Ahh, a place to rant, I've needed this...
I'm tired. Like Mancini in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, I'm tired. Sometimes I just feel dead, as if I always have been and that I always will be. The other day I just laid in bed for 18 hours, thinking, and drifting in and out of sleep. I'm tired of always taking the blame for things that often aren't my fault. I'm tired of doing a large portion of the work on a semester long group project the night before it was due alone. I'm tired of myself. I'm tired of this ugly, shy person that my mind inhabits. I think of all the lofty goals that I had set for myself and I wonder, "do I even want that?" Then I remember that I feel like I owe it to my parents to be successful and to make something of my life. I'm tired of the pressure I put on myself. I'm tired of being so alone, and I'm tired of never doing anything to change.
Tomorrow, I will do what I have for the last couple years. I will wake up and tell myself to live life differently, to do what I want to do, to live, laugh, love, and enjoy. Then I will go throughout the day as normal, and go to bed, tired, and thinking tomorrow will be different.
I'm tired of telling myself that one day everything will be fine, but I'm not tired of believing it.
I'm never sarcastic.