Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

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Sandry
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Sandry » Tue Jun 21, 2011 4:57 am UTC

Confession: some days I just feel like no one actually cares about me at all. Sometimes what I feel is profoundly unloved.

I know I have friends who care. Just somehow it doesn't seem like my brain acknowledges them, or doesn't believe they are legitimately friends, or something. Or possibly that really it's only one person who actually cares, and that I'm not even particularly important to that one person.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm throwing concern, respect and love into a void that never gives back. Sometimes I feel like it's not even worth putting out the effort anymore.

Sometimes I feel like having friends is a contest that I never really saw the rules for, and that I'm losing.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby KestrelLowing » Tue Jun 21, 2011 5:41 am UTC

I should have gone to bed 3 hours ago. I've got work in the morning. I don't want to go to bed become tomorrow comes quicker. I am profoundly unhappy. I hate this city, I hate this job, and I really don't think that I can say that because I'm supposed to be so lucky.

I think everyone's finally going to learn I don't deserve any of this. I don't deserve the co-op, I don't deserve the scholarship, and I'm actually really stupid.

I hate middle of the night paranoid thinking.

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby I Am Raven » Tue Jun 21, 2011 12:58 pm UTC

Confession: I almost was a dad in 9 months yesterday. Good thing neither of us freaked out, but got "The Pill". Boy was I scared there for a second. :shock:
Ptolom wrote:penis

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby roband » Tue Jun 21, 2011 1:01 pm UTC

I Am Raven wrote:Confession: I almost was a dad in 9 months yesterday. Good thing neither of us freaked out, but got "The Pill". Boy was I scared there for a second. :shock:

Been there. Very scary.

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Sokh » Tue Jun 21, 2011 1:11 pm UTC

Also been there and yea, very very scary.

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Kewangji » Tue Jun 21, 2011 2:28 pm UTC

Was there, found out about it three weeks later.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby existential_elevator » Tue Jun 21, 2011 2:35 pm UTC

Sandry wrote:Confession: some days I just feel like no one actually cares about me at all. Sometimes what I feel is profoundly unloved.

I know I have friends who care. Just somehow it doesn't seem like my brain acknowledges them, or doesn't believe they are legitimately friends, or something. Or possibly that really it's only one person who actually cares, and that I'm not even particularly important to that one person.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm throwing concern, respect and love into a void that never gives back. Sometimes I feel like it's not even worth putting out the effort anymore.
As a very incidental figure in your life: you are awesome and regularly make me smile. I sincerely hope the universe throws back some of the love you give it once in a while.

Sandry wrote:Sometimes I feel like having friends is a contest that I never really saw the rules for, and that I'm losing.
This is something I very much relate to. Other people seem so good at it - do they know something we don't?

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby I Am Raven » Tue Jun 21, 2011 2:39 pm UTC

Kewangji wrote:Was there, found out about it three weeks later.

That sounds scarier.
Ptolom wrote:penis

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby pseudoidiot » Tue Jun 21, 2011 2:42 pm UTC

Derailed : Gaming Outside the Box.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby DaBigCheez » Tue Jun 21, 2011 4:59 pm UTC

KestrelLowing wrote:I should have gone to bed 3 hours ago. I've got work in the morning. I don't want to go to bed become tomorrow comes quicker. I am profoundly unhappy. I hate this city, I hate this job, and I really don't think that I can say that because I'm supposed to be so lucky.

I think everyone's finally going to learn I don't deserve any of this. I don't deserve the co-op, I don't deserve the scholarship, and I'm actually really stupid.

I hate middle of the night paranoid thinking.


Wikipedia wrote:The impostor syndrome, sometimes called impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome, is a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments...Despite external evidence of their competence, those with the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be.


I've felt this way too - *hugs* for the unhappiness, and a big hugsqueeze for the "undeserving" feelings I know very well.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Moose Hole » Tue Jun 21, 2011 5:10 pm UTC

I had sex with your mom last night.

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby KestrelLowing » Tue Jun 21, 2011 5:15 pm UTC

DaBigCheez wrote:
KestrelLowing wrote:I should have gone to bed 3 hours ago. I've got work in the morning. I don't want to go to bed become tomorrow comes quicker. I am profoundly unhappy. I hate this city, I hate this job, and I really don't think that I can say that because I'm supposed to be so lucky.

I think everyone's finally going to learn I don't deserve any of this. I don't deserve the co-op, I don't deserve the scholarship, and I'm actually really stupid.

I hate middle of the night paranoid thinking.


Wikipedia wrote:The impostor syndrome, sometimes called impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome, is a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments...Despite external evidence of their competence, those with the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be.


I've felt this way too - *hugs* for the unhappiness, and a big hugsqueeze for the "undeserving" feelings I know very well.


Thanks! The first time I heard of impostor syndrome, it was definitely a relief - I'm not the only one? But, it's a hard thought pattern to break out of. Oh well, at least my brain is functioning a bit better now than 2am in the morning. Daylight (and strawberries!) seems to make everything just a bit more bearable.

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Sandry » Tue Jun 21, 2011 5:26 pm UTC

e_e and pseudoidiot: Thanks <3
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Torvaun » Tue Jun 21, 2011 9:20 pm UTC

existential_elevator wrote:
Sandry wrote:Confession: some days I just feel like no one actually cares about me at all. Sometimes what I feel is profoundly unloved.

I know I have friends who care. Just somehow it doesn't seem like my brain acknowledges them, or doesn't believe they are legitimately friends, or something. Or possibly that really it's only one person who actually cares, and that I'm not even particularly important to that one person.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm throwing concern, respect and love into a void that never gives back. Sometimes I feel like it's not even worth putting out the effort anymore.
As a very incidental figure in your life: you are awesome and regularly make me smile. I sincerely hope the universe throws back some of the love you give it once in a while.

Sandry wrote:Sometimes I feel like having friends is a contest that I never really saw the rules for, and that I'm losing.
This is something I very much relate to. Other people seem so good at it - do they know something we don't?
The secret to happiness is lower standards. I believe the same applies to friends.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Fat Tony » Fri Jun 24, 2011 1:54 pm UTC

Above all else, I just feel...happy.
Confession: I haven't felt this consistently great in a good while.

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby fuzzycuzzy » Fri Jun 24, 2011 7:32 pm UTC

Fat Tony wrote:Above all else, I just feel...happy.
Confession: I haven't felt this consistently great in a good while.

we need more of that!

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Ptolom » Fri Jun 24, 2011 8:51 pm UTC

I finally have a plan for what I want to do with my life, at least to start with. I'm just slightly concerned it's incredibly stupid.

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby fuzzycuzzy » Fri Jun 24, 2011 10:59 pm UTC

Ptolom wrote:I finally have a plan for what I want to do with my life, at least to start with. I'm just slightly concerned it's incredibly stupid.

it's only stupid if you make your life out to be that way
(correct answer is no, it's not stupid: post it!)

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Ptolom » Sat Jun 25, 2011 8:31 pm UTC

I want to start a company that manufactures mounts telescope mounts. An oddly specific dream, I know, but I've long been fascinated by the way an equatorial mount moves in perfect opposition to the Earth it's sitting on. I've also invented a new kind of mount.
The problem is, I have absolutely no money, and my only income is from occasional freelance programming jobs. Also, I don't know whether my idea is marketable. I think it's awesome, but then it's my idea, and it's difficult to research people's attitude to something without first patenting it. On the other hand, patents are expensive, and I don't want to pay if there's no point. Catch 22 rears its ugly mug again.

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Kewangji » Sun Jun 26, 2011 12:36 pm UTC

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby podbaydoor » Mon Jun 27, 2011 5:08 pm UTC

Fess: For every thread that points out police abuses in N&A, I want to start a thread pointing out police who have died or been injured or suffer from PTSD because of their duties.

But I won't 'cause police abuse gets way more cachet in this forum.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby SecondTalon » Mon Jun 27, 2011 5:11 pm UTC

It's because of the position of trust the public has, and how hard the violations of that trust hurt.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby podbaydoor » Mon Jun 27, 2011 5:43 pm UTC

Sure. And I guess the human penchant for negative gossip will always prevail in any case, so a SWAT team shooting a dog grabs the headlines, while across town Officer Tommy catching a drunk driver before she can crash into an innocent is noted as routine.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Ptolom » Mon Jun 27, 2011 6:23 pm UTC

We should just be glad that it is news when police abuses like that happen.

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby podbaydoor » Mon Jun 27, 2011 6:38 pm UTC

My gripe isn't that police abuse makes it into the news. My gripe is that nothing else gets posted and contributes to a knee-jerk echochamber where the only words bouncing around are "thugs," "fuck," "brutality," "jerks," and "assholes." There is precious little "sacrifice," "injury," and "life-saving."
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby SecondTalon » Mon Jun 27, 2011 6:40 pm UTC

podbaydoor wrote:Sure. And I guess the human penchant for negative gossip will always prevail in any case, so a SWAT team shooting a dog grabs the headlines, while across town Officer Tommy catching a drunk driver before she can crash into an innocent is noted as routine.

I thought it was that the headline is that SWAT storms an apartment, shoots family dog when the reality was a beat cop was attacked by a rabid beaver outside of an apartment complex.
podbaydoor wrote:My gripe isn't that police abuse makes it into the news. My gripe is that nothing else gets posted and contributes to a knee-jerk echochamber where the only words bouncing around are "thugs," "fuck," "brutality," "jerks," and "assholes." There is precious little "sacrifice," "injury," and "life-saving."

You're going to N&A for sensible reactions? That's like going to SB for reasonable discourse.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby podbaydoor » Mon Jun 27, 2011 6:46 pm UTC

I guess I'm partially trying to make up for a time not too long ago when I was part of the echochamber. That was before I started making friends with military people, and going to prisons and talking to troopers as part of my job. And I learned some things that don't get written about in all the shrieking.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Thesh » Mon Jun 27, 2011 7:25 pm UTC

The problem is that there is a double standard for police. Let me offer an example:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41632205/ns ... its-force/

Now, the officer in question shot a man in the back who wasn't a threat to anyone, or even a criminal. If a citizen with a CCW permit did the same thing as the officer, he would be in jail facing murder charges (manslaughter at the very least). Fine, some officers are suffering from PTSD, but if said CCW holder was ex-military and suffering from PTSD, that wouldn't stop him from being prosecuted.

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby podbaydoor » Mon Jun 27, 2011 8:35 pm UTC

Yes, the circling wagons, silent blue line, etc. doesn't help. I pointed out in another thread that for various reasons, many people who apply for law enforcement jobs score higher on traits associated with psychopathy. But that's all anybody talks about. Plenty of citizens who are helped by law enforcement don't get publicized or even noticed. I'm not saying, hold a ticker-tape parade when a cop does his job. But just remember that on occasion, cops actually do their jobs.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Cheezwhiz Jenkins » Mon Jun 27, 2011 8:45 pm UTC

FWIW, although abuses of power make me angry (and police abusing their power no less so), that's not how I think of the police. (It's something I should probably be more vocal about.) To me, when I hear the word "police," I don't think about the jerk wad who pulled women over and said he won't give a ticket - in exchange for sexual favors. I think about the policeman (and I have never been able to find this story again since, although I've often looked) who protected a little boy from an exploding I-don't-remember-just-what with his body. I tend to like the police - the jerks are there, and it's not right, but I really don't think they're the rule or representative of all officers.

But maybe I'm just hellishly naive. :S
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby fuzzycuzzy » Tue Jun 28, 2011 6:19 am UTC

Ptolom wrote:I want to start a company that manufactures mounts telescope mounts. An oddly specific dream, I know, but I've long been fascinated by the way an equatorial mount moves in perfect opposition to the Earth it's sitting on. I've also invented a new kind of mount.
The problem is, I have absolutely no money, and my only income is from occasional freelance programming jobs. Also, I don't know whether my idea is marketable. I think it's awesome, but then it's my idea, and it's difficult to research people's attitude to something without first patenting it. On the other hand, patents are expensive, and I don't want to pay if there's no point. Catch 22 rears its ugly mug again.

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just take it one step at a time, and don't get ahead of yourself: I used to love telescopes when I was a kid

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Kulantan » Tue Jun 28, 2011 7:16 am UTC

podbaydoor wrote:I'm not saying, hold a ticker-tape parade when a cop does his job. But just remember that on occasion, cops actually do their jobs.

The thing is that remembering and posting about it in N/A are two quite different things. I don't post every time my politicians vote for sensible uncontroversial legislation. But I do keep it in mind when I vote. Same thing here; people don't talk about it when people are just doing their jobs but they do remember it when it comes to decisions (like whether to throw all cops in jail for being cops). It isn't news that there are cops out there everyday doing good jobs. It is and should be news when cops are dicks. Especially criminal dicks. That is part one of the echochamber.

The second part is that for the internet this forum is a safespace for people cops abuse. Rape victims, POCs, trans folk, queer folk and recreational drug users find that this is a space where they are relatively safe. These groups don't get along on the whole with the police (or the army) as an organisation. This means that the issues with the police are going to always be the thing discussed predominately. It don't mean that people don't appreciate good police officers or sacrifices made, its just that the most important thing for people is that there needs to be reform. It doesn't mean that there can't be spaces that appreciate first and rant second, this is just not one of those spaces.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby SamaraLexx » Tue Jun 28, 2011 1:21 pm UTC

Confession: I dislike my in-laws.

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby emceng » Tue Jun 28, 2011 1:58 pm UTC

I am finding it impossible to care about work at all. I took a two week vacation, and this is my second day back. I can hardly figure out why I am even here. I can't get anything done, and am not even sure what I need to get done.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Sytri » Tue Jun 28, 2011 2:16 pm UTC

Confession: I cannot wait to leave my job. No pay raise, no training, commutes that take for ever and being treated like a child by the HR people. I'm done.

CV will be written tonight and jobs hunted for come the weekend. (The only free time I have thanks to the commutes :( )
Apathy will kill us all. Or not. Whatever.

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby SecondTalon » Tue Jun 28, 2011 2:22 pm UTC

SamaraLexx wrote:Confession: I dislike my in-laws.

Eh, that's fairly normal. YOUR family are people you've known your entire life or their entire lives, so you've probably got a lot of shared history and forced being together and so on, meaning that one of two things will happen - over the years you realize your dickish relatives aren't entirely bad, you just need to steer away from certain topics, places or activities... OR you realize they're just dicks and do your best to minimize your time with them. Point being : you've had years to minimize the negatives and accentuate their positives to do your best to work with them.

Your new husband is someone you met however long ago and spent a lot of One on One time to get to know him, know his quirks, fall in love blah blah happy marriage all around.

Your inlaws, however... you've met them quite a bit, I'm sure, particularly his parents and maybe a sibling or two, but.... you don't have the years and years of learning them that you do with your relatives. So every annoying uncle, every dumbass thing Mom does, every stupid fucking comment from Lil' Brudder.... You don't have the acclimation. They're just random people you're supposed to be nice to for some reason that escapes you at the mome-oh, right, your husband's related to them. You have no reason to like them other than as people, and odds aren't that great that you're going to like them as people regardless of how influential they are in the life of someone you do like quite a bit. But, it's okay. A lot of people aren't really fond of their in-laws. It's only a problem if you do something like insist your husband cut off contact or something. Granted, if he has to go to his Dad's place every day for an hour or two just because that's what he's always done, then it's okay to suggest he cut that down a bit. That's different, and not suggesting that he completely remove contact or just become a Holiday Family or whatever.


tl:dr - There's a reason some comedians make a living off Mother-In-Law jokes. It's more or less normal.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby podbaydoor » Tue Jun 28, 2011 3:50 pm UTC

Kulantan wrote:The second part is that for the internet this forum is a safespace for people cops abuse. Rape victims, POCs, trans folk, queer folk and recreational drug users find that this is a space where they are relatively safe. These groups don't get along on the whole with the police (or the army) as an organisation.

And the members of the forum who are in the military or law enforcement? There is free rein for them to be belittled and attacked for having the wrong background? I haven't even seen many stereotypical conservative cops/soldiers here, as far as I can tell all the military members are liberal and agree with the overarching social issues. And yet when they come in and try to cast some nuance on a military or law enforcement issue - like explaining what a soldier or cop might be thinking, or what combat training does to you, etc. - there isn't much attempt to understand where they're coming from.

Yes, police abuse and corruption are everywhere, tragic, and disgusting. I'm fortunate to not have had any run-ins with the assholes in the system that I know exist. (Hence, never moving to Arizona.) And yes, I recognize the value of the forum in being a good place to vent, find support, and to feel safe. But in a forum that ostensibly prides itself on understanding and intellectual flexibility, there doesn't seem to be much desire to find more than one angle on this particular story.
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noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

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natraj
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby natraj » Tue Jun 28, 2011 3:59 pm UTC

podbaydoor wrote:
Kulantan wrote:The second part is that for the internet this forum is a safespace for people cops abuse. Rape victims, POCs, trans folk, queer folk and recreational drug users find that this is a space where they are relatively safe. These groups don't get along on the whole with the police (or the army) as an organisation.

And the members of the forum who are in the military or law enforcement? There is free rein for them to be belittled and attacked for having the wrong background?


Uh, sorry, but if those members of the forum aren't going around abusing people, then those reactions aren't about them. If someone on this forum is a cop who is doing their job and not abusing their authority or brutalizing anyone, and I make a thread about cops who are, that thread is not an attack on them, however much you might like to think that it is.

Seriously, this would be like if in every single thread about some terrible bigoted thing some terrible bigoted Christian group has done, I felt the need to come in and say whaaaaa stop being so meeeeean we're not all like that and complain about how abused I felt. But you know what, I don't feel abused, because if I'm not like that it's not about me, and as part of the religiously privileged I don't feel the need to make it all about me.

So, good. To all the decent authority figures on this board, great! That's wonderful. They're not part of the problem. We don't have to stop discussing the problem because they feel like any discussion of it is an attack on them.
You want to know the future, love? Then wait:
I'll answer your impatient questions. Still --
They'll call it chance, or luck, or call it Fate,
The cards and stars that tumble as they will.

pronouns: they or he

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podbaydoor
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby podbaydoor » Tue Jun 28, 2011 4:08 pm UTC

The problem is that, yes, I've seen those threads turn into an attack on them. If not those specific threads, then a general hostility when they bring up their experience. Unfortunately there aren't a whole lot of forumites who are in the military or law enforcement (and I won't go into FaiD) so my "evidence" won't rise above anecdotal. You'll notice that when an article is posted about a police abuse, I don't start going "waaaah, they're not all like that" in response to that specific abuse - because that would be obnoxious and I'm trying not to see-saw to the other extreme out of spite. I've tried to only raising the issue when I see blanket statements and knee-jerk hostility to all law enforcement regardless of that specific article.

Now, I'm glad that you and Kulantan have responded to me here and explained some nuance into the whole thing, because I haven't gotten that impression in N&A. Maybe I'm going overboard because I'm trying to make up for being part of the fuck-the-man vibe before.
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

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natraj
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby natraj » Tue Jun 28, 2011 4:26 pm UTC

I think part of the reaction that you get when you raise these issues in these threads is that when there is defensiveness in response to people wanting to track/highlight the abuses committed by an institution, it feels very similar to the exact problem we are trying to combat, which is the institutional culture that protects its own reputation before actually trying to address the problems. The whole Blue Code of Silence thing. The attitude that obviously, any light shed on misconduct is an attack on all individual members and therefore it's more important to not call it out than to deal with the problem. That defensiveness (on a much larger and deeper scale, obviously) is what creates the problem in the first place.

So from the point of view of people who've been on the receiving end of these abuses (and subsequently had nothing done about it because it's more important to protect the police than their victims) it just feels like more of the same culture that allows these things to happen in the first place.
You want to know the future, love? Then wait:
I'll answer your impatient questions. Still --
They'll call it chance, or luck, or call it Fate,
The cards and stars that tumble as they will.

pronouns: they or he


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