If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

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Eruantale
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Eruantale » Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:24 pm UTC

I've never actually answered this because I've only been asked via those 200 questions forwards, which I promptly delete. So... I would build myself a house with an amazing observatory and that would be my bedroom. =] Then I would add a library (the kind where the books reach the ceiling and you need a giant sliding ladder to access the ones on the top). The rest of the house would be normal; that's all I want. I guess I would just give the rest of the money away.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby quintopia » Wed Jul 23, 2008 7:27 am UTC

I would give my dad enough money that I could never feel guilty again for not doing something his way, paying attention to him, or failing in anything i otherwise see as obligations.

Then I would build my dream house.

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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby moocow » Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:47 am UTC

Buy a volcano. Just because.
And a vespa. I've always wanted a damn vespa. :D

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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Ramses IV » Wed Jul 23, 2008 2:11 pm UTC

moocow wrote:Buy a volcano. Just because.
And a vespa. I've always wanted a damn vespa. :D


Both excellent ideas.

In addition to my other post, I think I'd start a micronation on some private islands in the Pacific. I mean hey, I'm super rich! I can afford it!
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Decker » Wed Jul 23, 2008 2:18 pm UTC

I would buy two really, really fast cars. Hook them up with remote controls, and then crash them together head on a top speed.

Just because.

Also, I would buy a big ass aquarium / controlled habitat and fill it with penguins, because penguins are cool.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Ramses IV » Wed Jul 23, 2008 2:28 pm UTC

I would hire a team of highly trained mercenaries to lead an assault on Decker's aquarium and free the penguins. The Penguin Liberation Squad! Oh, and I would stop global warming. FOREVER! And a make a huge bundle of cash in the process, by selling the first nitrogen fueled car!
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby tryptanymph » Wed Jul 23, 2008 2:29 pm UTC

Ramses IV wrote:I would hire a team of highly trained mercenaries to lead an assault on Decker's aquarium and free the penguins. The Penguin Liberation Squad! Oh, and I would stop global warming. FOREVER! And a make a huge bundle of cash in the process, by selling the first nitrogen fueled car!

...you have a billion gazillion dollars. I think it's assumed you cannot make any more money, lest the universe collapse.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Decker » Wed Jul 23, 2008 3:22 pm UTC

Ramses IV wrote:I would hire a team of highly trained mercenaries to lead an assault on Decker's aquarium and free the penguins. The Penguin Liberation Squad!


:evil: Mitts off my penguins!
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Account20151023 » Wed Jul 23, 2008 3:57 pm UTC

I'd have a mansion with a walk-in humidor, walk-in freezer, a hot tub, sauna, full-size bar, and movie room/gaming room with a 20 foot screen.
In the sky.

Also, I'd get a black dodge minivan, have it altered to be front-wheel drive, raise it up 24 inches, put on tractor tires, and go four-wheeling.

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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby 3fj » Wed Jul 23, 2008 4:50 pm UTC

I would buy a small plane. None of this "My plane: the phallus" Crap. I want to fly the motherfucking plane. A leer jet perhaps.
I would hire a large black gentleman in a wig Samuel L himself to be every character Samuel L Jackson has ever played. I would buy 30 rubber snakes and make him hunt them down on my plane, every so often screaming "Ive had it with these god damn snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

I would buy the World of Warcraft servers worldwide, eliminate every boss, make everyone level 1, cap it at level one and make everyone look like dildos.

I would put an advertisement out for an "ass cleaner" at £100 a month. I would hire anyone who applied, and make there wildest dreams come true (after setting up an elaborate rouse that they were actually going to wipe my ass, and saying "gothcha!")

I would buy out Apple and Microsoft, and have them re-license everything under GPL. I would then hire Bill Gates as a monkey butler/cleaner.

more to come when i think of it :D
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Philwelch » Wed Jul 23, 2008 4:55 pm UTC

What exactly is a monkey butler/cleaner?
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Shakleton » Wed Jul 23, 2008 6:23 pm UTC

Monkey Butler on Urban Dictionary

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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby MattisBel » Wed Jul 23, 2008 7:07 pm UTC

I think I'd try and live on the sly with my wealth. I'd do a few suspicious things, sure.. quit my job, finance a personally designed home including (but not limited to) a library containing every book produced in the last 10 years, a selection of classics, and a custom ordering system capable of having any book not already in my collection delivered overnight to my door.Create, near this enormous and wonderful library,a similarly designed audio and video room boasting a collection of video games, movies, and music in a similar format to the library containing an overnight delivery system of anything I didn't already have. The other aspects of the home would be supplemented per decisions made by my fiance or myself.
I'd get a part time job at a game store and just enjoy the freedom that kind of position offers.

Other than that, I'd be sure to exploit any backwards and crazy idea that "seemed like a good one at the time". No matter how ridiculous.
Oh, and gut out a national monument and create an underground agency dedicated to creating or gaining access to another dimension.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Firnagzen » Thu Jul 24, 2008 11:26 am UTC

1) Get someone to develop immortality and invincibility, dress up in a nice blue power suit with a red tie and find a briefcase somewhere, preferablly with some sort of cool reality warping device inside.
2) Found, and fund Black Mesa Research Facility.
3) Found, and fund Aperture Science.
4) Obtain early versions of portal technology, go on a tour around the universe, setting up contacts and stuff.
5) Deliver suspicious material to Black Mesa.
6) Profit!

C'mon! The world would be vastly improved by the application of headcrabs and vortigaunts! And a crowbar toting MIT graduate. And a weird blue guy in a blue suit who speaks like a... well, I dunno. But I'm sure I can learn.

EDIT: How could I forget the most important steps? Step 1.5) Build xkcdia, invite in all the residents of these forums. Step 4.5) Fit xkcdia, now a thriving community of geniuses, with rockets and launch it into space to carve out an empire. We'll call it the Combine empire.
Last edited by Firnagzen on Fri Jul 25, 2008 9:31 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby a thing » Fri Jul 25, 2008 8:30 am UTC

Open a restaurant in orbit around the moon.

Dig two holes: one in China, and one in the US and put cameras that broadcast the opposite hole to a screen. Then tell people I dug through Earth along with the fantastic adventures I had in the center of Earth. I would hire someone to actually take the time to put those tales into a book and publish it.

Make my jaws uber strong and get a mold for my teeth that would be covered in sharp spikes. Then threaten to bite people's legs off!

Make an awesome mixture of aloe vera and tea tree oil. A lot of it.

Buy a lot and cover it in things that people say there is "a lot" of.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Shakleton » Fri Jul 25, 2008 12:11 pm UTC

Firnagzen wrote:1) Get someone to develop immortality and invincibility, dress up in a nice blue power suit with a red tie and find a briefcase somewhere, preferablly with some sort of cool reality warping device inside.
2) Found, and fund Black Mesa Research Facility.
3) Found, and fund Aperture Science.
4) Obtain early versions of portal technology, go on a tour around the universe, setting up contacts and stuff.
5) Deliver suspicious material to Black Mesa.
6) Profit!

C'mon! The world would be vastly improved by the application of headcrabs and vortigaunts! And a crowbar toting MIT graduate. And a weird blue guy in a blue suit who speaks like a... well, I dunno. But I'm sure I can learn.

EDIT: How could I forget the most important steps? Step 1.5) Build xkcdia, invite in all the residents of these forums. Step 4.5) Fit xkcdia, now a thriving community of geniuses, with rockets and launch it into space to carve out an empire. We'll call it the Combine empire.


Yet another reason to preferably lurk at the xkcd-fora instead of other boards: The chances to make friends with the next surperlord with power over the complete universe here is higher than anywhere else. :mrgreen:
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Teapot » Fri Jul 25, 2008 4:13 pm UTC

Firstly, I would donate some of my money to DebRA (my dad's friend's daughter had eb, it was such a shame for her) then I would build a house with the Jurassic Park entrance gate as my front gate :D

The only other reequirement for the house is that it'd have steps leading to the front door, and the top step would be just over 2mm bigger that the rest, and the bottom step would be just over 2mm smaller than the rest, so people would constantly trip on them :D
(There would be a lift for myself/close friends/family etc :lol: )
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Ramses IV » Fri Jul 25, 2008 7:27 pm UTC

What I'd do is not have a huge mansion in any one place. It ties you down. I'd buy decent enough housing in countries all over the world. This is just an add-on to what I've previously mentioned.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Hans » Fri Jul 25, 2008 11:01 pm UTC

Oh it sounds cliche, but I wouldn't do anything significantly differently--I would still want to be a graduate student. I might buy all the episodes of Battlestar Galactica on DVD, maybe swing myself an upgrade on the laptop, but essentially do what I am doing now. Frankly, I rather enjoy it.

I guess the rest of the money I would put into a massive lobbying effort of my various political interests.

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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Teapot » Fri Jul 25, 2008 11:05 pm UTC

Also, my house would have a room (or several rooms) full of musical instruments and I would get lessons and learn to play them all. And I'd paint my house extremely bright orange/green/pink/whatever-will-annoy-the-neighbours-most :mrgreen:
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Ramses IV » Sat Jul 26, 2008 12:20 am UTC

Oh, there's an idea! I might use my money to just stay in college for practically forever. Get a P.h.d in everything (sorta).

EDIT: Also, I'd buy a bunch of amusement parks, and only let a certain amount of people in each. Just enough so it wouldn't be over-crowded, you understand.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Hurduser » Sat Jul 26, 2008 4:49 am UTC

I would build my dream house (yes, with ballpen and many biiiiiiig Tux plushies), I'd get a great computer, learn many things, I am interested in and hire the HURD team so they can work on the OS full time! I want my HURD 1.0 :)
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Philwelch » Sat Jul 26, 2008 7:09 am UTC

Ramses IV wrote:Oh, there's an idea! I might use my money to just stay in college for practically forever. Get a P.h.d in everything (sorta).


No matter how much money you have, they usually don't let you have more than two Ph.D.'s.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Firnagzen » Sat Jul 26, 2008 2:17 pm UTC

Philwelch wrote:
Ramses IV wrote:Oh, there's an idea! I might use my money to just stay in college for practically forever. Get a P.h.d in everything (sorta).


No matter how much money you have, they usually don't let you have more than two Ph.D.'s.


He could buy the university and force them to do so. Anyone objects, he could probably buy whatever organization that person works for and fire him. HAH! :twisted:
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Ramses IV » Sat Jul 26, 2008 9:06 pm UTC

Philwelch wrote:
Ramses IV wrote:Oh, there's an idea! I might use my money to just stay in college for practically forever. Get a P.h.d in everything (sorta).


No matter how much money you have, they usually don't let you have more than two Ph.D.'s.


Why is that? And yes, I'd probably just do what Firn said. That, or hire the professors to be my personal tutors.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Hans » Sun Jul 27, 2008 1:34 am UTC

Philwelch wrote:No matter how much money you have, they usually don't let you have more than two Ph.D.'s.


Really, I know personally one person who was working on his third PhD (on an astonishingly closely related topic to his other two), and know of at least one more (but don't know personally) with three PhDs (her degrees were at least somewhat distinct). I suspect it varies by program.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby CVSoul » Sun Jul 27, 2008 3:19 am UTC

I would invest heavily into getting XKCD syndicated into the Sunday newspapers.
But far more importantly, I would make it so Disney never made a sequel, ever, ever, ever again.
You can thank me later.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Philwelch » Sun Jul 27, 2008 4:36 am UTC

Hans wrote:
Philwelch wrote:No matter how much money you have, they usually don't let you have more than two Ph.D.'s.


Really, I know personally one person who was working on his third PhD (on an astonishingly closely related topic to his other two), and know of at least one more (but don't know personally) with three PhDs (her degrees were at least somewhat distinct). I suspect it varies by program.


I said "usually". Maybe the rule is you can't have more than three.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby cycoden » Sun Jul 27, 2008 6:17 am UTC

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Hmmm. After going on a round the world holiday during which time I would study extreme martial arts (I'm pretty sure having a billion gazillion dollars makes you a prime candidate for assassination/kidnapping), and paying off my parents house, I'd probably be boring and get myself an economics degree. Then I would try to solve global warming by investing in R&D for renewables until they are cost-competitive with fossil fuels. I'd buy into a lobbying firm, and have them convince governments around the world to legislate strong protection for the separation of church and science lessons.

I'd learn to pilot a plane and play the saxophone. I'd buy an apartment in New York, a villa in Spain, an island in south-east Asia, a mansion in Britain and an alpine lodge in New Zealand. If there was any money left, I guess we could buy out the Vatican and turn it into the city-state of xkcdia.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Lt Greatsocks » Mon Jul 28, 2008 8:54 am UTC

I would buy the shire they made for the lord of the rings movie and buy a full time staff of midgets dressed up like hobbits. That and a solid gold telephone.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby badgerzilla » Mon Jul 28, 2008 3:30 pm UTC

First off, the obvious- fund the hell out of Linux and the Hurd. Once Micro$oft goes bankrupt, buy DirectX and license it under the GPL.

Next, buy Liechtenstein, fortify it into the most raptor-proof section of land the world over, and separate it into two districts. The first would be xkcdia, a land of ball pits and human-size hamster balls open to the members of these forums, with a Roadrunner-size setup for about every five people and exabits worth of internet connection for the country. The second district would be a hub of science where the brightest minds would have unlimited funds to do whatever- from discover how to make Portal guns to creating revolutionary microarchitectures. Randall Munroe, of course, would have a nice pad in both districts.

I would have several residences, among them

-A replica of Orthanc, Minas Morgul, and Barad-dur at full scale (all with zeppelin docks).
-A fleet of rocket-propelled-chainsaw-turret-armed zeppelins, with my flagship also having wheels and being able to go underwater, a robot combat arena onboard, and having its lift provided by the heat emanating from my Roadrunner 2.0 onboard.
-The luxurious terminal of the xkcdia airport, featuring an F16 Raptor for every denizen (would be renamed the Archaeopteryx, though, so as not to scare Randall).
-The massive mansion with a theater screen the size of Rhode Island in the center of the ball pit formerly known as Canada.

After a while, the startling discoveries rolling in from district 2 would be sufficient to keep this state going forever.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby ikrase » Mon Jul 28, 2008 4:14 pm UTC

I would buy a Bridgeport milling machine, and a South Bend Lathe. THen I would buy a SHerline mill and a Taig lathe. THen I would buy bar stock. LOTS of bar stock.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby The Tagger » Tue Jul 29, 2008 3:09 pm UTC

I'll tell you what I'd do, man. Two chicks at the same time.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Amarantha » Fri Aug 01, 2008 4:44 am UTC

I would retain tailors and similar to make all my clothes for me from a soft and comfortable weave of silk. Especially bras. And shoes (probably not silk for the shoes). And cloche hats (this post is inspired by Felstaff's mention of same in Kithplana's hat thread). Because I love those and they look hot on me, but all the ones available are itchy or sweaty or both.

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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Megatriorchis » Fri Aug 01, 2008 5:05 am UTC

I'd set up a colony on the moon. With moon motes that have moon alligators in them. And a theme park and the Crushinator.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby benjhuey » Fri Aug 01, 2008 7:01 am UTC

Don't forget the blackjack. And hookers. And lunar landers.

I'd fund a space program to launch satellites at planets and such to get some nice shots for my desktop.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby quartrmster007 » Tue Aug 12, 2008 5:04 am UTC

quartrmster007 wrote:I think I'd invest most of it first, then take control of like 90% of the world's currency. Using that as my bargaining chip, I'd force every country to bow to me and become a benevolent dictator. I'd take control of all nuclear weapons (just in case... :lol: ) and then fund green technologies in every country, especially China, Japan, and the US...the rest would basically be trickle-down...Canada first. I'd buy several houses in the UK, Australia, US, Japan, China, Greece, Egypt, this, and an island in the South Pacific. After that, I'd build some racetracks and rally tracks at whichever house I spent the most time at, along with a whole host of cars. Then some airplanes, and lots of guitar, computer, and astronomy equipment. Then eradicate the major diseases, and fund longevity research (immortality granted only to a select few).

Then, kick back and relax.


I've added some stuff:

-buy Samoa and the islands around there. link them all by high-speed undersea train, get 10TB/sec internet access, lots of ball pits and crap, build a HUGE university on one island and staff it with the world's greatest professors. Thus, XKCDia is born.

-get a Ph.D in economics, monopolize the energy markets, and use that leverage to push green technology. After they've converted, I'd keep my monopoly...just in case of insurrections.

-at my private Samoan island, build a huge mansion with a massive observatory (optical and radio telescopes), and using part of the internet connection, link it with the Keck Observatory and at least one other in Japan. Make an interferometer. Observe. Of course, my main residence would be in the UK (I'm dying to go there, and from what I've read, I'd rather like it), so the observatories would all be able to be controlled from a room in my house there.

-Buy guns. Lotsa guns. (someone mentioned the assassination attempt likelihood increasing. I agree)

-Get loads of fencing lessons and hopefully get a gold (or 2 or 3 or whatever) (honestly) in the Olympics.

-Learn 9 languages (Spanish (more fluently), French, Italian, Arabic, Farsi, Russian, Mandarin Chinese, Japanese, and German) and become a world citizen, learning more languages and cultures as I travel.
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby HarleyQuinn » Wed Aug 13, 2008 6:53 am UTC

Well, this reference was made in xkcd, but hell, I had the idea before the comic!
Olympic sized swimming pool + those plastic multicolored playpin balls = fun

I'd also travel the world, duh, bungee jump, sky-dive, ski in the Alps...

oh, I'd buy myself a huge penthouse in NYC. Fill up an entire room with CD's from all my favorite bands. Buy myself a huge stereo system and just blast the music.

hehe, combine that with my pool and I'd be floating on vibrations x]

I'd buy myself thousands of shoes. Heels, sneakers, everything. Probably every style of Rocketdog and All Stars ever made.

I'd smash stuff. just pay to drop a car on a car...

ooh, can I build myself an underwater mansion?
I'd also buy myself the best damn trumpet in the world. Forget school and just do something new everyday. see how long I can go without getting bored. Walk around all the major cities and give hobos hundreds.

ha, I'm all over the place.
Magnanimous wrote:I used to be really into nostalgia a few years ago. Man, those were the days.

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Shakleton
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby Shakleton » Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:10 pm UTC

Just found an interesting site.
Not for a billion gazillion dollars but something awfully cool that I am definitely considering to buy.

Sunglasses from "The Matrix"
mikekearn wrote:You even have an appropriate shirt. Excellent.

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wing
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Re: If I had a billion gazillion dollars....

Postby wing » Mon Sep 01, 2008 11:37 pm UTC

After the first few introductory purchases (the essential, simple things like a massive house, cars, etc. etc.)

I'd found a proper space agency and start a brain drain on NASA by just waving large wads of cash at everyone within the organization that knows what the fuck they're doing. Then buy up all the little failtacular space startup companies. Buy Lockheed Martin. End objective is to produce the space shuttle (as per the 1971 Rockwell design - which features a reusable launch craft with the orbiter piggybacked on it, rather than the shittastic SRB and external tank design - rather than the 1972 Rockwell design that we got stuck with) with appropriate modernizations and upgrades.

I'll sign a few documents with Richard Branson and begin operation of Virgin Galactic low-earth-orbit flights (as opposed to their current planned suborbital flights). These initial flights would be a bit raw, being that they're just seats strapped into a working orbiter, but that's fine for now.

Of course, since we're schooling NASA in the face with proper management and more money than God, we'll build a vast fleet of the damned things and get to work on hacking the system until we can get it to the moon, drop off a lander, pick up said lander and bring it back.

I'll sign a few more documents with Richard Branson and begin operation of Virgin Galactic moon flights.

Once we've achieved aggressively scheduled manned spaceflight and regular moon landings, we'll take that annoying little ISS to task - build a similar (but better) station on the ground, split it up into its component pieces, insert them into our aggressive launch schedule and build rapidly (goal is to have at least 2 orbiters on construction duty at all times).

Once the primary station is done, we'll partner with the Hilton Hotels chain and start work on an attachment to station that essentially consists of a small hotel. In parallel with this, we'll begin production of a new line of orbiters (just a simple variation) with comfort in mind. We'll phase these into use on the Virgin Galactic low-earth-orbit flights as well as use them to start round trip service from our space station back to earth. At this point, we will shift the prices of our packages to line up with real-world round trip + hotel service on the actual surface - which will be well under our cost, but since we're operating with an unlimited budget, who cares?

By this point, NASA's going to be shutting down the Hubble program - at which point, we'll go to the scientific community surrounding it and ask "What do you want in an imaging telescope?" and then go build it.... Ten times.

Around now, we'll start construction of the "Hilton Grand Vacations Club on the Moon" (which is a full brick and mortar hotel building - multiple floors, elevators, atmosphere, TVs, the only difference between any other 5-star hotel and this one is the decreased gravity) and an attached research facility + spaceport. Of course this requires figuring out how to land bulk cargo on the moon rather than just small lunar-lander sized packets. Cue the construction of a fucking runway on the moon and design of a bulk-freight version of our venerable orbiter. In the early stages, it'll require leaving the orbiters on the moon because there's no fuel on the moon to reorbit them. That's fine, just let them sit, we'll recover them later.

Once the runway facility is complete, we need to turn to making orbiters reusable. Cue the tanker variant (by this point we should have more spaceplanes than the world's largest airline has airplanes).

This all continues on until we've achieved runway-based moon landings with passengers on our passenger model, and we've established an ever-growing city based around this core hotel/research complex/spaceport. The next item on the list is to begin lunar prospecting and turn our guns to Mars (which unfortunately, we probably won't be able to use a variation on our initial spaceplane design for)

Elapsed time? I'd aim for 20 years.
I AM A SEXY, SHOELESS GOD OF WAR!
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