Misc. venting about people and opinions

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LSK
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Misc. venting about people and opinions

Postby LSK » Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:00 pm UTC

My mom recently asked me to get a haircut, because I go back to school on the 20th and, supposedly, I should look nice. I told her that I have started to like my hair as it is. I am not trying to grow my hair, but I don't mind it where it is.

This is not the issue.

Today, I went out of the house for a walk. When I returned, she asked, "Did you get your hair cut?" (I was wearing a hat.) The answer I gave was "No." She did not become angry, but she asked something along the lines of, "Didn't you want to cut it so you look nice for your first day of school?"

This is where I reach my point - people taking their opinions, mentioning them in conversation to you, and subsequently citing them as yours. This annoys me because it shows that they paid little actual attention to the conversation. If you're going to ignore my responses to you and assume I agreed, please just don't talk to me. It saves time.
Last edited by LSK on Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:51 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby Twasbrillig » Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:02 pm UTC

I think you should change the thread title.

...


...


Oh, you didn't change it yet? You were so intent on that.
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Re: I'm not sure what to title this thread. (misc. venting)

Postby (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ » Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:08 pm UTC

LSK wrote:"Didn't you want to cut it so you look nice for your first day of school?"

This is where I reach my point - people taking their opinions, mentioning them in conversation to you, and subsequently citing them as yours. This annoys me because it shows that they paid little actual attention to the conversation. If you're going to ignore my responses to you and assume I agreed, please just don't talk to me. It saves time.


GRHHHHHHHH. That's something my mom would do to me.
"Don't you want to eat better and lose some weight?"
"No, Ma, I'm happy being a fat cow. Go fuck yourself."

But nobody else does this to me. Just mom. So maybe it's just a mom thing.
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Postby Khonsu » Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:43 pm UTC

My mom does the same thing. About everything. My mom is a walking opinion machine that runs solely on stress and coffee and vitamin pills and pot joints that she lies about utilizing and not sharing with me! She also thinks I am completely incapable of functioning as an adult.

She is mad I go to therapy, I think, because she knows all I talk about is her. My father is awesome, if a little aloof and quite the old-fashioned repub (not a neo-con, just a 'man on the Clapham omnibus' sort of older gentleman).

Yes. I believe this is a Mom thing. After a certain age, mothers derive all their pleasure, love, influence, and happiness from vicariously living through their offspring (with the exception of my girlfriend's mom. She's awesome).

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Postby 4=5 » Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:50 pm UTC

my mom assumes that we like exactly what she does unless we make a big deal out of it at some point

occasionaly I will accidentaly ask someone a question twice because when they answered "no" the first time I stored the meaning as "inconclusive" which matches the value it would be if I hadn't asked the question, and therefore I have no memory of haveing asked it by thirty minuets later

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Postby Lucien » Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:59 pm UTC

4=5 wrote:my mom assumes that we like exactly what she does unless we make a big deal out of it at some point

occasionaly I will accidentaly ask someone a question twice because when they answered "no" the first time I stored the meaning as "inconclusive" which matches the value it would be if I hadn't asked the question, and therefore I have no memory of haveing asked it by thirty minuets later


I have found myself telling people what they want.

Sometimes they really don't know, or you have better knowledge of things beyond them, and you have to set them straight.

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Postby McHell » Thu Aug 16, 2007 10:33 pm UTC

Khonsu wrote:After a certain age, mothers derive all their pleasure, love, influence, and happiness from vicariously living through their offspring (with the exception of my girlfriend's mom. She's awesome).


I think this is a rather offensive stereotype. Yes it happens. All to often possibly, but probably less often to someone who was ultra-cool to start with [as your GF should be].

If it were a general law, I'd hate to turn my SuperGF into the NagMonster by getting kids.

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Postby Tank Police » Fri Aug 17, 2007 12:12 am UTC

My brother is like this.

Back when I was looking for a new vehicle he kept trying to talk me into getting a truck. Despite telling him I have no need or want of a truck he'd constantly give me the same reasons over and over and could not possibley see why I would consider any other option than buying a truck.
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Postby djn » Fri Aug 17, 2007 12:22 am UTC

I've spent the last month or so guiding my mother into wanting the same laptop as me (a T60, mentally upgraded to a T61 when they became available), with varying degrees of subtleness. It worked, too; She just ordered one to replace her sort of dead old one. In other words, I live out my computer hardware desires through my mother. :shock:

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Postby xkcd_n00bz » Fri Aug 17, 2007 1:59 am UTC

Just cut yer damn hair, hippie. Mom knows best.

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Postby KicktheCAN » Fri Aug 17, 2007 2:01 am UTC

My mother is very intent on finding everything even slightly wrong with me, even if it is not real. I can not count how many times after just walking out of the shower I get "Your hair is really greasy/you smell, you should take a shower. For the record I never actually have greasy hair and in fact have very dry hair which results in dandruff. It took like four months for her to stop telling me to shave. She still makes sure to bring it up every now and then too. The list of things goes on and on, far beyond personal hygiene. Far too many to list.
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Postby ifeedlions » Fri Aug 17, 2007 2:09 am UTC

My boss is convinced I introduced myself with the wrong first name. It's still on my paycheck, and I've been there 6 months.

"I thought you said you prefer _____"
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Postby Khonsu » Fri Aug 17, 2007 2:17 am UTC

McHell wrote:
Khonsu wrote:After a certain age, mothers derive all their pleasure, love, influence, and happiness from vicariously living through their offspring (with the exception of my girlfriend's mom. She's awesome).


I think this is a rather offensive stereotype. Yes it happens. All to often possibly, but probably less often to someone who was ultra-cool to start with [as your GF should be].

If it were a general law, I'd hate to turn my SuperGF into the NagMonster by getting kids.


I'm sorry. I sometimes make offensively sweeping generalizations without realizing because my mom is much more likely to make sweeping generalizations than I am (I lived with her for 20 years, impressions were sometimes made) including but not limited to: "Deaf people can be operated on so they can hear. Why are you learning their signs?" and "Katrina was so bad because those people are lazy and disgusting." and "Never have oral sex, Jenn. Men don't wash down there and you could get sick." (I don't think she meant STDs, either, but like, I could catch a cold from fellatio, which isn't really a hobby of mine so I don't know why she said this...oh wait. Yeah, I told her a guy gave me a note in class that day in school around age 16 and she suddenly said this.)

So yeah. Is it childish that I blame my mom? Because I kinda do. I don't think becoming a gravida (the official, medical term for 'mother.' I learned this today!) automatically makes someone a heinous bitch. I think having me for a kid makes someone go nuts and turn into a monster every full moon. Your girlfriend, upon your seed splashing inside her, could turn into a magical creature that cries gold. I don't know. Your mileage may vary.

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Postby lukkucairi » Fri Aug 17, 2007 3:56 am UTC

Khonsu wrote:So yeah. Is it childish that I blame my mom? Because I kinda do.


They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

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Postby Khonsu » Fri Aug 17, 2007 3:59 am UTC

PHILLIP LARKIN. WHY DID I NOT CONSIDER POSTING THIS? I SUCK. TAKE AWAY MY LIT-GEEK CARD.

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Postby aisling » Fri Aug 17, 2007 4:07 am UTC

ifeedlions wrote:My boss is convinced I introduced myself with the wrong first name. It's still on my paycheck, and I've been there 6 months.

"I thought you said you prefer _____"


My boss still calls me Ayzling instead of Ashling which is how it's pronounced.. people who see my name in writing too often have trouble with this.


My mom wants me to be skinny so she can buy me pretty clothes and I'll look as good as the girls in magazines..

My dad wants me to be skinny because he was skinny when he was my age.

He also lived on welfare and went for days only eating boiled cabbage and potatoes. I'm sorry I live in a country which has an overabundance of fast food. He should know that; he's clinically obese.

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Postby william » Fri Aug 17, 2007 4:09 am UTC

Tell your mom that the girls in magazines will all die early from health problems.

Hell, tell your dad that too.

You look fine the way you are.
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Postby Kawa » Fri Aug 17, 2007 4:11 am UTC

william wrote:Tell your mom that the girls in magazines will all die early from health problems.

Hell, tell your dad that too.

You look fine the way you are.

I'd say I'm in the same boat, but my family has a long genetic history of diabetes, early heart attacks, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure.

I need to cut down on the local pizzeria. I need to take walks on that beach 15 mins away. If I happen to look like a girl from a magazine afterwards, then hey, nice side effect! But if I don't, I'm not going to like how it'll end up. (I already have a history of asthma and eczema. I don't need more things to bring me to doctors.)
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Postby Princess Marzipan » Fri Aug 17, 2007 4:24 am UTC

aisling wrote:My boss still calls me Ayzling instead of Ashling which is how it's pronounced.. people who see my name in writing too often have trouble with this.

a) It's pronounced that way?
and
b) That's your NAME name?

o__O
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Postby Castaway » Fri Aug 17, 2007 4:33 am UTC

Whenever my mom does that to me I call her on it, saying something like, "if you can't remember whether I wanted to get my haircut, then I'm not going to tell you again."
You've just lost twenty dollars and my self respect.

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Postby Solt » Fri Aug 17, 2007 4:55 am UTC

That's how mom's are. Deal with it. The reality is that you probably aren't a very responsible adult.
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Postby TheTankengine » Fri Aug 17, 2007 3:40 pm UTC

My mother raised me on pure Jewish Guilt. You will rarely find a more powerful force in this universe.

The best part of Jewish Guilt is how absolutely absurd it is. The reasons given for why a child should do something have no bearing on reality.

The classic:
How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
(Sigh) Don't bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody.
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Postby Princess Marzipan » Fri Aug 17, 2007 4:03 pm UTC

I have a very opinionated friend offering advice in terms of things I need to and must do.

It's aggravating, mostly because she's entirely correct...
"It's Saturday night. I've got no date, a two-liter of Shasta, and my all-Rush mixtape. Let's rock!"
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Postby dubsola » Fri Aug 17, 2007 4:09 pm UTC

TheTankengine wrote:How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
(Sigh) Don't bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody.

Love that shit. LOVE IT. Too funny. My friend's mum was like that. She used to sit there, wine glass in one hand, cigarette in the other, drunk, and say 'You shouldn't drink so much' as we sipped on our first beer at 7pm in the evening.

MY mum doesn't like facial hair. I have had a beard / goatee on and off over the past 9 years, and when I have it, she will drop in the occasional oh-so-subtle 'Don't you think you would like to shave your beard off?'

I am old enough to find it funny now, but it's like 'Mum. I am 29 years old. I do not always have a beard, and you should cherish those times, because I like it. My girlfriend likes it, and so did the one before this one. I look better with it. And finally, I am 29 years old and am old enough to decide how my face looks.'

Then she apologises for mentioning it, and I feel guilty.

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Postby Insignificant Deifaction » Fri Aug 17, 2007 4:23 pm UTC

Heh. I had a mum that tried to turn me into a carbon-copy of her. I think that failed when OCD started to enter the picture.

"I have my own way of doing things and NOTHING you do is going to change that. The only way you could possibly keep me from doing things this way is by cleaning out the whole damn house and turning it into a bunch of empty rooms. Then I'd probably strangle you for taking all my comfort objects away!"

...I never had the courage to tell her that.

...I'll put it in my letter.

...That letter has swollen to ridiculous proportions, it's 30 pages long, explaining what they did wrong, who I really am, and how much I hate them.

Anywho, my Father is your typical excessively-strict weirdo. It was irritating, because I felt he didn't have the authority to decide such things.

...I should stop now.
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Postby TRM » Fri Aug 17, 2007 4:32 pm UTC

Classic conversations in my family:

Dad: Randa (my mother's name), what's for dinner? Thomas (me) and I are hungry.

Me: When the hell did I say I'm hungry?"


My twin sister: Mom I can't believe you're not letting us go to the foam party tonight!

Mom: You two are so impossibly irresponsible!

Me: What foam party?


Oh man, my sister has it bad with my dad though. She's absolutely keen on studying Art History or Art and Design at university, but my dad keeps saying 'but you want to go to Oxford to study history! You like history!'. When in reality, she admits to hating history, and he can't get it through his head. Even though I'm not my sister, I absolutely HATE when he does that to her. He can be so friggin' pretentious and patronising when he likes to remind her that 'she's going to have to marry a rich man if she doesn't do a history degree'.
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Postby (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ » Fri Aug 17, 2007 4:43 pm UTC

CreemyNougat wrote:I have a very opinionated friend offering advice in terms of things I need to and must do.

It's aggravating, mostly because she's entirely correct...


Oh Oh! Is it me? Is it me?

...It's not me, is it? Cause I'm not right very much. Or AM I???


Anyway.
My mum likes to tell me what I want regarding shit she doesn't even understand... the best is the last time I talked to her, and she told me that my sister (who has disowned ME, btw) has a picture of me in a collage on her wall. Great, I totally give a shit, cause she's fucking mental. Now, I have pictures of my whole family up on my shelf, including the sister. Mostly because it's a really nice picture that I took myself, and makes my sister look like my mom. But upon seeing this one tiny picture on my sister's wall, my mother spent half a phone conversation saying things like, 'Don't you think it's time you forgave your sister?'

Funny, I don't remember the crazed bitch ever apologizing. But thanks, mom. I'm sure I do think that, now that you mention it.
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Postby bookishbunny » Fri Aug 17, 2007 5:23 pm UTC

Insignificant Deification wrote:Heh. I had a mum that tried to turn me into a carbon-copy of her. I think that failed when OCD started to enter the picture.


ME, TOO! My mom wanted a mini-me. Mom was an excellent student, cute but not "sexy", kept a neat house, could never be a performer, likes the cozy life, etc. I am the opposite in every way (though we do share some habit-like traits). I don't even look like her. This seemed to make her want to control me more as I got older. Only recently (meaning the past 5 years or so) has she started accepting I'll never be like her. She never even told me she was proud of me until I was 19.

She's actually started embracing who I am, now. One night, when drunk, she told me she never realized how beautiful I had grown (I have rather exotic features for a Euro-American, yet she's always been afraid I'd be too vain despite my "irregularities"). She really admires my ability to get on stage in front of an audience. She said she was never as "brainy" as I am (my mom called me brainy! :D ). She's actually starting to see the person I've tried to cultivate myself to be, and that person is not an immoral loser.

With any luck, parents will let go of trying to form their children some time during the adult stage of the "child". For every stage teenagers and young adults go through, their parents have their own stages (imagine raising multiple kids in multiple stages - yikes!). I hope I learn from my mom's mistakes, but I know I'm going to make a lot of them trying to usher them into adulthood.
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Postby Insignificant Deifaction » Fri Aug 17, 2007 5:47 pm UTC

I think... the best thing we can do is nothing.

The best way to raise someone without their resentment, is to let them raise themselves. The best way to cultivate good morals, is to let them see things through clear lenses, rather than clouded.

Nothing.
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Postby ZeroSum » Fri Aug 17, 2007 6:15 pm UTC

I disagree. My mother was always loving and caring and though she controlled what choices I had she always left me with a choice among positive choices. (For example, rather than ask, "What would you like to drink?" she would ask, "Apple juice or milk?" leaving no option for soda.)

I even once said, when I was in first grade or so, "I'm enslaved. Mom tells me what to eat, where to go, how to act. I'm enslaved." So I did know my mom controlled me, but growing up I understood that the control was to limit me to positive choices, not to remove personal preference.

I have zero resentment for the way I was raised because though I would get the odd, "Why'd you do that?" when I once painted my nails purple (no reason, just bored), it was never, "I can't believe you did that!"

So there are ways of controlling and limiting children without stifling or smothering them.

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Postby KicktheCAN » Fri Aug 17, 2007 6:15 pm UTC

Insignificant Deification wrote:Heh. I had a mum that tried to turn me into a carbon-copy of her. I think that failed when OCD started to enter the picture.


Just out of curiosity, when did your OCD manifest?* That is not too intrusive is it? Because if it is you don't have to answer.

*Is that the correct way to say it?
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Postby Insignificant Deifaction » Fri Aug 17, 2007 6:27 pm UTC

OCD is always present to my knowledge, but it gets stronger as your mind grows more powerful.

If I recall correctly, when OCD gets its biggest burst of power, and indeed, when it first truly started to interfere with me, is when one can predict consequences.

OCD relies on the danger center frequently, an overactive danger center in our case, that never gives us the 'okay'. When you are young, you don't see this danger, you don't comprehend the consequences, as you start to see these, you start to panic, you start to become obsessive-compulsive. The disorder traps the mind in fear. It can, and has, trapped people in God, but in my case, it saved me from it. I hate OCD, but I am grateful to it as well.
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Postby MEGAMERICAN » Fri Aug 17, 2007 6:30 pm UTC

I'm almost 23 years old and my mom still bugs the crap out of me if i don't shave one day or if my hair is too long. I just do what she says because otherwise she'll just become more annoying and belligerant about it.

I try to remind her that I'm an 22 years old and not a kid, but she doesn't seem to grasp that fact. It is probably because she lost her mother when she was 14 and feels a huge need to always be there for me whether I want it or not.

My advice to you LSK is to do whatever keeps you most sane. Many people are gonig to have different visions of how you should look, act and think. Find a way to not let it bother you.

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Postby bbctol » Fri Aug 17, 2007 6:38 pm UTC

Here's me and my mom, right before school, picking out courses I can do.

Mom: Okay, so we've settled all your periods except second, where you can do either Journalism or Band. I think you should do Journalism.
Me: Why? I don't like Journalism, and I want to take Band.
Mom: But the man who runs Journalism also runs the school paper! (note: she wants me to join the school paper. I don't.)
Me: But I've heard from numerous people that Journalism sucks! And I don't want to take it anyway! And I want to take Band!
Mom: Okay, okay, there's no need to shout!
...later, to my Dad...
Mom: Okay, so I think [Me] is leaning towards Journalism...
Me: What the fuck!?
Mom: Don't shout!

My mom also acts as if I blame her for everything, to an almost amusing degree. Example: A week ago, I tried to take the shuttle from Boston to New York alone. My mom was also at the airport, to go somewhere different, but as we got there, we discovered i was an unaccompanied minor, so there was a long hassle to get me on the plane. Dialogue between me and my mom as we move through the terminal:
Me: You know, mom, it would be easier to roll your suitcase across the floor than carry it.
Mom: I didn't know any of this would happen! I'm sorry! Okay?
Me: What the fuck!?

Yeah. It kind of sucks. She also wants me to do debate when I get to high school. Like, she REALLY, REALLY wants me to do debate. So she signed me up to a debate camp without telling me until a week ago, and it starts Tuesday. Just fucking great.

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Postby bookishbunny » Fri Aug 17, 2007 6:51 pm UTC

Insignificant Deification wrote:I think... the best thing we can do is nothing.

The best way to raise someone without their resentment, is to let them raise themselves. The best way to cultivate good morals, is to let them see things through clear lenses, rather than clouded.

Nothing.


I would also have to disagree with this. Parenting requires guidance. People who are raised with no guidance as children are very often not happy and not very nice to be around as adults. I think "Do Nothing" is a little extreme.

ETA: It's important to know what to care about as a parent. Hair color is not a moral decision. Bullying is. Picking battles is key to parenthood (so I hear from those I think are successful).
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Postby Okita » Fri Aug 17, 2007 7:02 pm UTC

Wow. That happened to me too. Being signed up for debate camp without being told that is. Any idea which debate camp it is? I could give you pointers on how to get out of debate crap.

Although in my case it was weird because we didn't have a forensics team at my high school at all.

I've had to re-develop my opinion about parenting over the years. What I think parents ought to do more is not underestimate their child's intelligence. Sure, if they fail that test repeteadly, you can lower your standards but most of my altercations with my parents more or less could have been resolved if my parents had thought I thought things through more thoroughly and was much better informed than they expected.

Actually, one parenting skill (which my father frequently used but my mother didn't) that made a big impact on me was laughter. Or as Donald O'Connor sings "Make 'em laugh! Make 'em laugh! Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?" This came into play with my father whenever I wanted to do something decidedly stupid, he'd burst into laughter and allow me to do it. Of course, there's no point in rebelling when your parents allow and get mirth out of it so I ended up not doing a lot of silly things. It's not actually a great parenting skill that I would recommend but it made me realize that life, your parents, and the whole world is going to throw you curveballs no matter what happens so you might as well first find some humor in it and then find a way to get around it. Or duck.
"I may or may not be a raptor. There is no way of knowing until entering a box that I happen to be in and then letting me sunder the delicious human flesh from your body in reptile fury."

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Postby Insignificant Deifaction » Fri Aug 17, 2007 7:29 pm UTC

Not nothing utterly... Nothing metaphorically, nurture, but never limit. Show them how you see things, but never force it. Don't control them, I suppose. Be a mentor, not a master?
Belial wrote:You are giving me the tools to sodomize my vast imagination, and for this I am grateful.

PM Me, if you care for a chat.

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Postby d3adf001 » Fri Aug 17, 2007 7:35 pm UTC

aisling wrote:My boss still calls me Ayzling instead of Ashling which is how it's pronounced.. people who see my name in writing too often have trouble with this.


My mom wants me to be skinny so she can buy me pretty clothes and I'll look as good as the girls in magazines..

My dad wants me to be skinny because he was skinny when he was my age.

He also lived on welfare and went for days only eating boiled cabbage and potatoes. I'm sorry I live in a country which has an overabundance of fast food. He should know that; he's clinically obese.


thats a strange name, where did it come from? also skinny girls are gross.

Also the peoples logic that made this group dumb found me http://psu.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2204720555&ref=mf you dont even have to be into punk to find the logic flaws. (atcually you might, on a side not antiflag is an antihomophobic and antiracist band that strongly believes in freedom of speech and very anti corporate despite signing to RCA records)

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Postby Vaniver » Fri Aug 17, 2007 7:40 pm UTC

Insignificant Deification wrote:Not nothing utterly... Nothing metaphorically, nurture, but never limit. Show them how you see things, but never force it. Don't control them, I suppose. Be a mentor, not a master?
If you don't want people to do too much, suggest "don't do too much," not "do too little."

You can even point them towards the authoritative style of parenting, so they have something to look into.
I mostly post over at LessWrong now.

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Postby ZeroSum » Fri Aug 17, 2007 7:43 pm UTC

d3adf001 wrote:thats a strange name, where did it come from?

Google, 'origin aisling', first hit wrote:Aisling (First Name Origin and Meaning)
Irish · Female

Dream or vision.


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