, 2013 6:48 am UTC

You get hungry for human flesh after a short while. Your hunger forces you out of your house and through the lava, which burns you up. Afterwards, once the lava cools off, a clan of human beings who have surgically altered their bodies for flight swoop in and take your body onto the top of a rooftop with no roof access. From there, they eat it with a few maintaining watch. When other raptors decide to climb or catapult themselves, the clan flies away to another similar rooftop.

I am part of this clan.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.


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