Pirates VS Ninjas

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Uh, so pirates or ninjas?

Pirates!
95
32%
Ninjas!
134
46%
Pirate-ninjas! (WTF?!?!?!)
46
16%
Neither.
19
6%
 
Total votes: 294

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Heisenberg » Thu Sep 04, 2008 2:46 pm UTC

kanavazk wrote:Well I'd choose Ninjas, who would obviously defeat pirates anywhere except possibly on water.

Good thing the Earth's surface is 104% water.


Pirates.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Mo0man » Thu Sep 04, 2008 5:16 pm UTC

Heisenberg wrote:
kanavazk wrote:Well I'd choose Ninjas, who would obviously defeat pirates anywhere except possibly on water.

Good thing the Earth's surface is 104% water.
Pirates.

The only problem is the underlying assumption: As it turns out, pirates can't beat ninjas anywhere, even on water. Especially when you take into consideration that pirates can't swim, and ninjas can not only do that, but walk on water. Well, not exactly walk on water, more like running, they do that weird lizard thing
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby ACU-LP » Sat Sep 06, 2008 2:46 pm UTC

robot/cyborg ninjas are good.
*now with more mercilessness*

Also, have you ever heard of a robot pirate? I havnt.


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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby pkuky » Sat Sep 06, 2008 3:01 pm UTC

dude. rayman.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby DaMullet » Sat Sep 06, 2008 6:47 pm UTC

Also, pirates can totally swim. You don't think they'd go off in those crazy boats with all the gunpowder in the basement if they couldn't swim, do you? And that's just the living pirates. Some pirates just walk along the bottom and attack the British Navy.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Nomic » Sat Sep 06, 2008 8:23 pm UTC

Apparently they considered being able to swim tempting the luck. As in they'd be more likely to have their ship sunk if they had a chanse of surviving it. Pirates were supersticous. One more point of Ninjas.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby killercoffee » Wed Mar 04, 2009 9:19 pm UTC

Real life:

[*]Pirates are sort of like bums with boats. There are some pirates that buck this trend and just like owning people, but these are rare.
[*]Ninjas are super-elitist members of a secret organization who commit suicide when they fail to assassinate their given targets.

My Mind:

[*]Pirates are sneaky motherfuckers who win battles with dirty tricks and betrayal (see Pirates of the Caribbean)
[*]Ninjas are super-elitist members of a secret organization who commit suicide when they fail to assassinate their given targets. They also have super powers. (I think a ninja could break Superman's neck.)

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby singlefin » Wed Mar 04, 2009 9:25 pm UTC

Pirates get wenches, rum, and the occasional beach holiday. Ninjas have pyjamas.

I know which I'd choose.


ACU-LP wrote:Also, have you ever heard of a robot pirate? I havnt.


Because there's absolutely no need for one. The real ones suffice perfectly.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Jessica » Wed Mar 04, 2009 9:43 pm UTC

Real:
pirates are thieves. In the old days they sailed ships and stole from people. Now they stay online and steal software. Or use new boats to steal from shipping boats.
Ninjas are assassins and spies. They were trained in stealth, and in killing lords, and others using less orthodox methods. They killed for hire, and were often dressed like simple peasants to blend in better.

Pop culture:
pirates are still straight out of the 17th century during the golden age of piracy. they have a special code, say "yar" a lot and sing sea shanties. They often look like the pirates depicted in treasure island, pirates of the carribean, and peter pan. They're masters of the cutlass, and fight in packs
Ninjas are black suited masters of stealth and death. You can never see a ninja, except when the inverse law of ninjas applies. Ninjas would kill you and all your friends as soon as drop a fork.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby bbctol » Wed Mar 04, 2009 9:53 pm UTC

Ninjas kill people to get revenge. Pirates kill people to get gigantic chests of gold. I think I know which one made the better career choice.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby You, sir, name? » Wed Mar 04, 2009 9:56 pm UTC

Pirates - pros:
  • Superior balance, allowing them to walk on almost any incline, no matter how it's moving.
  • Pirate breath: Acid damage in a 15 ft cone from their mouth, unlimited times a day.
Pirates - cons:
  • Up to 90% of their bodies are made out of wood, and they are thus vulnerable to fire and woodpeckers.
  • Require rum and oranges to live.

Robots - pros:
  • Invulnerable to most types of classical weapons.
  • They can shoot lasers out of one or more bodily cavities.
Robots - cons:
  • Robots have cold dead hands, and anything they hold can easily be pried from them.

Ninjas - pros:
  • They are ninjas.
  • Nothing they do make noise, and they cast no shadows.
  • They can hide behind things that are smaller than they are, like a soda can or a match box or in the ground.
  • They have infinite shurikens. Since they can throw them so fast, they can use them to create a downward thrust allowing a ninja to fly.
  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5g91rZDZuM
Ninjas - cons:
  • Ninjas are succeptible to the Stormtrooper effect if there are many of them in close proximity.
  • Ninjas are succeptible to plot armor. But it has to be very strong, like Steven Segal grade plot armor or Jean-Claude van Damme grade plot armor, or stronger.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Pirate.Bondage » Wed Mar 04, 2009 10:40 pm UTC

I think it's pretty clear who I voted for.

Obviously the better choice. =P
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby acidcj » Wed Mar 04, 2009 10:52 pm UTC

Ninjas. Didn't someone, somewhere decide this?

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby fyrenwater » Wed Mar 04, 2009 10:54 pm UTC

I was all for ninjas and thought it was a one-sided fight.

...Then I played Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker. My God, I wanna be a pirate. And a ninja. A NINJA-PIRATE. Sail the seas, don some scuba gear, stealthily slip onto ships, steal from the rich, then get back before anyone notices a thing. YES.
...It made more sense in my head.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Klapaucius » Thu Mar 05, 2009 12:25 am UTC

acidcj wrote:Ninjas. Didn't someone, somewhere decide this?
Yes. But it was completely undetectable.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Happyhovercraft » Sun May 03, 2009 12:10 pm UTC


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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby EdgarJPublius » Sun May 03, 2009 9:52 pm UTC

Anyone been watching the series on SpikeTv 'Deadliest Warrior'?

Recently, they showed that a pirate could easily defeat a knight, and in the previous episode it was shown that a ninja would be helpless before a spartan.

Since a spartan is just a naked-er knight, I think it's clear who would win in a pirate-ninja face off.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby zombiefeynman » Sun May 03, 2009 11:12 pm UTC

Your assumption is invalid. Plate Mail + Pistol/Cannon=Shrapnel, therefore the knight had a disadvantage. Armor is meant to make you tough to *hurt* (which guns ignore), while ninjas are tough to *hit*. This comparison plays different strengths against different weaknesses.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Sir_Elderberry » Sun May 03, 2009 11:43 pm UTC

Plus, everything I've heard about Deadliest Warrior suggests it's ridiculously speculative.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby EdgarJPublius » Mon May 04, 2009 12:43 am UTC

Sir_Elderberry wrote:Plus, everything I've heard about Deadliest Warrior suggests it's ridiculously speculative.

Hmmm, sounds like a certain thread on this forum I go to sometimes... :roll:
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Sir_Elderberry » Mon May 04, 2009 12:52 am UTC

EdgarJPublius wrote:
Sir_Elderberry wrote:Plus, everything I've heard about Deadliest Warrior suggests it's ridiculously speculative.

Hmmm, sounds like a certain thread on this forum I go to sometimes... :roll:

No, Pirates vs Ninjas on xkcd is real science.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Triangle_Man » Tue May 05, 2009 3:20 am UTC

Indeed.

Plus, Pirates have Cannonballs as a projectile weapon. Whilst ninja's have only ninja stars.

I guess we know who would win this fight.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Sir_Elderberry » Tue May 05, 2009 3:28 am UTC

Triangle_Man wrote:Indeed.

Plus, Pirates have Cannonballs as a projectile weapon. Whilst ninja's have only ninja stars.

I guess we know who would win this fight.

Yeah, but they have to point the cannoballs where they're about to shoot. And the ninjas can see that.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby EdgarJPublius » Tue May 05, 2009 4:36 am UTC

Who needs to aim when you have things like grape-shot, chain-shot, bar-shot, and whatever-we-can-stuff-down-the-barrel shot.

Compounded at close range with weapons like volley-pistols and blunderbusses (blunderbii?)

Aiming is overrated when you have Moar Dakka
Last edited by EdgarJPublius on Tue May 05, 2009 6:53 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby LuNatic » Tue May 05, 2009 7:28 am UTC

Pirates get parrots/monkeys/lobsters, rum, wenches, songs, boats and snappy comebacks. No contest.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Jos » Tue May 05, 2009 6:20 pm UTC

LuNatic wrote:Pirates get parrots/monkeys/lobsters, rum, wenches, songs, boats and snappy comebacks. No contest.

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Exactly. Ninjas get whatever they want (seing as they are the lodrs of everything and cold-blodded killer avatars of god (morgan freeman) upholding some divine justice and in doing so causing themself conditions for comfort and relaxaton) thus they win!
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Rakysh » Tue May 05, 2009 6:28 pm UTC

EdgarJPublius wrote:Who needs to aim when you have things like grape-shot, chain-shot, bar-shot, and whatever-we-can-stuff-down-the-barrel shot.

Compunded at close range with weapons like volley-pistols and blunderbusses (blunderbii?)

Aiming is overrated when you have Moar Dakka


ARRGH! TV TROPES! RUN FOR THE SAKE OF THE REST OF YOUR DAY!

All that stuff is only useful if your enemy is in fact in front of you/ visible.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby SecondTalon » Tue May 05, 2009 6:58 pm UTC

EdgarJPublius wrote:Anyone been watching the series on SpikeTv 'Deadliest Warrior'?

Recently, they showed that a pirate could easily defeat a knight, and in the previous episode it was shown that a ninja would be helpless before a spartan.

Since a spartan is just a naked-er knight, I think it's clear who would win in a pirate-ninja face off.
In this episode, we have a 35 year old master of the martial arts starting 50 feet away from someone who's only fired a gun for the first time today being handed a M16 in perfect condition. Let's see who'd win!

Because, really, having a gunpowder era High Seas 1600-1800 eras Pirate versus a 1200-1400 era Knight is goddamn stupid. Stupid like the Scimitar wielder versus Indy with a revolver* in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Knight versus Viking makes far more sense, as they were contemporaries for certain definitions of the word Knight, and Vikings engaged in acts that would count as Piracy under certain definitions of the word.


*Yes, I'm aware that scene only exists because Harrison Ford was sick.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby EdgarJPublius » Tue May 05, 2009 7:13 pm UTC

All that stuff is only useful if your enemy is in fact in front of you/ visible.


I think you may be misunderestimating(sic) pirates

Or at least, over-estimating the ability of a drunken pirate armed with a probably make-shift multi-barrel musket to shoot at only things in front of him.

Knight versus Viking makes far more sense,

The creators have stated that they don't want to do 'force on force' style battles with both sides having similar 'styles'.

And historically, when they were contemporaries, Vikings beat Knights pretty much every time.

Inside of fifty feet, things balance out in favor of the knife wielder, an inexperienced person is unlikely to be able to bring a rifle to bear on a moving target that close before the knife wielder can close the distance.

A more accurate anaology would be a highly trained 20 year old martial artist wearing armor versus a highly experienced 35 year old marine wielding eight flint-lock pistols.
really, an even less balanced fight, but going the other way (the guy with the guns wins).

If you want to be serious (I wasn't by the way, at least not any more serious than anyone else in this thread :P) then why do you think the ninja could come out a head any better than the knight could?
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Rakysh » Tue May 05, 2009 7:27 pm UTC

Well, that program (I believe) discusses what would happen were they to meet on the battlefield. Far more likely in a "real" situation is that the ninja would poison the rum, or sneak aboard and kill everyone in their sleep.By the time you've seen the ninja, you're already dead, seeing as he will will already have killed you.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Mous » Tue May 05, 2009 11:22 pm UTC

I'd say vikings, but since that's not an option, pirates are closer than ninjas.

Vikings because, well, Norse mythology is neat.

Pirates because boats are neat. And anarchy and violence and never bathing and scurvy. Also because I did a stage version of treasure island in the fall and it was fun.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby You, sir, name? » Thu May 07, 2009 10:40 am UTC

zombiefeynman wrote:Your assumption is invalid. Plate Mail + Pistol/Cannon=Shrapnel, therefore the knight had a disadvantage. Armor is meant to make you tough to *hurt* (which guns ignore), while ninjas are tough to *hit*. This comparison plays different strengths against different weaknesses.


The effect of old school hand guns on plate armor should be more or less negligible, except at like literally point blank range*. No where near good enough of a seal to give the projectile any real speed. What speaks for the pirates is that they have cannons, and plate armor makes you about as agile and flexible as a refrigerator. ... that, and the fact that the buoyancy of plate armor sucks.

* for comparison, plate armor can withstand arrow shots at close distance with round steel arrowheads the length of a finger, the armor piercing bullets of the time.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby CoolDarkDragon » Thu May 07, 2009 6:19 pm UTC

Mecha Zombie Jedi Ninja-Pirate Monkeys with lasers attached to their heads?

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby zombiefeynman » Thu May 07, 2009 8:22 pm UTC

You, sir, name? wrote:
zombiefeynman wrote:Your assumption is invalid. Plate Mail + Pistol/Cannon=Shrapnel, therefore the knight had a disadvantage. Armor is meant to make you tough to *hurt* (which guns ignore), while ninjas are tough to *hit*. This comparison plays different strengths against different weaknesses.


The effect of old school hand guns on plate armor should be more or less negligible, except at like literally point blank range*. No where near good enough of a seal to give the projectile any real speed. What speaks for the pirates is that they have cannons, and plate armor makes you about as agile and flexible as a refrigerator. ... that, and the fact that the buoyancy of plate armor sucks.

* for comparison, plate armor can withstand arrow shots at close distance with round steel arrowheads the length of a finger, the armor piercing bullets of the time.


Yeah, just ignore that I said pistol in there. I was thinking more of blunderbusses or whatever those hand-held cannons are called.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby EdgarJPublius » Thu May 07, 2009 10:37 pm UTC

You, sir, name? wrote:
zombiefeynman wrote:Your assumption is invalid. Plate Mail + Pistol/Cannon=Shrapnel, therefore the knight had a disadvantage. Armor is meant to make you tough to *hurt* (which guns ignore), while ninjas are tough to *hit*. This comparison plays different strengths against different weaknesses.


The effect of old school hand guns on plate armor should be more or less negligible, except at like literally point blank range*. No where near good enough of a seal to give the projectile any real speed. What speaks for the pirates is that they have cannons, and plate armor makes you about as agile and flexible as a refrigerator. ... that, and the fact that the buoyancy of plate armor sucks.

* for comparison, plate armor can withstand arrow shots at close distance with round steel arrowheads the length of a finger, the armor piercing bullets of the time.


Nevermind that historically, the advent of blackpowder firearms such as muskets and musket pistols is what ended the reign of the armored knight.
In very short order, the amount of armor necessary to defeat muskets and the like became ridiculous, there was a very short period of history where knights in armor were almost completely immobile except on horseback due to this, very minor advances in gun making were able to defeat new and thicker armor and shortly after, the Knight In Shining Armor died. And those guns would be nothing to the muskets wielded by pirates four hundred years later.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Justice » Thu May 07, 2009 11:18 pm UTC

Neither because people are straying from Pirates and Ninjas, and their inability to address the arguments of others.
Correct me if I'm wrong, because I don't feel like reading 235 posts of semi essays on the topic. :mrgreen:
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby BlackMesa » Fri May 08, 2009 5:27 pm UTC

Pirates win on google trends, not that that really means anything. just interesting :)
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Rakysh » Fri May 08, 2009 5:30 pm UTC

EdgarJPublius wrote:Nevermind that historically, the advent of blackpowder firearms such as muskets and musket pistols is what ended the reign of the armored knight.
In very short order, the amount of armor necessary to defeat muskets and the like became ridiculous, there was a very short period of history where knights in armor were almost completely immobile except on horseback due to this, very minor advances in gun making were able to defeat new and thicker armor and shortly after, the Knight In Shining Armor died. And those guns would be nothing to the muskets wielded by pirates four hundred years later.


Wasn't the end of chivalry the battle of Agincourt(sp)? That was the longbow, rather than primitive guns.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby EdgarJPublius » Fri May 08, 2009 8:17 pm UTC

Agincourt could be considered the beginning of the end. Arquebusses became relatively widespread shortly after, supplemented by early muskets in the early 1500s (at this time, muskets were considered specialist 'armor piercing' weapons, though they fully replaces Arqeubusses by the 16th century) which saw the introduction of increasingly heavier armor to defeat the new threat. Around this time, traditional 'knights' were replaced by cuirassers which, while initially even more heavily armored than the average knight, shed armor throughout their history until they retained only their signature breast-plates (as far as I can tell, the reason for this is mostly symbolic/traditional, the breastplates of this period were generally not capable of stopping a musket ball) and occasionally helmets in the 17th century (though some cuirasser units are notable for serving into the 19th century and even into world war one)
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Von Haus » Fri May 08, 2009 9:30 pm UTC

First Point: Having just read this whole goddamn thread in one sitting, it would seem that the majority of pro-ninja posts go on about their abilities to quickly and efficiently kill people while the pro-piracy lobby highlight the fact that pirates have far more fun.
Fun > Killing therefore Pirates > Ninjas
Second point: Times I have pulled dressed as a pirate - 2
Times I have pulled in black pyjamas - 0
Third Point: Many drinks are linked to pirates, smeg all drinks are for ninjas.
Fourth Point: Pirates like loot, ninjas see themselves as above physical possessions.
Fifth Point: Pirates have a crew Ninjas work alone.
Sixth Point: There are countless pirate styled bands about, Alestorm being one of the coolest (Wenches and Mead!). I’m struggling to find any ninja bands online. And yes ninjas hide in the shadows but no-one knowing of your existence is not good if you are a band.

So to sum up Pirates have more fun, sex, drink, stuff, music and friends than Ninjas.
A bee sees Dee 'effigy' Hitch, I 'Jay' kill, amen OP, queue arresty UV double, you ex-wizard!


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