Terrifying Tales of Retail: BUY SELL BUY SELL BEEP BOOP

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby 3fj » Tue Jun 17, 2008 9:57 am UTC

From what i saw, they were pretty much all students. Granted, there were a few fine arts students... :D

I think they mix it up between in the back and in the front. My main concern is that i got there and they threw 20 leaflets at, said that they couldn't be arsed with showing me around, filled in some forms and told me to be ready to be crammed full of wonderful burger knowledge. I think if i had worked in another McDonalds everything would be fine, but they don't seem like the teachy types.

Torvaun wrote:Be able to deal with your coworkers. If you want to know more about this, ask me about getting fired from Taco Bell.


Consider yourself asked :D
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby |Erasmus| » Tue Jun 17, 2008 10:42 am UTC

The store I worked at pretty much just disowned me the moment i finished school, because it would cost more for me to work than for younger people. I quit because I could not get any shifts when I wanted to work.

Most of the people working there (and most stores in these parts) are the kind of people who don't care abou their education and will take days off school to work at mcdonalds. Simply because they have something of a reputation for being a terrible place to work and having poor pay.

If things are completely different over there, then just suffice to say that I have no experience with stores outside Australia, and I actually have only been into a store once in close to 3 years.

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby Torvaun » Tue Jun 17, 2008 12:20 pm UTC

3fj wrote:
Torvaun wrote:Be able to deal with your coworkers. If you want to know more about this, ask me about getting fired from Taco Bell.


Consider yourself asked :D

Note to self: Next time I invite inquiry, have an interesting story to answer it. Fast version: There is no amount of competence that will protect you from the consequences of calling your boss an idiot.
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby 3fj » Tue Jun 17, 2008 8:05 pm UTC

Torvaun wrote:There is no amount of competence that will protect you from the consequences of calling your boss an idiot.

My last job doesn't compare then. I consistently belittled my boss at work. I was the only thing keeping the staff together at that point though.

Well, thanks for all the soothing words. All in all the experience wasn't too bad. The computer system is retarded, the customers are abusive (except two nice lady's, one who had previously worked in McDonalds, and one who had just started at KFC). I had the ritual "Hi, im new, please direct all complex/large orders and all complaints here" sign hung up. But everyone is really nice. I heard lots of stories of "Oh yeah, on my first day i had to serve over 9000 customers in 20 seconds, and they all ordered chicken" and "At the end of my first day i burst into tears". I work upfront in the Dundee Reform St branch. Come say hi, I'm the big fella who looks flustered with the dodgy hairnet.
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby Insignificant Deifaction » Tue Jun 17, 2008 8:33 pm UTC

@Erasmus: I believe the term you are looking for is 'elitism'.
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby |Erasmus| » Wed Jun 18, 2008 12:29 am UTC

I have described myself as such in the past.

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby arcticfox.sq » Wed Jun 18, 2008 1:48 am UTC

Hmm. I guess the conditions are different up here in Canada. We have a specific team of people with the job title:Crew Trainer. They train the new people in addition to the regular responsibilities, and it's the first promotion if you're on your way to becoming manager. Three days of 4 h/day training is mandatory for every new employee so my boss doesn't like to fire people if he can help it since it costs a lot to train a new guy. And I'm not sure but I think there was some sort of policy against havin a student work during school hours, though I know one guy who did skip school to work anyways.
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby Sarr » Wed Jun 18, 2008 1:59 am UTC

Well, it wasn't a retail job, but I just started an internship today. My boss is going to a party-thing with some of his best customers, and he ordered some custom m&ms with the company logo and stuffs on it. As the new guy, I got the job of pouring them into bags. Then I got through a box of the m&ms, and it became clear we weren't going to have enough for the 300 bags. So then I had to re-balance the bags I had already done (they were fairly full) and pour the rest at this new fullness. 2 bloody hours of this later, I finished all the m&ms off - 246 bags.


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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby |Erasmus| » Wed Jun 18, 2008 2:29 am UTC

arcticfox.sq wrote:Hmm. mI guess the conditions are different up here in Canada. We have a specific team of people with the job title:Crew Trainer. They train the new people in addition to the regular responsibilities, and it's the first promotion if you're on your way to becoming manager. Three days of 4 h/day training is mandatory for every new employee so my boss doesn't like to fire people if he can help it since it costs a lot to train a new guy. And I'm not sure but I think there was some sort of policy against havin a student work during school hours, though I know one guy who did skip school to work anyways.


I was technically a crew trainer (my store manager told me I was, I trained crew, did the paperwork associated with it, and had it on my name tag) but my boss never gave me the pay raise (eventually that store manager came back from maternity leave and I got her to give it to me.

Moral of the story: my boss was an idiot. His store -did- have the highest profit margins in the country (not largest amount of profit, but he made the most money based on the sales) because did not spend money. Plenty of shoddy equipment (lots of stuff that Evan and I put back together using tape) and he'd always have his 15 year old school kids working every possible shift.

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby arcticfox.sq » Wed Jun 18, 2008 3:12 am UTC

Cool, I was crew trainer too, but my store did everything by the books since it was one of the biggest ones in the city, and the Big Boss had an office there and visited regularily. Things did get hectic once in a while anyways, I remember one time where the whole shift consised of new people being trained and their trainers, front and back. That was during rush hour too. Ah... the good ol' days.
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby 3fj » Wed Jun 18, 2008 5:10 pm UTC

Do people often get crack addicts chasing each other into the work area and running out the fire escape?

Fucking... What!? i just cleaned that bench! Bastards!
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby Rippy » Wed Jun 18, 2008 11:51 pm UTC

What I both hate and find amusing at the same time is, as a department store worker, when people ask for your opinion on a particular product. I'll get brought over the the cordless phones (when clearly carting around something completely unrelated to electronics), and the person will ask me "what's the range like on this phone? Is 5.8Ghz good? Why is this one $5 more than the other one when they basically look the same?" Unfortunately, I have not rigorously tested and used every single phone on the shelf. Neither have the people from the respective department. Because that would be stupid. Usually I just say whatever they want to hear and then get the hell out of there.

I mean, you could always go to a specialty store where the people are trained to know about the products. But in a department store, with thousands of products, you can't expect an employee to give you expert advice on some random phone.

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby wing » Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:23 am UTC

Torvaun wrote:
3fj wrote:
Torvaun wrote:Be able to deal with your coworkers. If you want to know more about this, ask me about getting fired from Taco Bell.


Consider yourself asked :D

Note to self: Next time I invite inquiry, have an interesting story to answer it. Fast version: There is no amount of competence that will protect you from the consequences of calling your boss an idiot.


Yes there is. You just have to go to the district manager with Myspace printouts and signed statements from coworkers and threatening to sue the company for sexual harassment - AND THEN you can call your boss an idiot. And even then, this is only valid if your boss is currently the subject of an internal investigation for stealing $75,000 off the top of revenues.

This is what my GF is dealing with - her boss steals prettymuch the ENTIRE cash take, sexually harasses her in person ("show me your tits or no lunch" is pretty clear cut. She went on lunch anyway and is now "fired"), and talks smack on the internets.

This statement falls in the "no matter how bad your horror story is, it could always get more horrible" category.
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby arcticfox.sq » Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:04 am UTC

3fj wrote:Do people often get crack addicts chasing each other into the work area and running out the fire escape?

Fucking... What!? i just cleaned that bench! Bastards!


Er... no but we did get this random dude who walked in drunk and peed on the floor while ordering...
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby wing » Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:25 am UTC

arcticfox.sq wrote:
3fj wrote:Do people often get crack addicts chasing each other into the work area and running out the fire escape?

Fucking... What!? i just cleaned that bench! Bastards!


Er... no but we did get this random dude who walked in drunk and peed on the floor while ordering...

Sorry about that.
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby |Erasmus| » Thu Jun 19, 2008 7:57 am UTC

arcticfox.sq wrote:
3fj wrote:Do people often get crack addicts chasing each other into the work area and running out the fire escape?

Fucking... What!? i just cleaned that bench! Bastards!


Er... no but we did get this random dude who walked in drunk and peed on the floor while ordering...


I had to make one of my managers leave the store after he came in while drunk and started spraying tomato sauce over stuff I had already cleaned.

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby CorranH » Thu Jun 19, 2008 9:23 am UTC

I just got a job at Wal-Mart.

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby pollywog » Thu Jun 19, 2008 11:11 am UTC

pseudoidiot wrote:I actually know someone who stores coins and other sundries in her bra. *shudder*


I know a lot of people that do this. I assumed it was normal. My sister Hera keeps her phone in her bra at work, so she know when she gets a message, and the supervisors tend to check pockets. When I was last hanging out with my mate, we went to the supermarket I used to work at, and she pulled $10 out of her tit and gave it to me. It seems like a smart place to keep things like that to me.

Not really a terrifying tale, but an example of how people can be annoying. When I was working at this supermarket, there was this old woman who would come in and chat with the staff. One of those "Everyone I know is dead, and my children never speak to me" types. So she comes up to me, and says:
Her: "I'm looking for a type of muffin I bought last time I was here"
Me: *blank stare*
Her: "It was delicious, but I finished them all too fast. You don't know where they are, do you?"
Me: *pointed stare at selection of muffins 2 feet away*
Her: "I've looked all over here, but I can't see them anywhere"
Me: "I'm sorry, but we no longer have those in stock"
Her: "Oh well. I probably wouldn't have enjoyed them anyway. It would have cost far too much to buy butter to put on them. I looked just now, and it was $5 a pound"
Me, having risen out of dead-eyed apathy: "Yeah, it's horrendous, isn't it"
Her: "It's all the Yank's (apos?) fault, you know"
Me: "Well, the butter is made here..."
Her: "No, it's the Americans. Driving up food prices to cause a global depression."
Me, sinking back in to apathy: *grunt*
Her: "Well, I've already got my supplies. 20 kilograms of milk powder, and rolled oats, and lots of bottled water"

She went on to tell me all the rest of her doomsday plans, before asking me if I knew where her husband was. I saw her every week I worked there, but never knew she was married. I almost said "Ma'am, you're old and senile, and it's winter. If there ever comes a time when you need to make milk out of powder, you're going to fucking die. Please go away". (This story is more about how much of a shit person I am.
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby Pixel » Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:20 pm UTC

I have little to contribute to this thread as my last retail job was five years ago *choir of angels*, but for those working retail I suggest you read The Acts of Gord for an example of *awesome* tales of retail (that it is a video game shop is just that much more awesome).
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby Torvaun » Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:26 pm UTC

Pixel wrote:I have little to contribute to this thread as my last retail job was five years ago *choir of angels*, but for those working retail I suggest you read The Acts of Gord for an example of *awesome* tales of retail (that it is a video game shop is just that much more awesome).

Hey, why didn't I think to post that link? Seriously, go read it, people.
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby hideki101 » Thu Jun 19, 2008 10:06 pm UTC

Wow. I have all new respect for people in my neighborhood and for you guys. I worked for four months at a grocery store near my home, and only once did I get a loud-mouthed customer. She was asking for cigarettes, and when I asked for ID, she couldn't find it, so I couldn't sell it to her. She then ranted on about how old she looked, and demanded to see the manager. He told her the same thing, so she stormed out.

Every one else was amazingly polite about things. once I was having trouble with my register, it kept on crashing. Like every time it restarted. For 30 FRAGGING MINUTES. The lady I was checking out was amazingly patient, the assistant manager finally took her to check out at the video department and gave her a coupon for next time.
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby 3fj » Fri Jun 20, 2008 10:40 am UTC

Caffeine-Enduced-High-Before-7-Hour-Shift-tiem!
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby PatrickRsGhost » Fri Jun 20, 2008 12:17 pm UTC

hideki101 wrote:Every one else was amazingly polite about things. once I was having trouble with my register, it kept on crashing. Like every time it restarted. For 30 FRAGGING MINUTES. The lady I was checking out was amazingly patient, the assistant manager finally took her to check out at the video department and gave her a coupon for next time.


I've had a similar problem when I worked at K-Mart. I was working a front register that wasn't taking checks (cheques for those outside the US) to save my life. Oh, it took them...if I whacked the back of the register hard enough. I think there was some loose wire or something. Some would say "if you're having problems running a check, I'll just use my credit/debit card." So I'd hand them back the check, especially if it didn't take, and they'd use their credit/debit card instead.

I remember one time we had a power outage due to a storm. None of the registers were working. All the scanners were down, so the only way we could enter purchases was to manually enter the UPC codes. This can be very time-consuming, especially when you're working with only the emergency lights and the light coming in through the front doors. The problem we had was that everything we rang up came up "Not On File." I wasn't clocked in yet (always got in 15 to 30 minutes early), but I helped out a bit. I was standing at one register with another associate and told them to log off their register. They did. I told them to log all the way off, as if they were closing down their register at the end of their shift, or at closing time. The drawer will open, where they would take out the till, place the till in the register closing bag, and turn it in to the cash office. The associate closed out the register, the drawer opened, they closed it back, and I said "now sign in to open it up." They did, and entered a UPC code. It worked. I didn't know exactly how things worked in the back, but I had presumed that it was the only way to get the register to work properly on back-up power and a back-up system.

Most of the customers had left the store without purchasing anything. No, they didn't shoplift. They just left their carts, still full of items, somewhere in the store and went home when we asked everyone to go home. We ended up putting everything back on the shelves, straightening the shelves, and by the time the power came back on (30 minutes before closing time), the store was the neatest it had ever been.

During the outage, we had one customer come up to purchase a flashlight and some batteries for her mother who was in a nearby nursing home. The manager wrote up a receipt the old-fashioned way, and she paid with cash. He opened a till, took out the change needed, and when the power came back on I think he had to ring it up using another item off the shelf, or else enter the UPCs manually.

We had all grabbed batteries and flashlights off the shelves in order to see what we were doing. I clearly remember placing the flashlight on one shelf, while straightening the items on another shelf across the aisle.
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby Meowgan » Fri Jun 20, 2008 1:46 pm UTC

I was at work tonight and two junkies came in (Aside from the other 20+ junkies who came into the shop over the 5 hours I was there). Apparently they went to one of the other pharmacies in town so one of them could get a prescription, the pharmacist there told them that the script was forged. The pharmacist in that shop was Indian, I'm told. So they came into the shop and made a lot of noise and disrupted the customers by telling me and the pharmacist about how racist this other pharmacist was and how their fathers had fought in the wars and the country's going to pot. Turns out the script wasn't forged, the other pharmacist just didn't want junkies in his shop.

So yeah, the country's gone to pot and I don't actually care. Just shush up and wait. There's only one customer before you.
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby emceng » Fri Jun 20, 2008 8:16 pm UTC

I haven't worked retail much, but I will share a few quick stories.

I worked as a stocker doing graveyard at a Wal-Mart one summer in college. It was a crap job, but on the upside I was able to take off 3 weeks in the middle of summer to go on vacation with my family.

One night there were some teens in the store, presumably shopping for school supplies. They asked another employee a question:

"Where can I find a thesaurus?"
"I don't know what that is."


Also super fun - about a week after I started this skinny, hot blonde chick started working there. We chatted a little bit, then she invited me to start going to lunch with her. We hung out, BSed about different things, flirted all that. After like two weeks, we were sitting in the lunch room talking about how hot it was and how it was hard to sleep. I was saying "yeah, I like having a fan blowing on me when I go to sleep. It's also nice because I don't have A/C." She comes back with "My boyfriend and I sleep with a fan too."

Great. You couldn't have mentioned your boyfriend before this?


A story from my sister's one friend: She was working at a coffee shop in Alaska and got a number of strange customers. One day a guy walks in, orders a muffin and pays for it. They give it to him. He sets it on the counter, shouts "Muffins are for smashing!", and brings his fist down on it. The man then walked out of the store.
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby 3fj » Sat Jun 21, 2008 4:41 pm UTC

that is AWESOME!

[/irrelevant post]
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby BattleMoose » Wed Jul 02, 2008 9:09 pm UTC

A story from my sister's one friend: She was working at a coffee shop in Alaska and got a number of strange customers. One day a guy walks in, orders a muffin and pays for it. They give it to him. He sets it on the counter, shouts "Muffins are for smashing!", and brings his fist down on it. The man then walked out of the store.


My hero!

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby Takran » Thu Jul 03, 2008 6:15 pm UTC

emceng wrote:A story from my sister's one friend: She was working at a coffee shop in Alaska and got a number of strange customers. One day a guy walks in, orders a muffin and pays for it. They give it to him. He sets it on the counter, shouts "Muffins are for smashing!", and brings his fist down on it. The man then walked out of the store.


I do believe that is the best story ever.

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby Alomax » Thu Jul 03, 2008 8:01 pm UTC

Pixel wrote:I have little to contribute to this thread as my last retail job was five years ago *choir of angels*, but for those working retail I suggest you read The Acts of Gord for an example of *awesome* tales of retail (that it is a video game shop is just that much more awesome).


A must-read site for anyone who has ever had a job. Anywhere. I love this site. I've read it through at least 3-4 times in the last few years, each time I spontaneously remember it.

For those curious few who wonder about the ultimate fate of the Gord after the Book of Apocalypse - he is now safe and sound running a LAN shop in Kelowna, BC, Canada. http://www.pcbang.ca/
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby tryptanymph » Thu Jul 03, 2008 10:20 pm UTC

Okay... my dad says he might be able to get me a job in a 3 Mobile store. 'Cos he works for 3, and he knows the manager of the 3 store in Leeds.

...I'm going to be selling mobile phones to fools... O.o
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby Daelar » Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:51 pm UTC

3 seems an OK place to work, my mate says he's never really had problems there.

Not like my time at Tesco, eurgh. Frozen department at Christmas "sorry but we've run out of turkey". We had to get 2 extra security in at Christmas to break up some fights and generally keep the peace. It being the country's largest Tesco store, it was fairly common too.

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby hestia » Fri Jul 04, 2008 4:56 am UTC

I work at Geek Squad so we get lots of fun customers at various levels of anger being that, you know, nobody is in a good mood when their computer is broken.

My biggest pet peeve is when people slam their rather expensive piece of technology on my counter and announce "It doesn't work! Fix it!" It would not be so bad if they didn't get irritated when I asked them what is going wrong. I also hate when people think I can fix things in a matter of seconds. We have considered buying a plastic fairy wand to keep under the counter for these people. We were hoping that when they yelled "WHAT! IT WILL TAKE A FEW HOURS TO CREATE RESTORE DISCS?!" that we could just wave the wand over the computer and say "poof!" but our manager nixed the idea.
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Sartorius
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby Sartorius » Fri Jul 04, 2008 5:41 am UTC

msfayzer wrote:I work at Geek Squad so we get lots of fun customers at various levels of anger being that, you know, nobody is in a good mood when their computer is broken.


My sister-in-law works at the call center for Geek Squad. She has some pretty interesting stories, but I don't think I'd do them justice.
"Give a man a fire and he's warm for the day. But set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett

yarian
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby yarian » Tue Jul 29, 2008 6:23 am UTC

I worked once in a shoe store, and it wasn't a high-price shoe store so I got a lot of stupid customers all the time.

Think regular retail is bad, try selling the same product but in five to seven different versions (sizes).
Funniest part of it was that customers would create small talk with me and try to be friendly while I was being bombarded with shoe requests from ten other angry customers during Black Friday.

My favorite part HAD to be organizing the clearance sale and then standing for twenty minutes while customers made a complete mess of it or being sent to look for the same shoe more than once if the customer was not satisfied with my response when I told them "We don't have the shoe anymore."

When all songs are sung, it wasn't so bad :wink:

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ParanoidAndroid
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby ParanoidAndroid » Tue Jul 29, 2008 7:19 am UTC

I'm a night shift worker at Chick-fil-a. Well, at least until I leave for college. Since I'll still be on the payroll, I'll also be eligible for a CFA scholarship. :D

Strange things happen at Chick-fil-a at night. We've had orders for toast, entire fried chickens, hot dogs, and chicken gizzards. We've had requests for Pomeranian Sauce ("Uh, you men Polynesian Sauce?") and countless "way-full" (waffle?) fry orders. Well, it is an agricultural region in the South...And, of course, there's always those 9:45 charter buses and huge orders.

The first things you have to accept when you start working here:
1) You will eventually slip and fall. It will hurt, and everyone will laugh.
2) You will eventually receive a painful burn from one of the toasters or warmers. Get used to them.

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cypherspace
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby cypherspace » Tue Jul 29, 2008 9:33 am UTC

sleepygamer wrote:Okay... my dad says he might be able to get me a job in a 3 Mobile store. 'Cos he works for 3, and he knows the manager of the 3 store in Leeds.

...I'm going to be selling mobile phones to fools... O.o

Look, in almost any retail job, you will be selling things to fools. In almost any job, you will be dealing with fools. Get used to fools.
"It was like five in the morning and he said he'd show me his hamster"

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Mercurius
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: Bill Gates Calls It Opprotunity!

Postby Mercurius » Tue Jul 29, 2008 4:03 pm UTC

I haven't worked retail in the past couple of years, but I'll relate the story that still makes me laugh to this day.

I used to work in a fairly busy Chinese takeaway in my town. Just Friday and Saturday nights, I'd take orders, help in the kitchen, do stock-taking, answer the phone...general stuff.

Anyway, this night was busy from the word go. I walked in and had about 3 or 4 people try to get their orders in first. And then, this infuriating woman appeared. You know how you look at someone, and you immediately know they are going to be a complete pain in the ass? She had this look all over her face, like someone had just told her she was fired, and lost all her savings on the same day. She was pissy and arrogant and pushing in front of everyone else, almost using her kid as a human shield, daring the other customers to push a 5 year old out of the way.

Getting up to me, she demands "do you do any onion rings?"

Now, we have the menu up pretty much all over this store. There are two copies of it in the window, another two in the shop itself, and there are copies of the menu on pretty much every flat surface inside. Does it say we do any bloody onion rings? No, it doesn't, so piss off. Unfortunately, I know my boss occasionally does special meals which aren't listed, if he has the ingredients to do so. So I tell her "its not listed, however I'll go ask the owner and see if he can do you some."

So off I trundel to the backrooms, where he is washing out a wok and ask him if he can do that. No dice, he says. The only batter he has is for the pineapple rings, which are fairly popular, and he hasn't got many onions, certainly not any cut into rings either. Fair enough. I go back and tell the woman "we don't have any onion rings. But we do have fried onions with beansprouts in the house sauce, if that is a good enough substitute." She nods, so I write down the order and charge her the £1.70 or whatever it was for the meal.

Its very important to note that I said "we don't have any onion rings." I said it twice, clearly, that we do not have them, and offered a substitute, like any good store assistant would. And she took me up on my offer. We made the fried onions, packed them and bought them out. She practically snatched them from my hand and ran out. I shrugged, and got on with serving everyone else.

After that rush, it was pretty quiet. I like that. Quiet nights mean I can mope around and watch TV, or read the paper, and get paid for it. Its a tough gig, but someone has to do it! Anyway, I'm there watching the Channel 4 news, when suddenly, Ms Bitchface bursts back in, this time without her kid in tow. She immediately starts ranting and raving at me about how she wanted onion rings and I had given her fried onion and how this was terrible and it had ruined her life or something. I told her once, kindly but firmly, that I had informed her we had no rings, and she went ahead and made an order anyway. Of course, my politeness was taken as a sign of weakness and she started shouting even louder about this being a terrible outrage and violation of her human rights etc etc ad nauseum.

By this point, I had lost my patience. Fortunately, my boss knows only too well what its like dealing with dickheads with a totally unwarranted sense of entitlement. So I told her to shove her demands for a refund and to get the hell out. I don't have to take this shit, and she knew exactly what she was ordering. Go tell someone who gives a fuck. She stormed out, and I went back to my program.

About half an hour later, I then got a phonecall from a man, asking if this was, and I quote "the prick at the store front of the Chinese?" I told him I prefer to think of myself as an "assclown", which seemed to upset him. He then went on to talk about how I had terribly disrespected his wife and then went on to give me a number of low-grade, bad movie cliche style threats, such as "you better watch the shadows when you clock off, you gobby little shit" etc etc. I nodded and agreed my way through his psychotic breakdown, trying not to laugh, then read out his home phone number to him, once he had finished. I asked him to confirm the number, which he did in a sort of nonplussed voice. I then thanked him for helping the police make their job easier, and hung up.

Needless to say, nothing happened. I clock off well before the takeaway actually closes, and besides, spending your evenings with people who wield carving knives with the sort of accuracy and speed you would not believe tends to make one less worried about potential tough guys walking in on you.

I just found it so pointless. Getting wound up, making threats over the phone....over some fucking fried onion that cost less than £2? Fuck me, do these people actually have lives?
You know, I'm not really sure what "socioeconomic class" I am. I'm richer than my parents, I don't have a real job, and my mannerisms tend to match up with whomever I'm talking to.

...is "con man" a social class?

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TheAmazingRando
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: Bill Gates Calls It Opprotunity!

Postby TheAmazingRando » Wed Jul 30, 2008 6:10 am UTC

I don't do sales, but I work stock in the kid's section of an upscale department store well known for its customer service. I've heard stories of stock techs finding mayonnaise in returned jars of skin cream. One guy opened a returned box in cosmetics that had a potato in it. People routinely return bottles of perfume that are ~90% empty. But, the store's policy is to accept any and all returns. I just wonder how anyone could have so little dignity as to blatantly falsify a return.

But, while I don't sell the product, I stock all of it, and quite frankly I don't think I could sell it in good conscious. We're talking $150 jackets for infants that are sized by month. Who the hell pays $150 for a jacket their six-month-old baby will grow out of in three months? Dressing babies fashionably has got to be one of the biggest wastes of money I can think of. That and designer jeans for a seven-year-old. I heard a little girl, who couldn't have been older than seven, explaining to a sales clerk exactly what she wanted in a pair of $100 jeans. I'm not convinced anyone can tell the difference in feel between regular and designer jeans, much less a child.

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby lowbart » Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:37 pm UTC

pollywog wrote:
pseudoidiot wrote:I actually know someone who stores coins and other sundries in her bra. *shudder*

I know a lot of people that do this. I assumed it was normal. My sister Hera keeps her phone in her bra at work, so she know when she gets a message, and the supervisors tend to check pockets.


Eh?
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby Torvaun » Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:45 pm UTC

lowbart wrote:
pollywog wrote:
pseudoidiot wrote:I actually know someone who stores coins and other sundries in her bra. *shudder*

I know a lot of people that do this. I assumed it was normal. My sister Hera keeps her phone in her bra at work, so she know when she gets a message, and the supervisors tend to check pockets.


Eh?

Presumably you're not supposed to have a cell phone at her work.
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