weird social roles you find yourself in

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Bulvox » Tue Jun 17, 2008 11:12 pm UTC

Quixotess wrote:It can get kind of tiring, because who do I go to when I need these things? But I would never deny my friends when they need me, so *shrug*

simple, you go to the interwebs. you'll always have friends that will help you. at the very least, i would be willing to listen because that's just the type of guy i am.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby the Cow » Tue Jun 17, 2008 11:51 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:Hmm.. Just how often do you have to bring your hoof down on the plans of the calves anyway? (Calf? I can't remember how many have you.)


I have two. I don't have to get strict very often, and usually to just allow my wife to be the "nice one". Every once in a while I get to be the common enemy of wife and daughter, to help them get along.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby 4=5 » Wed Jun 18, 2008 12:31 am UTC

michaelandjimi wrote:
4=5 wrote:I'm utterly confused I was hoping I'd get girls to quit having crushes on me but it hasn't worked.
You're doing it wrong.

but all the girls I've gone with only wanted me for my body. :(

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Jadestone » Wed Jun 18, 2008 12:49 am UTC

I guess I am the confidant. I like listening to my friends problems, and usually they like my advice because usually it's "do what you want to do" only I make sure they do it in the least stupid/potentially painful way possible.

I myself have issues talking to people though. I couldn't ever see a councilor, I think... I just... feel things too much, really. But I do like listening, and helping if I can.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby tryptanymph » Wed Jun 18, 2008 12:59 am UTC

I haz moar to say.

Even though people tend to just talk at me about their problems, this also means I have nobody to talk to about MY problems. I mean, in general, I don't feel like I have any. I had a relatively stable upbringing, I have a good home, I have few responsibilities and all that shit. But that doesn't stop me from having neuroses and stuff!

And since everyone views me as the, "listen to you whilst you jabber on" guy, whenever I do go try and talk to someone about my problems, they are so self-absorbed in their own problems, that they brush it off.

Gah.

Meh. It's not as though I'd be able to express what I wanted to say accurately without a script.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Ramses IV » Wed Jun 18, 2008 1:28 am UTC

I guess what I'm saying is just another repeat.

Councelor, sometimes dump truck, and an agreement with SG's post above me. Also, as a new one, my social role is kind of awkward since I don't really have much of one. I could never figure out who was supposed to initiate the going-over-to-each-other's-dwellings stage. Was I supposed to invite them over or were they supposed to invite me over? Also, when is it a good time to start this phase? I think I've had 3 people over my house before. 1 of them several times, but still. Sometimes I might meet some guys from school on the street or something and we hang out for a couple hours. I mean, it's not like I don't have friends. I do a lot of community acting, and went to an Arts program for 3 years, with one year still on the way. But they all live so far away. I chat with lots of people, and stuff, since we all live apart, but it's still kind of weird for me. My brother has friends over practically every day. Masses of them, usually, like 5 or 6.

EDIT: I realized I only explained one of the roles. As for the councelor, people often come to me for relationship advice, or worldy advice. I don't understand it at all. I mean, the one relationship I've had ended in my gf telling me she hated me. Why would they come to ME looking for advice? And as for worldy advice: Sure, I'm smart. I might be the smartest in the class. But does that mean I have much experience doing anything? Anything at all? Not really. And dump truck? Let's just put it this way: I've been listening to someone bitch for over half an hour, and she's still going strong.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Quixotess » Wed Jun 18, 2008 1:43 am UTC

Bulvox wrote:
Quixotess wrote:It can get kind of tiring, because who do I go to when I need these things? But I would never deny my friends when they need me, so *shrug*

simple, you go to the interwebs. you'll always have friends that will help you. at the very least, i would be willing to listen because that's just the type of guy i am.

Yeah, but sometimes words on a screen just don't cut it. Sometimes you need an enveloping hug.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby eternal luna » Wed Jun 18, 2008 1:55 am UTC

My role changes. Last year I would have been a hub (we have a couple in our group), but this year I'm Earth's moon. Or just the girl sleeping on the bench in the corner.

For some people, I'm a confidant. People seem to like using me as a practice run for coming out. For others, I just provide meaningless conversation during breaks. For others still, I provide perspective, and they come to me to feel better about their problems (which they see as minute compared to mine).

Yeah. Being in a relationship with someone from your group seems to lead to damaged other relationships. I actually talk to boy less during school than I used to, but two people who aren't in a relationship sitting alone, sharing earphones, and having their arms wrapped around each other seems to be a far more minor offence than a hug between lovers. Bah.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby AngrySquirrel » Wed Jun 18, 2008 6:40 am UTC

I've been, for the most of my life, the back-up. That is, I'm the person others turn to when they've had a fight with their best friend. Or their best friend is out of town, or they are missing one person for a game. Basically the person others go to when they need someone but don't have anyone else.

For drunk people however, I'm the confidant. Drunk people love me, they love to tell me all their secrets, and their life-story. Hobos, homeless people and junkies especially like to talk to me for some reason, it don't matter if I'm on my own of with someone else, if there are intoxicated people around, they will come over to me, give me a hug and tell me about all their problems. Then they will leave with a comment along the lines of "You're alright".

Other than that, I'm not much to other people, I tend to stick to myself for the most part and I'm bad at participating in things where there are more than two people. For some few selected friends however I'm probably something else, but I can't say I'm sure of what that is.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby annals » Wed Jun 18, 2008 11:19 am UTC

a: what Sleepygamer said above.

b: for some reason I'm the person that everyone wants to take under their wing. People tend to assume I'm helpless and want to take care of me. I suppose it's partly because most of my friends are older than I am, and partly because I tend to be self-effacing and unsure. I'm actually pretty capable when I need to be, but hey, if they want to do stuff for me...I guess I'm not above using them.

c: I may be a horrible person.

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Tac-Tics » Wed Jun 18, 2008 1:23 pm UTC

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Flying Betty » Wed Jun 18, 2008 10:36 pm UTC

I tend to be the ventee for people. Generally, I have a few close friends an a bunch of acquaintances so I manage to be on the outskirts of several different social groups. This means that I know everybody's friends but am not necessarily close friends with them.

So whenever someone has an issue with one of their friends they come to me to vent because I know the person in question well enough to commiserate but since I'm not super close to them I won't get offended by someone bitching about them.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Delalyra » Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:45 am UTC

People like to complain to me. And I listen because I don't want to be rude (and sometimes I like the gossip). I guess that makes me a verbal doormat.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Rippy » Thu Jun 19, 2008 4:17 am UTC

I'm sort of the "semi-friend", for lack of a better name. I'm loose friends with a large amount of people, but not close enough to invite or be invited to parties and things. Which is basically how I like it, except I'd like to have some close nerdy friends added in there for good measure (I currently have one at another school who I've basically lost contact with due to his massive amount of schoolwork this semester.) It's amazing how few such nerds there are at a high school of 2000 people. It's just nice to be able to get a test back, exclaim "crap, I got zergling rushed" and have someone respond: "KEKEKEKE!".

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby ParanoidDrone » Thu Jun 19, 2008 4:37 am UTC

"Semi-Friend"++. I know a bunch of people, can make light conversation if necessary, and am a wonderful listener due to my excessive politeness forcing me to not say "I don't care, leave me alone," but there is a grand total of one person who I would call a "close" friend. (Granted, that's one more than I've had in the past 10 years, but that's besides the point.)

On the bright side, being a simple acquaintance means I can fade out without anyone caring. On the not-so-bright side, it means that I'm not really "there" enough to be part of most goings-on other than the occasional side comment.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Rippy » Thu Jun 19, 2008 4:45 am UTC

Exactly. There's always people to hang out with, but noone with which to discuss Firefox 3.0, or how to gain entry into the school network. You know, the important stuff.

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby ParanoidDrone » Thu Jun 19, 2008 5:03 am UTC

Or hardcore Brawl tactics. Or how to make the world a stranger place a la comic # I forget. Or to invite over for no reason other than to just hang out.

God dammit, now I want more friends. ;_;
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Xaldibik » Thu Jun 19, 2008 5:43 am UTC

I'm a mixture of a few roles, I am mostly the hub and leader of my group. My close friends all have a small group of people following them when they hang out with me, and they're generally the leader of that small group. However I am the leader of my close friends group, not that I have much control but I am always the one proposing we do something, how it should be done, and assigning roles.

Other than that I am the counselor. This is partially my fault, I always get involved in my friends problems in some vain attempt to help them. My close friends come to me for advice, they're generally the ones that know while the advice I give may not be the easiest thing to do, it's more often than not the best thing to do. I've gotten respect from them for that, but as someone else mentioned, once you become the counselor, you can't ask for help yourself. Generally I don't need it, but on the odd occasion I have relationship issues I can't ever get advice.

Also a little on being the counselor, I have a huge issue with trying to help people too much. I am involved in almost every social group I can tolerate, so I have a lot of acquaintances that always tell me their problems. Though most of the time they never did actually want advice, just someone to listen to the drama they like to create, so my role is more "Listener" in that regard.

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Philwelch » Thu Jun 19, 2008 5:50 am UTC

I'm often the "resident expert".
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby pollywog » Thu Jun 19, 2008 6:05 am UTC

I'm the group financier. Out of all my friends, most are in serious debt or working for the government (on the dole), so everyone comes to me for money. By happy coincidence, I am also the only one that doesn't give a shit about money, so long as I have enough for essentials. All my friends know my PIN. I only ever call in a debt when I need cash.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby ShaKri » Thu Jun 19, 2008 6:56 am UTC

bouncer/bodyguard etc. im generaly a happy big teddy :)... but mess with my friends and i kill you :) .. not kill you kill you.. but slow and painful like..
the kind of death where i cant be sure if you died of bloodloss or just your mind shutting down due to pain.


im also the jack of all trades... i know a little about alot... so if there are new ppl to the group.. me and Grooving Tony (also in the forums) are generaly the ppl to ease them into the group (ease like a nuke)... i can get along easily with most people by drawing out something they like.. applying my slight knowlage of it to get them to explain as much as they can about it to me (helping me for the next time i need that subject and relaxing them into the group).. after they start to feel comfortable tho... thats when all bets are off and its back to normality (well. relative to the group ;p ), when me and GT will get the new guy to join in on the wierd as hell activities or just starting up one of the most pointless conversation you've ever heard...

and me nd GT are generaly the life of the group (more GT than me tho ... )..


i generaly find myself having deep meaningful talks with people 1 on 1 all the time too ... but i always thought that that was a drunk/stoned thing.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Ramses IV » Wed Jun 25, 2008 3:49 am UTC

pollywog wrote:I'm the group financier. Out of all my friends, most are in serious debt or working for the government (on the dole), so everyone comes to me for money. By happy coincidence, I am also the only one that doesn't give a shit about money, so long as I have enough for essentials. All my friends know my PIN. I only ever call in a debt when I need cash.


Do you keep track of the debts though?
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby pollywog » Wed Jun 25, 2008 4:12 am UTC

Ramses IV wrote:
pollywog wrote:I'm the group financier. Out of all my friends, most are in serious debt or working for the government (on the dole), so everyone comes to me for money. By happy coincidence, I am also the only one that doesn't give a shit about money, so long as I have enough for essentials. All my friends know my PIN. I only ever call in a debt when I need cash.


Do you keep track of the debts though?


No. On the weekend I spent $85 on booze, $20 on food and $30 on weed. and I let people have a party at my house. I fully don't expect any of it back, nor do I care that much about it. If i need to pay for something with cash, and i don't have any cash on me, I'll say to someone "Hey, you owe me ten bucks. Cough up". But that doesn't happen that often. I'm rich.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Antimony-120 » Wed Jun 25, 2008 5:17 am UTC

Group financier, Unloadee, Counsler (I don't know why considering my MAIN role) are all auxillery roles.

My main role is blunt, sarcastic, cynical asshole. Also a drunk. Basically I have a policy: Nobody insults my friends but me. If you're not my friend, I still insult you, only now I mean it. I'm fun to be around, I can be wacky and I'm usually funny, but you WILL be insulted. And for the love of god don't open yourself up to debate, I will argue with you. So in short I'm the guy at the party chirping everyone but having a great time with everyone, friendly and outgoing and such. Also loaded.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Baba Yaga's Sister » Wed Jun 25, 2008 9:50 am UTC

I think the dump truck analogy is off. The confiders should be the dump trucks, and the confided the landfills.

I'm usually the one doing the dumping, myself. I'm at that point in my life where I'm thinking a lot about who I am and where I came from, and sometimes I need to talk it out.

I tend to get pretty popular if I put myself out there and make myself known. Which sounds nice, but I'm not too comfortable talking with strangers. Back at school, a lot of people would recognize me and start talking to me and I'd have no clue who they were.

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Nyssa » Wed Jun 25, 2008 7:15 pm UTC

I don't know what to call it, but people come to me to... not be judged, to be accepted. For some reason, everyone easily observes that there are very few things I'm passionate about and very few stupid things I haven't done, which makes it's hard for anyone to offend or shock me with details of their sordid past/present, fetishes, fantasies, drug-use, incest, rape, etc.

So... yeah. I keep my trap shut and learn all about what random stranger/friend/family member/acquaintance has done/wants to do. And I'm either encouraging or apathetic. Which makes really strange people flock to me so I can tell them that what they want to do/have done/are doing/are going to do, is okay. That they aren't fucked up, that everyone has issues/needs/oddball fantasies, and that they're fine for it. It's not really a dumptruck or confidant position, just an affirming one.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby I <3 Shadows » Fri Jun 27, 2008 2:50 pm UTC

The closest thing that I can think of is a loved dog. If all of my friends were family, I would be the dog and always get attention when doing tricks or playing games, but otherwise be left to my own devices. I'm the friend who likes to go out and add energy to situations whether or not it's a good time to do so. I also at as a first line of defense for my friends. It hasn't come up often that my friends offend someone to the point where there's a risk of physical confrontation, but I make it clear to people who are acting up that I won't hesistate to throw myself at someone to give my friends time to slip away.

I don't get dumped on by anyone really, not because people think I'm untrust worthy, I just am overtly honest at times and have a tendency to point out that some of their problems are self created. People don't like spending twenty minute or more talking to have someone say, "Wow, you have dragged yourself into a horrible situation." However in exchange, I'm become the emergency problem solver. You car has broken down, someone got cut, someone might need to go to the hospital, you blew out a tire. The most interesting thing that someone has called me to help them out with was a girl who had mixed some medications and was temporarly paralized due to pain. Did they call and ambulence? Did they have someone find the meds? Did they cover her to keep her warm even though she was on the floor? No, they woke me up at 3 in the morning because they didn't know what they should do, but that's the roll I play as problem solver. I had someone ask her what meds she was taking and to go find them in her room, I had another person call and ambulence, someone else call her mother, and wrapped a blanket around her and went back to sleep. The ambulence came, and they carted her off and everything worked out she was fine afterwards.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby protocoach » Fri Jun 27, 2008 3:35 pm UTC

Antimony-120 wrote:My main role is blunt, sarcastic, cynical asshole. Also a drunk. Basically I have a policy: Nobody insults my friends but me. If you're not my friend, I still insult you, only now I mean it. I'm fun to be around, I can be wacky and I'm usually funny, but you WILL be insulted. And for the love of god don't open yourself up to debate, I will argue with you. So in short I'm the guy at the party chirping everyone but having a great time with everyone, friendly and outgoing and such. Also loaded.

Holy shit, you just described me. I'd describe myself as the resident lawyer, because counselor suggests that I give more caring advice. I'm more of the "Do this, because I'm right." school of thought. I'm also...hmmm, this is complex. A back-up hub? The support system for the hub? I'm not usually the hub of a group, but I tend to be the right-hand man. Hubs come up with ideas, I implement them and wrangle people into them. I'm also the resident encourager - "Take another drink!" "Go skydiving!". People have tried to make me into the resident landfill, but I've perfected the art of aggressively not caring.

I feel sorry for the people who describe themselves as one of the orbiters. I've been fortunate enough to have tight groups of friends in high school and college. In both cases, the solar system model is mostly inaccurate, it's more of a constellation. We have a lot of smart, funny, motivated people, and it's made life much more bearable than when I was subscribing to the solar system plan.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Rakysh » Fri Jun 27, 2008 4:04 pm UTC

I used to be the nice, friendly, go to for advise guy. Recently though, I've become much more sarcastic, spiky and cynical, (probably a becoming a teenager thing, I dunno) so now I think I am more on the outside of the group. This suits me better, as then I can say what I actually think- for example, now I can tell people when they are being pricks where as before I had to make them realise it themselves. Much more satisfying and quick.

The whole dynamic of my social group has been changed completely recently. At my school, a load of us went on a french exchange with a different school. Over the exchange we made a load of really good friends, but half the people I from my school don't know our new friends. This has lead to some interesting scenarios, and made me (in keeping with the planetary theme) like an earth in a system with two suns- going nearer one then the other.

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Ribbon » Fri Jun 27, 2008 4:32 pm UTC

I tend to be the confidant, I get to hear all about what everyone thinks of everyone else (Usually the bad). I don't particularly enjoy this role, simply because I want to tell the person who was being talked about, but yet, I understand people exaggerate their statements when around a large group.

Also, I'm the sarcastic pessimist who likes to point out her own flaws even if they aren't there. I'm not too happy with that description, but more than a few people have told me that's what I'm like.

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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Alomax » Fri Jun 27, 2008 6:16 pm UTC

To attempt the cosmological anology : rouge moon.

For awhile I was far from the center of attention, just drifted around. Then I got a really cool roomate who was the nexus of his social circle. So I orbited close, hung out with a lot of people, soaked up some magic confidence-rays, and learned. Now that we've both moved on with our lives (he got married) I'm currently alternating between being having people orbit me and having nobody orbit me. It's rather nice to have people around, but at the same time, I'm sometimes very annoyed when I have to make an appearance at some social gathering that I know is going to be boring, just to keep ties up.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Alpha Omicron » Fri Jun 27, 2008 7:54 pm UTC

Being the universal semi-friend blows. Thankfully, high school is over.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Iconoclast » Sat Jun 28, 2008 3:12 am UTC

I'm that friend of a friend you sometimes hear about, but have never seen.
Or, that former friend you really wonder what happened to.
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Dream » Sat Jun 28, 2008 6:24 am UTC

I'm the editor/proofreader! If anyone is writing anything official or important, they ask me to redraft it. And I do, extensively.

I'm also the encyclopaedia. I do actually read widely, and retain a great deal of information, so I'm always expected to know what the deal is with everything.

I'm also the relationship surgeon. Although everyone ignores what I actually say, they appreciate the advice and attention.

Finally, until my current home, where I'm staying semi-officially, I used to do a great deal of the arguing with landlords, utility companies and the like.
I knew a woman once, but she died soon after.

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TomatoBlue
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby TomatoBlue » Sat Jun 28, 2008 9:45 am UTC

Bully. Physical, killyourface bully.

Friends and strangers alike seem to think that I'm threatening, which completely baffles me. Sure, I have an unfortunately expansive knowledge of dead baby jokes and a creepy smile, but my only defense in a fight is looking pathetic enough that my opponent gets sick of kicking me. I'm the least confrontational person you'll ever meet.

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netsplit
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby netsplit » Sat Jun 28, 2008 4:43 pm UTC

TomatoBlue wrote:Bully. Physical, killyourface bully.

Friends and strangers alike seem to think that I'm threatening, which completely baffles me. Sure, I have an unfortunately expansive knowledge of dead baby jokes and a creepy smile, but my only defense in a fight is looking pathetic enough that my opponent gets sick of kicking me. I'm the least confrontational person you'll ever meet.


Yea I have that problem. People seem to think I'm aggro. Till I talk to them.
from da craddle to da grave, geek life 4 eva
better show hardcore respect ya'll

JayDee wrote:"What is the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole Dinosaur."

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J Spade
Luppoewagan
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby J Spade » Tue Jul 01, 2008 9:58 pm UTC

-Neutral party, mainly.
-Source of random information
-Last ditch study source (which I don't mind, as repeating material is helping me as well.)
-Witty-ish commenter
-Advice-giver

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Daelar
Posts: 83
Joined: Fri Apr 04, 2008 11:01 pm UTC

Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Daelar » Tue Jul 01, 2008 10:07 pm UTC

Good old Mr 'he'll know the answer to this one' (and usually doesn't). That or the quiet one that says little of value unless it's really important, when i listen more than anything. Apparently I'm a good listener, yet rarely a confidant.

Though a few people i know call me a 'legend' with absolutely no reasoning to it. I like that. I think.

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Jesse
Vocal Terrorist
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby Jesse » Tue Jul 01, 2008 11:46 pm UTC

I am often 'the mentor' wherein I am looked up to and take care of people and show them how to kind of get on in life.

I also often play the 'liason, or mediator', between two members of the social group. Sorting out a compromise to problems.

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little birdie
Posts: 13
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Re: weird social roles you find yourself in

Postby little birdie » Wed Jul 02, 2008 12:52 am UTC

Many counselors here. I guess I fit into that role to - whenever someone has a major problem, I seem to be the person to talk to. It's nice, but at the same time it stupefies me, because I can be rather fucked up myself.

Also, I seem to be the partygirl. And yes, I do admit I like going out and I party quite often, but that doesn't mean people should always call me at 3am to ask me where I am. Sometimes, I really am asleep. More often than they think.

Last one, I seem to be the 'smart girl' who can help you with anything you could possibly think of. Honestly, being able to learn random stuff quickly does not mean I know how to help you with your legal troubles, or help you cram 500 pages in one day, or explain you difficult mathematical models, or...


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