Raptor versus Metroid

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Raptor versus Metroid

Postby akashra » Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:19 am UTC

Note: The entire contents of this thread is designed to be completely humorous and nothing more than a waste of time. I apologize in advance if it turns into a full-scale religious war :)
So, I was posting in another thread, and happened to mention the creature which I believe is seriously the freakiest, most badass and scary creature ever fathomed - the Metroid.
And it got me thinking, wait, we have a forum of Raptor worshipers here, and I came up with a conundrum:

A Metroid and a Raptor come eye to eye.
Who wins?
Discuss.

My money is on the Metroid.
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby espire » Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:20 am UTC

akashra wrote:A Metroid and a Raptor come eye to eye.


Metroids don't have eyes. Raptors win by default.
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby akashra » Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:22 am UTC

espire wrote:
akashra wrote:A Metroid and a Raptor come eye to eye.


Metroids don't have eyes. Raptors win by default.

Yet somehow, time after time, they still manage to attach themselves firmly to Samus's head.

Eyes or not, they can find their way around.
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby Princess Marzipan » Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:23 am UTC

Claws aren't much good against a flying energy being that latches onto your face and sucks the life out of you.

Metroid all the way.
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby SecondTalon » Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:25 am UTC

Yeah, but they can't open doors. Raptors will eventually just trap them all in houses or something.
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby Belial » Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:27 am UTC

SecondTalon wrote:Yeah, but they can't open doors. Raptors will eventually just trap them all in houses or something.


Not only that, but when metroids attempt to pass *through* doors, they explode inexplicably. (Seriously, try this in metroid prime. It's comedy gold.)

Due to their energy vampire tendencies, one can assume this has something to do with some contortion of the vampire restriction about entering homes uninvited.

So the raptor wins.
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby ++$_ » Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:33 am UTC

One raptor might have trouble fighting one metroid, but raptors do not travel alone. This will allow them to outsmart the metroids and employ pack-hunting tactics.

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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby Morphing Ball » Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:38 am UTC

Raptors don't stand a chance. Especially if the mutated Metroids from Metroid II show up.

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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby PhantomReality » Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:55 am UTC

Well I look at Riley or however you spell that flying dragon space pirate weapon's name as a sort of raptor, though i can't remember if he/she/it ever encountered a metroid but that would kinda settle the dispute wouldn't it? kinda...
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby akashra » Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:56 am UTC

Ridley breathes fire though, and can fly. Raptors do not do either. Ridley has a significant advantage.
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby espire » Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:57 am UTC

Raptor vs. Metroid?

Batman wins.
DANGER! RAPTORS! IT'S SAFE HERE

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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby Upsilon » Tue Feb 26, 2008 1:01 am UTC

The Metroid latches onto the raptor's head. The raptor in question flails about for a bit, possibly injuring other raptors, since they never travel alone. The Metroid continues to drain all of the raptors. The Metroid "eats" too much and explodes.

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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby Princess Marzipan » Tue Feb 26, 2008 1:56 am UTC

Whoa whoa whoa whoa. Whoa.

Whoa.

You can't just say "raptors don't travel alone, therefore they will gang up on an attacking metroid." It's rapTOR vs metROID. Singular.

Metroid wins, claws/weird fang protrusions down.

Belial: The doors in Metroid Prime obviously emit some sort of electromagnetic energy that is instantaneously fatal to metroids.

If sufficient raptors attack insufficient metroids, raptors will win with casualties. Equal or with superior numbers of metroids, you have a slew of dusty fossils.
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby ducknerd » Tue Feb 26, 2008 3:37 am UTC

It depends. Do raptors have Ice Beam? Do raptors have power bombs?

I didn't think so.
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby DesperatMezures » Tue Feb 26, 2008 4:52 am UTC

That's odd, I could never get a metroid to actually get through a door in metroid prime. They always seemed to hit the door, and stop at the invisible wall in the door. Explosions never happened for me...

Perhaps I am, as the kids say, doin it rong?
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby Kag » Tue Feb 26, 2008 5:28 am UTC

Raptor instantly realizes that cold is the metroid's weakness, and heads for the poles, not having the requisite appendages or equipment for cold-based weaponry. Metroid does not give chase. Both die of starvation.

Tie.
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby Belial » Tue Feb 26, 2008 5:38 am UTC

Raptor instantly realizes that cold is the metroid's weakness, and heads for the poles, not having the requisite appendages or equipment for cold-based weaponry. Metroid does not give chase. Raptor feeds on tasty penguin meat, metroid dies of starvation. Raptor win.


Fixed
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby Azrael001 » Tue Feb 26, 2008 6:05 am UTC

Belial wrote:
Raptor instantly realizes that cold is the metroid's weakness, and heads for the poles, not having the requisite appendages or equipment for cold-based weaponry. Metroid does not give chase. Raptor freezes to death, metroid dies of starvation. Tie.


Fixed


Double fixed.
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby ++$_ » Tue Feb 26, 2008 6:16 am UTC

Azrael001 wrote:
Belial wrote:
Raptor instantly realizes that cold is the metroid's weakness, and heads for the poles, not having the requisite appendages or equipment for cold-based weaponry. Metroid does not give chase. Raptor freezes to death, metroid dies of starvation. Tie.


Fixed


Double fixed.
You are obviously not aware of the immense fortitude of the common-or-garden raptor. Belial is an expert on these things, I'm told, and you should probably not try to "fix" his posts on the subject.

He even looks a bit like a raptor, he's been studying them so hard.

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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby Princess Marzipan » Tue Feb 26, 2008 6:22 am UTC

I heard his top hat is actually Frosty's, and its magic keeps him from BECOMING a raptor.
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby ++$_ » Tue Feb 26, 2008 6:24 am UTC

Nougatrocity wrote:I heard his top hat is actually Frosty's, and its magic keeps him from BECOMING a raptor.
So... what happened to Frosty, then?

Uh oh.

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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby Kag » Tue Feb 26, 2008 7:35 am UTC

Belial wrote:
Raptor instantly realizes that cold is the metroid's weakness, and heads for the poles, not having the requisite appendages or equipment for cold-based weaponry. Metroid does not give chase. Raptor feeds on tasty penguin meat, metroid dies of starvation. Raptor win.


Fixed


If we assume that penguins are available, then the metroid is equally able to feed on pretty much any living thing.

Edit: Metroid is fictional. Raptor win.
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby Upsilon » Tue Feb 26, 2008 1:23 pm UTC

Kag wrote:Metroid is fictional. Raptor win.

Raptor is extinct.

Tie.
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby MFHodge » Tue Feb 26, 2008 2:14 pm UTC

Upsilon wrote:Raptor is extinct.

The only reason you would say this is if you are one.

I'm pretty sure that the metroid would consume the raptor, and then the sequal would have a planet that was overcome with hybrid Raptroids.
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby Princess Marzipan » Tue Feb 26, 2008 2:15 pm UTC

VTHodge wrote:hybrid Raptroids.


THANKS, NOW I CAN NEVER SLEEP AGAIN.
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby MFHodge » Tue Feb 26, 2008 2:16 pm UTC

Dude, doesn't Samus live in your apartment?
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby Princess Marzipan » Tue Feb 26, 2008 2:19 pm UTC

...I would thank you, but you've only undone your own damage.

To you, sir, I say nothing, but not in a cold way, but not in a friendly way either. *blank look*
"It's Saturday night. I've got no date, a two-liter of Shasta, and my all-Rush mixtape. Let's rock!"
"I am just about to be brilliant!"
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Re: Raptor versus Metroid

Postby The Mighty Thesaurus » Tue Feb 26, 2008 2:24 pm UTC

He is a broken refrigerator.
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