Stupid People Stories Thread

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

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eristic
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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby eristic » Thu Oct 18, 2007 7:23 pm UTC

@ work - episode 1

I was trying to schedule travel to go to Omaha, NE for work. Now, there are a few standardized forms that I must fill out. One of the forms asks for the per diem for Omaha. I go to the secretary and ask her to look it up. She starts her computer, and then opens the page to look up per diem. She turns to me and says, "I need the zip code." I reply, "oh, that's easy. Just google it." She smartly turns back and faces her computer then pauses... before saying, "I don't think I have that installed on my system."



@ work - episode 2

I'm working with a Major (army). Every team is assigned an officer to ensure that we produce valid and well-written reports. I show him my report for review. As he is reviewing it, he asks how come I don't list any physical addresses of the computers in the report. I tell him, "I did. If you look at the chart, you'll see that I included the MAC address of every system in there." To which he says, "I can see that. But I want you to also put the physical address." Me: "But sir, the MAC address is the physical address." Him: "Really?" -This is the technical expert I was assigned... /facepalm
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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby BlueNowhere » Fri Oct 19, 2007 3:40 am UTC

eristic wrote:@ work - episode 2

I'm working with a Major (army). Every team is assigned an officer to ensure that we produce valid and well-written reports. I show him my report for review. As he is reviewing it, he asks how come I don't list any physical addresses of the computers in the report. I tell him, "I did. If you look at the chart, you'll see that I included the MAC address of every system in there." To which he says, "I can see that. But I want you to also put the physical address." Me: "But sir, the MAC address is the physical address." Him: "Really?" -This is the technical expert I was assigned... /facepalm

WRONG. Don't you know that the physical address is the street address of the location of the laptop. ;)
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Re:

Postby wing » Fri Oct 19, 2007 3:44 am UTC

Khonsu wrote:This all happened in Baltimore, MD, btw.
I think we MAY be related. 'cuz this all sounds awfully familiar and is in the right place (But I'm not aware of any distant cousins that fled to the midwest)
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Re: Re:

Postby sethicus » Fri Oct 19, 2007 3:57 am UTC

wing wrote:
Khonsu wrote:This all happened in Baltimore, MD, btw.
I think we MAY be related. 'cuz this all sounds awfully familiar and is in the right place (But I'm not aware of any distant cousins that fled to the midwest)


well, anyone fleeing to the midwest isn't going to be anywhere near baltimore, md. that's on the coast.
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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby malarkie » Fri Oct 19, 2007 9:26 am UTC

One day in my microbiology class, my teacher made the mistake of saying the word 'diffusion.' A fellow student did not know what this was and resisted all atempts we made to inform her. The discussion went something like: definition; I don't get it; stuff spreads out; ???????? and so on in this manner.

CaraInFrames wrote:customer : *glares* I saw it on an ad on tv. I want my money back.
Cara : *smiles ever so sweetly* I studied it in contract law for my degree.
I laughed for about ten minutes straight. This might have been because I have not slept for 21 hours and counting.
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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby Amicitia » Fri Oct 19, 2007 9:51 am UTC

CaraInFrames wrote:Ah I've worked in many a retail position and the old adage 'the customer is always right' is NEVER the case. I got into quite a bit of trouble with managers when I'd correct customers of their knowledge of consumer law...

customer : It's within my consumer rights that if I'm not happy with a product, for whatever reason, that I'm entitled to a refund.
Cara : *smiles ever so sweetly* Well, actually, The Sale of Goods and Supply of Services Act 1980 provides that a customer is entitled to a refund, repair, or replacement if, and only if the good is not of merchantable quality or fit for the purpose intended. Otherwise it's up to the discretion of instore policy whether or not they choose to honour the whims of their clientele.
customer : *glares* I saw it on an ad on tv. I want my money back.
Cara : *smiles ever so sweetly* I studied it in contract law for my degree.

Ok, yeah, it's condescending and pedantic and only ever used as a last resort, but this is dealing with folk that are pig ignorant and convinced that they know everything there is to know after a 30 second segment.

But as a retail position, you understood that you were a homogeneous labor unit?
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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby Umlaut » Fri Oct 19, 2007 2:19 pm UTC

Amicitia wrote:But as a retail position, you understood that you were a homogeneous labor unit?

...and as such entitled to arbitrary and anonymous abuse of power. Tech support id even better. I own people's lives.
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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby BlueNowhere » Fri Oct 19, 2007 2:30 pm UTC

Umlaut wrote:...and as such entitled to arbitrary and anonymous abuse of power. Tech support id even better. I own people 's lives.

Fix'd.
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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby Iori_Yagami » Sat Oct 20, 2007 7:34 pm UTC

malarkie wrote:One day in my microbiology class, my teacher made the mistake of saying the word 'diffusion.' A fellow student did not know what this was and resisted all atempts we made to inform her. The discussion went something like: definition; I don't get it; stuff spreads out; ???????? and so on in this manner.

So it backfires. Perhaps someone has trouble explaining things. If I heard of 'stuff spreads out' and never read about diffusion before (it was somewhere in the 7'th form) I would not understand that either.
I replied because we have a 'living huge blond joke' at my job place. She know pretty nothing (once we discussed I/O ports with the colleague and I mentioned that the word has more meanings such as 'http port' or 'software porting' which is unpleasant, and she told us she knows what it is. 'Isn't that those holes on your processor in which you plug something?' Arrrrgh! She continues to name the system case 'processor' despite all our efforts to explain, which irritates all us to no end.) So, I think it is our problem too, because we can't explain. Or perhaps it is IMPOSSIBLE TO PASS KNOWLEDGE TO SOMEONE WHO ACTIVELY REFUSES IT. Relax. Let them live as long as they are not given power to make decisions which influence you. Which is a VERY bad thing. Heard about PHB from a web comic?
I also hate it when someone says 'programming is easy', (that is if they are not nuclear physics scientists, but rather drones).
And really, EVERYTIHNG IS MIND-BOGGLING ONCE ENCOUNTERED, AND TRIVIAL ONCE UNDERSTOOD. See first wiki ever, they have lots of that. (c2.com)
They cannot defend themselves; they cannot run away. INSANITY is their only way of escape.

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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby Eleven » Sat Oct 20, 2007 10:19 pm UTC

Stupid work story. I work at Home Depot in the garden area, and while I can understand that some people lack a "green thumb", others... well, here.

Woman: Hey you! *jumps in front of me* My junipers are turning brown! How do I keep them from doing that?
Me: Well, when was the last time you fed them?
Woman: ??? (I mean, if her face could have been a :?: , yeah.)
Me: Uh, do you fertilize them at all?
Woman: What? Why the hell should I do that?
Me: Because plants need the nutrients from fertilizers every now and then or they'll starve. (Around here, the soil is absolutely terrible, so fertilizer is almost mandatory.)
Woman: Yeah, well, you'd better show me some of these "nutrients" then.
Me: *internal lol* Of course. (I take her to them and show her the best one for her plants. Everything seems fine and as she's leaving I remind her: ) And don't forget to water them about once a week in this heat!
Woman: *eyes widen* WHAT?! I have to water them little f**kers too?! Forget this. *shoves the fertilizer back on a shelf and leaves in a huff*

She wasn't really stupid, but that seemed to be a dumb reason to abandon the whole revive-my-f**kin'-junipers thing. Still want her to come back though, that was an awesome day XD.
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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby Kikral » Sun Oct 21, 2007 3:33 am UTC

I know a girl who is generally very smart, and generally gets top marks on everything she does. One day in Biology, we had to work on a small assignment involving reactions and drawing them on paper(GT Pre-AP Biology, for the record). For this story, she will be known as C, and my other partner will be known as R, to avoid confusion.

Me: Okay, so we need to describe the reaction, and then draw it on paper
R: Right, I'll draw
C: Okay, but don't you think that we should dash the paper so that we can use half of it to describe the reaction?
Me and R: uh...we have both sides of the paper...
*We argued over this for about five minutes. To save public intelligence, i'm paraphrasing it*
C: but we only have one sheet!
*I proceed to flip the paper over and raise an eyebrow*
* C realizes her mistake, and promptly facepalms*

I really have to take a regular level class just to see what I'm missing. Or thanking the day that I am not missing.
Last edited by Kikral on Sun Oct 21, 2007 4:17 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby Hit3k » Sun Oct 21, 2007 7:06 am UTC

This isn't the story of a stupid person its just the story of one of my friends and when she had a blonde moment.


Me:Hey, check this picture out <link to picture of bible in christian fiction section of book store (shelf name clearly labeled)>
Her: I don't get it.
Me: Fiction = Not true
Her: ... I GET IT!!!
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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby malarkie » Sun Oct 21, 2007 7:45 am UTC

@ Yogami, if that were not a college class, I would totally agree with you. But one of the prerequisites for the class is chemistry, so it is not unreasonable for me to think someone a bit dim if they don't know what diffusion is after taking chemistry, not to mention all those years in high school.

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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby Iori_Yagami » Sun Oct 21, 2007 8:47 am UTC

I agree. In our country, that person would not enter highest educational facility in the first place. There are entry exams, after all.
They cannot defend themselves; they cannot run away. INSANITY is their only way of escape.

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Re: Re:

Postby Khonsu » Sun Oct 21, 2007 7:06 pm UTC

wing wrote:
Khonsu wrote:This all happened in Baltimore, MD, btw.
I think we MAY be related. 'cuz this all sounds awfully familiar and is in the right place (But I'm not aware of any distant cousins that fled to the midwest)

If you were related to me, I highly doubt I'd want you to know the kinds of details I bandy about on the internet because I know most of my family isn't internet-saavy at all. Plus, it's easy to talk about your life to your net-friends, but sometimes isn't possible to your family. Sad, but true. >;3

I doubt we're related in any meaningful way. My family's pretty sprawled, and no one that is estranged would give a shit about what I post here. Those closely known to me would recognize the screen name or know that I recently moved and all that. I'm close with the important parts of the fam, so if we're related distantly, whatever. You seem cool enough not to blab.

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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby niteice » Sun Oct 21, 2007 7:36 pm UTC

Physics class, a few weeks ago. We had, at this point, spent two or so classes discussing forces and newtons and all that good stuff. So the teacher is demonstrating an example problem on the board, writing it something like:

ΣFy = 0N = <rest of equation>

Within seconds: "WAIT WHY DOES IT SAY ON?!"


In fact, Σ has raised considerable confusion as well..."What the hell is that e-thing with all that math mumbo-jumbo"


Keep in mind that this is a dual enrollment (college-level) class.
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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby lamarguerite » Sun Oct 21, 2007 10:50 pm UTC

I once had a biology teacher who insisted 2.54 cm/in limited the significant digits in the answer to 3.
At some point I gave up the argument because I didn't want to come across as arrogant to the rest of the class, but it might have been too late.
For the record, this was a class in high school...

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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby KicktheCAN » Fri Oct 26, 2007 11:41 pm UTC

I was once making a website for somebody and in dead seriousness he tried to give me a speech-to-text program to help me. I was baffled, it was great the look he had on his face too. He was an ex-ranger and acted like he had some great technology that I was so lucky to have a chance to use. I hated the guy so it was so much fun just telling him, "Hahahaha, nobody uses speech-to-text programs to write a website, that is just stupid, no thank you." He was dumbfounded.
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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby Iori_Yagami » Sat Oct 27, 2007 12:05 pm UTC

That is not real stupidity. Wait some time. I guess it will be soon. Automatic website creators for anyone able to speak... Sounds impressive!
They cannot defend themselves; they cannot run away. INSANITY is their only way of escape.

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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby Iori_Yagami » Fri Dec 07, 2007 12:10 am UTC

I am not sure whether this should count as double-post...

I have remembered 3 occasions of real stupidity. No, really funny and unbelievable.

1. Ordinary physics lesson. Teacher asks a girl to describe the workings of voltmeter. The topic is covered in book and previous lessons, all things said and drawn, everyone knows about internals. So she tells: "There is not much to it. It shows the voltage". But what parts are there? "Really nothing: a scale, an arrow, a case, a cover. That's all". Curtains.

2. Discrete mathematics. (We had set theory, Boolean algebra and a lot more things throw together there). A student (a fellow of mine) got a task. Draw a Venn diagram for quadrilateral, parallelogram, rhombus, rectangle and square classes. I thought it was easy. Some of q. are p, some of p. are rh. and rec., sq. is a rh and a rec. He handed in three times straight and was rejected until I drew it for him. (I couldn't stand it anymore). A rhombus, a square, etc all drawn, intersecting each other, with intersected areas highlighted. Each time he was returned it, we would just redraw the shapes at different angles. So, the concept of class of shape somehow missed him. Abstract thinking is not easy, eh?

3. My own story. I succumbed to ugly habit of bringing a mug of something hot and drinkable near PC. I put it on the table, and heard weird noise. Wow! An interesting effect. I picked up the mug and noise ended. I put it again, and noise started again. H-m-m, I know the speakers sound weird if I turn the volume all the way up, but it's 50Hz mains. Now the speaker was at normal level. I also know that a ringing mobile causes strange effects on the speakers, they begin to sound as static on an old radio. But mug? Oh, I see, the case is vibrating, the surface of the table is quite shaky, I can feel vibrations, if I put my hand on it. So, perhaps a spoon in the mug is vibrating and resonating with speakers? Resonance? Hmmmm... I turned the mug and sound ended. Why?.............
When I realized the true reason I felt like a comedian. The mug's handle invisibly pressed 'ESC' key on the keyboard because it stood to close to it. I was also logged off. And what happens when you do it on Windows? Right, it gives you a Win sound, so pressing it continuously results in pretty weird noise. :lol: :lol: :lol:
They cannot defend themselves; they cannot run away. INSANITY is their only way of escape.

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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby tiny » Fri Dec 07, 2007 1:45 am UTC

Ok, so, there is this Italian woman, she's a member of the European parliament, more precisely of the small right wing extremist party that managed to sneak in.
The other day in Italy an Italian is killed by a Bulgarian. That certain woman is interviewed on what she thinks about this case. And she's all like: "Well, I'm not surprised, since killing and stealing is the second nature of Bulgarians."
This comment caused the two or three *Bulgarian* members to leave the right wing extremist party and the parliament, causing the party to not have enough people, thus kicking it from the parliament.

I love this story dearly for so many reasons. It gives me hope, because it shows that, in a special place, on a special moment, even severe stupidity can achieve something good.
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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby ASmileWithoutACat » Fri Dec 07, 2007 5:40 am UTC

Oooh, can I tell some?
Yes, you may.
Oh good.

Anyway, so I do some theatrical lighting work (mostly community theatre stuff). There's at least one theatre in my town where I am one of two or three people who gets odd problems with the equipment referred to them. About half the time, what's odd turns out to be that somebody didn't realize having the grandmaster at 00 would cause the lights not to come on. The other half of the problems, though, can be interesting.

(This problem is spoilered for extreme length. And probably dullness. And overtechnicality.)
Spoiler:
So, one I recall most recently- I designed the lights. Had a conflict, so we got a board op. She was a high schooler- seemed intelligent, and pretty mature.
Saturday, second weekend of the run. I'm at home, relaxing. She calls me in the middle of a show; I couldn't understand what she was on about, but there was clearly a problem. I go.
As I worked out later:
Things apparently went fine to start with. Then they stopped. Lights wouldn't respond. Later found that the control cable was dislodged from the board (don't know how- it's secured to the socket). Anyway, director is desperate, we need more light- he turns on test buttons on dimmer packs. These override control signals and force dimmers on at full- unpleasant but workable temporary measure.
While looking at the board, someone then discovers the loose cable.
Board op calls me. I scramble. Check everything, discover dimmers on test. Guy who found loose cable shows me. God, yes, plug it back in. Turn off test buttons. Everything works. Wonderful.
So they got me up there to tell them to plug in a cable and turn off twelve buttons. The three of them (board op, director, guy who found cable) really, really should have known enough to figure that out themselves.
To top off: During this whole mess, board op was wearing a frilly pink dress. Over her black clothes. Her school's ball/party/thing (it's the doctor/lawyer/&c. side of town- they have nothing as plebeian as a prom) is coming up, so she was trying on clothes.
In the lighting booth.
During a show. When she should have been watching the stage and her cues.
This is why I hate having a board op... if you want something done right...


'Nother: (see above)
Spoiler:
This is just general stupidity somewhere along the line. I was working in an unfamiliar theatre a few months ago. Interesting system- all circuits ran through the attic, between back of house right and electrics above stage. Males and females both labeled; should have been fairly organized.

Should have. People had apparently been decapitating females, pulling them up, dropping them back through where they felt like, and attaching new females. For years. And labelling the new females as the mood struck them; which meant mislabeling, and almost complete inability to tell which male/female pair was connected, short of tracing it through a insulated, un-air-conditioned attic. In the south. During summer. Before having this situation explained to me, I actually depended on the labels a few times. Turned off what looked like the appropriate dimmer, took a screwdriver to a bad connector (really bad. It got left about six inches in front of a light, somehow), and finally got the casing apart. I was maybe a foot away on a ladder when the live and ground wires of the (apparently not-quite-dead) circuit got close enough to spark.

I have never been closer to falling off a ladder.
Next time, I turned off every dimmer. Not at the board- at their power switches.
I loved the show I worked with there- but the wiring made me fear for my life.


Quickie:
I was working with a community production of Jesus Christ Superstar. Keep in mind that this is South Carolina. Very, very definitely Bible Belt territory (meh).
A few techies have gathered on stage- Judas' noose is causing problems, because of a combination of a safety loop and a low ceiling. We're trying to determine a way to raise it above the curtain line when the director walks by, looks at us, and- as far as we could tell, entirely seriously- says:
"You guys better get that up where the audience can't see. We don't want them to guess what happens."
Nobody said anything as she walked away... but there were quite a few comments after about making sure nobody saw the cross waiting outside, either...

And one on myself- when removing a blown lamp, saving time is valuable. It is not, however, so valuable that one should avoid a two minute dash up to the light booth to turn off the dimmer that the lamp is on. Jesus has a very firm handshake... more so when on top of a 20' A-frame ladder.

In my defense, it was late on the third day of work on a very demanding show.

Right, that's all... go 'way now. Sorry for extreme density of text... my verbosity can only get better, though...
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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby Elenion » Fri Dec 07, 2007 9:33 pm UTC

bigglesworth wrote:I know a boy who could not name 10 fruit. We challenged him to, and then he got to 6, and said: Tomato! oh, wait, no...


A tomato is (botanically speaking) a fruit.

And for you who watched the 6-year-old with a drunk mom: I would never have given the child back to her, I would have called the police/child care service or something.. Same for you with the cousin with the boyfriend who beat up her deaf kid.. Why watch it and do nothing?
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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby bigglesworth » Sat Dec 08, 2007 11:31 am UTC

Elenion wrote:
bigglesworth wrote:I know a boy who could not name 10 fruit. We challenged him to, and then he got to 6, and said: Tomato! oh, wait, no...


A tomato is (botanically speaking) a fruit.


Exactly. It was extra stupid, since he got a right answer, but decided it was wrong.
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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby Nullcline » Sat Dec 08, 2007 9:21 pm UTC

This isn't really a story. This guy didn't really understand why what he said was so funny, though. Gay dude I used to work with, in reference to a female coworker: "I literally hate her guts." I laughed for about an hour.
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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby schmiggen » Sat Dec 08, 2007 9:53 pm UTC

Heh... "Freaking stupid intestines. They're the devil in disguise, I tell ya."
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Re: Stupid People Stories Thread

Postby xooll » Sun Dec 09, 2007 3:38 am UTC

I had a history teacher who frequently misused "literally" in amusing ways. For example, "Roosevelt literally shoved the New Deal down their throats."
So, I got tired of the fact that the appearance of my band name in my signature made my posts on this forum the dominant result when googling for my music. Anyway, if you think I might happen to be a good musician, you can test this theory here.


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