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Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Sat Dec 28, 2013 3:47 pm UTC
by dzamie
Raptors drop down from helicopters with harnesses/tethers on. They devour you and are then pulled safely back onboard the choppers.

“No! I must kill the raptors” I shouted
The radio said “No, dzamie. You are the raptors”
And then dzamie was the raptors.

Being the raptors, I/they have no need to kill myself/themselves.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Mon Dec 30, 2013 11:00 pm UTC
by Tomlidich the second
this is an idea planted in your head by a psychic raptor. upon going to join the herd, they quickly eat your fleshy, human, naive, body.

i take over control of the psychic raptors mind with my mind, and plant ideas. he goes on a worldwide mental rampage, and all the raptors cry out at once and are suddenly silenced. they have all suffered aneurysms, psychic raptor too. (from the exertion)

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2014 5:37 pm UTC
by mathmannix
The clever raptors have augmented their DNA with pachycephalosaurus genetic material in order to give them thicker skulls, which thus make them immune to psychic manipulation. They head-butt you into submission, before disemboweling and eating you.

I pray to Raptor!Jesus and He saves me in the Rapture.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2014 10:36 pm UTC
by Tomlidich the second
unfortunately some of the other reaptors worship other deities, and they eat you.

I amaze the raptors with sleight of hand in order to convince them I am a wizard, and that wizards are not very tasty.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2014 10:57 pm UTC
by Yablo
The raptors eat everything you ever loved while you watch. Then, as there's nothing else to eat, they shrug and eat you, too.

I play dead.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 3:51 pm UTC
by dzamie
The raptors eat you, thinking you an easy source of meat.

I drop a mountain from the edge of Earth's gravity well.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 4:15 pm UTC
by forward4
The raptors use their knowledge of UNIX and lasers to slightly adjust the mountain's trajectory, thus causing it to enter into an orbit with Earth. They then devour you due to your lack of defenses, resulting from your overconfidence in the success of your somewhat nefarious plan.

The unstable object in orbit around Earth wreaks havoc on the tides and continental drift, causing earthquakes and floods. I attempt an escape in the confusion, making a base in the Himalayan mountains which are protected from flooding and not susceptible to major earthquakes.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2014 11:22 am UTC
by Neil_Boekend
The raptors use the same knowledge of UNIX and lasers to drop the mountain on you. You die.

I feed all of you to the raptors. Thus I fulfill the original demand of living a little longer.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2014 7:16 pm UTC
by Whizbang
In an unlikely twist of fate, your fellow humans dislike your strategy of feeding them to the velociraptors to save your own life for another day. They, meaning at least 5 fellow humans, attack you, tie you up, and throw you to the raptors before you can sacrifice more than a few other humans.

I steal a large yacht and load it with enough supplies to survive for a year, then sail around the Pacific, raiding tropical islands for food and water, never staying in one spot for more than a few days.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2014 7:45 am UTC
by Neil_Boekend
One tropical island turns out to be filled with raptors.

I inject myself with
Spoiler:
dr Suresh's mutation serum
and become immortal.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 4:34 pm UTC
by Tomlidich the second
You are immortal, but not invincible. eventually your life does come to an end, but with the knowledge that if you had just ran a little bit faster, you could have lived forever.

Using my knowledge of UNIX and lasers, i build a death ray that targets every raptor on earth, while at the same time, creating this "hyrda" nonsense.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2014 1:51 am UTC
by dzamie
Your death ray overheats trying to target all of them, eventually falling to earth with sufficient velocity to kill you on impact.

I throw Beret Guy at a raptor in desperation.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2014 6:44 am UTC
by Neil_Boekend
Beret guy is a raptor in disguise. And he is pissed because you threw him.

I ascend to godhood and kill all the raptors with divine power.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2014 5:17 pm UTC
by Tomlidich the second
A raptor god is pissed, and so turns you into a mere mortal demi-god. The raptors overwhelm you despite your super-human strength and dashing good looks. Off to raptor-hades with you.


I quickly lash together some sea turtles to build a raft. I live out my life out on the ocean, water-world style.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2014 9:42 am UTC
by Neil_Boekend
You die of dehydration because you only have access to salt water.

I pray for the flying spaghetti monster to change the world to one without raptors.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2014 2:15 am UTC
by dzamie
You find that raptors have eaten the FSM, too, before they turn their attention on you.

I use SCIENCE!to immunize myself against raptor attacks.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2014 11:18 pm UTC
by Tomlidich the second
All of the raptors are creationists. angsty, angsty creationists. they eat you.

I burrow deep underground to start my race of hardened dwarf warriors.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2014 2:50 am UTC
by forward4
The dwarf warriors revolt, sacrificing you to the raptors above.

I use knowledge of genetics and (4) mana to transmute myself into a raptor body.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2014 4:49 am UTC
by Neil_Boekend
The raptors are master alchemists and appalled by your action.

I die and haunt the raptors as a ghost.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2014 10:43 pm UTC
by Tomlidich the second
you are dead. teh raptors feed on your hollow shell of a corpse, and ghost raptors gnaw you for eternity.

I build a steel mech suit, which the raptors can't chew through. I walk through the hordes, laughing at their inability to pierce my iron skin.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Tue May 06, 2014 12:41 pm UTC
by Whizbang
The raptors build a mech suit out of titanium, and laugh at you as you stumble about in your heavy, slow mech suit. They pull you around with large magnets. They soon get bored, however, and use their cutting lasers to peel you like an orange. Then they devour you.

I build an elaborate maze full of traps, puzzles, and obstacles. I use scent sprays, false footprints, and other false tracks to confuse and misdirect them. I make sure they see me enter the maze. Once they are inside, I use a secret tunnel to leave the maze and I live inside a deep underground bunker, collapsing the entrance tunnel behind me. I use my control center within the bunker to keep up the illusion that I am still in the maze. I also have a large tunneling vehicle to escape in once the raptors figure out I am not in the maze and seem like they have discovered the location to my bunker. I then tunnel the short distance to an underground river, where I can quickly travel miles away before surfacing next to my helicopter. I fly a short distance to another tunneling vehicle and burrow down to another bunker. Rinse and repeat as I use fallback position after fallback position.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Tue May 06, 2014 3:30 pm UTC
by Tomlidich the second
It works, for a time. The raptors are very confused. but unfortunately, they have many intelligence gathering departments amongst their masses. Several months later, you are amazed when you surface from your river, and find your helicopter, with a dozen raptors surrounding it. they eat you.

I create a superior pogostick, capable of jumping amazing heights, of 20-30 stories. I destroy the plans so the raptors won't have one, and I live out my life, one giant leap at a time, collecting resources where i can.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Tue May 06, 2014 3:34 pm UTC
by forward4
The raptors enlist the help of cybermen, which root you out with their nearly invincible system of upgrading. They turn you over to the raptors, which tear you apart and leave the remaing body parts for the cybermen to use in their upgrading.

I seek shelter in my TARDIS

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Tue May 06, 2014 9:34 pm UTC
by WarDaft
Unfortunately, there were already Raptors seeking shelter in your TARDIS.

I point out that raptors are actually only slightly larger than a turkey with a long tail and there is little evidence supporting them as pack hunters, more likely employing solitary hunting like birds of prey. I proceed to bat them away with a handy broom.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Wed May 07, 2014 11:00 am UTC
by Neil_Boekend
The raptors eat your broom and then eat you.

I turn the raptors to zombies under my control.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Wed May 07, 2014 3:27 pm UTC
by WarDaft
Unfortunately, raptor zombies aren't terribly intelligent, and do not recognize you as their master. They only eat your brains though, so that's something, right?

I become living rock, completely unappetizing to anything.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Thu May 08, 2014 7:13 am UTC
by Neil_Boekend
Pyornkrachzark eats you, unaware that you are alive

I prepare a spaceship in a stasis field generator, start a homemade planetary drive outside of the stasis field and activate my field from the inside. A few miliseconds after I activate the field the planetary drive becomes unstable.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Thu May 08, 2014 9:41 am UTC
by WarDaft
Neil_Boekend wrote:Pyornkrachzark eats you, unaware that you are alive


Is....


Is that actually a Raptor?


If so, I'm much more terrified than I was 2 minutes ago.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Thu May 08, 2014 9:49 am UTC
by Neil_Boekend
WarDaft wrote:Is that actually a Raptor?

Probably not. If he is then it is a really good disguise.
However:
Okita, in the first post wrote:So if you off yourself before then, well... you just look like an idiot who gave up.

You didn't mean to off yourself, but you did nonetheless.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Fri May 09, 2014 1:59 am UTC
by dzamie
You do nothing to stop the raptors, and are quickly caught and devoured.

I time-travel back to a few years before the raptor attacks begin. There can be no overwhelming flood of raptors, since that would cause a paradox.
Heck, even if I can't do this multiple times, this'd let me survive longer than most of the suggestions.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Fri May 09, 2014 7:14 am UTC
by Neil_Boekend
Your timetravel device errors and dumps you into the sun.

I make a suit covered with running chainsaws. The suit itself is chainsaw proof. Any raptor tries to attack me first needs to eat through the chainsaws that kill them before they can do so.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Fri May 09, 2014 11:08 am UTC
by Whizbang
In a clever twist of fate, the raptors use a gun to shoot you dead. They then wait for the gas to run out of the saws and then eat you.

I use a time machine to travel 1 million years in the future, making sure to calculate the exact time and place the planet will be at that time to ensure I survive the trip. I have now survived 1 million years of the Raptocalypse.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 6:27 am UTC
by Neil_Boekend
You have properly calculated the place. You have not entered it into your time machine.

I convert an army of Daleks to worship me as a god and to protect me. They obey me perfectly. I take care not to say anything that would cause them to hurt me.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 2:48 pm UTC
by dzamie
The Doctor regenerates into the form of a raptor, picks up a few companions, and eventually runs into the Daleks.

I put material-emancipation grids around my house, and set them to detect raptors as "unauthorized" (as well as the usual modifications to let necessary things through).

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 5:30 am UTC
by bug sniper
Your system kills all of the bacteria nearby, causing you to suffer from a vitamin B12 deficiency. This makes you confused and causes insanity, causing you to leave your house and walk towards the raptors.

I hide inside a tapeworm inside a tough-looking raptor.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 6:07 am UTC
by Neil_Boekend
The tapeworm digests you.

I'll build my own universe. With hookers. And blackjack.

Oh and no raptors.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2014 5:40 am UTC
by bug sniper
The raptors find it by hopping around through the meta-universe of smaller universes. Your own universe gets eaten by raptors, and their digestive enzymes are dinosaur-sized raptors that eat all the planets and creatures inside that universe.

I refuse to bump this thread, causing the raptors to go into hibernation and never wake up.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2014 6:58 am UTC
by Neil_Boekend
Someone else bumps the tread and awakens the beasts.

I build an Iron Man suit and blast any raptor that comes too close.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2014 12:45 pm UTC
by dzamie
The raptors make a bunch of Iron Raptor suits and demolish you easily.

I put on two hats. One hat would easily identify me as human, but wearing a second hat is so mind-numbingly stupid the raptors must believe I can't possibly be for whom they're looking.

Re: Escape from Raptors

Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2014 3:04 pm UTC
by Neil_Boekend
They realize that the fact that you are wearing one or more hats is sufficient evidence that you are a human and not a raptor. They eat you and your hats.

I run away. Really fast.