"Your mom" jokes...for XKCDers...

For all your silly time-killing forum games.

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chrispy1
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"Your mom" jokes...for XKCDers...

Postby chrispy1 » Tue Jun 05, 2007 12:44 am UTC

OK, so the point of this post is to come up with the "Your mom" insults with a Geek-twist.

Examples would be:

If your mom was a PC, her FAT drive would be huge!
Your mom's sooo stupid, she tried to pet Schrodinger's Cat!
Your mom's voice is so annoying, even Beethoven would walk out on her!

OK, you get the point. Carry on my friends, carry on.
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Postby Nyarlathotep » Tue Jun 05, 2007 12:58 am UTC

I calculated your mom's velocity so precisely that who knows where the hell she could be right now.
'Gehȳrst þū, sǣlida, hwæt þis folc segeð?
hī willað ēow tō gafole gāras syllan,
ǣttrynne ord and ealde swurd,
þā heregeatu þe ēow æt hilde ne dēah.

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MFHodge
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Postby MFHodge » Tue Jun 05, 2007 1:07 am UTC

Your momma's gettin' so fat, that the derivative of her mass function with respect to time is motherfuckin' undefined.

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bbctol
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Postby bbctol » Tue Jun 05, 2007 1:13 am UTC

Some scientists say that within every atom, universes exist. This naturally brings up the question; is our universe but a single atom in some impossibly vast meta-universe? Perhaps there is even life, on this incredible scale of mind-bending dimensions and mass. That life is known as your mom.

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Bondolon
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This one's a double whammy.

Postby Bondolon » Tue Jun 05, 2007 1:27 am UTC

During a recent study, scientists directly observed a body that had such mass as to completely bend space-time around it, such that even light could not escape. It was your mom.

edit: This one might be a little scandalous.

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Postby Princess Marzipan » Tue Jun 05, 2007 1:41 am UTC

A group of British scientists announced today that global warming not caused by the now debunked "greenhouse effect" and such gases as CFC's. Rather, their study shows that an almost imperceptible decrease in the rotation of the earth has caused the sun to hit certain areas of the earth with slightly more of its energy than usual. The decrease in rotation (only about .05 seconds per day) is believed to have been caused by your mom weighing down the whole damn planet.

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Postby bbctol » Tue Jun 05, 2007 1:47 am UTC

Yo' momma has the density of a neutron star, mo'fo!

Yeah, well your mom has the density of a universal seed particle, beeyotch!

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Postby scowdich » Tue Jun 05, 2007 2:47 am UTC

Your momma's so fat, gravitational attraction to her increases as the cube of the distance instead of the square!

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Postby Xial » Tue Jun 05, 2007 4:59 am UTC

O ya well your mother has so many folds that she is beginning to develop extra dimensions.

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Solt
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Postby Solt » Tue Jun 05, 2007 5:07 am UTC

Your mother is about 100 kilograms overweight. I recommend that she talk to her physician about this serious problem.
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Postby Maseiken » Tue Jun 05, 2007 7:49 am UTC

Yo Momma has so much mass, I can only assume she reached 99.99*% Light speed and is now continually accelerating!

(I.e, she has infinite mass)
"GRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOWR!!!!"
(Translation: "Objection!")

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Postby Alcari » Tue Jun 05, 2007 10:39 am UTC

According to string theory, there are ten dimensions, four for us and the other six are for your mom.
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Postby joeframbach » Tue Jun 05, 2007 11:10 am UTC

Solt wrote:Your mother is about 100 kilograms overweight. I recommend that she talk to her physician about this serious problem.

I had to really think about that one. I think i get it.

Yo momma so fat, she has pwned at least two electric skateboards.

yes, pwned.

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Postby gmalivuk » Tue Jun 05, 2007 3:10 pm UTC

scowdich wrote:Your momma's so fat, gravitational attraction to her increases as the cube of the distance instead of the square!


Except, then it decreases with the cube, too. So you don't have to get very far away from her before the gravity is almost nonexistent...
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Postby toysbfun » Tue Jun 05, 2007 4:07 pm UTC

"Your momma's so dumb, she thinks square roots are vegetables"
(stolen from Foxtrot. I wish I could remember the others)

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Postby Xial » Tue Jun 05, 2007 10:56 pm UTC

gmalivuk wrote:
scowdich wrote:Your momma's so fat, gravitational attraction to her increases as the cube of the distance instead of the square!


Except, then it decreases with the cube, too. So you don't have to get very far away from her before the gravity is almost nonexistent...


Then how about. Yo mamma's so fat that g is three orders of magnitude bigger around her.

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Postby Vickigirl » Wed Jun 06, 2007 2:00 pm UTC

In what scientists are calling pretty gay, your mum is fat.

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hyperion
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Postby hyperion » Wed Jun 06, 2007 3:09 pm UTC

Your mother is so fat the escape velocity at her surface exceeds 3.0 x 10^8 m/s
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Postby Xial » Wed Jun 06, 2007 3:27 pm UTC

Yo mama is so fat that she is beginning to fuse hydrogen inside her. I propose building a Dyson sphere around her and harvesting the energy for a clean, long lasting energy solution.

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Postby MFHodge » Wed Jun 06, 2007 3:30 pm UTC

Xial wrote:Yo mama is so fat that she is beginning to fuse hydrogen inside her. I propose building a Dyson sphere around her and harvesting the energy for a clean, long lasting energy solution.


Don't foget the immense quantaties of methane she pumps out.

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Postby LE4dGOLEM » Wed Jun 06, 2007 4:00 pm UTC

Obligatory xkcd reference.

Image

Also, your mom's so fat light bends around her so much she looks normal sized (?)
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Postby davef » Wed Jun 06, 2007 4:27 pm UTC

LE4dGOLEM wrote:Also, your mom's so fat light bends around her so much she looks normal sized (?)


Wait... does that mean... we're *all* so fat as to appear normal-sized?

How huge, then, must the people who *appear* fat actually be?

*runs off to weigh himself*
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Postby Alcari » Wed Jun 06, 2007 7:48 pm UTC

actaully, fat-looking people weigh less then normal people.
Fat-looking people aren't heavy enough to bend gravity yet.

Yo momma is so massive, she imploded
Yo momma is so obviously visible, nobody knows her momentum
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Postby sabre » Thu Jun 07, 2007 2:53 am UTC

Image

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Postby Twasbrillig » Thu Jun 07, 2007 4:36 am UTC

Your mother is so fat, that if her entire mass was replaced with Uranium 235, and then each individual atom was hit with a slow-moving neutron, in addition to the copious amounts of newly-formed elements and free neutrons, an amount of energy equal to around 2.6x10^58 kilowatt-hours would be released in an uncontrolled reaction.

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Postby Xial » Thu Jun 07, 2007 5:10 am UTC

Yo mama's so stupid that she designed an experiment utilizing quantum entanglement in an attempt to undermine the uncertainty principle.

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Postby Solt » Thu Jun 07, 2007 10:41 am UTC

joeframbach wrote:
Solt wrote:Your mother is about 100 kilograms overweight. I recommend that she talk to her physician about this serious problem.

I had to really think about that one. I think i get it.


I guess the nerd is likely to be knowledgeable about and genuinely concerned with the harmful effects of obesity. And you know how nerds are... serious about everything. It was supposed to be ironic, and some other things. meh.
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produced a more reliable product. But sailors do

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Postby Darth Eru » Thu Jun 07, 2007 1:49 pm UTC

Solt wrote:
joeframbach wrote:
Solt wrote:Your mother is about 100 kilograms overweight. I recommend that she talk to her physician about this serious problem.

I had to really think about that one. I think i get it.


I guess the nerd is likely to be knowledgeable about and genuinely concerned with the harmful effects of obesity. And you know how nerds are... serious about everything. It was supposed to be ironic, and some other things. meh.


Don't feel too bad. I got it, and I wouldn't be surprised if joefrugglessdknf(sp) was continuing the joke by pretending to not get it. Although that's only one possibility.

Also, Your mother is so stupid she doesn't realize that classical Newtonian physics cannot account for phenomena on the subatomic level.
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Postby Ended » Thu Jun 07, 2007 7:35 pm UTC

Darth Eru wrote:Also, Your mother is so stupid she doesn't realize that classical Newtonian physics cannot account for phenomena on the subatomic level.


Yeah, well, your mum is so dumb that she tried to minimize a 12 variable function to a minimal sum of products expression using a karnaugh map instead of the Quine-McCluskey Algorithm.

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Postby LE4dGOLEM » Thu Jun 07, 2007 7:56 pm UTC

Your mom's so fat, Luke couldn't beleive she wasn't a moon!
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Postby Spaz Funbag » Thu Jun 07, 2007 9:21 pm UTC

My all-time favo(u)rite, although not scientific:

Your mom's so fat, when she was lying on the beach, Greenpeace came and tried to drag her back into the sea.


What's the deal with "your mom" actually? Why not "your uncle", "your dad" or "your *whatever*"? I know it's just "your mom", but WHY? Why, Mr. Anderson? Why, why, why?
The harder you try, the dumber you look

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Postby Col. Mustard » Thu Jun 07, 2007 10:20 pm UTC

although not scientific, it's still funny...

Yo' momma's so stupid, she's still trying to find a copy of "First Fantasy."

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hyperion
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Postby hyperion » Fri Jun 08, 2007 8:35 am UTC

Your mother is fatter than xbox hueg/ps3
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Postby bigglesworth » Fri Jun 08, 2007 3:35 pm UTC

Your moma's so fat, my computer thought she was a directory table.
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Postby PatrickRsGhost » Fri Jun 08, 2007 4:30 pm UTC

I scandisked and defragged yo' momma last night...

Yo momma's so dumb, she thought Linux was Luxy's brother.
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Postby Princess Marzipan » Fri Jun 08, 2007 5:45 pm UTC

I think your mom's missing some critical security updates, because it took me no time at all to get into her backdoor.

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Postby crazyjimbo » Fri Jun 08, 2007 6:32 pm UTC

CreemyNougat wrote:I think your mom's missing some critical security updates, because it took me no time at all to get into her backdoor.


This one wins.

I fingered your mom last night. Then she let me touch and grep in her home.

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Postby MFHodge » Fri Jun 08, 2007 7:08 pm UTC

CreemyNougat wrote:I think your mom's missing some critical security updates, because it took me no time at all to get into her backdoor.


Holy crap that is made of win.
[/thread]
Image

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Postby Ebaz1358 » Sat Jul 07, 2007 6:45 pm UTC

VTHodge wrote:
CreemyNougat wrote:I think your mom's missing some critical security updates, because it took me no time at all to get into her backdoor.


Holy crap that is made of win.
[/thread]


hahaha that's my favorite too

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Blatm
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Postby Blatm » Sat Jul 07, 2007 7:38 pm UTC

Your momma's so stupid she fails to grasp blatant meta-humour...


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