The Worst Superpower

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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Pingouin7 » Wed May 01, 2013 7:36 pm UTC

The power to defy gravity, but being unable to go back down.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Deva » Wed May 01, 2013 7:55 pm UTC

Stopping time. Freezes you too. Cannot turn it off. Remains that way forever.

Usually allows the user to move, though. Imagines bad side effects on your body. Might affect oxygen intake.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby SlyReaper » Wed May 01, 2013 8:41 pm UTC

A Midas touch would be pretty terrible. People talk about the Midas touch these days like it would be awesome, but the original story is awful. He turned his own daughter into gold by mistake.

But the worst would be physical immortality, such that not even the end of the universe could kill you. An eternity of nothingness, and being conscious throughout all of it.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Menacing Spike » Wed May 01, 2013 8:47 pm UTC

SlyReaper wrote:But the worst would be physical immortality


It has already been done.

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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby SlyReaper » Wed May 01, 2013 8:49 pm UTC

Worst superpower: being able to identify when a concept has been done.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby UniqueScreenname » Wed May 01, 2013 9:03 pm UTC

I think super smell would drive me absolutely insane. I think there's more bad things to smell than good, and even if there were more good things, it would certainly be quite overwhelming and make me sick most of the time.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Menacing Spike » Wed May 01, 2013 9:11 pm UTC

UniqueScreenname wrote:I think super smell would drive me absolutely insane. I think there's more bad things to smell than good, and even if there were more good things, it would certainly be quite overwhelming and make me sick most of the time.


I do have a extra sensitive sense of smell, and it indeed sucks. It's terrible in certain countries such as Egypt that smell very bad. It's rather socially cripping when you have to exit the room when someone starts a smoke or pungent cheese is brought or w/e. Also not nice if you are in proximity to people that don't shower often.

However, it is very useful if you forget something over the fire. Pointless otherwise.

I'm also going to use my "been done before" superpower once more. Behold, Eklektor, Master of Media, strikes again.

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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Vieto » Wed May 01, 2013 9:25 pm UTC

UniqueScreenname wrote:I think super smell would drive me absolutely insane. I think there's more bad things to smell than good, and even if there were more good things, it would certainly be quite overwhelming and make me sick most of the time.


I would actually disagree here; Olfactory Fatigue practically prevents this. If anything, I think the disadvantages to super smelling would be closer to that of mind reading. I am assuming, of course, that it allows you to consciously have a unique sensation for any combination of chemicals in the air, so you can also smell things you can't normally smell, like carbon monoxide, or are not consciously aware you can smell, like pheromones. So I suppose that if you were in a busy city, being able to tell where anyone near you has been since they last had a shower, who they are attracted to, their current emotions, their stress level, their blood type, the type of perfume they are wearing, etc. would drive you insane, but a continuous odor of skunk/sulfur dioxide/smog/roses would not.

Of course, being able to track with smell, like wolverine, would definately require a physiological shift in his nose appearance and a slightly different shape of brain to work.

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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby yurell » Thu May 02, 2013 12:49 am UTC

SlyReaper wrote:A Midas touch would be pretty terrible.


Certain upsides, though. For starters, you make gold valueless, and you become a VIP to the electronics industry. While you'll never again know the joys of human touch, presuming you can still drink if it's poured into your mouth, you could be of great service to humanity.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Lopsidation » Thu May 02, 2013 1:01 am UTC

Isn't there some guy who'll pay a million dollars to anyone who proves they have magic powers? If so, most of the powers in this thread have at least one use.

Terror Island gives us an interesting superpower: the power that everyone knows you are a dentist. Even if you're not actually a dentist, everyone knows you are.

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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Fire Brns » Thu May 02, 2013 2:00 am UTC

The power to misspell words at the absolutely worst part of a sentense.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby yurell » Thu May 02, 2013 8:01 am UTC

Lopsidation wrote:Isn't there some guy who'll pay a million dollars to anyone who proves they have magic powers? If so, most of the powers in this thread have at least one use.


JREF (James Randi Educational Foundation) offers $1M USD to anyone that can demonstrate under controlled conditions and to certain, mutually agreed-upon criteria that they have supernatural powers. More information is available on their site here.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby SlyReaper » Thu May 02, 2013 8:56 am UTC

One superpower that won't win you the JREF prize money is the ability to not eat or drink. At least one guy tried, but they wouldn't allow the demonstration to take place due to the obvious danger.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Krealr » Thu May 02, 2013 5:55 pm UTC

SlyReaper wrote:One superpower that won't win you the JREF prize money is the ability to not eat or drink. At least one guy tried, but they wouldn't allow the demonstration to take place due to the obvious danger.


I would think you could still come up with decent safeguards for this. Have a doctor check the guy each day. If the doctor determines the man is suffering from early stages of either dehydration or malnourished/starvation then the experiment stops. The doctor doesn't even need to know that the guy is not eating/drinking (you could even use a different doctor each day. This wouldn't conclusively prove that he can't survive without it but if he somehow manages to go sufficiently long (a month?) like this without suffering any physiological effects it's reasonable evidence of some sort of supernatural ability. (Being able to go ridiculously long without food/drink is almost as good as never needing it)

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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Pfhorrest » Thu May 02, 2013 6:56 pm UTC

Problem is it's not necessarily supernatural unless it can be proven that some kind of laws of physics are being broken. If a guy has the power to sit still in a room for a month and remain healthy... but he (in a healthy fashion) loses weight proportional to the metabolic energy his body spends as measured by the heat emitted from his body (even if that metabolic energy is much smaller than an ordinary human's), then no wonky physics, just extreme biology -- guy just has a ridiculously slow and efficient metabolism. If the guy can lift weights every day and not lose weight, and especially if he bulks up from it (actually gaining weight), all while eating no food... then you've got mass and energy coming from nothing and that's something to write home about.
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Tomlidich the second
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Tomlidich the second » Thu May 02, 2013 10:57 pm UTC

shooting liquid cheese from your fingers.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby pkcommando » Fri May 03, 2013 12:14 pm UTC

Tomlidich the second wrote:shooting liquid cheese from your fingers.

It would cut your snack budget down. When life gives you liquid cheese powers, make nachos. :)

As a crimefighter, though, yeah that would be problematic. Especially since cheese is usually more of a liquid when it's hot. The lawsuits from burned innocent bystanders would destroy you. And don't forget the city coming after you for the mess, or that ONE lactose intolerant bad guy who sues for emotional distress.

Or are we talking liquid cheese like that spray cheese in a can? Then even the nachos plan would suck. You'd only be able to rent your services to frat parties and if you're guy that might make the whole thing awkward.

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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby mathmannix » Fri May 03, 2013 1:59 pm UTC

1. Anti-Midas Touch (... "Sadim Touch" ???)
As I define it: the ability to (automatically, uncontrollaby) turn gold into, say, lint, by touching it. (It has to be lint. or maybe earwax.)

2. The ability to discern butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" oleomargarine spread.

3. The ability to adjust your mass and/or volume at will - but only in a positive direction. Never negatively.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby yurell » Fri May 03, 2013 2:05 pm UTC

mathmannix wrote:3. The ability to adjust your mass and/or volume at will - but only in a positive direction. Never negatively.


Blackmail everyone on planet: they give you what you want, or you turn into a black hole.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby pkcommando » Fri May 03, 2013 2:15 pm UTC

The ability to make any painted surface dry 30% faster by maintaining an unbroken stare.

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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Izawwlgood » Fri May 03, 2013 2:20 pm UTC

What was that movie with the misfits who had crappy super powers? Like, one dude could become invisible, but only when no one looked at him, another dude (I think played by Tom Waits?) was a genius inventor of weapons, but could only make non-lethal weapons?
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby eran_rathan » Fri May 03, 2013 3:38 pm UTC

Izawwlgood wrote:What was that movie with the misfits who had crappy super powers? Like, one dude could become invisible, but only when no one looked at him, another dude (I think played by Tom Waits?) was a genius inventor of weapons, but could only make non-lethal weapons?


Mystery Men. With Janeane Garafalo. I love that movie.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Sheikh al-Majaneen » Fri May 03, 2013 4:16 pm UTC

yurell wrote:
mathmannix wrote:3. The ability to adjust your mass and/or volume at will - but only in a positive direction. Never negatively.


Blackmail everyone on planet: they give you what you want, or you turn into a black hole.

Hell, just threaten to turn the earth into a star.

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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Tomlidich the second » Fri May 03, 2013 5:42 pm UTC

constant inconvenience: you can accomplish any task succesfully one hundred percent of the time, but only in the most inconvenient manner physically possible. any other attempts that are more convenient will always fail.

need to move a boulder? you need to build a mile long rube goldberg machine to do it, acquire the city permits to do so, ask your mother and father if it is a good idea, if you are batman, you must go to an ancient ruin in south america to revive them just so you can ask, then activate your rube goldberg machine, stand over it with a hair dryer to help bits along, when it gets to the end, it spits out a long lever to move the boulder. success, you have moved the boulder without fail.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby UniqueScreenname » Fri May 03, 2013 5:57 pm UTC

pkcommando wrote:The ability to make any painted surface dry 30% faster by maintaining an unbroken stare.

I love this.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Tomlidich the second » Fri May 03, 2013 6:09 pm UTC

UniqueScreenname wrote:
pkcommando wrote:The ability to make any painted surface dry 30% faster by maintaining an unbroken stare.

I love this.



as do i, the simple addition of it only being 30 percent faster makes it golden.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Pfhorrest » Fri May 03, 2013 8:37 pm UTC

I dunno, if you could prove that you had that ability, some kind of painting business would probably pay you to watch paint dry and boost their efficiency.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Frimble » Fri May 03, 2013 8:39 pm UTC

So you would literally be paid to watch paint dry. Great.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Krealr » Fri May 03, 2013 9:08 pm UTC

Frimble wrote:So you would literally be paid to watch paint dry. Great.


New superpower?

You can only get paid for doing the worst jobs imaginable.

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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Tomlidich the second » Fri May 03, 2013 10:36 pm UTC

Pfhorrest wrote:I dunno, if you could prove that you had that ability, some kind of painting business would probably pay you to watch paint dry and boost their efficiency.


i would, LITERALLY, blow my own brains out if that was my job.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Pfhorrest » Fri May 03, 2013 10:41 pm UTC

New power: the ability to blow brains out, by literally blowing.

No, that's not lame enough: The power to blow brains out, by figuratively blowing, in the sense of fellatio.

If you don't like performing fellatio, well, useless superpower to you then, you have to do something you hate in order to kill your enemies.

If you do like performing fellatio, well, now you can only ever do it on people you want dead.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Sheikh al-Majaneen » Sat May 04, 2013 1:42 am UTC

Krealr wrote:
Frimble wrote:So you would literally be paid to watch paint dry. Great.


New superpower?

You can only get paid for doing the worst jobs imaginable.

I actually have that one.

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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby UniqueScreenname » Sat May 04, 2013 2:22 am UTC

So you must be an exterminator.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby PM 2Ring » Sat May 04, 2013 9:11 am UTC

There are some classic science fiction stories featuring machines that do something amazing but have undesirable side-effects; in many cases these stories would work just as well if the amazing ability was a superpower rather than a gizmo.

One of my favourites is a short story I read several decades ago about a guy who invents a device that lets him travel to parallel universes. The device seems to consume very little energy, but unbeknown to the inventor it actually propels you to your destination by totally annihilating the universe you're leaving. So the guy blithely hops from one universe to the next, oblivious to the trail of destruction he's leaving in his wake, but gradually he suspects that something is seriously wrong when he realizes that he can't find his home universe.

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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby 3rdtry » Sun May 05, 2013 12:51 am UTC

yurell wrote:
SlyReaper wrote:A Midas touch would be pretty terrible.


Certain upsides, though. For starters, you make gold valueless,

Nah. They'll just find a way to tell "natural gold" apart from "fake gold", make trading the second one illegal, and everything stays the way it was.

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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Puppyclaws » Sun May 05, 2013 1:02 am UTC

PM 2Ring wrote:One of my favourites is a short story I read several decades ago about a guy who invents a device that lets him travel to parallel universes. The device seems to consume very little energy, but unbeknown to the inventor it actually propels you to your destination by totally annihilating the universe you're leaving. So the guy blithely hops from one universe to the next, oblivious to the trail of destruction he's leaving in his wake, but gradually he suspects that something is seriously wrong when he realizes that he can't find his home universe.


This puts me in mind of "The Men Who Murdered Mohammed," where the time machine is invented, but it is found that altering the past only alters your own reality, because time and history is personal, thus forcing you out of the reality everybody else lives in.


I can think of a lot of banal, pointless-or-horrible-to-have powers (the ability to repel guppies, the ability to short out electronics, the ability to stop a speeding locomotive once, the ability to speak to God but nobody believes you, the ability to think up an endless list of superpowers). My question is, what is the worst superpower that an established fictional character has?

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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby yurell » Sun May 05, 2013 3:32 am UTC

3rdtry wrote:Nah. They'll just find a way to tell "natural gold" apart from "fake gold", make trading the second one illegal, and everything stays the way it was.


If you release the first few cubic metres all at once, you'll already have crashed the world market before they can do anything about it. Hell, sell it at $100/kg or just give it away and then it will be valueless before any form of regulation can be established. Or just go down the extortion route ...
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Fire Brns » Sun May 05, 2013 3:50 am UTC

The ability to turn atoms in immediate contact with the skin into gold. Then you can't generate valuable amounts of gold without rolling naked in powdered sand and you still can't enjoy life.

Puppyclaws wrote:My question is, what is the worst superpower that an established fictional character has?
You know what? I'm going to ask my local comic book guy that tomorrow and get his opinion on the subject.
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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby Sheikh al-Majaneen » Sun May 05, 2013 4:34 am UTC

The ability to do all assignments perfectly and on time, but it always looks like plagiarism.

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Re: The Worst Superpower

Postby KyleOwens » Sun May 05, 2013 5:43 am UTC

Invisibility.....to infrared door sensors


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