Favorite math jokes

For the discussion of math. Duh.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby squareroot » Wed Jun 30, 2010 4:42 pm UTC

Wow, sounds like even the same browser can produce pretty different results. I guess SVG just isn't quite fully-developed yet enough to be safely implemented. At the very least, I set the font-size to 16px, so the text should fit in the box for those of you where it *almost* works. Meh.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby nyeguy » Fri Jul 02, 2010 4:57 am UTC

For what its worth, here's what I see running Chrome 5.0.375.99 on Mac OS 10.6:
Spoiler:
screenshot 2010-07-01 at 11.16.20 PM.png
screenshot 2010-07-01 at 11.16.20 PM.png (6.97 KiB) Viewed 9205 times
Last edited by nyeguy on Sat Jul 03, 2010 4:24 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby squareroot » Fri Jul 02, 2010 9:21 pm UTC

Got my lappy back. :-) Okay, I just updated *all* of my browsers to the most recent version, and none of them seems to do it quite right. :-( Guess we'll just have to wait then...
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby PM 2Ring » Fri Jul 09, 2010 4:17 pm UTC

Joe the sheep farmer wants to know how many ewes he owns, so he asks his sheepdog.
"Four hundred" says the collie.
Joe isn't convinced and spends the day counting them.
"You're wrong" he tells the dog. "There's only 394."

"Well" says the collie, "I rounded them up."

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Monika » Sat Jul 10, 2010 9:14 am UTC

PM 2Ring wrote:"I rounded them up."

:lol:


Wait, why is that dog talking ... :wink:
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby PM 2Ring » Sat Jul 10, 2010 10:56 am UTC

Monika wrote:Wait, why is that dog talking ... :wink:

Collies don't know when to shut up. :D


A man walks into a bar and orders six double vodkas.
Putting them in a row, he downs the first glass, then the third and finally the fifth.
"Excuse me" the barman says as the man turns to leave.
"But you left three of the glasses of vodka untouched."
"I know" the man says.
"My doctor says it's ok to have the odd drink."

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby maja » Mon Jul 12, 2010 2:03 am UTC

PM 2Ring wrote:A man walks into a bar and orders six double vodkas.
Putting them in a row, he downs the first glass, then the third and finally the fifth.
"Excuse me" the barman says as the man turns to leave.
"But you left three of the glasses of vodka untouched."
"I know" the man says.
"My doctor says it's ok to have the odd drink."


but why didn't he order just 5?

or, or, he could've ordered 5 triple vodkas! that's all odd!!

or, or, or, (if this weren't a math forum), he could've ordered 17 shots of Riga Black Balsam (that's odd and kind of disgusting as well)

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby z function » Tue Jul 13, 2010 10:03 pm UTC

An infinite number of mathemeticians walk into a bar at the Fibonacci Hotel. The first mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The second mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The Nth mathemetician points to N-2 and N-1 and says, "I'll have what those two are having."

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Dason » Wed Jul 14, 2010 1:41 am UTC

z function wrote:An infinite number of mathemeticians walk into a bar at the Fibonacci Hotel. The first mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The second mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The Nth mathemetician points to N-2 and N-1 and says, "I'll have what those two are having."

So everybody has a single beer? I guess it's what I'd order as well.
double epsilon = -.0000001;

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby z function » Wed Jul 14, 2010 7:14 am UTC

Dason wrote:
z function wrote:An infinite number of mathemeticians walk into a bar at the Fibonacci Hotel. The first mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The second mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The Nth mathemetician points to N-2 and N-1 and says, "I'll have what those two are having."

So everybody has a single beer? I guess it's what I'd order as well.


Well thanks for making me welcome :(
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby squareroot » Wed Jul 14, 2010 7:56 am UTC

Ooh, nice way to burn a noobie, Dason. I thought we were better than other forums! I thought we had NERD INTEGRITY!

I, for one, liked the joke. Although I had the exact same thoughts. I have no clue which parts of this post are serious and which aren't, so don't ask me... it might be the sleep deprivation kicking in... heheheh....

Why did the chicken cross the north pole?

He wanted to save the time of walking all the way across the R2 plane.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Bruenor » Wed Jul 14, 2010 8:24 am UTC

Might have been told already, but hey, there's 29 pages to search through:

A bunch of Polish mathematicians wanted to take a holiday together. They all chipped in, hired themselves a private jet, and jetted off. During the flight, the plane suddenly banked very sharply, and started to nose dive towards the ground. Terrified, the mathematicians rushed into the cockpit, and found the pilot slumped dead over the controls. In a panic, one of the mathematicians decided he would try to fly the plane.

He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The plane kept plummeting and spinning out of control. The would be pilot's friends cried out, "Please, please hurry!"

The mathematician calmly replied, "Have patience. I'm just a simple pole in a complex plane."

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Dason » Wed Jul 14, 2010 3:56 pm UTC

z function wrote:
Dason wrote:
z function wrote:An infinite number of mathemeticians walk into a bar at the Fibonacci Hotel. The first mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The second mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The Nth mathemetician points to N-2 and N-1 and says, "I'll have what those two are having."

So everybody has a single beer? I guess it's what I'd order as well.


Well thanks for making me welcome :(

Ha. Sorry if I made you feel unwelcome. I kind of liked the joke but that's immediately what I thought so I pointed it out. We do have nerd integrity here and that's why I want to hear the joke proper! I believe we are in a thread that has been hijacked numerous times due to an argument that broke out stemming from a joke so I didn't think I was toooo out of line in pointing that out.

Anywho, I really do hope they all only order one beer because if it's actually what the joke implied then we either have way too many alcoholic mathematicians or we're going to have way too many dead mathematicians in the near future. Most likely it's a mixture of the two.
double epsilon = -.0000001;

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Monika » Wed Jul 14, 2010 5:36 pm UTC

z function wrote:An infinite number of mathemeticians walk into a bar at the Fibonacci Hotel. The first mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The second mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The Nth mathemetician points to N-2 and N-1 and says, "I'll have what those two are having."

Hehe :D . I thought we were through all mathematicians-walk-into-a-bar / -hotel jokes, but I was wrong!

Bruenor wrote:Might have been told already, but hey, there's 29 pages to search through:

A bunch of Polish mathematicians wanted to take a holiday together. They all chipped in, hired themselves a private jet, and jetted off. During the flight, the plane suddenly banked very sharply, and started to nose dive towards the ground. Terrified, the mathematicians rushed into the cockpit, and found the pilot slumped dead over the controls. In a panic, one of the mathematicians decided he would try to fly the plane.

He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The plane kept plummeting and spinning out of control. The would be pilot's friends cried out, "Please, please hurry!"

The mathematician calmly replied, "Have patience. I'm just a simple pole in a complex plane."

We didn't have this one yet. And I forgot during reading that they were Polish so I didn't get the joke at first :oops: .
But what are poles in complex planes? Or is this just a reference to polar coordinates / the polar way of writing complex numbers?
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby jaap » Wed Jul 14, 2010 5:43 pm UTC

Monika wrote:But what are poles in complex planes? Or is this just a reference to polar coordinates / the polar way of writing complex numbers?
Simple Pole

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby willancs » Wed Jul 14, 2010 8:34 pm UTC

How would you calculate the number of people in a restaurant who only buy a drink?

With a buy-no-meal distribution.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby z function » Thu Jul 15, 2010 11:51 am UTC

Dason wrote:
z function wrote:
Dason wrote:
z function wrote:An infinite number of mathemeticians walk into a bar at the Fibonacci Hotel. The first mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The second mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The Nth mathemetician points to N-2 and N-1 and says, "I'll have what those two are having."

So everybody has a single beer? I guess it's what I'd order as well.


Well thanks for making me welcome :(

Ha. Sorry if I made you feel unwelcome. I kind of liked the joke but that's immediately what I thought so I pointed it out. We do have nerd integrity here and that's why I want to hear the joke proper! I believe we are in a thread that has been hijacked numerous times due to an argument that broke out stemming from a joke so I didn't think I was toooo out of line in pointing that out.

Anywho, I really do hope they all only order one beer because if it's actually what the joke implied then we either have way too many alcoholic mathematicians or we're going to have way too many dead mathematicians in the near future. Most likely it's a mixture of the two.


Apology accepted! Maybe I was a little sensitive. Let's be friends!

As for the joke, if you think you can improve it, please go ahead! I think it works because of what it leaves out, the 1,1, and N-1, N-2 make it obvious to me that it is Fibonacci Series, and that is what amused me when I first heard it.

And as for the infinite number of mathematicians wanting their drinks? Well you need an infinite number of bartenders for that, and I don't think you'll ever get that sort of service!
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby pernero » Sat Jul 31, 2010 9:13 pm UTC

Differentiating is very similar to Integration. Except the opposite.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby mathboy » Sat Jul 31, 2010 9:40 pm UTC

- n mathematicians were standing outside a strip club. Which one of them entered it?
- The kth.

(Though I guess it is a bit funnier in Swedish, where "the kth" is pronounced the same way as "the horny one".)

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby SlyReaper » Mon Aug 02, 2010 11:45 am UTC

- n mathematicians were standing outside a Mobius strip club. Which one of them entered it?
- They were already inside.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Monika » Mon Aug 02, 2010 3:32 pm UTC

:lol:
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby pernero » Mon Aug 02, 2010 6:00 pm UTC

A man walks into a Mobius strip club. And simultaneously walks out.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Eebster the Great » Tue Aug 03, 2010 5:38 am UTC

SlyReaper wrote:- n mathematicians were standing outside a Mobius strip club. Which one of them entered it?
- They were already inside.


I just realized that Mobius strips could make for very interesting clothing.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Monika » Tue Aug 03, 2010 3:59 pm UTC

Because one would be dressed and naked at the same time?
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby PM 2Ring » Tue Aug 03, 2010 4:11 pm UTC

Monika wrote:Because one would be dressed and naked at the same time?

Not exactly, but sort of. :)`
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Talith » Tue Aug 03, 2010 4:58 pm UTC

Eebster the Great wrote:
SlyReaper wrote:- n mathematicians were standing outside a Mobius strip club. Which one of them entered it?
- They were already inside.


I just realized that Mobius strips could make for very interesting clothing.

"I wonder what's under that dress my dear."
"Erm.... everything?"

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby TiglathPileser3 » Wed Aug 04, 2010 4:47 pm UTC

"I want to get inside your pants."
"You already are."

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby CZeke » Wed Aug 18, 2010 4:35 am UTC

After reading this entire thread, I've decided the real joke is the way somebody inevitably reposts each joke two pages later. As Brian Clevinger says, the best joke is the one that's on the reader.

SlitheryDee wrote:someone on another forum I frequent and I were talking about Laplace transforms, and how when I was learning it, we used L{f(x)} = F(*batman symbol*).


I'm not sure I get this. Was it just to stress that the new function has a different independent variable?
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby GyRo567 » Wed Aug 18, 2010 7:59 pm UTC

Bruenor wrote:The mathematician calmly replied, "Have patience. I'm just a simple pole in a complex plane."

I am so using this! :]
I came here to read a cool post, a witty dialogue, a fresh joke, but stumbled upon a "bump"...
Way to go, jerk...
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby MidsizeBlowfish » Thu Aug 19, 2010 1:15 pm UTC

Best dirty math joke ever:

What's the square root of sixty-nine?

Eight someting.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Eebster the Great » Fri Aug 20, 2010 3:55 am UTC

MidsizeBlowfish wrote:Best dirty math joke ever:

What's the square root of sixty-nine?

Eight someting.

Meh

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby t1mm01994 » Fri Aug 20, 2010 5:37 pm UTC

Eebster the Great wrote:
MidsizeBlowfish wrote:Best dirty math joke ever:

What's the square root of sixty-nine?

Eight someting.

Meh

It did cause a slight smile on my face.. But not more than that, I'm afraid.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby UrielZyx » Sun Aug 22, 2010 9:16 am UTC

There are 10 kinds of people in the world:

Those who do not understand binary.
Those who do understand binary.
Those who know how to use induction.
Those who know how to use induction.
Those who know how to use induction.
Those who know how to use induction.
Those who know how to use induction.
And so on..

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby bitsplit » Wed Sep 01, 2010 1:16 pm UTC

z function wrote:
Dason wrote:
z function wrote:
Dason wrote:
z function wrote:An infinite number of mathemeticians walk into a bar at the Fibonacci Hotel. The first mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The second mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The Nth mathemetician points to N-2 and N-1 and says, "I'll have what those two are having."

So everybody has a single beer? I guess it's what I'd order as well.


Well thanks for making me welcome :(

Ha. Sorry if I made you feel unwelcome. I kind of liked the joke but that's immediately what I thought so I pointed it out. We do have nerd integrity here and that's why I want to hear the joke proper! I believe we are in a thread that has been hijacked numerous times due to an argument that broke out stemming from a joke so I didn't think I was toooo out of line in pointing that out.

Anywho, I really do hope they all only order one beer because if it's actually what the joke implied then we either have way too many alcoholic mathematicians or we're going to have way too many dead mathematicians in the near future. Most likely it's a mixture of the two.


Apology accepted! Maybe I was a little sensitive. Let's be friends!

As for the joke, if you think you can improve it, please go ahead! I think it works because of what it leaves out, the 1,1, and N-1, N-2 make it obvious to me that it is Fibonacci Series, and that is what amused me when I first heard it.

And as for the infinite number of mathematicians wanting their drinks? Well you need an infinite number of bartenders for that, and I don't think you'll ever get that sort of service!

An infinite number of mathemeticians walk into a bar at the Fibonacci Hotel. The first mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The second mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The Nth mathemetician points to N-2 and N-1 and says, "I'll have what (s)he's having, and then what (s)he's having."

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby ++$_ » Wed Sep 01, 2010 7:13 pm UTC

For some bizarre reason, the first sentence of the Uncyclopedia article on the Bolzano-Weierstrass theorem struck me as amusing:
The Bolzano–Weierstrass theorem is an important result in culinary analysis. The original statement, proven in 1817 by N. Dasch Bolzano–Weierstrass, is that every bounded sandwich has a vegetarian subsandwich.
It's true!

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby CZeke » Fri Sep 03, 2010 6:03 am UTC

Only if you count the empty sandwich as a vegetarian subsandwich. Otherwise you could slap a chunk of ham between two strips of bacon and get a counterexample.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby jestingrabbit » Fri Sep 03, 2010 6:16 am UTC

CZeke wrote:Only if you count the empty sandwich as a vegetarian subsandwich. Otherwise you could slap a chunk of ham between two strips of bacon and get a counterexample.


Or a heartattack.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby lucius_vorenus » Fri Sep 03, 2010 2:33 pm UTC

Thread too long. Did not read past first page. Anyway, here it is (again, maybe).

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Monika » Fri Sep 03, 2010 2:49 pm UTC

lucius_vorenus wrote:Thread too long. Did not read past first page. Anyway, here it is (again, maybe).

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.

Not only has this joke been posted, but also n+1 variations of it :D .

Have a look through the thread, you might like it.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby quintopia » Mon Sep 06, 2010 5:17 am UTC

kaimason1 wrote:The mathematician remarks to his fellow passengers: "If the last engine breaks down, too, then we'll be in the air for twenty-four hours [. . .] altogether!"


Physicist and Engineer across the aisle, simultaneously: "If the last engine breaks down, too, then we'll be in the air for twenty-four hours."
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