weird social roles you find yourself in

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weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby netsplit » Mon Jun 16, 2008 7:42 pm UTC

Mine is counselor. I don't know why my friends listen to me, I'm usually more nutty up then they are. Prolly cause I listen, ask them about stuff when something seems off, don't sugar coat things, and tell a few jokes to try to cheer em up if they need it. It seems to help so apparently I know what I'm talking about. Which utterly confuses me; by most standards my life is a mess lol.

Only thing I can figure is I'm used to dealing with my own screwballness so theirs is a piece of cake.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby H.E.L.e.N. » Mon Jun 16, 2008 9:47 pm UTC

There are a couple of my old friends I think of as the 'hub' -- they're the host of the parties, they're somewhat more outgoing, but have a bunch of quieter people who circle around them who aren't really friends with each other. I'm...one of the people in orbit. (I want to make a solar system analogy, but all the ones I can think of are lame. I think I'm at Earth-level with B. With R, especially since she got married and moved away, it's more like Neptune.)

My newer friends don't follow that pattern, though. Which is super cool.

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby zten » Mon Jun 16, 2008 9:53 pm UTC

helen wrote:There are a couple of my old friends I think of as the 'hub' -- they're the host of the parties, they're somewhat more outgoing, but have a bunch of quieter people who circle around them who aren't really friends with each other. I'm...one of the people in orbit. (I want to make a solar system analogy, but all the ones I can think of are lame. I think I'm at Earth-level with B. With R, especially since she got married and moved away, it's more like Neptune.)


This sounds similar to the way I behave. I think Pluto is accurate for me.

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Belial » Mon Jun 16, 2008 9:55 pm UTC

Confidant.

This is a fucking terrible role for me, because I'm absolutely awful at keeping secrets, and everyone knows it. Why they keep (or kept, before I went into semi-isolation) telling me things is beyond me.

Not that I didn't enjoy knowing things.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Masuri » Mon Jun 16, 2008 10:27 pm UTC

I find myself in the counselor role, too, and as many of you have figured out, I'm not particularly sympathetic or consoling. I'm more 'guy-like' in my advice. I'm Ms. Fix-it. Instead of, "Oh, you poor thing" I am more likely to say, "Dump that asshole, why are you putting up with that?" Then people will get snarky at me. And it's like, you know me. You know I'm going to say that. If you don't want to know what I think, don't ask...

Grrr.

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby cypherspace » Mon Jun 16, 2008 10:31 pm UTC

I used to be counsellor. No longer. I gave up.

I was also the hub of my social circle, until I had to move cities. My house used to be the general meeting place. People would turn up unannounced and generally hang around, chatting and having fun, and on Sundays we'd all get together to watch Top Gear and 24. Since I've moved away the circle has broken up to an extent, and become a couple of separate circles. I miss having that sort of social life, it's not the same where I am now. But that's life, eh? When I go back to visit, everyone does usually get together, which is nice.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby tin » Mon Jun 16, 2008 10:42 pm UTC

helen wrote:There are a couple of my old friends I think of as the 'hub' -- they're the host of the parties, they're somewhat more outgoing, but have a bunch of quieter people who circle around them who aren't really friends with each other. I'm...one of the people in orbit.


Another orbiter, here. Not too sure if i'm happy with it, but then again, I've never really been the 'hub' of a group. It usually takes me a while to get to know people and get to the 'center' of a group. When I get around to knowing someone who's in the middle of it all, the friendship situation has usually changed (people have moved away/fallen out with each other etc).

Although, in saying all that, I haven't been involved in a large social group setting in yeeeears and can pretty much count my friends on one hand.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby tryptanymph » Mon Jun 16, 2008 11:41 pm UTC

I'm the dump truck.

Yeah, you heard me.

I'm the guy that people use to unload ALL THEIR FEELINGS.

Seriously, I had known this one girl in college (super low self esteem) who, after me knowing her for about 3 weeks, decided to tell me why she thinks she's useless, and why her parents hate her, and why she does this and that...

GAH! Do I have a flashing neon sign above my head that says, "Hey! Come tell me all your troubles! I can help!"

I can't help you!

:|

But I hate to say that sort of thing to them, because they generally get offended, and then bitch about me behind my back.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby mrbaggins » Mon Jun 16, 2008 11:47 pm UTC

Counsellor, confidant... yeah, they're both me.

At the moment though, I'm my own goddamn wingman, and I need someone to take that spot from me.

I like this girl, but her friend is all over me, and while she is, the one I like barely speaks to me. Someone take her away and talk to her damnit!
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Masuri » Mon Jun 16, 2008 11:49 pm UTC

sleepygamer wrote:But I hate to say that sort of thing to them, because they generally get offended, and then bitch about me behind my back.


But at least they stop whining to your face. And, frankly, with those people that's all I care about. ;)

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Mmmm, Pi » Mon Jun 16, 2008 11:50 pm UTC

I'm generally the go to person when people have a question they don't know the answer to. Most of the time I have no more idea then they do, but apparently what I come up with off the top of my head always sounds alright, so people listen to it. On the flip side, anything I do actually think about before I say it usually has people disagreeing with me left, right and centre, so I usually just say what sounds alright at the time.

I'm also usually the organiser of my social circle back home. Mainly because they are so lazy unless somebody does the busy work of making sure that they will all be at the same place at the same time and rings round about five times to make sure everybody still remembers and can still come, then they won't do anything. That and I like my friends from sixth form. I want to see them when we are all roughly in the same area, and I'm not going to let a little thing like lazy people get in my way.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby apricity » Mon Jun 16, 2008 11:58 pm UTC

Generally, I'm the observer. I watch everyone around me, and I'll tell anyone who's willing to listen what I've observed about other people. This is why my roommate and I get along so well; we have hour-long conversations deeply analyzing each of our friends. Due to this, I've also become a good adviser, because I've seen so many mistakes and figured out how to fix or make the best of them. And I think I'm sort of a safety net for a bunch of my friends, the person who's always there when they need someone stable even if we don't actually talk too often otherwise. I don't mind any of those roles... I have plenty of friends and I like how they all play very different roles in my life, and how I play different roles in theirs.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Julie » Tue Jun 17, 2008 1:41 am UTC

Somehow, I became the "parent" of my friends. I'm not really, I just carry an emergency kit with me to all of our major functions (homecoming, prom, class trips, et cetera... basically, anywhere where anything could possibly go wrong). It has painkillers, bandaids, tissues, safety pins (for fixing dresses), tampons, a laundry wipe (in case someone gets food on herself),quarters, and hand sanitizer. Before you call me crazy, ALL of those items have been lifesavers at one point or another. If something is useless, it gets taken out of the kit. I'd totally carry a Swiss army knife, but that's kind of a weapon nowadays.

I also keep track of the time and make sure that we leave when we need to in order to be at our next destination on time, and I ALWAYS have to be the one to stop my friends from doing reckless things, like climbing over a guard rail to take a photo. They're nuts, someone has to take care of them. They call me mother when I'm being too uptight about it.

The weirdest thing is that even though I'm motherly towards my friends, I do not want children and I don't like kids at all.

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby kellsbells » Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:04 am UTC

Another orbiter here. It's so obviously apparent who is the "sun" and who are the "planets" in my social solar system that we all reference and joke about it.

Also, I used to be the comic relief... I got invited everywhere because I was funny and kept everyone entertained. These days, however, I seem to act more as a go-between. I know a lot of people and don't mind talking to new people, so I act as a nice buffer between groups.

...It's very odd thinking of myself this way. Thank God I am not the organizer/hub of my group... it's like social chess!
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby netsplit » Tue Jun 17, 2008 4:36 am UTC

Belial wrote:Confidant.

This is a fucking terrible role for me, because I'm absolutely awful at keeping secrets, and everyone knows it. Why they keep (or kept, before I went into semi-isolation) telling me things is beyond me.

Not that I didn't enjoy knowing things.


Some people just have a "trust me" vibe. Not to blame the victim but it's prolly something you do without realizing it, or maybe you're just fun to tell secrets too.:p
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby podbaydoor » Tue Jun 17, 2008 5:48 am UTC

I think I count as "extra appendage."

I keep ending up friends with people solely because I'm dating someone in that social circle. The (good) friends I made for myself, I can count on roughly two fingers.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby scowdich » Tue Jun 17, 2008 6:05 am UTC

I'm always sort of the "project" of social groups I'm in. Everyone's convinced there's something wrong with me that they can fix, and that I need them to.

When I'm not a work of art, I'm the counselor, but in a more passive role; I guess I'm just a good listener.

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby podbaydoor » Tue Jun 17, 2008 6:10 am UTC

scowdich wrote:I'm always sort of the "project" of social groups I'm in. Everyone's convinced there's something wrong with me that they can fix, and that I need them to.

That's what happened to me freshman year with my roommate and a few others who took me, the described "awkward duckling," under their wing. Clothes, tact, social niceties, cooking, relationship advice, everything.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby 4=5 » Tue Jun 17, 2008 7:03 am UTC

lovable annoyence?

I'm constantly making comments to the effects of "that's what your momma said last night" but everybody likes me, I poke at people I go to far into their personal space I'll do anything for a reaction, yet people seek me out and enjoy spending time with me. I'm utterly confused I was hoping I'd get girls to quit having crushes on me but it hasn't worked.

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Mercy » Tue Jun 17, 2008 9:24 am UTC

I'm the Sun in my group of IT nerds, as well as a bossy parent and a confidant for the choice few.

Didn't use to be like that, in High School I was the bitchy smartass who kept to herself, College thankfully knocked some sense in me and some less socially-conscious people into my orbit. :>
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Maseiken » Tue Jun 17, 2008 9:36 am UTC

I'm like a comet (to keep up with the funky analogy)
I'm aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the way out there in space, but I AM actually orbiting a sun (He's pretty cool, he wants to start up a Theatre Company, which I would be in on, except I'm doing a GAP year next year)
Anyway, yeah, most of the time I'm aaaaaaaaall the way out there, bound to the system only by the light of that sun, then, every now and then, I go rushing through the system at breakneck speed
"He did WHAT? Oh no she didn't! Holy shit!
What's that? Who's she? Where's he going? How you doin'? This is an awesome party! did you hear about *Such-and-such*? I Know! I'm going to a LAN now, this is awesome!"
Then, once all the craziness is over, I go out into space again, once again only linked by a single body, but with all sorts of new stuff from my recent sojourn.

Eventually, I'll probably collide with something on my way through, perhaps ruining it's natural systems as I pass close by, or perhaps bonding permanently into it's presence as my shattering impact causes awe and astonishment.

Also, my heart is a chunk of ice (Not true, it just sounds SO awesome and works SO WELL with the analogy).
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby la_negra » Tue Jun 17, 2008 10:13 am UTC

I am another observer here. When I am at some party, I spend almost the whole time just watching and listening. People who don't know me say: "You don't enjoy the party", but I swear I do. It's enough for me to sit and listen, and sometimes join the conversation. I take it as an advantage and I always take photos on a party, and I have one big advantage - I remember everything and I am always capable of logical thinking, no matter how drunk I am.
I am also a kind of "techsupport" among my friends, and it doesn't matter if they want to have their computer or car fixed or they have problems with their partner or they are depressed about something in their life. In fact, I even don't have many friends, but I know many people who consider themselves to be my friends just when they need help. They see me as someone "tough", as a "rock", in their opinions I have no emotions, no problems and no sorrows and they think I don't even need friends, but I do, I am just a human being, same as they are. I am usually willing to help them, but I sometimes get angry. And what frustrates me most - I have saved or helped to create many relationships between them, but I'm still single.
My advices are sometimes "tough", like those which Masuri described, but people expect them from me. They don't go to me because they need compassion and sympathy, and they often say I am wise, but I don't believe them.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby michaelandjimi » Tue Jun 17, 2008 10:38 am UTC

4=5 wrote:I'm utterly confused I was hoping I'd get girls to quit having crushes on me but it hasn't worked.
You're doing it wrong.

I joined my present group doing the 'extra appendage' thing. At the moment I have a changing orbit, like Neptune and Pluto did that time. Although I'd like to think I'm closer to the centre.

Also, Hey Julie by Fountains of Wayne is a song I am currently addicted to.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Bulvox » Tue Jun 17, 2008 12:35 pm UTC

i am the weird social role. my current group of friends are always amused when i'm around because they never know what i'm going to do. see i have asperger's nos, so i'm pretty much socially retarded. once asked a guy if one of my old friends really got his sister pregnant, luckily (i guess) he didn't hear me. i also function as a counselor because of my mood swings, i can actually put myself in my friends shoes and see things from their perspective.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Tac-Tics » Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:15 pm UTC

sleepygamer wrote:Seriously, I had known this one girl in college (super low self esteem) who, after me knowing her for about 3 weeks, decided to tell me why she thinks she's useless, and why her parents hate her, and why she does this and that...

Next time a girl does this, tell her you're all right with it, but it's "sleep with me or GTFO".




No, that's bad advice. Just don't feed the emo kids. If they can't have a balance relationship with you, don't offer them your time or sympathy.

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Mmmm, Pi » Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:42 pm UTC

Julie wrote:Somehow, I became the "parent" of my friends. I'm not really, I just carry an emergency kit with me to all of our major functions (homecoming, prom, class trips, et cetera... basically, anywhere where anything could possibly go wrong). It has painkillers, bandaids, tissues, safety pins (for fixing dresses), tampons, a laundry wipe (in case someone gets food on herself),quarters, and hand sanitizer. Before you call me crazy, ALL of those items have been lifesavers at one point or another. If something is useless, it gets taken out of the kit. I'd totally carry a Swiss army knife, but that's kind of a weapon nowadays.

I also keep track of the time and make sure that we leave when we need to in order to be at our next destination on time, and I ALWAYS have to be the one to stop my friends from doing reckless things, like climbing over a guard rail to take a photo. They're nuts, someone has to take care of them. They call me mother when I'm being too uptight about it.

This so sounds like me. I'm usually taking care of the crazy guys from chem eng or my flatmates, but the number of times I've been asked for a sewing needle or a screwdriver or some gaffer tape. In my bag they all know that they'll find a tin with pretty much everything they ask me for in, and in the side pocket there will be my pen knife. The knife doesn't actually get used that often, but it is handy to have a screwdriver, a little screwdriver for glasses, a bottle opener, pair of scissors or the other stuff that's on there. The bottle opener attached to my keys also sees quite a lot of action as well.

In one of the panniers of my bike you'll also find a spare inner tube, a pump, a small selection of spanners and a set of alan keys. Comic karma seems to state that if somebody asks me why I carry round so much stuff, then the next week I will end up helping them with some of the equipment I cart around everywhere. It happens every time.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby parkaboy » Tue Jun 17, 2008 3:42 pm UTC

Not so much about romantic relationships, it will probably fare better in General.

That being said, I'm the Secret-Keeper. I can't count how many conversations have started with "you can't tell anyone else this but..." and then I end up with information on and from everyone. Why? Because I can keep my mouth shut, and unless its a life-threatening situation, I DON'T tell anyone else.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Toeofdoom » Tue Jun 17, 2008 4:50 pm UTC

I'm that guy who's "obsessed" with raptors. Really.

Apart from that, I became an "ask me about computer stuff" guy by working at a computer store.

I can't think of anything else though.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Quadropus » Tue Jun 17, 2008 4:58 pm UTC

My social role is quite weird and unspecified. I am just sort of there. Though this is only at school, mainly because I have a separate group of friends outside of school who are completely different to my school friends. Though it is good as I can be me in both situations and they both seem to like it enough to not tell me to piss off.

I suppose in my school group I would probably be close to Earth as I am always orbiting around, yet am not a real centre point of attention. Though I do have small objects around me.

(This solar system analogy is excellent, I say +1 internet for helen!)
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby existential_elevator » Tue Jun 17, 2008 5:10 pm UTC

I am all things to all people.

I think at some point or other I've done most things: I've been the hub, I've been the orbit, I've been the confidant, I've been the counsellor, I've been the dump truck, I've been the jester, I've been the scapegoat, I've been the mother, I've been the father, I've been both the bringer and defuser of conflicts, I've been that one everyone fancies, I've been that one everyone hates... I mean, wow, I have a full CV here. I don't really mind, to be fair. I think I most prefer being able to take a more orbital role, and being able to vary between counsellor and jester. They suit me best.

[edit: I actually think that one of the most strangely flattering that happened to me recently was when a friend introduced me to one of his friends by saying: "This is [E_E]. She's fucking hilarious"]

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Julie » Tue Jun 17, 2008 8:47 pm UTC

michaelandjimi wrote:
4=5 wrote:I'm utterly confused I was hoping I'd get girls to quit having crushes on me but it hasn't worked.
You're doing it wrong.

I joined my present group doing the 'extra appendage' thing. At the moment I have a changing orbit, like Neptune and Pluto did that time. Although I'd like to think I'm closer to the centre.

Also, Hey Julie by Fountains of Wayne is a song I am currently addicted to.


I love that song! I don't just love it because it has my name in it, though. :p

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby PatrickRsGhost » Tue Jun 17, 2008 8:58 pm UTC

In the pet chat room I help run, I have been dubbed "The Cat Expert", all because I live with my parents, and together we have seven cats.

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When I worked at the main office, everyone in my department would ask for my help on the computer before calling one of the I.T. guys. Some things I could fix, but not all of them. I still get that today at the satellite office.

Whenever I say where I work, instantly I get asked when such-and-such a road is going to be paved or resurfaced, or who can someone call to get a road resurfaced, or a stop sign/traffic light installed at an intersection. I have been dubbed the County Road Department Expert.
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tehmikey
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby tehmikey » Tue Jun 17, 2008 9:16 pm UTC

I have several roles that I fill frequently.

"Reliable Drunk"
If we go out, I am most likely to drink myself into a worse state. I then proceed to wake up at an ungodly hour the next morning to clean up/make breakfast/drive people to their cars.

"Counselor"
I am often asked for advice; However, people often forego telling me all the information required to give them proper advice. I do not fill the role of a confidant.

"IT Bitch"
Last night at 1130pm, my ex girlfriend called to ask me how to get an AVI file to play through quicktime on a mac. (I am a Linux user, but I always get mac and Windows questions because they are all the same, right?) I provided an answer by using the "I am feeling lucky" google button. In exchange, I should have snickerdoodles arriving in the mail any day now.

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the Cow
Today India, tomorrow the world!
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby the Cow » Tue Jun 17, 2008 9:35 pm UTC

Strict parent.

Been a parent for over 16 years, but I'm still having trouble wrapping my head around the strict part.
...the whim of a hat.

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SecondTalon
SexyTalon
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Location: Louisville, Kentucky, USA, Mars. HA!
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby SecondTalon » Tue Jun 17, 2008 9:53 pm UTC

Hmm.. Just how often do you have to bring your hoof down on the plans of the calves anyway? (Calf? I can't remember how many have you.)

Anyway, from 16 to.. I dunno.. 25? I was the go-to guy to tell all your problems to not necessarily because I'd give you an awesome thing to do, but because I could keep my mouth shut.

Mostly because, unless directly asked, I wouldn't remember whatever I was told the next day anyway, and even if I did I don't tell other people stuff that's not their business, more or less.

Nowadays, not really. Which is fine by me.
heuristically_alone wrote:I want to write a DnD campaign and play it by myself and DM it myself.
heuristically_alone wrote:I have been informed that this is called writing a book.

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SeventhBetaRelease
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Location: In space, beyond the clouds...

Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby SeventhBetaRelease » Tue Jun 17, 2008 10:05 pm UTC

I'm ussually the "reference manual" to my friends and family. I guess I'm good at giving advice. In reality, I mainly comment on conversations and ideas.
"We try to give you the best advice possible. For instance, that floor will kill you, try to avoid it!" -GLaDOS, Portal

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Mother Superior
Better than tea
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Mother Superior » Tue Jun 17, 2008 10:17 pm UTC

I'm not quite sure what of these social roles, if any, I fit in with. But I'm certaintly close to the orbiter, I'm rarely the centre of attention, nor do I want to be, but I'm also a bit farther away than I'd like. Not exactly a social or confident creature, but I do alright. I guess I've been the confidant every now and then too, usually because I'm rarely involved in any of the dramas going on around me, I'm too dull.
My crappy creepy? Crabby? My crabby blog.
"She bore also the fruitless deep with his raging swell, Pontus, without sweet union of love."
- Hesiod, Theogony

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bbctol
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby bbctol » Tue Jun 17, 2008 10:21 pm UTC

I think I've been referred to as a counselor more than once by name. It irks me, especially since I don't think I'm that good at giving counsel.

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Bulvox
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Bulvox » Tue Jun 17, 2008 10:24 pm UTC

oh, i forgot, i'm also the dump truck because i've pretty much been there, done that. although my group of friends are all a bunch of magic: the gathering players who i recently hooked into dungeons & dragons. that being said, i'm also the guy they go to when they're in an argument with somebody else in the group, the interblag has made me very knowledgable. most recent argument was the funniest though, one of my friends Sean (we have two seans in the group, and they both have the same last name, although they aren't relayed. we call this Sean "Big Burke") was arguing with Derick (who is a pastors son, but has been corrupted by the group and college) about what futa was. and wouldn't you know it, the first thing Sean does is i.m. me about what futa was. also, only became aware of futa because some sites don't clearly label their doujins. don't judge me.
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See Ya Space Cowboy...

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Quixotess
No. Cookies.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Quixotess » Tue Jun 17, 2008 10:35 pm UTC

My social group is pretty sheltered and not so good at dealing with the awkward stuff. I therefore tend to be the only one who acknowledges it when someone starts to cry. This leads to a lot of lunches spent in the bathroom or wherever, because I'll take them out of the situation that's upsetting them, or I'll follow them when they leave.

More generally, I tend to be not so much the counsellor as the comforter. I'm where you go for the hugs and the "shh, shh" and the "it's going to be okay."

It can get kind of tiring, because who do I go to when I need these things? But I would never deny my friends when they need me, so *shrug*
Raise up the torch and light the way.


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