Corrupt-a-wish

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BittahOverlord
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby BittahOverlord » Tue Aug 08, 2017 9:35 pm UTC

granted. all records of their existence is instantly destroyed. someone else comes up with a similar movie called "whalocane".

i wish for an interplanetary portal gun that only works if i'm alive.
i may be small, but i will die a COLOSSUS.

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bug sniper
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Wed Aug 09, 2017 5:05 am UTC

Granted, but once you're dead, it retires and goes on social security, adding to the government's crippling financial burden.

I wish car windows had microscopic binary codes embedded inside them to help forensic experts investigate hit-and-run incidents.
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ucim
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Wed Aug 09, 2017 2:34 pm UTC

Granted. They raise the cost of the car by $3000, and it costs $3000 to do the analysis (in addition to breaking the window, necessitating its replacement). The system is easily defeated by scattering broken glass from another car at the site of a hit and run.

I wish I had airplane scheduling privileges at the local flying club.
Spoiler:
BittahOverlord wrote:someone else comes up with a similar movie called "whalocane".
That movie has to be made!
Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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BittahOverlord
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby BittahOverlord » Thu Aug 10, 2017 12:51 am UTC

ucim wrote:Granted. They raise the cost of the car by $3000, and it costs $3000 to do the analysis (in addition to breaking the window, necessitating its replacement). The system is easily defeated by scattering broken glass from another car at the site of a hit and run.

I wish I had airplane scheduling privileges at the local flying club.
Spoiler:
BittahOverlord wrote:someone else comes up with a similar movie called "whalocane".
That movie has to be made!
Jose


let's make it together. it'll be the pepsi of the movie domain.
i may be small, but i will die a COLOSSUS.

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BittahOverlord
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby BittahOverlord » Thu Aug 10, 2017 12:54 am UTC

granted. you develop severe dyslexia and it results in multiple plane collisions and you are to blame.

i wish the cursed sock monster would go extinct. tired of losing my precious socks. step 1: steal socks. step 2: profit.
i may be small, but i will die a COLOSSUS.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Peaceful Whale » Thu Aug 10, 2017 12:57 am UTC

Granted, but this sock monster is also what makes gravity work. The entire universe is in shambles becuase you wanted to keep your socks.

I wish for a everyone to be immortal but me.
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BittahOverlord
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby BittahOverlord » Thu Aug 10, 2017 2:00 am UTC

granted. everyone on earth is immortal except you. someone injects you with the immortality serum and you can't die just like the rest of us.

i wish to be the creator of "The Game".
i may be small, but i will die a COLOSSUS.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Thu Aug 10, 2017 5:42 pm UTC

Granted, you are the create of "the game' from this movie, and you are arrested because all of that stuff is illegal, and "it was only a game" is not a recognized illegal defense.

I wish for a video game version of the most dangerous game.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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BittahOverlord
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby BittahOverlord » Thu Aug 10, 2017 9:13 pm UTC

granted. the game releases on all VR platforms. the game is highly addictive and creates a new wave of corrupt-minded children who seek destruction. not a issue now, but in 20 years they'll mature into an army focused on world domination.

i wish for eyesight that cannot be corrupted.
i may be small, but i will die a COLOSSUS.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby phillip1882 » Fri Aug 11, 2017 11:06 pm UTC

granted you have perfect eyesight for the rest of your life, but are dumb as a brick.

i wish for no more wishes to be posted on this thread.
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BittahOverlord
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby BittahOverlord » Sat Aug 12, 2017 7:29 pm UTC

granted. your wish backfires and now you are the only one who cannot continue on this thread.

i wish to undo the corruption caused by your wish.
i may be small, but i will die a COLOSSUS.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Thu Aug 24, 2017 6:36 pm UTC

Granted. The corruption of each wish only lasts until the next wish is corrupted, then reverts to the original wish, starting with this wish:

I wish to become Spiderman.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby flicky1991 » Thu Aug 24, 2017 6:40 pm UTC

Granted. You are a man whose head is a spider.

I wish to become a real bird.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby phillip1882 » Thu Aug 24, 2017 10:22 pm UTC

granted. you become big bird from sesame street.

i wish i knew how to bowl better.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Fri Aug 25, 2017 12:08 am UTC

Granted. It's the only thing you know.

Unfortunately there are no bowling alleys where you live.

I wish all the old wood I need to move from the backyard into the dump were already in the dump (without my house and the dump becoming coincident).

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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bug sniper
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Fri Aug 25, 2017 6:55 am UTC

Granted, but the wasps that have made it their home are not moving. You and them will have to go through a painful dispute resolution involving fumigation and beekeeper suits.

I wish people wouldn't write "MSM" in their tweets because it's hard to tell whether they are referring to mainstream media or men who have sex with men.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Fri Aug 25, 2017 2:43 pm UTC

Granted, but your are now responsible for removing political content from Grinder. You must go through large amounts of content and remove the inappropriate usages of "MSM".

I wish less of twitter involved small people complaining about a large medium.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby phillip1882 » Mon Sep 04, 2017 12:06 am UTC

granted, from now on only people 7 feet in height and above complain. unfortunately this significantly reduces content creation.


i wish i could control my dreams.
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bug sniper
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Wed Sep 06, 2017 1:55 pm UTC

Granted, but whenever you do this, scary monsters start coming out of all the flying doors. When you try to control these monsters, more of them appear until you wake up screaming in panic from this nightmare you've created.

I wish the meteorologists would start declaring some hurricanes to be category 6.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Thu Sep 07, 2017 4:10 pm UTC

Granted, a large number of hurricanes with winds equal or in excess of 179 mph leads to a new category.

I wish that it turns out that Atlantic hurricanes are all caused by a Cape Verdian witch.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby phillip1882 » Mon Sep 11, 2017 10:29 pm UTC

granted, but they are all so strong that mass evacuation is necessary every time.

i wish to find my soulmate, and that she would be beautiful, intelligent, and kind hearted, and we would spend the rest of our lives together.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SirGabriel » Mon Sep 11, 2017 10:47 pm UTC

Granted. You happen to see your soulmate while driving, and you're so distracted by her beauty that you crash, killing both of you.

I wish for the same thing phillip wished for, with the additional caveat that "the rest of our lives" is at least 50 more years.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Snide Sniper » Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:47 pm UTC

Granted. You will spend the rest of your life physically glued to your soul mate. While she is intelligent, she is not intelligent enough to figure out how to remove the glue, and everyday life becomes extremely difficult because there's someone glued to your back. Shortly after, an extreme shortage of mirrors will guarantee that you can never see her face.

I wish my corruption didn't need to be so depressing.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby phillip1882 » Tue Sep 12, 2017 6:44 pm UTC

granted, though it doesn't need to be you want it to be.

i wish for something better.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Wed Sep 13, 2017 12:25 am UTC

You get a ham sandwich. It's better than nothing.

I wish I weren't so full right now.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby phillip1882 » Wed Sep 13, 2017 12:44 am UTC

granted you're completely empty have no organs including your brain.

i wish i wasn't such a jack ass.
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ucim
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:34 am UTC

Granted. Your soulmate is. And you're still glued to her.

I wish for a good night's sleep.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby phillip1882 » Wed Sep 13, 2017 7:47 am UTC

granted, tonight you sleep well, every other night, you sleep terribly.

i wish i knew the best way to achieve a peaceful world.
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bug sniper
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Wed Sep 13, 2017 3:42 pm UTC

Granted, but that requires you to be a one-man force of good in this world. You can't be that because you're stuck to your soulmate.

I wish for an indestructable shopping bag.
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Quizatzhaderac
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:42 pm UTC

Granted, it's the perfect bag for your indestructible shopping. However, it tends to shred your destructible shopping.

I wish Bay street was currently more street and less bay.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Mike Rosoft » Wed Sep 13, 2017 7:27 pm UTC

Granted. It is currently more street and less bay. Moments later, it becomes less street and more bay.

I wish for a magical mirror to Equestria.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby phillip1882 » Fri Sep 15, 2017 10:51 am UTC

eh, why not, you get one magic mirror to equestria, and any other place you would care to go. this makes the mirror extremely desirable to looters, so take care.


i wish for good weather tomorrow.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Snide Sniper » Fri Sep 15, 2017 1:36 pm UTC

Granted. Your door is stuck with the same glue that's gluing you to your soul mate, so you can't go outside to see it.

I wish for a team of lawyers to carefully inspect every wish I make.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby phillip1882 » Fri Sep 15, 2017 2:36 pm UTC

granted. according to item 34, sub-clause b. every wish must be corruptible in some fashion.

i wish everyone was moderately attractive.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Fri Sep 15, 2017 2:57 pm UTC

Granted, but they work for the genie, not you.

I wish for a phone app that mimics Heraclitus giving you advice.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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bug sniper
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Sat Sep 16, 2017 5:47 pm UTC

Granted but it also mines bitcoins for the Russian government. Your phone's motherboard melts from the heat while the app keeps running in the background.

I wish I could get these pomegranate stains out.
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Mike Rosoft
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Mike Rosoft » Sat Sep 16, 2017 7:21 pm UTC

Sure. First, turn your T-shirt inside out, now you have the stains on the inside. Now turn it back, and the stains are now out again.

I wish for a solvent to unstuck phillip1882's door and soul mate.

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phillip1882
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby phillip1882 » Sun Sep 17, 2017 1:57 pm UTC

granted, because you are in a kind and generous mood, (or maybe because I'm the genie) you use it on those two things first.

i wish for a nice new pair of shoes.
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flicky1991
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby flicky1991 » Sun Sep 17, 2017 2:47 pm UTC

Granted. They're ballet slippers.

I wish to not have to commute.
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phillip1882
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby phillip1882 » Sun Sep 17, 2017 5:26 pm UTC

granted, your job offers you the opportunity to work from home for half the pay.

i wish healing meditations actually healed you.
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