Bad science jokes!

For the discussion of the sciences. Physics problems, chemistry equations, biology weirdness, it all goes here.

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AlfaLyr
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby AlfaLyr » Thu Apr 21, 2016 7:30 am UTC

"I think I've lost an electron."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive"
1060 nm : a scientist girl life!

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Himself
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby Himself » Mon May 02, 2016 1:11 am UTC

My friend showed me his granite counter top. It was really gneiss.
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Soupspoon
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby Soupspoon » Thu May 12, 2016 3:44 am UTC

(Surprised to see this one's not here, yet, unless I missed it)

Q: Two cats are making a noise on a steeply-sloped roof. Which one falls off first?

A: The one with the lowest mew.

DanD
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby DanD » Thu May 12, 2016 10:06 pm UTC

As far as I know, this one is original to me:

A whole bunch of atoms get sick of city and decide to go live in a pack out in the wild. After some discussion, they finally settle on putting the helium ion in charge.

After all, it's the alpha.

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Sizik
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby Sizik » Mon May 23, 2016 2:54 pm UTC

Two slits diverged in a beam, and I —
I'm not sure which one I traveled by,
And that has made all the interference.
gmalivuk wrote:
King Author wrote:If space (rather, distance) is an illusion, it'd be possible for one meta-me to experience both body's sensory inputs.
Yes. And if wishes were horses, wishing wells would fill up very quickly with drowned horses.

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PM 2Ring
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby PM 2Ring » Sat May 20, 2017 8:38 am UTC

Here's one for the chemists, and physicists interested in atomic orbitals.

Q: Where do you find 2d electrons?
Spoiler:
A: In flat batteries.

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SpitValve
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby SpitValve » Wed May 24, 2017 3:53 pm UTC

I'm surprised there aren't more jokes about gravity. It seems like a field with a lot of potential.

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Soupspoon
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby Soupspoon » Wed May 24, 2017 5:21 pm UTC

...maybe there will be. Just weight.

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Sizik
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby Sizik » Wed May 24, 2017 8:28 pm UTC

A lot of them tend to fall flat.
gmalivuk wrote:
King Author wrote:If space (rather, distance) is an illusion, it'd be possible for one meta-me to experience both body's sensory inputs.
Yes. And if wishes were horses, wishing wells would fill up very quickly with drowned horses.

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Weeks
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby Weeks » Wed May 24, 2017 8:44 pm UTC

Homeopathy.
Am I gregnant
suffer-cait wrote:One day I'm gun a go visit weeks and discover they're just a computer in a trashcan at an ice cream shop.
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Sizik
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby Sizik » Wed May 24, 2017 8:46 pm UTC

Weeks wrote:Homeopathy.

Here's a more potent one:
Spoiler:
.








































































Homeopathy
gmalivuk wrote:
King Author wrote:If space (rather, distance) is an illusion, it'd be possible for one meta-me to experience both body's sensory inputs.
Yes. And if wishes were horses, wishing wells would fill up very quickly with drowned horses.

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doogly
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby doogly » Thu May 25, 2017 11:09 am UTC

Weeks wrote:Homeopathy.

That is fantastic
LE4dGOLEM: What's a Doug?
Noc: A larval Doogly. They grow the tail and stinger upon reaching adulthood.

Keep waggling your butt brows Brothers.
Or; Is that your eye butthairs?

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Bane Harper
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby Bane Harper » Fri May 26, 2017 7:14 am UTC

An Infectious disease enter a bar.
The bar tender says,“We don’t serve your kind in here.”
It replies, “Well, you’re not a very good host.” :) :) :)

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Heimhenge
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby Heimhenge » Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:12 am UTC

A paramecium and an amoeba meet on the street. The amoeba asks "So how to you get around without any psuedopodia?" The paramecium replies "A cilia question I've never heard."

SuicideJunkie
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby SuicideJunkie » Wed Sep 13, 2017 5:42 pm UTC

A man was hired to run a 300 piece orchestra but despite his best efforts, the instruments were always slightly out of synch and grated on the ear. Eventually he snapped, killed everyone and was sentenced to death. When the time came, they threw the switch on the electric chair but the man failed to die. The technicians, electricians and scientists brought in to diagnose the problem all came to one inevitable conclusion. The man was simply a very poor conductor.

gd1
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby gd1 » Mon Sep 18, 2017 7:41 pm UTC

What are the criterion for the heisenberg trophy? The one that really good football players get?

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Eebster the Great
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby Eebster the Great » Mon Sep 18, 2017 9:06 pm UTC

There is no way to know both what the criteria for winning the Heisenberg are and who won it simultaneously.

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somitomi
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby somitomi » Thu Oct 19, 2017 2:10 pm UTC

Bane Harper wrote:An Infectious disease enter a bar.
The bar tender says,“We don’t serve your kind in here.”
It replies, “Well, you’re not a very good host.” :) :) :)

A virus walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, we don't serve your kind here."
The virus replaces the bartender and says "Now we do."
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PAstrychef
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby PAstrychef » Thu Oct 19, 2017 3:16 pm UTC

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape?
Elephant grape sine theta.
What do get when you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?
You can’t do that, silly! A mountain climber is a scaler, not a vector.
Don’t become a well-rounded person. Well rounded people are smooth and dull. Become a thoroughly spiky person. Grow spikes from every angle. Stick in their throats like a puffer fish.

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Xanthir
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby Xanthir » Thu Oct 19, 2017 8:00 pm UTC

These are supposed to be bad jokes.
(defun fibs (n &optional (a 1) (b 1)) (take n (unfold '+ a b)))

philoampersand
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Re: Bad science jokes!

Postby philoampersand » Thu Oct 19, 2017 8:22 pm UTC

What do get when you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?


I've heard this one as "what do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber", which makes it an epidemiology joke and a math joke at the same time.


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