Words of wisdom.

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

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Aura Nightbane
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Words of wisdom.

Postby Aura Nightbane » Tue Nov 04, 2008 4:14 am UTC

Ok so i got thinking about how to make the world a weirder place, and after going through all the topics i could about such a topic, i came to this though that i would buy ALOT of post-its and put them in random places throughout the world, though mostly in places that they wont be seen for a long time(books in school library, ect.)

so im asking you, the people that have the best chance of coming up with something wonderful, The people of xkcd to give me your words of wisdom so that i may not run out of material to use.

sorry if a topic like this already exists, i couldn't find anything, though ive never really had good luck with searches for some reason...
Last edited by Aura Nightbane on Tue Nov 04, 2008 4:19 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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KingLoser
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby KingLoser » Tue Nov 04, 2008 4:16 am UTC

O Lord, help me keep my big mouth shut until I know what the fuck I'm talking about.
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Is minic a gheibhean beal oscailt díog dúnta.

Djabanete
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby Djabanete » Tue Nov 04, 2008 5:12 am UTC

I'm going to have this little reply window open for much of the evening and make additions as I think of them...
    Show off always show up at showdown.
    When a man does not know what harbor he's sailing for, no wind is the right wind. ---Seneca
    They say that you can't trust rumors.
    You don't always have to kill everything you meet!
    When all else fails, read the instructions.
    No animal is interested in sex if it's mortally scared.
    Death is just life's way of telling you you're fired.
    Cake or death?
    Timing is definitely against you today --- never mind.
    Confident - Cocky - Lazy - Dead; this old mantra is a seriously good one.
    The vestal virgins are downstairs.
    The best way to defeat your enemies is to make friends with them.
    Death, next to birth is our best gift, and next to truth it is our best friend.
    You only get what you deserve if you fight for it; otherwise, you just get what you get.
    This small detour place the overall mission in jeopardy will not.
    Fortune has betrayed you for the moment, but shall presently return to your side. Confidence!
    Do not lose your treasures in deep water.


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Snowdream
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby Snowdream » Tue Nov 04, 2008 5:14 am UTC

"wanna see a magic trick?"
Image

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Noc
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby Noc » Tue Nov 04, 2008 5:23 am UTC

I recommend using the entire archive of A Softer World.

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Unless . . . I use his eye to replace my own."
"Nice guys finish last, and they generally warn you just before they do."
"Life is essentially a chess game. You have to plan and calculate and . . . oh god I'm so lonely."
"She wasn't perfect, but I loved her, you know? And I'd kill every one of you to bring her back. Anyways, good luck, class of 2008."
"You were not a mistake. I made the right choice in keeping you. Given the information I had at the time."
"I was so sure my search would end when I found god. But then I lost my car keys. And my friend Catherine ran away."

There are hundreds of the damn things.

I see absolutely no downside to consigning them to post-its and scattering them throughout the world.
Have you given up?

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Felstaff
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby Felstaff » Tue Nov 04, 2008 11:41 am UTC

I'm going to have to dig up those emails my mother, and sometimes your mother, sends me with these "cute" words of wisdom.

But I cannot be bothered, and besides I left my email inbox at home today.

Some I recall:

Just accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue
Whoever said nothing's impossible has never tried to describe the smell of a wet cat
Wearing two pairs of spectacles gives you x-ray vision
Tell your children that when an ice-cream van jingles, it means they are out of ice-cream
When you see a statue of a soldier on a horse, remember the following:
"If all 4 [of the horse's legs] are on the ground, the person just died (but was cool enough for a statue)
If one front leg is up, they died from wounds sustained in battle
If both front legs are up, they died during a battle
If both back legs are up, they died in a freak rodeo accident
If one back leg is up, they died urinating
If the horse has no legs on the ground, they died in a hover-horse collision
If the horse is actually a camel, then you're in Egypt."
Kill Two Birds With One Stone.
Wait, what? Have you ever even tried to kill a single bird with a stone? Who the hell manages to kill two? Aside from Robocop. Robocop can kill two birds with one stone. He'll probably launch the stone with such accuracy he'll calculate the trajectory of the deflection so that it strikes the second bird square on the jaw. Wait, do birds have jaws? No, they have beaks. Aren't you annoyed when cartoons show birds with teeth? The talking, I can deal with. But as soon as I see them flash their teeth, I get so incensed. It's probably due to the fact so much animation gets outsourced to South Korea. I wonder how those South Koreans feel, what with North Korea so close, yet so far from a Western perspective. So, yeah, Robocop can kill as many South Korean toothed birds as much as he wants.
There's a time and a place for puns, but telling the priest you can't be a pallbearer because you can't stop coffin is not one of them.
Eagles may soar, but there is no evidence present that would infer one has ever been sucked into a jet engine.
Away, you scullion! you rampallion! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe.

Mzyxptlk
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby Mzyxptlk » Tue Nov 04, 2008 11:48 am UTC

I did this for a while. I left post-it notes saying "I love you" all over the place. I got bored after a week or two though.
"Once upon a time, an infinite number of people lived perfect, blissful, eternal lives."

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tiny
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby tiny » Tue Nov 04, 2008 3:11 pm UTC

You could post unrelated (philosophical?) questions, and not provide an answer. Or tell them in which book to look for the post-it with the answer. Hey, you could make a circular scavenger hunt that leads them from literature to good books about the arts to nice science books... You only have to make sure that you can start with every post-it.

As for wisdom... uh...

Floss regularly.
Be kind to little children and animals.
Don't eat your boogers. That's disgusting.
Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
You just lost twenty dollars and my self respect.
She knows!
Only the cricket saw when the tiger swallowed its tail.
Every journey starts with the first step.
I can't believe it's not butter.
Are you sure the stain on your pullover is chocolate?
You poop rainbows.
Last edited by tiny on Tue Nov 04, 2008 3:14 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
"I write what I see, the endless procession to the guillotine." ~ de Sade

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Okita
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby Okita » Tue Nov 04, 2008 3:13 pm UTC

"When the time comes, cut the green wire"
"I may or may not be a raptor. There is no way of knowing until entering a box that I happen to be in and then letting me sunder the delicious human flesh from your body in reptile fury."

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kinigget
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby kinigget » Tue Nov 04, 2008 3:24 pm UTC

"screw the rules! I have money!"
The Mighty Thesaurus wrote:I can tell from his word choice that he is using his penis to type.

Steax wrote:I think the courts are kinda busy right now. Something about cake and due process.

Hentzau
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby Hentzau » Tue Nov 04, 2008 4:11 pm UTC

"Fish don't live in clear water."

"The difference between a pessimist and an optimist is that a pessimist knows things can't get any worse."

"Don't eat the yellow snow."

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emceng
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby emceng » Tue Nov 04, 2008 5:07 pm UTC

I have a bunch of .txts that I save things like this in - movie quotes, historical quotes, random crap. I will post a handful of quotes from the most recent one. Upon request, I can post more. Note: I did not fact check any of the below quotes, so if they are wrongly attributed or incorrect, I guess you can correct me, but I probably won't care.

And spoilered for length.

Spoiler:
America has dry-humped the wall of stupidity to the point of exhaustion and is now burrowing underneath it


English Bob: Well, actually, what I heard was that you fell off your horse, drunk of course, and that you broke your bloody neck.
Little Bill Daggett: I heard that one myself, Bob. Hell, I even thought I was dead 'til I found out it was just that I was in Nebraska.


"If all that Americans want is security, they can go to prison."
--President Dwight D. Eisenhower


"The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all." --H. L. Mencken


Someone downstairs is cookin' ribs at 9 AM. Someone downstairs has the right friggin' idea.


It's weirdly amusing when someone attributes complicated thought processes and characteristics to the type and/or size of genitals. They're genitals. Their whole point is to swell up and feel special and tickly in an effort to trick you into making more people. You know what has bigger testicles than you? Cows. Some dogs. Whales. Pigs. I am not even going to get into how people attribute complicated thought processes to the organ that pumps blood.


Jackie Treehorn: Refill?
The Dude: Does the Pope shit in the woods?


I’ll be honest, in five years of marriage, I quickly learnt to be too afraid to imagine the perfect woman. If I had even so much as looked off into the middle distance and begun to picture a half-Swedish, half-Japanese, permanently 25-year-old, 5ft 8in bisexual gymnast with a medium cup, a penchant for tastefully slutty cocktail dresses and an erotically feisty side that meant arguments about the Iraq war always deteriorated into sex rather than slammed doors, my wife would have known


"I think that my computer must have a virus. All of your puncutation and capital letters have been taken out of your post. Either that, or you're illiterate."
-Keith Wells


"With the law books filled with a great assortment of crimes, a prosecutor stands a fair chance of finding at least a technical violation of some act on the part of almost anyone. In such a case, it is not a question of discovering the commission of a crime and then looking for the man who has committed it, it is a question of picking the man and then searching the law books, or putting investigators to work, to pin some offense on him."
- former Attorney General and Supreme Court Justice Robert H. Jackson, 1940


She learned almost too late that man is a feeling creature... and because of it, the greatest in the universe. She learned too late for herself that men have to find their own way, to make their own mistakes. There can't be any gift of perfection from outside ourselves. And when men seek such perfection... they find only death... fire... loss... disillusionment... the end of everything that's gone forward. Men have always sought an end to the toil and misery, but it can't be given, it has to be achieved. There is hope, but it has to come from inside, from Man himself.


Three Words:
Rocket Propelled Chainsaw
When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up. - CS Lewis

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Felstaff
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby Felstaff » Tue Nov 04, 2008 8:30 pm UTC

Image
Away, you scullion! you rampallion! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe.

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Chfan
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby Chfan » Tue Nov 04, 2008 10:12 pm UTC

Oh, wow. I thought of starting a thread like this yesterday but was too lazy.

Okay: here's some of mine:

Take cover!
We didn't start the fire.
I swear, officer, it was like that when I got here!
Mustaches on teenagers look terrible.

I'll add more later.
Just FYI, the guy isn't avatar isn't me. But he seems pretty cool.

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emceng
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby emceng » Wed Nov 05, 2008 1:28 am UTC

Felstaff, your trenchant insight has once again elevated this conversation to another level. I think you are my favorite person on this forum.
When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up. - CS Lewis

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Iori_Yagami
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby Iori_Yagami » Thu Nov 06, 2008 5:44 pm UTC

Wisdom into your ears!

You can buy a house, but not a home.
You can buy a clock, but not time.
You can buy a bed, but not sleep.
You can buy a book, but not knowledge.
You can buy a position, but not respect.
You can buy blood, but not life.
You can buy medicine, but not health.
You can buy sex, but not love.
You can by a diploma, but not education.
You can buy food, but not appetite.
You can buy pleasure, but not happiness.
They cannot defend themselves; they cannot run away. INSANITY is their only way of escape.

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Quadropus
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby Quadropus » Thu Nov 06, 2008 7:18 pm UTC

"If you can't be good, be careful"
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do, and don't do it with anyone I wouldn't do it with"

Both from my old English teacher.

Damn good advice as well.
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"If I go insane, please don't put your wires in my brain"

Awia
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby Awia » Thu Nov 06, 2008 7:56 pm UTC

Confusious say, always brush your teeth.
Francis wrote:Look on the bright side, if you all die I'll still be handsome

tomdavi
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby tomdavi » Fri Nov 07, 2008 7:19 pm UTC

"Little Evil would be done in the world if no evil could ever be done in the name of Good", that's a good one, I've always thought.
"No one's country's ever enough for 'em" which came from my 98 year old great gran, talking about WW2 and causes thereof.
And some of my all time favourite advice, "Before you insult anybody, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you insult them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes" Hehe.
"Light a man a fire and he will be warm for a day, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life" Terry Pratchett

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Mr. Beck
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby Mr. Beck » Fri Nov 07, 2008 8:18 pm UTC

Here's one:
"Good Enough is Good Enough, but Perfect is a pain in the ass and usually not worth it anyway."

Confession: that's from a Tom Clancy book...

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segmentation fault
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Re: Words of wisdom.

Postby segmentation fault » Fri Nov 07, 2008 8:19 pm UTC

sometimes you get the elevator, sometimes you get the shaft.
people are like LDL cholesterol for the internet


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