Favorite math jokes
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Re: Favorite math jokes
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Re: Favorite math jokes
A bunch of functions are hanging out at bar. There's trigonometric function, logarithmic functions, polynomials, all different kinds of functions hanging out and drinking. Suddenly the door flies open and a differential walks in. The functions are all terrified. They dive behind the bar, jump out of windows, hide under their tables, generally try to get the heel away from this differential, except for one function that sits calmly at the bar sipping his drink. The differential walks up to him and says "What? Aren't you afraid of me like everyone else? Why aren't you running away?". The function replies "I'm e^x, bitch! You can't touch me". The differential just looks at him and says "Who said I differentiate with respect to x?"

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Re: Favorite math jokes
NathanielJ wrote:What did Euler find in the toilet?Spoiler:
So... i guess you read SMBC?
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Re: Favorite math jokes
fransisco4 wrote:NathanielJ wrote:What did Euler find in the toilet?Spoiler:
So... i guess you read SMBC?
My brain first interpreted that as "Sid Meier's Beta Centauri" before going "Wait, what?"
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Re: Favorite math jokes
fransisco4 wrote:NathanielJ wrote:What did Euler find in the toilet?Spoiler:
So... i guess you read SMBC?
Not regularly. Saw it in a friend's Facebook status and wasn't sure where it came from.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. Before the fourth mathematician can place his order, the bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
That's the first, truly funny one I've seen in a while. Well done.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
To be fair, I'm not the one that made that joke up, but thanks!
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Why did the vector cross the road? He wanted to be normal
A baseball coach once had the most talented team he'd ever seen. Unfortunately, it all got flipped upside down when he put his naturals in a field.
Splitting the bill must be a headache.
The division ring one plus that sentence gave me a good idea...
A couple is getting married, and decides to have their wedding at sunset in the middle of a pasture, with an idyllic theme. Everyone thinks this is a great idea, except for the groom's crazy uncle, who insists it will destroy their marriage. They ignore the uncle, and hold their wedding, and everyone agrees it was beautiful and that the couple will last forever. What do you know, six weeks later they get divorced. The uncle can't help but gloat to the hapless groom. When the groom asks how he knew this would happen, the uncle replies "Because that was a splitting field!"
A baseball coach once had the most talented team he'd ever seen. Unfortunately, it all got flipped upside down when he put his naturals in a field.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. Before the fourth mathematician can place his order, the bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.
Splitting the bill must be a headache.
The division ring one plus that sentence gave me a good idea...
A couple is getting married, and decides to have their wedding at sunset in the middle of a pasture, with an idyllic theme. Everyone thinks this is a great idea, except for the groom's crazy uncle, who insists it will destroy their marriage. They ignore the uncle, and hold their wedding, and everyone agrees it was beautiful and that the couple will last forever. What do you know, six weeks later they get divorced. The uncle can't help but gloat to the hapless groom. When the groom asks how he knew this would happen, the uncle replies "Because that was a splitting field!"
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Re: Favorite math jokes
So one matrix says to the other, "Hey, are you equal to your square?" And the other one says, "No, I think you're projecting."
Re: Favorite math jokes
An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates, but it's St. Peter's day off, and the junior angel manning the gate doesn't let him in. So he goes to the Other Place, and doesn't like it much it stinks, he has to climb endless winding staircases to get anywhere, and it's as hot as, well, Hell.
He starts sketching designs, asks for some parts, and in a couple of weeks the whole place is fitted with air conditioning, escalators and flush toilets. All the demons are really happy about this, and the engineer becomes extremely popular.
A week later, God phones Satan to ask how things are going down there. To God's surprise, Satan says:
"Everything's really great. We got an engineer last month and now we have air conditioning, and escalators, and flush toilets..."
God replies in a voice like desert thunder:
"WHAT? Who sent you an engineer? You're not supposed to get engineers? Send him back, now!"
"I like him, I think I'll keep him"
"Send him back now, or I'll sue!"
Satan laughs "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
He starts sketching designs, asks for some parts, and in a couple of weeks the whole place is fitted with air conditioning, escalators and flush toilets. All the demons are really happy about this, and the engineer becomes extremely popular.
A week later, God phones Satan to ask how things are going down there. To God's surprise, Satan says:
"Everything's really great. We got an engineer last month and now we have air conditioning, and escalators, and flush toilets..."
God replies in a voice like desert thunder:
"WHAT? Who sent you an engineer? You're not supposed to get engineers? Send him back, now!"
"I like him, I think I'll keep him"
"Send him back now, or I'll sue!"
Satan laughs "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
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Re: Favorite math jokes
The version I heard of that involved the engineer building a bridge between hell and heaven to let him (and everyone else) into heaven, causing God to want to sue.
But, yeah, that's a good one.
But, yeah, that's a good one.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
read below
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When a mathemetician is faced with the option of having either $20 or everlasting bliss in the afterlife which does he choose?
Spoiler:
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Which means he isn't a well practiced logician. (Four term fallacy)
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Re: Favorite math jokes
oh shh its supposed to be cute not accurate.
When a mathemetician is faced with the option of having either $20 or everlasting bliss in the afterlife which does he choose?
Spoiler:
Re: Favorite math jokes
Mathmagic wrote:An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. Before the fourth mathematician can place his order, the bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.
hehe! now that's funny! i wonder where you heard it(as you wrote you didn't make it up).
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Re: Favorite math jokes
nerd1729 wrote:Mathmagic wrote:An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. Before the fourth mathematician can place his order, the bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.
hehe! now that's funny! i wonder where you heard it(as you wrote you didn't make it up).
I saw it on a Facebook group discussion topic.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Really? I just assumed you read God Plays Dice, since you posted it just a couple days after it appeared there.
 Mathmagic
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Heh. No, but I imagine the original poster of it on the Facebook group had read it from there (since it was a mathematics group). I don't have time to read blogs myself; I just rely on xkcd members to post all the interesting stuff from random blogs for me.
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 NathanielJ
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Re: Favorite math jokes
This link that contains the joke predates the God Plays Dice link by 3 days, but I'm not sure if it's the original source or not.

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Re: Favorite math jokes
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders 1 beer. The second one 1/2 of a beer. The third one, 1/3 of a beer. The fourth one, a quarter of a beer. Before the fifth one can place his order, the bartender says, "You think I've got enough for everybody? Shoo!" and hustles them all out.
Re: Favorite math jokes
tricky77puzzle wrote:An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders 1 beer. The second one 1/2 of a beer. The third one, 1/3 of a beer. The fourth one, a quarter of a beer. Before the fifth one can place his order, the bartender says, "You think I've got enough for everybody? Shoo!" and hustles them all out.
I like this version much more than the previous one.

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Re: Favorite math jokes
Yesila wrote:I like this version much more than the previous one.
Meh, I pretty much made this one as a derivative of the original joke.
The mathematicians who were shooed out now changed their clothes and walked back into the bar.
The first mathematician ordered 1/2 of a beer. The second, 1/3 of a beer. The third, 1/5 of a beer. The fourth, 1/7 of a beer. Before the fifth one could place his order, he was again rudely interrupted by the bartender, who said, "How many times do I have to tell you, I don't have enough for everybody!" and hustled them out again.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Mathmagic wrote:An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. Before the fourth mathematician can place his order, the bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.
Am i doing my math wrong, or does this not actually come out to slightly less than two? By my math you need to get out a second glass by the time you're at the fourth mathematician.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Gunfingers wrote:Mathmagic wrote:An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. Before the fourth mathematician can place his order, the bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.
Am i doing my math wrong, or does this not actually come out to slightly less than two? By my math you need to get out a second glass by the time you're at the fourth mathematician.
1+1/2+1/3+1/4+1/5+... sums to infinity.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
SlyReaper wrote:Gunfingers wrote:Mathmagic wrote:An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. Before the fourth mathematician can place his order, the bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.
Am i doing my math wrong, or does this not actually come out to slightly less than two? By my math you need to get out a second glass by the time you're at the fourth mathematician.
1+1/2+1/3+1/4+1/5+... sums to infinity.
and 1 +1/2 +1/4 +1/8 ... sums to 2 exactly, not any less at all.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
jestingrabbit wrote:SlyReaper wrote:Gunfingers wrote:Mathmagic wrote:An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. Before the fourth mathematician can place his order, the bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.
Am i doing my math wrong, or does this not actually come out to slightly less than two? By my math you need to get out a second glass by the time you're at the fourth mathematician.
1+1/2+1/3+1/4+1/5+... sums to infinity.
and 1 +1/2 +1/4 +1/8 ... sums to 2 exactly, not any less at all.
Oh yeah, I thought he was quoting the second version of that joke.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders 1/6 of a beer. The third orders 1/21 of a beer. The fourth orders 1/107 of a beer. Before the fifth mathematician can place his order, the barman says "How do you expect me to work out how much this is gonna cost?"
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Re: Favorite math jokes
ConMan wrote:An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders 1/6 of a beer. The third orders 1/21 of a beer. The fourth orders 1/107 of a beer. Before the fifth mathematician can place his order, the barman says "How do you expect me to work out how much this is gonna cost?"
An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders a beer. Thie third one orders a beer. The fourth one orders a beer. Before the fifth one can place his order the bartender says: "Finally, some normal customers!"
Re: Favorite math jokes
BlackSails wrote:ConMan wrote:An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders 1/6 of a beer. The third orders 1/21 of a beer. The fourth orders 1/107 of a beer. Before the fifth mathematician can place his order, the barman says "How do you expect me to work out how much this is gonna cost?"
An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders a beer. Thie third one orders a beer. The fourth one orders a beer. Before the fifth one can place his order the bartender says: "Finally, some normal customers!"
The only real problem that I see with this series of jokes is that of all the mathematicians that I know none of them would drink just one beer, let alone a fraction of one. So the tale should go; An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first one orders 10 beers. The second orders 12 beers. The Third orders 3 double scotchs and 2 jager bombs. The fourth...
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Re: Favorite math jokes
A mathematician walks into a bar where they have $3 for a beer and orders a beer, a second mathematician orders two, a third orders three, before the fourth orders his the bartenders throws them a quarter.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
3.14159265... wrote:A mathematician walks into a bar where they have $3 for a beer and orders a beer, a second mathematician orders two, a third orders three, before the fourth orders his the bartenders throws them a quarter.
I was wondering when someone was going to make this joke. I had the same idea, but couldn't think of a good way to phrase it.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
What does it mean to throw a quarter?
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Re: Favorite math jokes
I don't get it either. That series clearly diverges.. Where's the joke?
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Re: Favorite math jokes
(defun fibs (n &optional (a 1) (b 1)) (take n (unfold '+ a b)))

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Re: Favorite math jokes
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar, where it's a dollar for a beer, but you can buy and sell beers for the same price.
The first mathematician gives the bartender one beer. The second orders two beers. The third gives the bartender three beers. The fourth orders four. Before the fifth one can place his order, the bartender throws them a quarter.
No, the bartender should throw them a halfdollar coin.
The first mathematician gives the bartender one beer. The second orders two beers. The third gives the bartender three beers. The fourth orders four. Before the fifth one can place his order, the bartender throws them a quarter.
An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders a beer. Thie third one orders a beer. The fourth one orders a beer. Before the fifth one can place his order the bartender says: "Finally, some normal customers!"
No, the bartender should throw them a halfdollar coin.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
tricky77puzzle wrote:Yesila wrote:I like this version much more than the previous one.
Meh, I pretty much made this one as a derivative of the original joke.
I see what you did there.
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Re: Favorite math jokes
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Is the name of the roboter something like Optimus Derived?
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Re: Favorite math jokes
Monika wrote:Is the name of the roboter something like Optimus Derived?
Optimus Prime.
You, sir, name? wrote:If you have over 26 levels of nesting, you've got bigger problems ... than variable naming.
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