Man Law

For all your silly time-killing forum games.

Moderators: jestingrabbit, Moderators General, Prelates

User avatar
Nebuduck
Posts: 318
Joined: Mon Oct 01, 2007 5:45 pm UTC
Location: Old Blighty

Re: Man Law

Postby Nebuduck » Sat Jul 26, 2008 4:12 pm UTC

133b. repealed. Even Vegemite was once alive.

133c. The only exceptions to items covered in rule 133 are those items which once had a central nervous system, and which require no less than 5 bullets to kill. Alternatively, if the spread is made primarily of an inorganic component which is impossible for your body to digest - such as titanium, or lead - then it is a requirement that the spread be added. (I know of no spreads which fulfill this last option, but it must be possible to produce a suspension of titanium dust which could feasibly be spread on toast.)

134. Killing yourself is manly if the method involves:

-Explosions
-Heavy Metals
-Radioactivity
-Sex
-Jet Engines

All other methods of suicide are to be considered "emo" and therefore gay.

User avatar
quintopia
Posts: 2906
Joined: Fri Nov 17, 2006 2:53 am UTC
Location: atlanta, ga

Re: Man Law

Postby quintopia » Sun Jul 27, 2008 6:37 pm UTC

Nebuduck wrote:(I know of no spreads which fulfill this last option, but it must be possible to produce a suspension of titanium dust which could feasibly be spread on toast.)


Around hyah, said solution of titanium is easily found on the beaches, and stuck to the soles of beachgoers' feet.

User avatar
Nebuduck
Posts: 318
Joined: Mon Oct 01, 2007 5:45 pm UTC
Location: Old Blighty

Re: Man Law

Postby Nebuduck » Sun Jul 27, 2008 6:38 pm UTC

A true Sandwich is a man's food.

User avatar
3fj
Posts: 1715
Joined: Wed Jun 11, 2008 1:13 pm UTC
Location: Land of Whisky and Bagpipes (LOWAB)
Contact:

Re: Man Law

Postby 3fj » Sun Jul 27, 2008 8:07 pm UTC

134: You are not to admit you are drunk unless you have consumed at least 30 units of alcohol. At this point you are deemed "Tipsy".
Everything's dead until it's alive. Man will exist, and then he will die. Just take the ride!

User avatar
pkuky
Posts: 612
Joined: Sun Oct 07, 2007 2:16 pm UTC
Location: jerusalem
Contact:

Re: Man Law

Postby pkuky » Sun Jul 27, 2008 11:04 pm UTC

135) when presented the opportunity to take some monumental action, whether saving the world or starting world war 3, it must be taken.

136) (note: this rule is only for the manliest of men: ordinary men must exercise caution with it): you must step in front of any and all moving tanks and block their way with your body.
It rains on the enemy too!

User avatar
3fj
Posts: 1715
Joined: Wed Jun 11, 2008 1:13 pm UTC
Location: Land of Whisky and Bagpipes (LOWAB)
Contact:

Re: Man Law

Postby 3fj » Sun Jul 27, 2008 11:05 pm UTC

135a) Really manly men will never be heard from again, but will arouse publicity (in more ways than one) worldwide and cock-block three tanks.
Everything's dead until it's alive. Man will exist, and then he will die. Just take the ride!

User avatar
quintopia
Posts: 2906
Joined: Fri Nov 17, 2006 2:53 am UTC
Location: atlanta, ga

Re: Man Law

Postby quintopia » Mon Jul 28, 2008 2:17 am UTC

3fj wrote:135a) Really manly men will never be heard from again, but will arouse publicity (in more ways than one) worldwide and cock-block three tanks.


If you show that picture to someone in China, they will just tell you that that man is really stupid. Of course, they don't really understand the background of why the picture was taken, but they may know that a foreigner showing it to them could land said foreigner in jail.

User avatar
pr1mu5
Posts: 74
Joined: Fri Sep 28, 2007 4:19 pm UTC
Location: Florida

Re: Man Law

Postby pr1mu5 » Mon Jul 28, 2008 2:34 pm UTC

133d. Exception: Butter can always be applied to everything. Butter is not gay. Butter is awesome, and second only to bacon in ingredients.

Rule 137: All birthday presents to other men must be drinkable or smokable.

User avatar
Nebuduck
Posts: 318
Joined: Mon Oct 01, 2007 5:45 pm UTC
Location: Old Blighty

Re: Man Law

Postby Nebuduck » Mon Jul 28, 2008 5:09 pm UTC

Rule 138: Anything is drinkable and/or smokeable if treated in the correct fashion. This makes rule 137 redundant.

User avatar
quintopia
Posts: 2906
Joined: Fri Nov 17, 2006 2:53 am UTC
Location: atlanta, ga

Re: Man Law

Postby quintopia » Tue Jul 29, 2008 1:28 am UTC

Why is it that men are so much better at getting to orgasm if the clitoris has more nerve endings than the entire penis?

User avatar
3fj
Posts: 1715
Joined: Wed Jun 11, 2008 1:13 pm UTC
Location: Land of Whisky and Bagpipes (LOWAB)
Contact:

Re: Man Law

Postby 3fj » Tue Jul 29, 2008 4:01 pm UTC

quintopia wrote:
3fj wrote:135a) Really manly men will never be heard from again, but will arouse publicity (in more ways than one) worldwide and cock-block three tanks.


If you show that picture to someone in China, they will just tell you that that man is really stupid. Of course, they don't really understand the background of why the picture was taken, but they may know that a foreigner showing it to them could land said foreigner in jail.


My current girlfriend had never heard of it. She moved from china at age 13. I showed her the picture and told her the story of Tienanmen Square. She just couldn't believe she had never been told about it. (her parents are fairly anti-CPC, but it had never come up)

Rule 140: no amount of meat is enough.
Everything's dead until it's alive. Man will exist, and then he will die. Just take the ride!

Mikeski
Posts: 1104
Joined: Sun Jan 13, 2008 7:24 am UTC
Location: Minnesota, USA

Re: Man Law

Postby Mikeski » Tue Jul 29, 2008 6:20 pm UTC

Out of curiosity, where is this "dry toast" thing from rule #133 from? Growing up in the midwest USA, I've never heard of it, as a real man's thing to do, or otherwise. Only thing close is unadorned (untoasted) bread as a way to dislodge a swallowed fish bone, if you're too manly to pick them all out when you're filleting the fish.

141) The size of your television should be easier to express in feet than inches, and the total power of your stereo/home-theater sound system should be easier to express in kW than watts.

141a) If said stereo is in your car, then you are probably actually just shy of your 17th birthday, or wishing you still were, and thus not manly.

User avatar
3fj
Posts: 1715
Joined: Wed Jun 11, 2008 1:13 pm UTC
Location: Land of Whisky and Bagpipes (LOWAB)
Contact:

Re: Man Law

Postby 3fj » Tue Jul 29, 2008 7:16 pm UTC

142) If ill, you are not allowed to admit it an must shrug it off as "nothing"
142a) if you admit you are ill, you must admit to all the symptoms as manflu, which is the worst disease on the planet, the (all be it temporary) symptoms are best approximated to a cross between the later stages of cancer, AIDS and e-coli. The only treatment for which is to do nothing and have your closest women-folk look after you (heirarchy: Girlfriend, Mother, Grandmother, flatmate(if not woman, then has to wear frilly apron) and feed you chicken soup.
142b) you are allowed to pretend to have any illness (unmanly diseases and manflu alike) to skive.
142c) Other men are allowed to question your sexuality AND avoid you if you profess to have manflu.
Everything's dead until it's alive. Man will exist, and then he will die. Just take the ride!

User avatar
Felstaff
Occam's Taser
Posts: 5175
Joined: Fri Feb 01, 2008 7:10 pm UTC
Location: ¢ ₪ ¿ ¶ § ∴ ® © ™ ؟ ¡ ‽ æ Þ ° ₰ ₤ ಡಢ

Re: Man Law

Postby Felstaff » Tue Jul 29, 2008 7:24 pm UTC

Rule 143: Concerning being shot
  • No facial reaction is required when you are non-fatally shot.
  • A grunt is acceptable
  • You may look at your wound by slowly turning your head to it
  • You may then proceed to look disdainfully at the gunman. This will probably be one of the few times in your life when eye contact is necessary
  • Pour your venom into this look, snarling as menacingly as the situation requires
  • This is optionally followed by the wiping of the mouth using the back of your hand, technically known as the "I'm Taking Care Of Business" wipe
  • The consequential retribution meted out by you can be in a form of your choosing, providing the description includes the terms "with your bare hands"

Rule 144: Treatment
  • Professional medical treatment is forbidden if the situation can be rectified with a makeshift tourniquet from a piece of your (preferably mud-, and blood-stained) shirt
  • No emotion betraying your pain threshold is to be expressed until such time: arrival of hot nurse
  • As hot nurse is tending to your wounds, you are allowed to bite your lower lip and wince in agony (This is the only time a man is permitted to express physical pain. Ever.)
  • Theoretically she should now giggle
  • And touch your wounded limb gently
  • You are now expected to seduce said hot nurse.
Away, you scullion! you rampallion! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe.

Account20151023
Posts: 1225
Joined: Mon Jun 30, 2008 1:54 pm UTC

Re: Man Law

Postby Account20151023 » Tue Jul 29, 2008 7:52 pm UTC

Rule 145: A real man has only two volumes of speech: whisper and war cry (e.g. I am only going to ask you once: WHERE IS THE VIRUS? - Jack Bauer).

User avatar
Felstaff
Occam's Taser
Posts: 5175
Joined: Fri Feb 01, 2008 7:10 pm UTC
Location: ¢ ₪ ¿ ¶ § ∴ ® © ™ ؟ ¡ ‽ æ Þ ° ₰ ₤ ಡಢ

Re: Man Law

Postby Felstaff » Tue Jul 29, 2008 9:49 pm UTC

BomanTheBear wrote:Rule 145: A real man has only two volumes of speech: whisper and war cry (e.g. I am only going to ask you once: WHERE IS THE VIRUS? - Jack Bauer).

Rule 145 addendum: Jack Bauer quotes are mandatory, especially when dealing with children, the elderly, and pizza delivery guys.

Helpful Bauerisms:
"No, that's not the right play"
"We're running out of time"
"Upload the data to my [manly hand-held device]"
"Who are you working for? WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?"
"I'm uploading to comlink now"
"Get your men out of there!"
Away, you scullion! you rampallion! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe.

User avatar
3fj
Posts: 1715
Joined: Wed Jun 11, 2008 1:13 pm UTC
Location: Land of Whisky and Bagpipes (LOWAB)
Contact:

Re: Man Law

Postby 3fj » Tue Jul 29, 2008 11:13 pm UTC

146: Urination in public must be on that of your enemy, nearby shrubbery or urinal. Stalls are not allowed. Anyone who questions your motives should be dealt with as per rule 145.
Everything's dead until it's alive. Man will exist, and then he will die. Just take the ride!

User avatar
quintopia
Posts: 2906
Joined: Fri Nov 17, 2006 2:53 am UTC
Location: atlanta, ga

Re: Man Law

Postby quintopia » Tue Jul 29, 2008 11:34 pm UTC

142b) Physical injuries are to be shrugged off as "just a sprain" or "only a flesh wound." Do your best to meet the sheer awesome manliness that is Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight.

And since the new comic reminded me of it:
147) A real man unclasps a bra swiftly and easily with one hand, no matter the configuration.
148) A real man can stimulate a woman in at least three different places while simultaneously removing her clothes with a free hand.

Also,
149( A real man removes his underwear by pushing them below the knee, pulling one foot out and using that foot's big toe to hold them while pulling the other leg out, and then flicks them with his foot straight into the air to catch in his hand or to land directly into a nearby open laundry basket/pile of clothes on the floor.

User avatar
pkuky
Posts: 612
Joined: Sun Oct 07, 2007 2:16 pm UTC
Location: jerusalem
Contact:

Re: Man Law

Postby pkuky » Fri Aug 01, 2008 9:45 pm UTC

149a) or on nemesis's henchman's head, blinding him and making him fall off a balconey.
It rains on the enemy too!

User avatar
quintopia
Posts: 2906
Joined: Fri Nov 17, 2006 2:53 am UTC
Location: atlanta, ga

Re: Man Law

Postby quintopia » Fri Aug 01, 2008 11:41 pm UTC

missed the reference.

User avatar
Chado
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Aug 05, 2008 2:52 pm UTC
Location: Maryland
Contact:

Re: Man Law

Postby Chado » Wed Aug 06, 2008 3:25 pm UTC

150) A man shall not have another man on the back of his motorcycle unless said backseat rider is a) dying, b) a woman.

User avatar
tryptanymph
More metal than thou
Posts: 2471
Joined: Wed Jan 30, 2008 6:42 pm UTC
Location: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Contact:

Re: Man Law

Postby tryptanymph » Mon Aug 11, 2008 12:55 pm UTC

153) Real men don't get caught out by the Chuck Norris filter.
phlip wrote:sleepy, the only thing you're worse at is being not awesome.*
*All links to be treated as NFSW.

User avatar
3fj
Posts: 1715
Joined: Wed Jun 11, 2008 1:13 pm UTC
Location: Land of Whisky and Bagpipes (LOWAB)
Contact:

Re: Man Law

Postby 3fj » Mon Aug 11, 2008 1:07 pm UTC

sleepygamer wrote:153) Real men don't get caught out by the Chuck Norris filter.

Real men know how to use non-breaking hyphens instead of changing the size slightly.
Everything's dead until it's alive. Man will exist, and then he will die. Just take the ride!

User avatar
tryptanymph
More metal than thou
Posts: 2471
Joined: Wed Jan 30, 2008 6:42 pm UTC
Location: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Contact:

Re: Man Law

Postby tryptanymph » Mon Aug 11, 2008 1:13 pm UTC

3fj wrote:
sleepygamer wrote:153) Real men don't get caught out by the Chuck Norris filter.

Real men know how to use non-breaking hyphens instead of changing the size slightly.

Real men explain this method to other real men so the manliness can be spread.
phlip wrote:sleepy, the only thing you're worse at is being not awesome.*
*All links to be treated as NFSW.

User avatar
Asmodieus
Posts: 188
Joined: Fri Aug 01, 2008 5:16 pm UTC
Location: Ardis
Contact:

Re: Man Law

Postby Asmodieus » Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:02 pm UTC

The exception to the Die and Hard rule
are Movies with the Following Title(s)

John Tucker Must Die

(real men are too lazy to type things in the search to look for which rule number it is)
Tillian wrote:Yeah, but the polar bears get more territorial during the summer, so we have to stay indoors.

User avatar
quintopia
Posts: 2906
Joined: Fri Nov 17, 2006 2:53 am UTC
Location: atlanta, ga

Re: Man Law

Postby quintopia » Mon Aug 11, 2008 8:16 pm UTC

sleepygamer wrote:
3fj wrote:
sleepygamer wrote:153) Real men don't get caught out by the Chuck Norris filter.

Real men know how to use non-breaking hyphens instead of changing the size slightly.

Real men explain this method to other real men so the manliness can be spread.

Real men put two spaces between the Chuck and the Norris. It's a very specific filter.

Account20151023
Posts: 1225
Joined: Mon Jun 30, 2008 1:54 pm UTC

Re: Man Law

Postby Account20151023 » Mon Aug 11, 2008 8:28 pm UTC

154: Real men work construction.*

Spoiler:
*by work construction, I mean give it to Saladin's mom on a near-nightly basis.

User avatar
Nebuduck
Posts: 318
Joined: Mon Oct 01, 2007 5:45 pm UTC
Location: Old Blighty

Re: Man Law

Postby Nebuduck » Wed Aug 13, 2008 7:43 pm UTC

Real men can write Chuck Norris any way they like. Because they realise that certain tags can be applied to spaces.

User avatar
quintopia
Posts: 2906
Joined: Fri Nov 17, 2006 2:53 am UTC
Location: atlanta, ga

Re: Man Law

Postby quintopia » Thu Aug 14, 2008 8:41 pm UTC

156 a) Every man MUST own a blender and use it solely for the creation of alcoholic beverages such as dacquiris, margaritas, and pina coladas. Any other concoction, such as a fruit smoothie, makes him a fruit himself.
b) No man is permitted to consume alcoholic beverages made in a blender, including but not limited to dacquiris, maargaritas, and pina coladas. These beverages are solely for the consumption of the woman or women he is bartending for. He may, however, sip expensive whiskey while waiting patiently for said women to become sufficiently tipsy from said concoctions to remove their inhibitions.

User avatar
Asmodieus
Posts: 188
Joined: Fri Aug 01, 2008 5:16 pm UTC
Location: Ardis
Contact:

Re: Man Law

Postby Asmodieus » Fri Aug 15, 2008 3:56 pm UTC

man i was just about to say, "what kind of self respecting man drinks a daquiri!?"
Tillian wrote:Yeah, but the polar bears get more territorial during the summer, so we have to stay indoors.

User avatar
pr1mu5
Posts: 74
Joined: Fri Sep 28, 2007 4:19 pm UTC
Location: Florida

Re: Man Law

Postby pr1mu5 » Fri Aug 15, 2008 7:06 pm UTC

If you read 156a) and started feeling giddy that you get to have some mocha frappacino mudslides later on this evening, you must cut a corner off your man card.

User avatar
pr1mu5
Posts: 74
Joined: Fri Sep 28, 2007 4:19 pm UTC
Location: Florida

Re: Man Law

Postby pr1mu5 » Mon Aug 18, 2008 4:56 pm UTC

Every man carries a man card. The card has four corners to it. If you are caught being unmanly in any way, shape, or form by a card-carrying man, you must cut a corner off your card.

Losing all 4 corners to your card relieves you of all man privileges, including the ability to declare man-laws and generally poke fun at other's lack of manliness.

User avatar
Asmodieus
Posts: 188
Joined: Fri Aug 01, 2008 5:16 pm UTC
Location: Ardis
Contact:

Re: Man Law

Postby Asmodieus » Mon Aug 18, 2008 4:57 pm UTC

Real men play the penis game
Tillian wrote:Yeah, but the polar bears get more territorial during the summer, so we have to stay indoors.

User avatar
tryptanymph
More metal than thou
Posts: 2471
Joined: Wed Jan 30, 2008 6:42 pm UTC
Location: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Contact:

Re: Man Law

Postby tryptanymph » Mon Aug 18, 2008 8:14 pm UTC

pr1mu5 wrote:Every man carries a man card. The card has four corners to it. If you are caught being unmanly in any way, shape, or form by a card-carrying man, you must cut a corner off your card.

Losing all 4 corners to your card relieves you of all man privileges, including the ability to declare man-laws and generally poke fun at other's lack of manliness.

But after cutting all 4 corners off, you now have 8 corners. Twice as manly.
phlip wrote:sleepy, the only thing you're worse at is being not awesome.*
*All links to be treated as NFSW.

User avatar
quintopia
Posts: 2906
Joined: Fri Nov 17, 2006 2:53 am UTC
Location: atlanta, ga

Re: Man Law

Postby quintopia » Mon Aug 18, 2008 9:28 pm UTC

No, you're required to cut the corners with frou-frou pattern scissors that are all curvy to symbolism your imminent lack of manliness.

User avatar
pkuky
Posts: 612
Joined: Sun Oct 07, 2007 2:16 pm UTC
Location: jerusalem
Contact:

Re: Man Law

Postby pkuky » Mon Oct 27, 2008 2:18 pm UTC

real men eat meat frozen.
It rains on the enemy too!

User avatar
lethesoda
Posts: 101
Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2008 11:33 pm UTC

Re: Man Law

Postby lethesoda » Mon Oct 27, 2008 3:14 pm UTC

Real men invest in gold.
Image
Spoiler:
Trapdoors. They make a difference.
The difference between "I'm leaving you" and "ZOMG YOU'RE A NINJA SWEET *secks*" -Kazuke

User avatar
Tillan
Posts: 223
Joined: Sat Sep 20, 2008 1:36 pm UTC
Location: Coffee
Contact:

Re: Man Law

Postby Tillan » Sun Nov 02, 2008 7:28 pm UTC

157 - Real men dont post more than 160 of the rules where women could read them.
Now work damnit! No, dont carry on posting here, you're a very busy person. work work work!!

User avatar
Asmodieus
Posts: 188
Joined: Fri Aug 01, 2008 5:16 pm UTC
Location: Ardis
Contact:

Re: Man Law

Postby Asmodieus » Fri Nov 07, 2008 12:42 am UTC

Real men dont need women, but grace them with their presence simply out of pity
Tillian wrote:Yeah, but the polar bears get more territorial during the summer, so we have to stay indoors.

User avatar
Chfan
Posts: 2141
Joined: Sun Oct 19, 2008 10:26 pm UTC
Location: American East Coast

Re: Man Law

Postby Chfan » Fri Nov 07, 2008 11:20 am UTC

Real men help me find a good avatar and quotes for my sig.
Just FYI, the guy isn't avatar isn't me. But he seems pretty cool.


Return to “Forum Games”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: marionic and 24 guests