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Jave D
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Jave D » Sun Dec 04, 2011 5:56 pm UTC

I wrote this last night.

There must be something seriously wrong with a man when his snoring becomes this loud. It is an utterly unhealthful sound; it sounds like roughly two or three tons of phlegm must be moved up and down his esophagus with each breath. It sounds like the kind of noise a prehistoric crocodile might make. It doesn't seem possible that a human being is capable of making this sound. It's only somewhat reminiscent to the sound made when you drag a large, heavy, wooden bookcase across a thick wood floor in a large room with echoes. It sounds like something is being scuffed and scraped in a bad way. It's like the sound of a tearing piece of paper - if that sound was recorded, slowed down in tempo, lowered in pitch, and amplified in volume to the point where car alarms might go off and dogs start barking. I've lived through my fair share of earthquakes, including the northern parts of the Oakridge quakes, but I slept through them and can't really tell you what they sounded like. This sound however sounds like what they ought to be like. It sounds like tectonic plates grinding against each other. It sounds like a horrific, repeated fart into a small room from which one cannot escape. There's a pinched quality to it at places, which I'm sure has something to do with his throat occasionally protesting the fact that it's being made to do such things. In these times it sounds like about five tons of phlegm trying to go up and down a tunnel made only for a small jet of air. Sometimes it's very alarming, punctuated with gasps and rasps and even moments of near-silence - but the feeling of alarm fades, knowing as I do that this too will pass, and it does. The silence is the worst part. White noise you could get used to. But the silences lull you into suspecting - praying, really - that it's possible to relax. That one might get back to sleep after that precious few minutes that started before he went to his snoring stages. But it's not possible and there is no relent. As if with a vengeance, the snoring returns, more frequently and louder than before. Either his inhale or his exhale is a normal, relatively soft breathing sound - but either his exhale or his inhale is the snore, and it's more snore than any man should be capable of. How does it not wake him up? How does it not wake God up? Why is this only a mob and a riot for the man trapped in his room? As I ask these questions the noise ebbs downward, becomes almost tolerable - but then not. And it's this irregularity which is truly maddening. One can get used to loud, regular noises. Waves at the beach are thunderously loud but so regular as to actually be immensely soothing. But no snore is quite the sname as any other snore. It's impossible to get used to in a sort of meditative trance-like fashion, to accept it, to welcome the sound into the brain like a familiar and therefore happy noise. It's impossible to block out, too. Earplugs dampen the sound, muffle it - so that instead of about 1000% madness and chaos, it's only 950% madness and chaos. This fact is itself, too, maddening. It's impossible to think of anything else when being subjected to the man's snore. Trying to do so only colors those thoughts with the racousness of the snore, only makes whatever one thinks about something so utterly negative as to be an act of pure venomous defiance against God Himself. Ah! The snorer awakens. Perhaps now is my chance. He's gotten up to use the toilet, to eat a yoghurt. But I'm not even going to try. See, he's done with that now, getting back into bed: have some snoring to attend to, can't miss out on that. I don't like being an asshole about this, you know. He's not a bad guy in the least. And the fact that we're roommates is really just luck of the draw here, it's no fault of his own, and certainly no one can be blamed for their own sleep apnea or whatever. But there are times, times like these, when I get suspicious and paranoid and wonder if he's doing it on purpose. What would he have to gain by driving me insane? Well, I'd go out and get drunk or high, and then escorted from this place, and he'd have the room all to himself. So there's that. Yes, he has motive. Opportunity? Apparently that part comes naturally. Means? Yes, this snoring has the capability to destroy my sanity. It does. Intent? Well, that I can't know, so this one's not a conviction, just some food for thought. Ah, there we go: the early stages are starting again. It begins as a whistling sort of "pshew" sound with each breath, which I imagine is made by mouth-breathing in a flopping sort of uneven manner. Then that gets clouded. Phlegm starts working. His throat isn't yet performing yet, but it will momentarily. That's when the real volume kicks in. Even now his breaths - and they are just breath sounds - are becoming terrifyingly great in proportion. This is where we change from the normal to the abnormal, the tolerable to the intolerable. Now it's a sort of bellowing "whoosh" which periodically comes, as if there is no inhale/exhale cycle at all and instead just a suspiciously regular short gust of wind. The irregularity factor is picking up, too. Now it's soft and okay, now it's explosive and alarming; now short, now long, now clear, now whistling. Always those silences trip me up. A small, dying, desperate part of me - the part that wants to stop this writing and, I don't know, get some sleep - seizes onto those silences like a drowning man grabbing onto anything or anyone that floats. Every single one! And the noise volume recedes, the thing becomes nigh tolerable, lulling me toward this illusory option. Were I to give in, however, I would soon find out how little I enjoy being right. The throat is starting to pick up even now. The blows of wind on his exhales are followed and preceded by a slow, grinding, soft but - oh my ears are so well attuned - definitely present snore. It's a tricky night tonight; even this isn't steady but comes and goes, again tantalizing and tempting me with the delusion that all I need do is close my eyes and relax and suddenly it will be morning and I will have rested. Apparently crickets make a chirping sound not with their vocal chords (or whatever an insect might have as equivalent) but by rubbing those sharp, scaley, evil alien legs against their sharp, exoskeletal, also evil and alien bodies. Somewhat like playing the violin not with a bow, but with the serrated edge of some long knife. This is what the main sound of the snore brings to mind. He's only getting warmed up now though. It has been almost an hour, and surely only a few minutes now since he's returned to bed, and still the main performance is yet to come. When he first moved in, he went to sleep early and I decided out of respect to turn out the lights and sleep when he did too. The window for such kindness is now very small. Not only would I probably not do that if I could, but I literally cannot do this! Not without chemical aid. If I soaked my brain in enough drugs perhaps that would make it all okay for a while. But now I find myself plotting even worse things. Maybe I could soak his brain instead of mine; could that possibly be done and if so, how? Perhaps I could give him a present, some clever book perhaps, like "How to Stop Snoring in Three Easy Steps." Perhaps I could commit murder. No, that's too dramatic. Instead I think of leaping up out of bed, shaking him awake, and shouting: "In the NAME of the Lord JEsus CHRIST! MARY Mother of God in Heaven, Holy Jesus on a Stick, the Power of Jesus compels you, stop snoring, for the love of God, for the love of God!" But that wouldn't be good either. I'm dealing with a simple force here. A force like gravity. The more he snores, the more weight his snoring has, the more my attention, like some hapless interplanetary NASA probe, is pulled in. No amount of wishing is going to change the gravitational constant of the universe. And what if I woke up some morning and he was dead? Wouldn't I feel just stupidly horrible about my vile, petty, spiteful little writings here? I'd feel as if I'd killed him with my thoughts, which I know isn't the case and can't be the case because if my thoughts could do such a thing, surely they'd have already silenced him with some much more effective solution. A part of me wants to join in with the snoring myself - he doesn't seem bothered in the least by it. Maybe snoring lulls him to sleep? Maybe misery loves company and if everybody in the house heard the combined and potent power of our phlegm duet, something would change. Some good might come out of it. More likely, I'd just feel like an asshole, and would still not sleep. He's not snoring - has the clackety clack of my keyboard keys kept him from that? Is it the glowing artificial light of my computer screen? I hope not -- and yet, I hope exactly that. Then he too could know the depths of my suffering, and it would be retribution and comeuppance and all that. Maybe he can use sound to keep me awake while I keep light to keep him awake, each trying to passive-aggressively outdo the other, hoping that one day our efforts will drive the other insanse and we will at last know peace. Little knowing of course that we are already as insane as it is possible to be. Just utterly cracked. I mean, shit, look at me! I've been going on for hours about this subject and already it's clear I'm nowhere near done yet. As I type this he has loudened his explosive, all too brief exhales. They remind me somewhat of Darth Vader, in the "per" part of his characteristic "ko-per" helmet breathing sound. Only this would be the Darth Vader helmet with a microphone set up right. But my neck can't take this hunched sitting, my mind desperately wants to sleep, and so I must try... perhaps I will fall asleep before it gets too bad, and by the grace of God rest through til morning when I can drag myself out of bed and go meet the day with a cheerless and zombielike demeanor. Perhaps. A part of me hopes.

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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Cathy » Sun Dec 04, 2011 6:56 pm UTC

I know this is a rant, but it's quite possible he has sleep apnea.
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Link » Sun Dec 04, 2011 10:17 pm UTC

Ptolom wrote:If I can't fix this oscilloscope by the end of the weeked, I'm just going to declare the whole thing a pile of crap and canibalise it for parts. It is slowly driving me insane with it's dodgy power supply, unlocatable arcing, and spider infestation.

Clearly you need to increase the voltage. That will make the arcing locatable, and it should take care of the spider infestation as well.

#nothelping

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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Magnanimous » Sun Dec 04, 2011 11:52 pm UTC

No the L... ping?

Oh. Not helping.

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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Ptolom » Mon Dec 05, 2011 12:19 am UTC

Link wrote:
Ptolom wrote:If I can't fix this oscilloscope by the end of the weeked, I'm just going to declare the whole thing a pile of crap and canibalise it for parts. It is slowly driving me insane with it's dodgy power supply, unlocatable arcing, and spider infestation.

Clearly you need to increase the voltage. That will make the arcing locatable, and it should take care of the spider infestation as well.

#nothelping

I solved the problem by putting it on a shelf and vowing never to look at it again.

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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby RoadieRich » Mon Dec 05, 2011 12:50 am UTC

Ptolom wrote:
Link wrote:
Ptolom wrote:If I can't fix this oscilloscope by the end of the weeked, I'm just going to declare the whole thing a pile of crap and canibalise it for parts. It is slowly driving me insane with it's dodgy power supply, unlocatable arcing, and spider infestation.

Clearly you need to increase the voltage. That will make the arcing locatable, and it should take care of the spider infestation as well.

#nothelping

I solved the problem by putting it on a shelf and vowing never to look at it again.

That was my solution for a CB radio with just the last problem. Along with dropping it and swearing loudly.
73, de KE8BSL loc EN26.

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Jave D
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Jave D » Mon Dec 05, 2011 5:28 am UTC

Cathy wrote:I know this is a rant, but it's quite possible he has sleep apnea.


I know this, but the knowing doesn't really help. The ranting does!

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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Cathy » Mon Dec 05, 2011 5:44 am UTC

Jave D wrote:
Cathy wrote:I know this is a rant, but it's quite possible he has sleep apnea.


I know this, but the knowing doesn't really help. The ranting does!

Wooohooo Panting! :lol:
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Jave D
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Jave D » Mon Dec 05, 2011 6:00 am UTC

Without panting, where would I be?

And on that note: The snoring commences again.
I sense this is gonna be a rough week.

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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby SlyReaper » Mon Dec 05, 2011 6:57 am UTC

Oh bloody hell, some of my neighbours were up almost all fucking night chatting away loudly in their back gardens, and I haven't had a wink of sleep because of it. They finally shut the hell up at 4:22 in the morning, by which point I couldn't get back to sleep. Now I'm going to be all cross and irritable all day.

There was also singing, but at least they had the courtesy to do that indoors so the sound was slightly muffled.
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Steax » Mon Dec 05, 2011 9:13 am UTC

Dear people who write product customer reviews on the internet:

Do not name your review's title with the object's name.

Image

It makes less than half an ounce of sense, and is as intelligent as naming your final paper "My Holiday".

Thank you.
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Menacing Spike » Mon Dec 05, 2011 12:00 pm UTC

uh
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby I Am Raven » Mon Dec 05, 2011 1:19 pm UTC

Yes, that kind of caught my eye too.
Ptolom wrote:penis

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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Steax » Mon Dec 05, 2011 2:34 pm UTC

So... you seriously thought I hadn't dug into the HTML source, and there was a product named "AwesomeNuts Word Editor 2009"?








... rats, there goes my new startup name.
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Xeio » Mon Dec 05, 2011 4:40 pm UTC

Wait, does that mean the part about the pet lobster named Simba is a lie too? :cry:

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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Ptolom » Mon Dec 05, 2011 5:02 pm UTC

Xeio wrote:Wait, does that mean the part about the pet lobster named Simba is a lie too? :cry:

Now I don't know what to believe. :?

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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby nehpest » Mon Dec 05, 2011 8:15 pm UTC

Re: sleep deprivation.

I feel you. When I arrived home from Thanksgiving, I learned that my landlord had brought in two new tenants for the room next to mine - a fact I learned, I might add, from walking in my front door to find them rearranging my belongings in the common area of the house.

Since that time, I have learned a number of other, equally pleasing facts:
  • One or both of them have the most disgusting smoker's cough I have ever heard.
  • They apparently don't have a key to the house (wtf?) so when they come home after the bars close, they either rap on the door until someone lets them in, or let themselves in through the back sliding door (which they thoughtfully leave unlocked all night). I live in a relatively safe neighborhood, but that doesn't mean I want to enable random passersby to come and go at will.
  • They have absolutely no respect for personal property; they are quite fond of using my cookery (which I don't mind, provided they ask first) and my expendibles (which I absolutely DO mind, since I'm a broke student and they have contributed nothing in return).
  • They have absolutely no respect for boundaries; since they joined us, they have completely reorganized everything my girlfriend and I had stored in the kitchen, including our food in the fridge/freezer and our plates/cutlery/etc. They never mentioned anything about it, and so I've spent roughly a third of my "cooking" time searching for equipment and ingredients that were not where they belong.
  • They apparently have no respect for other persons' sleep needs. As a representative sample, I present my sleeping experience last night: first, we were treated to loud sex (this is a whole 'nother rant unto itself, but I digress). Then, once the noise finally subsided, I was able to get to sleep - until about 2AM. Then, one of them coughed themselves awake, and spent the next few minutes hacking up a goddamned lung. This apparently woke the other, and they spent the next hour and a half talking and giggling, louder and louder. They finally shut up sometime before 4AM. I was so agitated I didn't get to sleep until just before 5, which is when my landlord generally gets up (did I mention I have exams today?). I wish this were a rare occurrence, but as I mentioned this is pretty much par for the course.

It seems that my landlord has a soft spot for what were once euphemistically called "hard-luck cases," which is reasonable since he spent ~30 years as a social worker. This is generally a good thing, since he is a kind sort of man. However, his most recent soft spot are the most disagreeable pair I've ever had the misfortune to live with. I signed up to live with him and his charming girlfriend, not a damn halfway house.

In conclusion, I hate these people, and want them to go far away. This post probably makes me a bad person. When I've had a decent night's sleep, I'll probably recant if not the facts, then the vitriol with which they've been presented.
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby ExplodingHat » Mon Dec 05, 2011 10:50 pm UTC

I get a call this morning that I'm supposed to play music at a funeral on Wednesday. The church gave me the number to the mortuary because the family didn't leave contact information. I call the mortuary and get the information, thereby apparently confirming for the guy there that the funeral is actually going to take place after all (wtf?). I call the number for the family, and a guy who sounded very drunk and angry answered, believing the funeral was on Thursday, claiming they're "changing shit" on him, and that he doesn't want any music. I call the mortuary again, and they say that particular guy was not involved in planning the thing in any way, but at the same time they can't get ahold of the family members who actually know anything about what's going on and they're going to have to try emailing someone I guess? This really should not be that complicated. :|
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Jumble » Mon Dec 05, 2011 11:12 pm UTC

Ok, so you buy some watch parts from me on eBay. I've admitted in the listing I'm no damn expert and all I can tell you is it's a watch movement number so-and-so and it goes tick. You bought it sold-as-seen, no return, etc etc.

Now you tell me the hour wheel is missing. I've no idea what that is. You are the 3rd areshole to try this trick on me. It's very simple: cos I'm a nice guy, send the whole thing back and I'll give you a full refund, lick my wounds and have another go at selling it. Or live with it, I don't care. If you think I'm going to give you a discount, i.e. a chunk of my families Christmas budget because you paid over the odds and now think you are a bloody expert you can, in my humble opinion, fuck right off. Kind regards, etc.
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Jave D
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Jave D » Tue Dec 06, 2011 5:23 am UTC

Pissed off, resentful, lonely, exhausted, sleepless, irritable.

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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Garm » Tue Dec 06, 2011 6:04 am UTC

Jave D wrote:Pissed off, resentful, lonely, exhausted, sleepless, irritable.


Lame, dude. That all sucks. Sleeping around people with sleep apnea sucks butt. Either they snore horribly or their breathing masks wheeze in a very disconcerting fashion. You have my sympathy. I've used ear plugs before but that never gets me a good nights sleep since I hate the feeling of having something in my ears.
Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Kang » Tue Dec 06, 2011 1:52 pm UTC

Re: funeral:

This was a month ago, but since ExplodingHat brought up the topic: why is it that the official side of inheritance matters seem to be impossible in case of the family not fighting over who gets what? What the hell? Did they set up the law believing that such a case would just never happen?

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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Yakk » Tue Dec 06, 2011 2:22 pm UTC

Error: too many negatives. Parser overload.
One of the painful things about our time is that those who feel certainty are stupid, and those with any imagination and understanding are filled with doubt and indecision - BR

Last edited by JHVH on Fri Oct 23, 4004 BCE 6:17 pm, edited 6 times in total.

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Steax
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Steax » Tue Dec 06, 2011 2:33 pm UTC

Yakk wrote:Error: too many negatives. Parser overload.


A FAQ from a web service I read today:

Q: What if I'm not satisfied? Can I have a refund?
A: If you're not fully satisfied by out product, you aren't allowed to not continue your subscription, unless you haven't been using the product for under 5 years.


Took me a few minutes to parse.
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby elminster » Tue Dec 06, 2011 5:12 pm UTC

I hate when people excessively repeat subtext to the point of awkwardness. It's like, not really addressing something, so you can't directly argue against it, but they always can claim ignorance if you do question it; either way, you lose. So now I deliberately put incorrect context to them to force them to address it or just make it seem totally invalid/incorrect. Then aggressively destroy their meta-argument used to convey some subtext message. Sure, it's straw man argument in a way, but then they have to point it out leading to the fact that they had a specific context in mind rather than the ones I'm talking about.

If you want to hint something, hint it and finish. If you want to stress something so much, just say it for f**k sake. Don't try to have a long subtext monologue while talking to someone, there's nothing to converse about since there's no solid context unless someone injects one. It just becomes annoying after a while.

That's a poor explanation of what I mean, since I'm not too good at describing that. I can't really think of a short example either since it's mainly and issue when it's done over excessively long periods relative to the conversation.
Kang wrote:Re: funeral:

This was a month ago, but since ExplodingHat brought up the topic: why is it that the official side of inheritance matters seem to be impossible in case of the family not fighting over who gets what? What the hell? Did they set up the law believing that such a case would just never happen?
For the last 2 years (and will proceed for another year) our extended family has argued over inheritance. It's going to court sometime next year, but in our case it's sort of subjective. I don't think there could have been a line drawn, despite the fact that the deceased involved repeatedly said she wanted things to be equal. It's a shame really, the only people who win will be the lawyers.
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby emceng » Tue Dec 06, 2011 5:55 pm UTC

Stupid customers. We have one that asks us to quote projects every 2-3 months. And so every 2-3 months, we put numbers together, and send them a quote. And then they do the projects at their facility. Really, the only thing it seems they are doing is using our quotes to show their management how valuable they are. They haven't brought us anything in 4+ years, yet they keep asking for quotes. I wish we could just tell them to get lost.
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby meridian » Tue Dec 06, 2011 6:05 pm UTC

Get clearance to tell this particular company that your quotes are no longer free? You're likely providing very useful consultation on price ranges and time frames, allowing them to give those numbers to their financial people and prove they are doing them cheaper in-house.
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby rath358 » Tue Dec 06, 2011 6:38 pm UTC

elminster wrote:
Kang wrote:Re: funeral:

This was a month ago, but since ExplodingHat brought up the topic: why is it that the official side of inheritance matters seem to be impossible in case of the family not fighting over who gets what? What the hell? Did they set up the law believing that such a case would just never happen?
For the last 2 years (and will proceed for another year) our extended family has argued over inheritance. It's going to court sometime next year, but in our case it's sort of subjective. I don't think there could have been a line drawn, despite the fact that the deceased involved repeatedly said she wanted things to be equal. It's a shame really, the only people who win will be the lawyers.

It took them SIX YEARS to close my grandmother's estate. To say it was a huge mess would be a vast understatement.

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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby SecondTalon » Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:13 pm UTC

rath358 wrote:
elminster wrote:
Kang wrote:Re: funeral:

This was a month ago, but since ExplodingHat brought up the topic: why is it that the official side of inheritance matters seem to be impossible in case of the family not fighting over who gets what? What the hell? Did they set up the law believing that such a case would just never happen?
For the last 2 years (and will proceed for another year) our extended family has argued over inheritance. It's going to court sometime next year, but in our case it's sort of subjective. I don't think there could have been a line drawn, despite the fact that the deceased involved repeatedly said she wanted things to be equal. It's a shame really, the only people who win will be the lawyers.

It took them SIX YEARS to close my grandmother's estate. To say it was a huge mess would be a vast understatement.
My wife's grandfather's estate is still open, but it's soon to be closed. The main complication was that he named all three grandchildren as executors. Including the one who lives in the Carolinas.

For those not in the know, when dealing with an estate, any and all executors have to sign any and all paperwork. There's... a lot of paperwork.

We were also lucky in that no one really argued about who should get what.


But yeah.. Protips for everyone.

1. Have a Will. Not a handwritten will, go find a lawyer who specializes in Wills and have them write it up.
2. Name One (1) Executor. If you don't trust your family, get the lawyer to do it. They will execute the shit out of your estate, because you'll pay them to do so.
3. If you want to be sure someone gets something specific (Like your collection of fine gold-plated dildos), or that it's split equally, define it as such in the Will. The lawyer should be doing their job here in getting it laid out correctly. Even if it's "Sell everything to Tom Stone who has already said he'll buy it for X, split X and the bank account six equal ways and hand each share to the six individuals listed", that will should probably be three or four pages, just covering the legalese of it all.
4. Did I mention getting a lawyer to write the will yet? Totally do that.
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Menacing Spike » Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:26 pm UTC

Wouldn't a gold dildo be very painful? Also since you said "collection" I assume it includes dragon dildos; those would be downright life-threatening.

edit: oh goddamnit this exists
Last edited by Menacing Spike on Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:34 pm UTC, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby emceng » Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:28 pm UTC

Yeah, it took forever to clear my grandfather's estate. His will was pretty clear but you had major problems like 1) executor was my aunt, 2) professional accountant who did the taxes fucked it up six ways from Sunday and ended up making the estate pay 3 times the tax it was supposed to, 3) selling the house took forever, as it happened right when the market crashed, 4) my aunt passed away, and her executor was not friendly to my mom taking over the grandfather's stuff, 5) items that were supposed to be given to my mother were 'lost' - aka, probably sold and not accounted for. When my mom raised a fuss about this, and deducted the value from the disbursement to the aunt's estate, they threatened a lawsuit.

Yeah, it was a complete clusterfuck.
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby SlyReaper » Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:31 pm UTC

I'm getting my will written up in a couple of weeks time. It's not something I thought I'd be doing at 25, but there's no time like the present. The trouble is that everyone I can possibly leave my stuff to are all at least a generation older than me, and thus likely to die before I do. Who gets it after that?

Rant: I keep falling asleep at my desk.

Okay it's not as bad as that, but my eyelids certainly get heavy and I get to the point of almost nodding off. What's more, I could almost set my watch by it. Around 10am to 11am, it's like there's some timer switch in my brain that wants me to sleep at that time. If my desk wasn't right next to the main walk way through the office, I might even be tempted to give in to it.
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby ShootTheChicken » Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:47 pm UTC

Menacing Spike wrote:edit: oh goddamnit this exists


NOT SAFE FOR WORK
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Jumble » Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:49 pm UTC

I had a friend who, for some reason, found the xpereince of becoming a father for the first time somewhat tiring. He had his own office in those days, with a door, and took to napping underneath his desk with a pen in his hand, That way, if he ws woken up by his office door opening he could crawl out waving the pen and say 'Found it!'
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby SlyReaper » Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:55 pm UTC

We have open plan offices. Even the managers don't get their own offices; they're in with the rest of us underlings. It's great for getting work done, not so great for taking a sneaky nap at 10 in the morning.
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Aiea » Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:59 pm UTC

Jumble wrote:I had a friend who, for some reason, found the xpereince of becoming a father for the first time somewhat tiring. He had his own office in those days, with a door, and took to napping underneath his desk with a pen in his hand, That way, if he ws woken up by his office door opening he could crawl out waving the pen and say 'Found it!'


That only works if you don't have rug/cable/arm/sleeve imprint on your face.

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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby Whelan » Tue Dec 06, 2011 8:03 pm UTC

He also kept a pillow under there. What I'm more surprised by is the idea that he found becoming a father tiring.
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby SecondTalon » Tue Dec 06, 2011 8:04 pm UTC

And if you're able to go from sleep to complete coherent wakefulness in .5 seconds. Because otherwise you'll say "Mmrhph? Ohm.. I 'ound m' pem. (five second pause) Unddr d' desk." rather than "Oh, I found my pen, under the desk."
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby emceng » Tue Dec 06, 2011 8:21 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:And if you're able to go from sleep to complete coherent wakefulness in .5 seconds. Because otherwise you'll say "Mmrhph? Ohm.. I 'ound m' pem. (five second pause) Unddr d' desk." rather than "Oh, I found my pen, under the desk."


Obvious solution is to bang your head against the desk on your way out. Then you can be less coherent for a few moments.
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Re: Pant Thread (because we need more panting)

Postby ShootTheChicken » Tue Dec 06, 2011 8:31 pm UTC

Or lock your door so people have to knock.
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