Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

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Belial
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Belial » Tue Jun 28, 2011 5:03 pm UTC

And honestly, I know I have to make this point a lot, but the forum is not the entire world, guys. It's also not separate from the entire world. If you want an environment where cops are treated like heroes and given the benefit of the doubt in all situations (even when they don't deserve it) may I suggest turning off your computer and just going anywhere else? Especially anywhere with white people? Or even navigating to any other part of the internet? Or turning on the television? Seriously, *how* many shows do we have by now that are basically cop back-patting and hero worship? Hell, remember that misconduct feed I linked earlier? Dude who runs that can't even get a job because just pointing out those incidents is seen as making one a miscreant. Employers google him, see him reporting inconvenient facts and that's the end of it. That's our culture. If you're worried about cops not getting enough respect worry no longer. Everything is fine. One little itty bitty pocket where it's different isn't the end of the world.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Izawwlgood » Tue Jun 28, 2011 6:05 pm UTC

I'm not sure I'd agree with the notion that the majority of the world hero worships and adores cops, because having spent time in four major cities, I'm under the impression that most people have a healthy dose of mistrust in authority.

Admittedly colored by the fact that I mostly kept to 20-somethings.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby charolastra » Tue Jun 28, 2011 6:11 pm UTC

podbaydoor wrote:I guess I'm partially trying to make up for a time not too long ago when I was part of the echochamber. That was before I started making friends with military people, and going to prisons and talking to troopers as part of my job. And I learned some things that don't get written about in all the shrieking.


It was because of a job I had where I went to prisons as part of my job and because of my interaction with friends in the military that I practically lead the charge of the echochamber.

Different experiences.

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby doogly » Tue Jun 28, 2011 7:00 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:It's because of the position of trust the public has, and how hard the violations of that trust hurt.

Very much this.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby podbaydoor » Wed Jun 29, 2011 12:44 am UTC

It's been my experience that it's mainly older white men who make up the primary fanbase for police, either out of genuine old-boy heartiness, being veterans, or shoring up their "we're all pillars of the community here, right?" image. Everyone else...not so much.

So, arguing with all these big names is giving me stress attacks. Fine, you win. But thank you for explaining.
tenet |ˈtenit|
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby SecondTalon » Wed Jun 29, 2011 2:54 am UTC

Hi, I'm.. technically an older white man, I guess. For certain values of Older. For the most part, I like the cops around here. Even with the various tickets and citations and such that I've gotten, they are doing a shitty job for not really all that much pay, and it's a pretty damn necessary job.

But... there's also a history of some fairly alarming abuses, misconduct and pretty much flat our murders by the cops with not much more than a slap on the wrists and maybe a suspension in which they resign. I mean, I know these are anomalies and of the hundreds of cops a few bad cops don't necessarily mean the whole thing's corrupt, but given that some of the offenses are things like fabricating evidence against suspects over the course of nearly a decade, it... doesn't speak highly of the force as a whole. Yeah, I can't blame an officer in a completely different battalion for it, sure, but I sure as hell can blame that cop's supervisor, which naturally makes me wonder where else that supervisor is slipping up.. and if all of the cops at that level of command are also as .. uninformed of the workings of their respective departments.

I mean, cops shooting an unarmed suspect is horrible, but that's a single incident. Something that stretches over years and that likely both led to innocent people going to prison and people who probably should be in prison getting released because their conviction gets overturned because the evidence was fabricated is... a completely different level of misconduct and corruption.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby podbaydoor » Wed Jun 29, 2011 2:58 am UTC

You're probably still younger than the older white men I had in mind.
tenet |ˈtenit|
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Cheezwhiz Jenkins » Wed Jun 29, 2011 3:15 am UTC

I'm very much not an Old White Man. I guess I have a fairly fuzzy mental image of police because 1) I've never had a bad experience with them (have had a few ranging from neutral to good - I have a very vague memory of a rent-a-cop, who I thought was a real cop, help me when I was a lost 4 year old in a HUGE NYC toy store) and 2) admittedly it's simply more comforting to assume that The Good Guys are actually, well, good on the whole.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby SecondTalon » Wed Jun 29, 2011 3:53 am UTC

On the whole, they are.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby GraphiteGirl » Wed Jun 29, 2011 5:21 am UTC

KestrelLowing wrote:
DaBigCheez wrote:
KestrelLowing wrote:I should have gone to bed 3 hours ago. I've got work in the morning. I don't want to go to bed become tomorrow comes quicker. I am profoundly unhappy. I hate this city, I hate this job, and I really don't think that I can say that because I'm supposed to be so lucky.

I think everyone's finally going to learn I don't deserve any of this. I don't deserve the co-op, I don't deserve the scholarship, and I'm actually really stupid.

I hate middle of the night paranoid thinking.


Wikipedia wrote:The impostor syndrome, sometimes called impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome, is a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments...Despite external evidence of their competence, those with the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be.


I've felt this way too - *hugs* for the unhappiness, and a big hugsqueeze for the "undeserving" feelings I know very well.


Thanks! The first time I heard of impostor syndrome, it was definitely a relief - I'm not the only one? But, it's a hard thought pattern to break out of. Oh well, at least my brain is functioning a bit better now than 2am in the morning. Daylight (and strawberries!) seems to make everything just a bit more bearable.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby emceng » Thu Jun 30, 2011 2:54 pm UTC

This discussion(especially ST's cogent remarks) reminds me of a very interesting article:

http://www.npr.org/2011/05/09/136017612/bad-apple-proverbs-theres-one-in-every-bunch
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby RoadieRich » Sun Jul 03, 2011 2:11 pm UTC

Ptolom wrote:I want to start a company that manufactures mounts telescope mounts. An oddly specific dream, I know, but I've long been fascinated by the way an equatorial mount moves in perfect opposition to the Earth it's sitting on. I've also invented a new kind of mount.
The problem is, I have absolutely no money, and my only income is from occasional freelance programming jobs. Also, I don't know whether my idea is marketable. I think it's awesome, but then it's my idea, and it's difficult to research people's attitude to something without first patenting it. On the other hand, patents are expensive, and I don't want to pay if there's no point. Catch 22 rears its ugly mug again.

Maybe try kickstarter?
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Ptolom » Sun Jul 03, 2011 6:22 pm UTC

Kickstarter is only for America at the moment. I found something similar, yet less well named, called indiegogo. When I get a chance to get some prototypes together and make a video I'll be putting it up on there.

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby silent man » Fri Jul 08, 2011 11:02 am UTC

The final Shuttle launch is scheduled to take place during one of my finals. I am sorely tempted to do just enough work to pass and then leave, especially since it has exactly zero influence on my final grade.

I guess I'll just have to hope that either the exam is easy enough for me to finish in under an hour or the weather in Florida gets worse.

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby SurgicalSteel » Fri Jul 08, 2011 5:54 pm UTC

If it had zero influence on my grade I'd skip it even if there were no shuttle launch.
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Re: Confessional Shade - It looks kind of grey

Postby silent man » Sat Jul 09, 2011 5:50 pm UTC

I still have to pass the exam, i.e. get 50%+, so I couldn't skip it completely.

Anyway, I failed to complete a 90 minute final in <50 minutes and was just scribbling the last result at MECO. Curse my work ethic.

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Xeio » Tue Jul 12, 2011 3:38 pm UTC

Fess: I like being busy enough at work that I don't have too much time to check the fora.

Like I was before I posted this.

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Mous » Tue Jul 12, 2011 9:43 pm UTC

I confess I just bought a ticket for the midnight release of Harry Potter.
A ticket, because I'm going alone. Which is even sadder than the fact that I'm going.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby charliepanayi » Tue Jul 12, 2011 9:54 pm UTC

Nothing wrong with going to the cinema on your own!
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Cassi » Tue Jul 12, 2011 10:08 pm UTC

I saw 7p1 on my own because I couldn't convince anyone it was worth seeing at a better cinema than Durham, so I went off and had a lovely day at the MetroCentre by myself and saw it in IMAX.

I'm heading to Liverpool on Saturday with the boy to see 7p2 in IMAX, because may as well for the last film, right? (And premier seats, but that's mainly because you couldn't book standard ones and I didn't feel like getting there really early to queue for decent seats...)
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Zarq » Tue Jul 12, 2011 10:21 pm UTC

I've went to the cinema alone. Nothing wrong with that. It can feel uncomfortable the first times.

1 piece of advice: try to take a book (or something) with you if you're one of those people (like me) who likes to be early. Sitting in a movie theatre alone for 20 minutes while groups keep pouring in is very boring (and awkward).
You rang?

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Mous » Wed Jul 13, 2011 2:20 am UTC

I've been to a movie alone twice in my life. Both times I ended up sitting next to a fat, sweaty man who had no idea of personal space.
Day after day, day after day,
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby SurgicalSteel » Wed Jul 13, 2011 2:26 am UTC

You should try showings after 10 at night, particularly on weekdays. In my experience the only people who are there at that time are people who actually want a good theatre experience of experiencing (my thesaurus is out of batteries) a film together. Not just yell and loudly eat food and text and be there because they aren't allowed on the street after 5.
"There's spray paint on the teleprompter
Anchorman screams that he's seen a monster (mayday)
There's blood stains on his shirt (mayday)
They say that he's gone berserk."
--Flobots "Mayday"

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby pseudoidiot » Wed Jul 13, 2011 2:34 am UTC

I usually hit the morning shows around 9 or 10.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby SurgicalSteel » Wed Jul 13, 2011 3:02 am UTC

That would work too, but my work schedule usually makes that impossible.
"There's spray paint on the teleprompter
Anchorman screams that he's seen a monster (mayday)
There's blood stains on his shirt (mayday)
They say that he's gone berserk."
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby e^iπ+1=0 » Wed Jul 13, 2011 6:07 am UTC

I went with a group to see 7p1, and everyone dressed up and it was really fun. Unfortunately, we weren't able to get a group together for p2. People are off on vacations or doing college stuff or whatever. So I figured I'd go alone anyway. Guess what? No seats! There's even a theater near here that has about 8 showings of 7p2 starting at times from 12:01 to 12:50. There are zero seats left. So yeah, won't be able to see it for a few days.

Edit: Ha, right after I posted this, I found a theater that still has tickets. Fuck yeah!
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby emceng » Wed Jul 13, 2011 12:57 pm UTC

Mous wrote:I confess I just bought a ticket for the midnight release of Harry Potter.
A ticket, because I'm going alone. Which is even sadder than the fact that I'm going.


Hell, when I went to see Revenge of the Sith, I was alone, for a midnight showing, with 4 tickets. I ordered 4 because I had some friends that were going to go with me. Then they all bailed. You want awkward, try going to the theatre alone, and picking up four tickets at midnight.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby Mous » Wed Jul 13, 2011 1:17 pm UTC

Haha. My dad and I went to all the new Star Wars midnight showings. For the Phantom Menace, we were on vacation at the time, and we still went. I also went to all the LoTR and Pirates of the Caribbean ones.
I'm just glad that Harry Potter's finally going to be over. With the books and movie combined, it's consumed over half my life waiting for the end.
e^iπ+1=0 wrote:Edit: Ha, right after I posted this, I found a theater that still has tickets. Fuck yeah!

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby existential_elevator » Wed Jul 13, 2011 1:20 pm UTC

Zarq wrote:I've went to the cinema alone. Nothing wrong with that. It can feel uncomfortable the first times.

1 piece of advice: try to take a book (or something) with you if you're one of those people (like me) who likes to be early. Sitting in a movie theatre alone for 20 minutes while groups keep pouring in is very boring (and awkward).

I agree with this advice. I've quite frequently gone to the cinema/theatre alone, just because there are not often people who actually want to see the stuff I want to see. Having a book is a good idea - I found this especially so with theatre or opera, because you've got a 20-or-so minute interval to fill. I also normally try and get seats at the end of the aisle, so I don't wind up wedged between two strangers - but I'd still try and do that if I was going with a friend.

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby emceng » Mon Jul 25, 2011 1:31 pm UTC

I have been considering going back on match, despite it being spectacularly unsuccessful at helping me find women to date. Or even finding one woman to date. Or even finding one woman to go on one date. Reminding myself of this hasn't quieted the desire to try it again.

Confession 2 - I have no fucking clue how taxes work when paid by corporations for goods and services. I write purchase orders for items, and there's a line on them for tax. In 6 years, at maybe 15 POs a year, I have put in tax only once, and that was because the recipient asked me to. A second order to them did not require it. Does everyone else build the tax into their price? What the fuck?
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby existential_elevator » Mon Jul 25, 2011 1:36 pm UTC

emceng wrote:Confession 2 - I have no fucking clue how taxes work when paid by corporations for goods and services. I write purchase orders for items, and there's a line on them for tax. In 6 years, at maybe 15 POs a year, I have put in tax only once, and that was because the recipient asked me to. A second order to them did not require it. Does everyone else build the tax into their price? What the fuck?
That's kind of weird. I probably go through at least 10 POs a day, and for the most part there is a separate line for tax. Even when there is no tax, it will show up on the invoice as "V0" or "zero-rated, 0%".

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby PAstrychef » Mon Jul 25, 2011 2:07 pm UTC

emceng wrote:Confession 2 - I have no fucking clue how taxes work when paid by corporations for goods and services. I write purchase orders for items, and there's a line on them for tax. In 6 years, at maybe 15 POs a year, I have put in tax only once, and that was because the recipient asked me to. A second order to them did not require it. Does everyone else build the tax into their price? What the fuck?

Are you the buyer or the seller? As a buyer, you can let the tax part be dealt with by the seller, but as a seller, if you don't collect the taxes, when the government comes calling you get into all kinds of trouble. As this is a work-related issues, talk to an accounting person at your job.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby I Am Raven » Fri Jul 29, 2011 8:43 am UTC

I feel lied to. Betrayed. I did a helluva job fooling myself andere everyone around me. And she doesn't deserve this. I am shocked and deeply sorry. How will I get out of this mess...
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby emceng » Fri Jul 29, 2011 2:07 pm UTC

I sometimes wonder if I am mildly psychopathic, or maybe just extremely narcissistic.
When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up. - CS Lewis

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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby SecondTalon » Fri Jul 29, 2011 4:45 pm UTC

I Am Raven wrote:I feel lied to. Betrayed. I did a helluva job fooling myself andere everyone around me. And she doesn't deserve this. I am shocked and deeply sorry. How will I get out of this mess...

..be honest? Not saying it's not going to be shitty in the short term, but it'll fix it in the long term.
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby charliepanayi » Sat Aug 06, 2011 7:09 pm UTC

I was dancing in an empty cinema to My Sharona during the end credits for Super 8 today
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby I Am Raven » Fri Sep 09, 2011 12:57 am UTC

SecondTalon wrote:
I Am Raven wrote:I feel lied to. Betrayed. I did a helluva job fooling myself andere everyone around me. And she doesn't deserve this. I am shocked and deeply sorry. How will I get out of this mess...

..be honest? Not saying it's not going to be shitty in the short term, but it'll fix it in the long term.


I did this. I told Vista everything. Turned out she knew al along, that I still had feeling for XP and all. I didn't. Anyway, I told Vista, and she was sort of okay with it. I told XP too, via text message, because... well, frankly, because I didn't want to talk to her, and I didn't want to meet her for drinks or whatever and have this long conversation we had 800 times before. I just wanted her to know. So I texted her. That was a 3 weeks ago, haven't heard from her since.

I tried walking to Spain. I quit after three days, but with good reason. I was hurting so much. And when I told this to my sister she asked me what kind of pain it was. It was in a tendon, which can be permanently damaged if you keep on walking. I pushed myself too far, walking 30-40 km a day, no training at all. The thing was, I was afraid of what people would think of me. Absolutely terrified. "Quitting?! Already?!" "Giving up so soon? Are you weak?" "I knew you weren't going to make it. 2500km without training is stupid. You're stupid." "We are disappointed in you." I may be exaggerating here, but that was I was afraid of. That I would fail. But I searched my heart, and I knew I didn't really wanted to walk to Spain. I wanted to get away from everything I needed to do. From everything everyone expected me to do. Getting up early. Having a productive day. Socializing. Going out. Being nice. I was compromising, complying, following. But I want to want, I want to do, and I want to lead. I am now living with my sister and her boyfriend. I love her, and he's really nice. Maybe I love him too, I don't know yet. Anyway, the reason I am, is because I wanted to study close to the city they're living in next year, but all of a sudden I wanted to move in already. And they said okay, so I made my decision. I made it. because I wanted to. I told my mum and dad. Mum got it, dad didn't really. I didn't tell them about the getting-away part. But I guess they knew. They're good parents. I also love them.

So now I'm playing a lot of Fallout 3, watching the Big Bang Theory, and every movie I can lay my hands on. I like it this way. But I am starting to miss a purpose. Aforementioned male housemate, whom I now shall refer to as my brother in law (for convenience), can maybe fix a job for me in the IT office he works in, for a pretty good pay an' all. But that doesn't start till at least a week or something. IF I get the job. But then what? I start working. Pay for some stuff. Maybe get my driver's license. Sign up for an orchestra close to here. And then I will be one of billions. Billions of people living their lives. I don't want to, I want to be special. Special to myself, special to someone, special to everyone. I know that last bit is a bit far fetched, but the first two should be manageable. Although, right now... I don't know. Never mind. This feeling will probably go away when I start doing things again. Fun things. With fun people who appreciate me. Not that my sister doesn't, but... you know. And it's not that I don't have friends. I do, and they're awesome friends at that, but they all live a 2 hour train ride from here, and that shit ain't free. But like I said, it will probably just go away.

And then there's the story of this girl. I really liked her 2 years back, she was in my school, but then I got too close, too fast, and she never had anything like that happen ever before, as far as I know (which is a miracle considering how sweet, pretty, lovely and in-fucking-credible intelligent she is). She freaked out, and we didn't talk for a year. Which I regret, but what's done and done, and I got over her pretty fast. Then, at the very end of last school year, our exam year, we sort of got closer again. Friend-type. And I liked that. And the funny thing was, she was actually trying to tell me what I described about not wanting to compromise and comply anymore. Our whole class wrote things for everyone of us, saying things about them, like how they perceived one another, and she wrote that she was curious what I would be like if I cut the marionette cords hanging above my head. I didn't get it at all back then. I sort of, skimmed over it, without giving it much thought. But I do now. I wrote her this long letter, explaining why I stopped walking, because we promised we would write each other and all. So I did. And I got this letter back, today, where she said she was so happy for me that I finally figure it out, and saying that you can say something to someone as much as you want, but they have to experience it for the message to sink in. Which is exactly what I believe.
Anyway, I thought a lot about her the past weeks. And I realised that I really liked her. Romantically. (Let me just spell that out for you, to avoid misunderstandings.) But in this letter, she told me that the day she got to Norway (where she will be living for a year) she sort of fell half in love with this Danish guy that was going to the same school. And you know? I wasn't really all too happy about that. I was genuinely happy for her, I mean, she never got to experience mutual love before, which is awesome. But... all of a sudden I wanted to get my crazy ass to Norway and tell her how I feel. But then there was this voice in the back of my head, telling me it was a crazy idea. It would put her in a weird-ish position, I would be gone for a week, it would probably end in hurt, people would ask questions like "Why did you get all the way to fucking Norway? Do you LIKE like her?" You see, I told her I liked her as a friend, and she likes me as a friend, in fact, she cares for me a lot, and she was there a couple of times when times were rough on me. Not THERE there, but during lunchbreak (corny, I'll have to admit), we'd sometimes talk about my break up, or my anxieties. And I could feel that she cared. Which was nice. But the day that I texted my ex (Vista), that I still loved her, I kinda stopped loving her. I sometimes think of seeing her, but she hasn't been on my mind this infrequently for the past year. And the day after that, when I wrote my first letter to Norway-gal, I was sort of half in love with her (Norway-gal). Right now, I can't really say what I feel about her, but that may be due to the fact that I'm really tired, kind of lonely, and it's 2:45 AM.
Oh right, going to Norway. Well... So there was this voice telling me not to go, but that was based, for the bigger part, on what other people would think of me. And I thought I had just decided to not give a damn about that anymore. I would do what I wanted to do. And that involves going to Norway. And when I get there, I can always opt for not telling her after all, and just have a nice holiday in Norway with a good friend close by.

I am normal. I really am. But sometimes... You know, living is actually quite hard sometimes. You have to do, and not do all kinds of things, all the time! That sounds suicidal. I'm not. Never even thought about it. But, y'know... Uhm, maybe you dont... I think I'm going to watch a movie now, and fall asleep.
Oh, and, you know, because I am all for honesty now, and not afraid of what other people think, I am going to put my full name here.
I am Raven [insert last name here], Raven [insert second name here] [insert last name here], and I show my face to the world, without a mask. I am not perfect, I judge, I am jealous, I steal (almost never), I hurt people (again, almost never, but probably more frequently). But I am me. And I am intelligent. And creative, and nice, and generous, and caring. I Am Raven.

EDIT: That turned out to be a hell of a lot longer than I expected.
Last edited by I Am Raven on Sun Apr 14, 2013 8:53 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
Ptolom wrote:penis

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bluebambue
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby bluebambue » Fri Sep 09, 2011 1:02 am UTC

*hugs*

Just keep listening to yourself and you'll do great.

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I Am Raven
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby I Am Raven » Fri Sep 09, 2011 1:07 am UTC

bluebambue wrote:*hugs*

Just keep listening to yourself and you'll do great.

Thanks. I never really got the point of internet hugs. I mean they're nice, and I know what they mean, and I often feel like hugging random people on these boards, but for once in my lifetime, that word actually felt like a hug. Thank you.
And yeah, I will probably do great. I will probably end up great, I just don't know what to do right now*. :)

*EDIT: That's probably where the "keep listening to yourself" part comes in, right?
Ptolom wrote:penis

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podbaydoor
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Re: Confessional Shed - I'll keep a look-out

Postby podbaydoor » Fri Sep 09, 2011 3:11 pm UTC

Also hugs from me.

Sounds like you're going through a bit of self-discovery. You'll be fine. You'll find people who think you're special. :)
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.


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