What if's?

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Zohar
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What if's?

Postby Zohar » Sun Jan 20, 2008 12:52 pm UTC

How do you get rid of them? What if someone is in a good situation but keeps thinking "what if I had done something differently? Would I have been this happy? Would I have been worse off?", any tips on how to stop these thoughts? There are actions I performed more than ten years ago that I still question and wonder about. Is there really something to do about it, in your opinion and/or experience?
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tylerwylie
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Re: What if's?

Postby tylerwylie » Sun Jan 20, 2008 12:58 pm UTC

It happened the way it was supposed to happen, all our choices have been already made, your destiny is planned.


^I do not believe this but it cures what-if syndrome.
Who are you and who am I
To say we know the reason why?
Some are born; some men die
Beneath one infinite sky.
There'll be war, there'll be peace.
But everything one day will cease.
All the iron turned to rust;
All the proud men turned to dust.

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Zohar
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Re: What if's?

Postby Zohar » Sun Jan 20, 2008 2:02 pm UTC

I don't believe in freedom of choice either. But even religious people have problems. While they may believe that everything is going according to god's plan, they don't know what it is and some "decisions" might seem very strange (I won't mention examples because I don't want to invoke Godwin's law. :-P )
Mighty Jalapeno: "See, Zohar agrees, and he's nice to people."
SecondTalon: "Still better looking than Jesus."

Not how I say my name

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null
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Re: What if's?

Postby null » Sun Jan 20, 2008 3:41 pm UTC

Predeterminism makes my brain hurt.

Whats happened in the past cannot be changed. You may be able to remedie problems caused in the past with your future actions however...

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jestingrabbit
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Re: What if's?

Postby jestingrabbit » Sun Jan 20, 2008 4:09 pm UTC

Ultimately, your decisions make up a large part of who you are. If you're happy with who you are now, you tend not to have the what ifs, or if you do have them you can say "if I'd made different choices, I wouldn't be who I am now, and I like who I am now". Or, usually you have some rosy view of what would have happened: consider if you'd taken that other path and then bad shit just started to come at you from everywhere. For instance, I used to wish I'd gotten together with a particular girl, but what if she'd been a lazy nag who hounded me all the time? What if we weren't even a little bit suited and I was just delusional? etc

Counter what ifs with 1) what ifs of your what ifs, and 2) confidence in the fact that who you are now is okay.
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Re: What if's?

Postby keozen » Sun Jan 20, 2008 4:56 pm UTC

Here's a good one "What if you had used all the time you've ever spent thinking 'what if' to think of other things? How different would your life have been?"

or simple things like what if your middle name had been your first name and vica versa???
Image

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Zohar
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Re: What if's?

Postby Zohar » Sun Jan 20, 2008 5:05 pm UTC

I'll clarify the situation a bit. A friend of mind just started dating a guy and he's constantly thinking of "Is he right for me? Could we work? Will my friends like him?" etc. So that's specifically what I was asking about.
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Miles Invictus
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Re: What if's?

Postby Miles Invictus » Mon Jan 21, 2008 5:10 am UTC

Your friend just barely started dating this guy, and is already worried about that kind of stuff?

Roll up a newspaper and smack your friend on the nose. Repeat as necessary. Your friend will thank you later.

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H.E.L.e.N.
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Re: What if's?

Postby H.E.L.e.N. » Mon Jan 21, 2008 5:26 am UTC

Zohar wrote:How do you get rid of them? What if someone is in a good situation but keeps thinking "what if I had done something differently? Would I have been this happy? Would I have been worse off?", any tips on how to stop these thoughts? There are actions I performed more than ten years ago that I still question and wonder about. Is there really something to do about it, in your opinion and/or experience?


I used to be far more bothered by these types of thoughts than I am now, so I believe they *can* be gotten over, but I'm not so sure I can give a concrete recommendation on how. I always used to worry about saying the wrong thing, but once I started talking more, it was harder to remember what I said all the time, and I think I kind of forgot to be embarrassed about it. I can stop agonizing over choices once those choices are removed (I was between three majors at one point, then realized I didn't want *any* of them; the fourth option was awesome enough that I could just throw the what-ifs aside). I don't think about stuff I did ten years ago because I think I've accepted that I couldn't have acted differently, knowing what I did, and knowing what I do now, I'm better. And I believe that, which is maybe why I'm less preoccupied.

But major life changes/relationships are a whole other thing that I'm not really qualified to talk about.


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