Corrupt-a-wish

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Quizatzhaderac
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Mon Sep 12, 2016 6:31 pm UTC

Granted, your sexbot is.

I wish Niel would keep his sexbot out of the kitchen.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Neil_Boekend » Tue Sep 13, 2016 12:25 pm UTC

Granted. I'll keep her in your living room while your parents are over for tea.

I wish I had a sexbot.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby flicky1991 » Tue Sep 13, 2016 12:28 pm UTC

Granted. It looks like me.

I wish my lunch hour wasn't about to end.
any pronouns
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Neil_Boekend » Tue Sep 13, 2016 1:03 pm UTC

Granted. You're placed in an endless loop of lunch hours. After a hundred times it gets boring. After a thousand you start committing suicide to break it. It doesn't help. After a million you've lost whatever sanity you had that morning.

I wish for software that creates the software I need.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Tue Sep 13, 2016 5:17 pm UTC

Granted, I call it an "assembler".
Next logical wish.
Granted, I call it a 'compiler".
Next logical wish.
Granted, I call it an "integrated development environment".
Next logical wish
Granted, but it's malevolent and interprets the vargarities in your desires to harm you.

I wish for the next logical thing.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby NathanBros » Thu Sep 15, 2016 12:58 am UTC

Granted, but it's a very limited software generation system.

I wish an improved logic.

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thunk
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby thunk » Thu Sep 15, 2016 3:14 am UTC

Granted, but as before, it requires a $300/second subscription to my yacht service and constantly chugging quick-setting epoxy.

I wish for Randall to draw more weather comics.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby phillip1882 » Sat Sep 24, 2016 12:47 am UTC

granted, but they are of significantly poor quality.

i wish friendship was good magic.
good luck have fun

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Snide Sniper » Sun Sep 25, 2016 8:39 pm UTC

Granted. "Good" is a subjective term, and you end up dying when your friends abandon you.

I wish for a better wish than this one.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Mon Sep 26, 2016 6:48 pm UTC

Granted, but better is a subjective term and you wish for your friends to abandon you to die.

I wish for friends I could trust not to abandon me to die.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Snide Sniper » Mon Sep 26, 2016 10:57 pm UTC

Granted. They don't abandon you; they hunt you down and kill you. What good friends!

I wish for an objective definition of "better".
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby faubiguy » Tue Sep 27, 2016 4:44 am UTC

Granted. That squirrel in your garden's idea of "better" is now objective. You'd better start stocking up on acorns!

I wish for a nice slice of carrot cake.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby flicky1991 » Tue Sep 27, 2016 5:19 am UTC

Granted. It's "nice" from the squirrel's point of view - it's a bit too acorn-y for you.

I wish to be rid of that damn squirrel.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Snide Sniper » Wed Sep 28, 2016 2:25 pm UTC

Granted. You die with him.

<p>I wish for more HTML tags.</p>
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby faubiguy » Wed Sep 28, 2016 3:22 pm UTC

<rainbow><sinwave><reverse>detnarG</esrever></sinwave></rainbow>

I wish to know whether P = NP.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Thu Sep 29, 2016 3:32 pm UTC

Granted: they are equal whenever N is one.

I wish to hear a Bachata moderna remix of Rudolf the red-nose reindeer.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Sun Oct 02, 2016 9:41 pm UTC

Granted, but Rudolph splits off and finds his own sleigh, which he angrily rams into you for making a mockery of his favorite song, crushing several ribs (yours, not his).

I wish I was inside my own mind.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Thu Oct 06, 2016 4:08 am UTC

Granted. I hope you don't change your mind; if you do, you will no longer have any place to be, and so won't be any more.

I wish politicians (including the newest ones) were tired of ego, power, money, and corruption.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby thunk » Thu Oct 06, 2016 4:25 am UTC

Granted. They are replaced my non-politicians with a thirst for power, shady dealing, and easy susceptibility to lobbying.

I wish my facemoss would go away, forever, and never come back.
Free markets, free movement, free plops
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Tue Oct 11, 2016 3:45 am UTC

Granted. Your skin is peeled off.

I wish I knew how to install window flashing over stucco.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Tue Oct 11, 2016 3:33 pm UTC

Granted, a flashing pop-up ad appears over your stucco.

I wish for the perfect ability to predict the weather ten days in advance.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Thu Oct 13, 2016 1:27 am UTC

Granted. You live on the moon.

I wish that when the "edit a reply" box opens, when it expands only to the maximum size that would leave the submit button set still visible and clickable.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Thu Oct 13, 2016 1:58 am UTC

Granted. But when you click it, nothing happens.

I wish I could carve pumpkins with my mind.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Thu Oct 13, 2016 3:25 pm UTC

Granted, you can carve yellow pumpkins with your mind. Because people are pumpkin-racist, it's agreed that your skill is pathetic and your pumpkins look terrible.

I wish people didn't have an irrational love or orange pumpkins, carrots, and politicians.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Fri Oct 14, 2016 2:21 pm UTC

Granted. They now have an irrational love of marble, and so they hate quartz crystals, granite with quartz compositions, and usernames that look like they contain quartz, including yours.

I wish for a bowl of chile.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Fri Oct 14, 2016 4:10 pm UTC

Granted. You get a bowl of dirt from Santiago, Chile.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Fri Oct 14, 2016 8:17 pm UTC

Granted. You get nothing.

I wish chipotle and qdoba combined and became one restaurant.
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SirGabriel
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SirGabriel » Fri Oct 14, 2016 8:41 pm UTC

Granted. The two chains combine and close all but one of their restaurants.

I wish I could teleport.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Sat Oct 15, 2016 4:03 am UTC

Granted. The location you teleport to is random and cannot be chosen.

I wish I could only tan instead of burn.
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You can learn to levitate with just a little help.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Sat Oct 15, 2016 4:30 am UTC

Granted. You can't light matches, they only turn brown. You can't light candles or campfires either for the same reason. Grilled steaks don't quite cook right, you can't sear tuna, and you can't patch out (burn rubber).

On the plus side, you can sit out in the sun all day and not get a sunburn. Your skin will tan. And still get cancer. Rather quickly. And you'll die of it the next time you go outside in the sun.

I wish all my computer code worked correctly the first time. And all subsequent times too.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Sat Oct 15, 2016 4:35 am UTC

Granted, as long as it is written in Plankalkül, which nobody cares about any more.

I wish Halloween were tomorrow.
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ucim
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Sat Oct 15, 2016 4:53 am UTC

Granted, Halloween is always tomorrow.

I wish there were no computer bugs (without causing there to be no computers and/or no computer code)

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Sat Oct 15, 2016 4:55 am UTC

Granted, however your computer is always infested with mosquito bugs.

I wish I had a cold glass of eggnog right now.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Mon Oct 17, 2016 3:17 am UTC

Granted. Since it's always right now, you always have a cold glass of eggnog, which (of course) you can't let go of (because then you wouldn't have it any more). I hope you don't spill it while you are asleep.

I wish all computer code were error-free, with no extra effort on the part of the programmer.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Mon Oct 17, 2016 2:33 pm UTC

Granted, all business requirements are changed to match the code. Moving forward programmers need to work around API and OS contracts that specify random crashes and incomprehensible error message; they also need to be careful to not accidentally "fix" them when it's out of the project scope, as not randomly crashing would violate the published API specs.

I wish I could remember the proper names for the two different types of "red bean" that go in ice cream or on rice.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Tue Oct 18, 2016 5:36 am UTC

Granted. You learn the proper names in chinese.

I wish for the wicked witch of the west.
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You can learn to levitate with just a little help.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Wed Oct 19, 2016 3:48 pm UTC

Granted, you can find her at LA wicca-con based upon her distinctive watch.

Now you will just need to wearily watch which westerly witches will wickedly wear which watches; what with a wake of worse watches wholly worn by wandering witches whoring wholesale worn wallets, whom with one wasn't watching for, word.

I wish wage waist wait,warm walk..... Sorry, got into a habit there. I wish for tacos.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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heuristically_alone
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Thu Oct 20, 2016 12:08 am UTC

Granted, you get food poisoning.

I wish for chinese food.
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You can learn to levitate with just a little help.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby NathanBros » Thu Oct 20, 2016 11:31 pm UTC

Granted, some insects mix.

I wish a non chemical effective insecticide.

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heuristically_alone
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Fri Oct 21, 2016 12:18 am UTC

Granted. The insecticide is not an effective chemical.

I wish I had a skull mask.
Bow gifted by adnapemit.

You can learn to levitate with just a little help.

:idea: = Surprised Cyclops


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