Useless Things

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Hammer
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Useless Things

Postby Hammer » Tue May 22, 2007 12:39 am UTC

Things that would appear to have a purpose, but really don't.

Guitar stands: Find a guitar player who is willing to ever put the %#@ thing down.

"Dry clean only" baby clothes: Oh please...

Cat toys: Like they would ever deign to play with something you want them to play with.
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Postby mrguy753 » Tue May 22, 2007 12:58 am UTC

Clothes cleaners that clean off blood.
'Cuz lets be honest, if you have to get large quantities of blood off your clothes, you've got more important thing to deal with than laundry...
I sing anyway.

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Postby Castaway » Tue May 22, 2007 1:31 am UTC

hymens and apendices
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Re: Useless Things

Postby davef » Tue May 22, 2007 1:35 am UTC

Hammer wrote:Guitar stands


Wrong!

Ten different kinds of wrong!

A whole BOWL of wrong!

Guitar stands regularly save my life. Well, my guitar, anyway...

A really useless thing: UHT milk. If I want my milk to last for three months and taste of cardboard, I'll... wait, I'll think of something... I'll, umm... :?
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Postby The LuigiManiac » Tue May 22, 2007 1:55 am UTC

Goggles

Day-by-Day calenders

Bobbleheads
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Postby crazyjimbo » Tue May 22, 2007 1:59 am UTC

The leather needles/horse hoof cleaners on Swiss Army Knives. They're useful - if you're a cowboy.

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The LuigiManiac
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Postby The LuigiManiac » Tue May 22, 2007 2:09 am UTC

Swiss Army Knives in general. I always hurt myself getting the tools into their usable position.
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Postby Xial » Tue May 22, 2007 2:14 am UTC

Wrong. I cannot tell you how many times my swiss army knife has made my life easier, prevented injury, or even saved my life (one time).

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Postby Col. Mustard » Tue May 22, 2007 2:16 am UTC

The buttons that change the walk/don't walk sign at intersections. Do they actually work?

I always lose the tweezers & toothpick from my swiss army knife.

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Postby crazyjimbo » Tue May 22, 2007 2:23 am UTC

Col. Mustard wrote:I always lose the tweezers & toothpick from my swiss army knife.


The problem is, you're *using* it. They're clearly not designed for that purpose.

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Postby DonChubby » Tue May 22, 2007 2:30 am UTC

Which makes it useless, since it's not designed to be used.
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Postby warriorness » Tue May 22, 2007 2:43 am UTC

Xial wrote:Wrong. I cannot tell you how many times my swiss army knife has ( made my life easier || prevented injury || even saved my life (one time) ).


You haven't been dividing by zero again, have you?

Col. Mustard wrote:The buttons that change the walk/don't walk sign at intersections. Do they actually work?


Yeh. They're for those traffic lights that operate with the magnetic car-detectors, and change colors for optimal flux of cars through the intersection (i.e. if there's nobody coming towards a green light, and a bunch of cars waiting at a red, the green would change). The button, I imagine, serves to let the traffic light know that there are pedestrians waiting to cross, and that it should change soon. It's pretty pointless if there are a lot of cars coming from each direction, though.
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Postby 3.14159265... » Tue May 22, 2007 2:44 am UTC

Xial wrote:Wrong. I cannot tell you how many times my swiss army knife has made my life easier, prevented injury, or even saved my life (one time).


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Postby GhostWolfe » Tue May 22, 2007 3:05 am UTC

Col. Mustard wrote:The buttons that change the walk/don't walk sign at intersections. Do they actually work?


In Australia, after a certain time at night (and consequently before a certain time of the morning), the walk lights just stay red, and you have to use the button the get the indicator to change (or just dart across because it's supposed to be green).
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Postby Klye » Tue May 22, 2007 3:15 am UTC

Col. Mustard wrote:The buttons that change the walk/don't walk sign at intersections. Do they actually work?


The purpose they serve is only to let the signal know that someone is waiting to cross. This is in case a car does not happen to drive up at a signal with a weight sensor (note: it is by weight, not magnetism - otherwise how would it work for cars with carbon fiber chassis). The light does not change until after the same amount of time it normally would if a car had arrived at the same part of the intersection, however.
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Postby Alisto » Tue May 22, 2007 3:22 am UTC

wiki wrote:More sophisticated control systems use electronic detector loops, which are sensors buried in the pavement to detect the presence of traffic waiting at the light, and thus can avoid giving the green light to an empty road while motorists on a different route are stopped. A timer is frequently used as a backup in case the sensors fail; an additional problem with sensor-based systems is that they may fail to detect vehicles such as motorcycles or bicycles and cause them to wait forever (or at least until a detectable vehicle also comes to wait for the light). The sensor loops typically work in the same fashion as metal detectors; small vehicles or those with low metal content may fail to be detected.


Eject buttons on remote controls.
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Postby The LuigiManiac » Tue May 22, 2007 3:26 am UTC

Alisto wrote:Eject buttons on remote controls.


And, to complement that, power buttons on remote controls that don't turn the device off, but rather put it on indefinite standby. You still have to get up to turn it off. My DVD player's remote control is like this, and so it is really annoying watching DVDs in bed.
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Postby Xial » Tue May 22, 2007 4:18 am UTC

Times the knife made my life easier:
-forgot a can opener on a camping trip and so used my knife to open my food
-during wilderness survival training I used my knife to cut down small limbs to make a shelter
-used my knife to open mussels during a diving trip
-Trimmed my toenails with it

Times the knife prevented injury (or helped fix one):
-used it to remove countless splinters
-used it to trim branches to make a splint
-used it to cut moleskin to apply to blisters

Time it saved my life:
-While backpacking I was separated from my group and used the reflection from the knife blade to get their attention while they were on a ridge and I was down below. It is arguable whether it saved my life or not but after being alone in the woods for nearly a day it certainly felt like it.

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Postby DonChubby » Tue May 22, 2007 4:54 am UTC

Xial wrote:-during wilderness survival training I used my knife to cut down small limbs to make a shelter

I hope there's a second meaning of "limb" that I don't know about :shock:
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Postby Xial » Tue May 22, 2007 4:56 am UTC

DonChubby wrote:
Xial wrote:-during wilderness survival training I used my knife to cut down small limbs to make a shelter

I hope there's a second meaning of "limb" that I don't know about :shock:


I made my shelter out of baby parts. Why? Is there anything wrong with that? But in all seriousness a limb is a tree branch.

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Postby DonChubby » Tue May 22, 2007 5:07 am UTC

You made a shelter out of baby parts?
That is totally awesome! :twisted:
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For if it prosper, none dare call it treason.

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Postby __Kit » Tue May 22, 2007 8:18 am UTC

DonChubby sig is a futuristic Swiss Army knife. Reminds me of: Whats the dif. between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies... I don't have a farrari in my garage.
=]

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Postby Jauss » Tue May 22, 2007 9:48 am UTC

*Appears to laugh at dead baby joke and then disappears again*
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Postby Edna » Tue May 22, 2007 9:55 am UTC

Useless stuff, Alcohol free lager - Why? just why?

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Postby DonChubby » Tue May 22, 2007 10:31 am UTC

__Kit wrote:DonChubby sig is a futuristic Swiss Army knife. Reminds me of: Whats the dif. between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies... I don't have a farrari in my garage.

I was contemplating making a dead baby joke, but I decided not to.
Also, I'm glad to see you don't interpret my sig as a sex toy. :roll:
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For if it prosper, none dare call it treason.

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Postby Spaz Funbag » Tue May 22, 2007 12:16 pm UTC

The LuigiManiac wrote:And, to complement that, power buttons on remote controls that don't turn the device off, but rather put it on indefinite standby. You still have to get up to turn it off. My DVD player's remote control is like this, and so it is really annoying watching DVDs in bed.


Useless: the wrapping/packaging of DVDs in general. I mean, if it takes *some people* longer to open it than actually watch it? Gah, those are awful.
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Postby Tractor » Tue May 22, 2007 2:17 pm UTC

Alisto wrote:Eject buttons on remote controls.


Wrong.
I like it on my dvd player - I can eject, lean forward a bit to get the dvd, then press power to close it/turn it off. No need to get fully out of my seat to reach the buttons.

Of course this is a special case given the size of my living room.

Also useless:
Pennies. I mean seriously, who even uses them anymore? I've taken to building a pyramid out of them instead.
9 x 6 = 42

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Postby Yakk » Tue May 22, 2007 3:27 pm UTC

I carry a swiss army knife. The usefulness of a simple tool in a not-rebuilt-for-human-comphort environment (forests etc) has been noted. But they are even useful in an urban environment.

It's a blade, and blades are useful tools for opening things. :)

You don't need a large complex one. Mine has 2 blades (long and short), 2 openers (can and bottle), and the obligatory toothpick/tweesers. The tweezers are good whenever you want to grab something smaller than human fingers can grab. The bottle/can openers are useful whenever you open a non-twist-top bottle or any can when you don't have a real can opener handy. The knives can be used to open packaging (everything from post, to CDs, to bags of cadbury easter eggs), cut rope or twine to the right length, cut paper notes into a useful shape, cut loose threads from clothing, etc.

They aren't multi-tool useful, but they are more compact and suitable for carrying or having nearby 24x7.

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Postby crazyjimbo » Tue May 22, 2007 3:38 pm UTC

Xial wrote:*Lots of times my life was made easier by a Swiss Army Knife*


All of those, with the exception of cutting toenails, could be done equally well, if not better with a proper knife. The problem with Swiss Army Knives is they try to do everything, and end up not being able to do anything well. If I want a knife, I'll use a knife. A real one. Same goes for screwdrivers, corkscrews etc.

And no, I don't need a screwdriver when I'm out in the wild.

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Postby ZeroSum » Tue May 22, 2007 3:38 pm UTC

Edna wrote:Useless stuff, Alcohol free lager - Why? just why?

More useless about it: Why aren't kids allowed to drink it? (In some US states at least - because they do still contain some alcohol.)

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Postby crazyjimbo » Tue May 22, 2007 3:40 pm UTC

Edna wrote:Useless stuff, Alcohol free lager - Why? just why?


So that people who don't drink can still enjoy a pint with friends.

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Postby Yakk » Tue May 22, 2007 5:35 pm UTC

crazyjimbo wrote:
Xial wrote:*Lots of times my life was made easier by a Swiss Army Knife*


All of those, with the exception of cutting toenails, could be done equally well, if not better with a proper knife. The problem with Swiss Army Knives is they try to do everything, and end up not being able to do anything well. If I want a knife, I'll use a knife. A real one. Same goes for screwdrivers, corkscrews etc.

And no, I don't need a screwdriver when I'm out in the wild.


I would find carrying a proper knife, bottle opener, can opener, secondary smaller knife, and tweezers to be overly bulky.

The knife would have to be a folding one: and I do own a folding knife. One advantage of a swiss army knife is that it doesn't look like a weapon: it looks like a tool. A folding knife tends to look more like a weapon.

Swiss Army knives aren't a replacement for specialized tools: rather, they are a way to carry worse versions of the tools more portably. This is useful when you want to minimize your carrying requirements, and you don't know you will need top-end tools of a particular type.

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Postby ZeroSum » Tue May 22, 2007 5:46 pm UTC

Klye wrote:(note: it is by weight, not magnetism - otherwise how would it work for cars with carbon fiber chassis)

They work because when a large amount of metal goes over them it measurably alters the magnetic flux. Carbon fiber and fiberglass body cars still have a large amount of structural steel as well as many steel parts under the hood. Also, motorcyclists with small bikes sometimes purchase electromagnets for the bottom of their bike so they can reliably trigger the sensors. (Or they use other tricks to disrupt the magnetic field.)

More information: http://www.humantransport.org/bicycledr ... /green.htm

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Postby Patashu » Mon May 28, 2007 10:27 pm UTC

Mobius Strip Tires. Twice the lifetime, same price!

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Postby Maseiken » Tue May 29, 2007 6:19 am UTC

The mere fact that something is on this thread means it is not TRULY useless.
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Postby Princess_Shauna » Fri Jun 01, 2007 3:26 pm UTC

Maseiken wrote:The mere fact that something is on this thread means it is not TRULY useless.


yeah I suppose its not...because if it were truly useless, it would be of no use in making the point that it is useless....right? ... hmm...that ones gonna take a lil bit of thought...it seems contradictory

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Postby Solt » Mon Jun 04, 2007 7:47 am UTC

I'm sure there's a good reason for them, but I can't think of it.

The several blank pages at the beginning and end of many books.
"Welding was faster, cheaper and, in theory,
produced a more reliable product. But sailors do
not float on theory, and the welded tankers had a
most annoying habit of splitting in two."
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Postby Gordon » Mon Jun 04, 2007 8:17 am UTC

Alisto wrote:Eject buttons on remote controls.

I remember back in the day, my VCR's record button would actually eject a tape.



Useless thing: Hands free paper towel dispensers. They constantly jam and news flash, you have to touch the paper towel eventually!
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Postby __Kit » Mon Jun 04, 2007 8:18 am UTC

yea those blank pages take a lot of trees to make...

I used to hate it when people said solar powered torches, I would always say, "yeah, you could charge them in the day" and then they'd be like "NO!"

Now I escape that situation by saying a 7000km solar powered torch, cause its always sunny on one side of the earth ;)
=]

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Postby The LuigiManiac » Mon Jun 04, 2007 1:00 pm UTC

I'd imagine something that large would burn the retinas of anyone looking directly at the light .

Also, I hate blank pages, especially the ones that say "This page intentionally left blank". They are the number one cause of paradoxes in the world.
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