Favorite math jokes
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Wow, sounds like even the same browser can produce pretty different results. I guess SVG just isn't quite fullydeveloped yet enough to be safely implemented. At the very least, I set the fontsize to 16px, so the text should fit in the box for those of you where it *almost* works. Meh.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
For what its worth, here's what I see running Chrome 5.0.375.99 on Mac OS 10.6:
Spoiler:
Last edited by nyeguy on Sat Jul 03, 2010 4:24 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Favorite math jokes
Got my lappy back. Okay, I just updated *all* of my browsers to the most recent version, and none of them seems to do it quite right. Guess we'll just have to wait then...
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Joe the sheep farmer wants to know how many ewes he owns, so he asks his sheepdog.
"Four hundred" says the collie.
Joe isn't convinced and spends the day counting them.
"You're wrong" he tells the dog. "There's only 394."
"Well" says the collie, "I rounded them up."
"Four hundred" says the collie.
Joe isn't convinced and spends the day counting them.
"You're wrong" he tells the dog. "There's only 394."
"Well" says the collie, "I rounded them up."
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Re: Favorite math jokes
PM 2Ring wrote:"I rounded them up."
Wait, why is that dog talking ...
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Monika wrote:Wait, why is that dog talking ...
Collies don't know when to shut up.
A man walks into a bar and orders six double vodkas.
Putting them in a row, he downs the first glass, then the third and finally the fifth.
"Excuse me" the barman says as the man turns to leave.
"But you left three of the glasses of vodka untouched."
"I know" the man says.
"My doctor says it's ok to have the odd drink."
Re: Favorite math jokes
PM 2Ring wrote:A man walks into a bar and orders six double vodkas.
Putting them in a row, he downs the first glass, then the third and finally the fifth.
"Excuse me" the barman says as the man turns to leave.
"But you left three of the glasses of vodka untouched."
"I know" the man says.
"My doctor says it's ok to have the odd drink."
but why didn't he order just 5?
or, or, he could've ordered 5 triple vodkas! that's all odd!!
or, or, or, (if this weren't a math forum), he could've ordered 17 shots of Riga Black Balsam (that's odd and kind of disgusting as well)
 z function
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Re: Favorite math jokes
An infinite number of mathemeticians walk into a bar at the Fibonacci Hotel. The first mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The second mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The Nth mathemetician points to N2 and N1 and says, "I'll have what those two are having."
Re: Favorite math jokes
z function wrote:An infinite number of mathemeticians walk into a bar at the Fibonacci Hotel. The first mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The second mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The Nth mathemetician points to N2 and N1 and says, "I'll have what those two are having."
So everybody has a single beer? I guess it's what I'd order as well.
double epsilon = .0000001;
 z function
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Dason wrote:z function wrote:An infinite number of mathemeticians walk into a bar at the Fibonacci Hotel. The first mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The second mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The Nth mathemetician points to N2 and N1 and says, "I'll have what those two are having."
So everybody has a single beer? I guess it's what I'd order as well.
Well thanks for making me welcome
onehalf of the argument

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Re: Favorite math jokes
Ooh, nice way to burn a noobie, Dason. I thought we were better than other forums! I thought we had NERD INTEGRITY!
I, for one, liked the joke. Although I had the exact same thoughts. I have no clue which parts of this post are serious and which aren't, so don't ask me... it might be the sleep deprivation kicking in... heheheh....
Why did the chicken cross the north pole?
He wanted to save the time of walking all the way across the R^{2} plane.
I, for one, liked the joke. Although I had the exact same thoughts. I have no clue which parts of this post are serious and which aren't, so don't ask me... it might be the sleep deprivation kicking in... heheheh....
Why did the chicken cross the north pole?
He wanted to save the time of walking all the way across the R^{2} plane.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Might have been told already, but hey, there's 29 pages to search through:
A bunch of Polish mathematicians wanted to take a holiday together. They all chipped in, hired themselves a private jet, and jetted off. During the flight, the plane suddenly banked very sharply, and started to nose dive towards the ground. Terrified, the mathematicians rushed into the cockpit, and found the pilot slumped dead over the controls. In a panic, one of the mathematicians decided he would try to fly the plane.
He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The plane kept plummeting and spinning out of control. The would be pilot's friends cried out, "Please, please hurry!"
The mathematician calmly replied, "Have patience. I'm just a simple pole in a complex plane."
A bunch of Polish mathematicians wanted to take a holiday together. They all chipped in, hired themselves a private jet, and jetted off. During the flight, the plane suddenly banked very sharply, and started to nose dive towards the ground. Terrified, the mathematicians rushed into the cockpit, and found the pilot slumped dead over the controls. In a panic, one of the mathematicians decided he would try to fly the plane.
He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The plane kept plummeting and spinning out of control. The would be pilot's friends cried out, "Please, please hurry!"
The mathematician calmly replied, "Have patience. I'm just a simple pole in a complex plane."
Re: Favorite math jokes
z function wrote:Dason wrote:z function wrote:An infinite number of mathemeticians walk into a bar at the Fibonacci Hotel. The first mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The second mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The Nth mathemetician points to N2 and N1 and says, "I'll have what those two are having."
So everybody has a single beer? I guess it's what I'd order as well.
Well thanks for making me welcome
Ha. Sorry if I made you feel unwelcome. I kind of liked the joke but that's immediately what I thought so I pointed it out. We do have nerd integrity here and that's why I want to hear the joke proper! I believe we are in a thread that has been hijacked numerous times due to an argument that broke out stemming from a joke so I didn't think I was toooo out of line in pointing that out.
Anywho, I really do hope they all only order one beer because if it's actually what the joke implied then we either have way too many alcoholic mathematicians or we're going to have way too many dead mathematicians in the near future. Most likely it's a mixture of the two.
double epsilon = .0000001;
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Re: Favorite math jokes
z function wrote:An infinite number of mathemeticians walk into a bar at the Fibonacci Hotel. The first mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The second mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The Nth mathemetician points to N2 and N1 and says, "I'll have what those two are having."
Hehe . I thought we were through all mathematicianswalkintoabar / hotel jokes, but I was wrong!
Bruenor wrote:Might have been told already, but hey, there's 29 pages to search through:
A bunch of Polish mathematicians wanted to take a holiday together. They all chipped in, hired themselves a private jet, and jetted off. During the flight, the plane suddenly banked very sharply, and started to nose dive towards the ground. Terrified, the mathematicians rushed into the cockpit, and found the pilot slumped dead over the controls. In a panic, one of the mathematicians decided he would try to fly the plane.
He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The plane kept plummeting and spinning out of control. The would be pilot's friends cried out, "Please, please hurry!"
The mathematician calmly replied, "Have patience. I'm just a simple pole in a complex plane."
We didn't have this one yet. And I forgot during reading that they were Polish so I didn't get the joke at first .
But what are poles in complex planes? Or is this just a reference to polar coordinates / the polar way of writing complex numbers?
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Simple PoleMonika wrote:But what are poles in complex planes? Or is this just a reference to polar coordinates / the polar way of writing complex numbers?
Re: Favorite math jokes
How would you calculate the number of people in a restaurant who only buy a drink?
With a buynomeal distribution.
With a buynomeal distribution.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Dason wrote:z function wrote:Dason wrote:z function wrote:An infinite number of mathemeticians walk into a bar at the Fibonacci Hotel. The first mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The second mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The Nth mathemetician points to N2 and N1 and says, "I'll have what those two are having."
So everybody has a single beer? I guess it's what I'd order as well.
Well thanks for making me welcome
Ha. Sorry if I made you feel unwelcome. I kind of liked the joke but that's immediately what I thought so I pointed it out. We do have nerd integrity here and that's why I want to hear the joke proper! I believe we are in a thread that has been hijacked numerous times due to an argument that broke out stemming from a joke so I didn't think I was toooo out of line in pointing that out.
Anywho, I really do hope they all only order one beer because if it's actually what the joke implied then we either have way too many alcoholic mathematicians or we're going to have way too many dead mathematicians in the near future. Most likely it's a mixture of the two.
Apology accepted! Maybe I was a little sensitive. Let's be friends!
As for the joke, if you think you can improve it, please go ahead! I think it works because of what it leaves out, the 1,1, and N1, N2 make it obvious to me that it is Fibonacci Series, and that is what amused me when I first heard it.
And as for the infinite number of mathematicians wanting their drinks? Well you need an infinite number of bartenders for that, and I don't think you'll ever get that sort of service!
onehalf of the argument
Re: Favorite math jokes
Differentiating is very similar to Integration. Except the opposite.
Re: Favorite math jokes
 n mathematicians were standing outside a strip club. Which one of them entered it?
 The kth.
(Though I guess it is a bit funnier in Swedish, where "the kth" is pronounced the same way as "the horny one".)
 The kth.
(Though I guess it is a bit funnier in Swedish, where "the kth" is pronounced the same way as "the horny one".)
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Re: Favorite math jokes
 n mathematicians were standing outside a Mobius strip club. Which one of them entered it?
 They were already inside.
 They were already inside.
What would Baron Harkonnen do?
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Re: Favorite math jokes
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Re: Favorite math jokes
A man walks into a Mobius strip club. And simultaneously walks out.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
SlyReaper wrote: n mathematicians were standing outside a Mobius strip club. Which one of them entered it?
 They were already inside.
I just realized that Mobius strips could make for very interesting clothing.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Because one would be dressed and naked at the same time?
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Monika wrote:Because one would be dressed and naked at the same time?
Not exactly, but sort of. `
http://www.designersparty.com/entry/MobiusDressMeejinYoon
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Eebster the Great wrote:SlyReaper wrote: n mathematicians were standing outside a Mobius strip club. Which one of them entered it?
 They were already inside.
I just realized that Mobius strips could make for very interesting clothing.
"I wonder what's under that dress my dear."
"Erm.... everything?"

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Re: Favorite math jokes
"I want to get inside your pants."
"You already are."
"You already are."
Re: Favorite math jokes
After reading this entire thread, I've decided the real joke is the way somebody inevitably reposts each joke two pages later. As Brian Clevinger says, the best joke is the one that's on the reader.
I'm not sure I get this. Was it just to stress that the new function has a different independent variable?
SlitheryDee wrote:someone on another forum I frequent and I were talking about Laplace transforms, and how when I was learning it, we used L{f(x)} = F(*batman symbol*).
I'm not sure I get this. Was it just to stress that the new function has a different independent variable?
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Bruenor wrote:The mathematician calmly replied, "Have patience. I'm just a simple pole in a complex plane."
I am so using this! :]
I came here to read a cool post, a witty dialogue, a fresh joke, but stumbled upon a "bump"...
Way to go, jerk... ~CordlessPen
Way to go, jerk... ~CordlessPen

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Re: Favorite math jokes
Best dirty math joke ever:
What's the square root of sixtynine?
Eight someting.
What's the square root of sixtynine?
Eight someting.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
MidsizeBlowfish wrote:Best dirty math joke ever:
What's the square root of sixtynine?
Eight someting.
Meh
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Eebster the Great wrote:MidsizeBlowfish wrote:Best dirty math joke ever:
What's the square root of sixtynine?
Eight someting.
Meh
It did cause a slight smile on my face.. But not more than that, I'm afraid.
Re: Favorite math jokes
There are 10 kinds of people in the world:
Those who do not understand binary.
Those who do understand binary.
Those who know how to use induction.
Those who know how to use induction.
Those who know how to use induction.
Those who know how to use induction.
Those who know how to use induction.
And so on..
Those who do not understand binary.
Those who do understand binary.
Those who know how to use induction.
Those who know how to use induction.
Those who know how to use induction.
Those who know how to use induction.
Those who know how to use induction.
And so on..
Re: Favorite math jokes
z function wrote:Dason wrote:z function wrote:Dason wrote:z function wrote:An infinite number of mathemeticians walk into a bar at the Fibonacci Hotel. The first mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The second mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The Nth mathemetician points to N2 and N1 and says, "I'll have what those two are having."
So everybody has a single beer? I guess it's what I'd order as well.
Well thanks for making me welcome
Ha. Sorry if I made you feel unwelcome. I kind of liked the joke but that's immediately what I thought so I pointed it out. We do have nerd integrity here and that's why I want to hear the joke proper! I believe we are in a thread that has been hijacked numerous times due to an argument that broke out stemming from a joke so I didn't think I was toooo out of line in pointing that out.
Anywho, I really do hope they all only order one beer because if it's actually what the joke implied then we either have way too many alcoholic mathematicians or we're going to have way too many dead mathematicians in the near future. Most likely it's a mixture of the two.
Apology accepted! Maybe I was a little sensitive. Let's be friends!
As for the joke, if you think you can improve it, please go ahead! I think it works because of what it leaves out, the 1,1, and N1, N2 make it obvious to me that it is Fibonacci Series, and that is what amused me when I first heard it.
And as for the infinite number of mathematicians wanting their drinks? Well you need an infinite number of bartenders for that, and I don't think you'll ever get that sort of service!
An infinite number of mathemeticians walk into a bar at the Fibonacci Hotel. The first mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The second mathemetician says, "I'll have one beer, please." The Nth mathemetician points to N2 and N1 and says, "I'll have what (s)he's having, and then what (s)he's having."
Re: Favorite math jokes
For some bizarre reason, the first sentence of the Uncyclopedia article on the BolzanoWeierstrass theorem struck me as amusing:
It's true!The Bolzano–Weierstrass theorem is an important result in culinary analysis. The original statement, proven in 1817 by N. Dasch Bolzano–Weierstrass, is that every bounded sandwich has a vegetarian subsandwich.
Re: Favorite math jokes
Only if you count the empty sandwich as a vegetarian subsandwich. Otherwise you could slap a chunk of ham between two strips of bacon and get a counterexample.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
CZeke wrote:Only if you count the empty sandwich as a vegetarian subsandwich. Otherwise you could slap a chunk of ham between two strips of bacon and get a counterexample.
Or a heartattack.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Thread too long. Did not read past first page. Anyway, here it is (again, maybe).
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
lucius_vorenus wrote:Thread too long. Did not read past first page. Anyway, here it is (again, maybe).
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.
Not only has this joke been posted, but also n+1 variations of it .
Have a look through the thread, you might like it.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
kaimason1 wrote:The mathematician remarks to his fellow passengers: "If the last engine breaks down, too, then we'll be in the air for twentyfour hours [. . .] altogether!"
Physicist and Engineer across the aisle, simultaneously: "If the last engine breaks down, too, then we'll be in the air for twentyfour hours."
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