//Poised with spoon near face
Douchie McDoucherson: (Name) do you have a moment?
//sets spoon down
Me: Sure, what can I help you with?
D McD: I'm going out to lunch and I need these documents scanned and in the database before I get back.
Me: Ok, I can get that done. Just set them there and I'll have at it once I'm finished eating.
D McD: This is very important, I'm sure your lunch can wait.
Me: This is my lunch break. I'm sure I can scan //glance// ten documents and place the essentials in the database before you get back from lunch.
D McD: I'd rather you did it now. I'm sure you don't want me to go tell your supervisor.
Me: //interlacing my fingers and resting my chin on my hands// I'm sure that I'd rather you do it yourself. However, since I'm a swell guy, I'll do it for you. Now, ma'am, I'll kindly ask you to leave the papers in my "to do" box, and be about your day. Once I am finished with my lunch, I'll get right on your request.
//She storms off, fifteen minutes later my boss shows up//
Boss: So...uh, how was your lunch?
Me: Better, after (name) left. Why?
Boss: She says you told her you wouldn't do as she asked. Said you were too busy with your lunch? Doesn't sound like you.
Me: Yeah, I told her I'd take care of it after I finished eating. I had a spare 10 minutes between meetings, and wanted to stop my stomach from sounding the charge during the HQR meeting. She said she was going out to lunch, and since the closest restaurant to here is 20 minutes by car, I figured I'd have the time to scan her 10 single page documents before I had to worry about her returning. Light alone knows what mystical energies I'd have to use in order to process them, likely I'll have to sacrifice ten virgin olives to the Dread Lord Va'Kexc in order to make the time limit. What with thirty whole minutes to do it. I mean, ten pages? Good Gouda, that's almost three minutes a page? How could I POSSIBLY make that time line? You know, scanning these documents may actually require //conspiratorial whisper//...thinking...//normal voice// and we both know I can't do that, now can I? I'm not a fully qualified PA like her. I don't have my PhD in Physical Therapy. I just, you know, happen to speak seven languages. Have four college degrees. Useless stuff like that.
//Boss is in tears//
Me: So, I finished doing the job four minutes ago. Anything else you need done? An assassination? Maybe some global intrigue stirred up before I go about my day?
- Ochigo the Earth-Stomper
The EGE wrote:
Mumpy wrote:And to this day, librarians revile Oregonaut as the Antichrist.
False! We sacrifice our card catalogues to him in the name of Job Security!