Politically Incorrect jokes

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

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Twasbrillig
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby Twasbrillig » Tue Dec 04, 2007 12:05 am UTC

What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Spoiler:
The holocaust.



:|
I want to have Bakemaster's babies. It's possible, with science.

I wonder if you can see...
...what is wrong with my signature?

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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby DesperatMezures » Tue Dec 04, 2007 12:20 am UTC

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Spoiler:
It doesn't matter, feminists can't change anything!


Wanna hear a joke?

Spoiler:
Women's rights!
OLEANA, PUT SOME JELJEL ON MY WUUD TO MAKE IT YOOJ SO I CAN GO BAVOOM!

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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby Strychnos » Tue Dec 04, 2007 12:31 am UTC

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow-shoveler?
Give the bitch a shovel.

Did you know Helen Keller had a playground in her backyard?
Neither did she.
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby schmiggen » Tue Dec 04, 2007 12:35 am UTC

Cheese wrote:
Belial wrote:
muteKi wrote:
Number3Pencils wrote:NASCAR: Non-Athletic Sport Created Around Rednecks


Nonsense. First of all, consider how much focus and concentration it takes to go around a course that long.

Second, do you know how fucking hot those cars get?


Also a sport now: Playing DS in the sauna

For a real sport, try using an exercise bike to power your wii (or TV, or set up a circuit that only lets you view the TV picture while giving out a minimum power, or whatever), and play wii sports on it.

If you want, do this in the sauna too.


Dude.... talk about awesome ideas!

Now I just need a wii, rig it to an exercise bike, and find a vacant sauna.
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby Number3Pencils » Tue Dec 04, 2007 12:36 am UTC

How do you get a one-armed Pollock out of a tree?

Wave to him.

How do you drown a blonde?

Put a scratch-'n'-sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
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Spoiler:
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby blind visionary » Tue Dec 04, 2007 1:00 am UTC

peter wrote:Q: Have you seen Stevie Wonder's latest CD?
A: No? Well, neither has he!.

My mom claimed to see Stevie Wonder at Dulles Airport once. When she told me, I couldn't helpt but blurt out "You may have seen him, but he sure as hell didn't see you!"

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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby Belial » Tue Dec 04, 2007 1:13 am UTC

You know who already has a thread for dead baby jokes? US!

Use the search function.
addams wrote:A drunk neighbor is better than a sober Belial.


They/them

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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby Mecks » Tue Dec 04, 2007 1:39 am UTC

"Know what's not funny?"
"What?"
"The senseless death of innocent children!"
You can't sleep at night
You can't dream your dream
Your fingerprints on file
Left clumsily at the scene

Your own worst enemy has come to town...

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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby Kizyr » Tue Dec 04, 2007 4:24 am UTC

I just realized that there are a few that I used a while back... Maybe a month ago, I found out that my coworker's landlady is disabled and has no arms.

"Then how does she collect the rent?"

Furthermore, one of her legs was also shorter than the other. Apparently, according to my coworker, she's a bit of an emotionally abusive sort.

I suggested she should just stand up to her landlady. I mean, it's not like she can do the same in return.

I never got around to asking how much her landlady charges for rent. I mean, I'd expect it to be an arm and a leg...

I also meant to ask her if her apartment allows personal handguns. It's hard to tell how her landlady might feel about the Second Amendment.

Note that these are politically incorrect and completely awful. KF
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby Brineshrimp » Tue Dec 04, 2007 4:43 am UTC

Kizyr wrote:I don't have a specific joke. But, South Asians, a lot like Mexicans, are known for being able to cram a lot of people into a single car. I usually go along with this when I'm with friends.

A: The restaurant's about 15 blocks away, so we'll need to drive
Me: Oh we can take my car (a 4-door sedan)
A: Won't you need to make two trips?
Me: Naw, we're only... 7 people. I could fit 10 in there at least--more if I can use the trunk.
A: ...

KF

Keep in mind, my girlfriend is Mexican, so I have nothing against them. But..
How do you get rid of 50 mexicans at once?
..
..
Blow up their van.

One of my favorite jokes:
What do you call a black guy flying an airplain?
Spoiler:
A pilot, you racist.
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby bananarchy » Tue Dec 04, 2007 5:13 am UTC

muteKi wrote:
Number3Pencils wrote:NASCAR: Non-Athletic Sport Created Around Rednecks


Nonsense. First of all, consider how much focus and concentration it takes to go around a course that long.

Second, do you know how fucking hot those cars get?



Piffle! Those boats are an afternoon on the couch compared to a real race car. Try cornering and braking at 4.5 or 5Gs for a couple of hours in an F1 car, versus going around in circles with your foot planted in a hunk of cast iron obsolescence. There's a reason guys in their fifties can still be competitive in NASCRAP.

Sorry for the threadjack. I don't know many jokes.

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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby oxoiron » Tue Dec 04, 2007 3:45 pm UTC

schmiggen wrote:
Cheese wrote:For a real sport, try using an exercise bike to power your wii (or TV, or set up a circuit that only lets you view the TV picture while giving out a minimum power, or whatever), and play wii sports on it.

If you want, do this in the sauna too.


Dude.... talk about awesome ideas!

Now I just need a wii, rig it to an exercise bike, and find a vacant sauna.


Have fun with that. I used a bicycle to power a radio and a fan, once. I lasted about 10 minutes and at the time I was moving about 15 tons of scrap a day by hand (i.e. I was in incredible physical condition). It's a lot harder than you think.
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby wst » Tue Dec 04, 2007 8:42 pm UTC

peter wrote:Q: Have you seen Stevie Wonder's latest CD?
A: No? Well, neither has he!.


Ooh, got one :d

Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
He doesn't know he's black.

(Sorry!)

And a kinda PC one...(nah, just kidding)
What's brown and sits on a piano stool?
Beethovens last movement.
Anything I said pre-2014 that you want to quote me on, just run it past me to check I still agree with myself.

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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby SecondTalon » Tue Dec 04, 2007 8:47 pm UTC

What's the best thing about 8 year old girls?

Punchline 1.
There's 8 of them!
Punchline 2.
When you flip them over, they're just like 8 year old boys.
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby space_raptor » Tue Dec 04, 2007 8:54 pm UTC

Knock knock

Who's there?

9/11.

9/11 who?

YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby wst » Tue Dec 04, 2007 8:56 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:What's the best thing about 8 year old girls?

Punchline 1.
There's 8 of them!
Punchline 2.
When you flip them over, they're just like 8 year old boys.


No no noooo... got the pun all wrong!

It's twentyone year old girls(twenty one-year-old). Eight doesn't work sadly :( (Actually, depends on inflections, but meh. 20>8)
Anything I said pre-2014 that you want to quote me on, just run it past me to check I still agree with myself.

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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby SecondTalon » Tue Dec 04, 2007 9:01 pm UTC

What, you've never had someone refer to a human/animal as being a year old? Huh.

Also, it'd ruin the sickening depravity of the second punchline.
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby PatrickRsGhost » Tue Dec 04, 2007 9:09 pm UTC

What's the difference between a bicycle and Michael Jackson?

Spoiler:
One is something little boys like to ride; the other likes to ride little boys.


What's blind and screams?

Spoiler:
Stevie Wonder answering the iron


What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?

Spoiler:
Full
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby yelly » Tue Dec 04, 2007 9:10 pm UTC

What's 10 white people pushing a car up a hill?
White power!
What's 10 black people pushing a car up a hill?
Black Power!
What's 10 mexican's pushing a car up a hill?
Grand theft auto!
...
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby wst » Tue Dec 04, 2007 9:18 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:What, you've never had someone refer to a human/animal as being a year old? Huh.

Also, it'd ruin the sickening depravity of the second punchline.


I refer to singular stuff as a year old. "my friend Catherine's a year old" but not "Twenty year old cats"

But you can't win the pun thing- one works better my way, the other one works only your way. Dang annoying isn't it?
Anything I said pre-2014 that you want to quote me on, just run it past me to check I still agree with myself.

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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby xooll » Wed Dec 05, 2007 5:58 am UTC

Q: What's bad about a car full of black people driving off a cliff?

A: They were my friends! :cry:
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby debuggingRL » Wed Dec 05, 2007 8:06 am UTC

How do you make a young girl cry twice?
Wipe your bloody member off on her teddy bear.
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby malarkie » Wed Dec 05, 2007 8:29 am UTC

Why are democrats said to be on the left?
Because they're never right!

I actually got punched by one of the Dem. club members for that.
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby Puzzlemaker » Wed Dec 05, 2007 12:59 pm UTC

debuggingRL wrote:How do you make a young girl cry twice?
Wipe your bloody member off on her teddy bear.


Urc... thats... depraved...
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby Joeldi » Wed Dec 05, 2007 1:39 pm UTC

Kaelri wrote:
22/7 wrote:
Number3Pencils wrote:I left a couple in the "Words that should be acronyms" thread in Language. Some backronyms:
NASCAR: Non-Athletic Sport Created Around Rednecks
NAACP: Negroes Are Actually Colored Pollocks

Just to nitpick, both NASCAR and NAACP are acronyms.

Fix'd.



Is NAACP prounounced "naakpa" or "en-ay-ay-see-pee" if it's the latter, it's not an Acronym.
I already have a hate thread. Necromancy > redundancy here, so post there.

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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby Kizyr » Wed Dec 05, 2007 3:20 pm UTC

Joeldi wrote:Is NAACP prounounced "naakpa" or "en-ay-ay-see-pee" if it's the latter, it's not an Acronym.

"en-double-ay-see-pee" is the standard pronunciation.

How is it then not an acronym? KF
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby Ian Ex Machina » Wed Dec 05, 2007 3:40 pm UTC

Whats the difference between menstrual blood and sand?
You can't gargle menstrual blood.

A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says "Show me it's true what they say about black men".
So he stabbed her and nicked her purse.

What's the biggest cause of paedophilia in this country?
Sexy kids.

Whats red, bloody and hangs of the back of a train?
A mis-carriage

Eight foreign doctors: three bombs, no deaths.
Harold Shipman: one doctor, one syringe; 300 dead.
Fuck it. Makes you proud to be British.
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby MFHodge » Wed Dec 05, 2007 3:52 pm UTC

Kizyr wrote:
Joeldi wrote:Is NAACP prounounced "naakpa" or "en-ay-ay-see-pee" if it's the latter, it's not an Acronym.

"en-double-ay-see-pee" is the standard pronunciation.

How is it then not an acronym? KF

Because an acronym is pronounced like a single word, like NASA or SCUBA. If the letters are pronounced individually, it is called an initialism or just an abbreviation.
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby 22/7 » Wed Dec 05, 2007 4:41 pm UTC

Ian Ex Machina wrote:Whats the difference between menstrual blood and sand?
You can't gargle menstrual blood.

I assume you meant you can't gargle the sand?
Totally not a hypothetical...

Steroid wrote:
bigglesworth wrote:If your economic reality is a choice, then why are you not as rich as Bill Gates?
Don't want to be.
I want to be!

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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby Twasbrillig » Thu Dec 06, 2007 12:31 am UTC

Ian Ex Machina wrote:Whats the difference between menstrual blood and sand?
You can't gargle menstrual blood.


YOR DOING IT RONG.
I want to have Bakemaster's babies. It's possible, with science.

I wonder if you can see...
...what is wrong with my signature?

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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby Brineshrimp » Thu Dec 06, 2007 5:33 am UTC

Why did Michael Jackson go to Wal-Mart?

Boys pants were half off.
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby Jack Saladin » Thu Dec 06, 2007 6:22 am UTC

I wouldn't post but I can't believe these two haven't been posted yet:

Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, you've already told her twice.

Q: What's the hardest part about eating vegetables?
A: The wheelchair.

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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby 22/7 » Thu Dec 06, 2007 7:05 am UTC

Pretty sure the wheelchair joke has already been done. But you both did it wrong. It's, what's the worst part about having sex with vegetables? Putting them back in their wheelchairs when you're done.
Totally not a hypothetical...

Steroid wrote:
bigglesworth wrote:If your economic reality is a choice, then why are you not as rich as Bill Gates?
Don't want to be.
I want to be!

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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby Jack Saladin » Thu Dec 06, 2007 7:28 am UTC

A local group did a song called "Dreams of Fucking a Retard Bitch". It would so win this thread.

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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby Twasbrillig » Thu Dec 06, 2007 8:11 am UTC

22/7 wrote:Pretty sure the wheelchair joke has already been done. But you both did it wrong. It's, what's the worst part about having sex with vegetables? Putting them back in their wheelchairs when you're done.



I told it in one of the other threads...
I want to have Bakemaster's babies. It's possible, with science.

I wonder if you can see...
...what is wrong with my signature?

wing wrote:I'm sorry... But that was THE funniest thing I've ever read on the interbutts.

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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby 22/7 » Thu Dec 06, 2007 8:13 am UTC

You told the wheelchair joke in the dead babies thread?
Totally not a hypothetical...

Steroid wrote:
bigglesworth wrote:If your economic reality is a choice, then why are you not as rich as Bill Gates?
Don't want to be.
I want to be!

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Twasbrillig
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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby Twasbrillig » Thu Dec 06, 2007 8:32 am UTC

22/7 wrote:You told the wheelchair joke in the dead babies thread?



I believe so.
I want to have Bakemaster's babies. It's possible, with science.

I wonder if you can see...
...what is wrong with my signature?

wing wrote:I'm sorry... But that was THE funniest thing I've ever read on the interbutts.

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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby Dark Ragnarok » Thu Dec 06, 2007 11:58 am UTC

Why don't blacks go on cruises?

Spoiler:
Because they fell for that the first time.


Why do blacks carry shit in their pockets?

Spoiler:
For I.D.


Why do jews have big noses?

Spoiler:
Because the air is free.

[Note: Best followed by *Huge inhale through nose*]


Man I used to have an *ass load* of these but can't recall them right now. I also had like 3 books of these. Hilarious stuff.

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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby Fat Kat » Thu Dec 06, 2007 1:22 pm UTC

Q: A motorcyclist knocks over a woman. Who was at fault?
A: The motorcyclist. He shouldn't have been driving in the kitchen.
I've totally pimped your phone, girlfriend!

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Re: Politically Incorrect jokes

Postby ishikiri » Thu Dec 06, 2007 3:17 pm UTC

An Irish fella catches his son snorting cocaine.

He said "If I catch you doing that again I'll rub your fucking nose in it!"
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