Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

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Torben
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Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby Torben » Sun Jan 04, 2009 9:18 pm UTC

As this topic utterly failed in the science forum i'll repost it here where a sense of humour can be found :wink: Nah just kidding, i'd obviously misunderstood the fora rules.

So, anyone who's read any Great Lies to tell Small Kids cartoons this is a topic dedicated to thinking up science based lies to tell small kids.

I'll start the ball rolling with:

"Do you know why days get longer in summer? It's because heat makes things expand..."
and
"Do you know clouds float high up in the air? It's because they're made of a special cloud element which carries water and is lighter than air. It's chemical symbol is: Cl and has only recently been discovered."
Last edited by Torben on Mon Jan 05, 2009 9:01 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby tentacleTherapist » Sun Jan 04, 2009 11:25 pm UTC

"There's a dangerous chemical in our water supply called dihydrogen monoxide, and if you drink too much of it you'll explode in a giant puddle."
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PeteThePessimist
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby PeteThePessimist » Mon Jan 05, 2009 2:32 pm UTC

Sorry to be an ass, but it's actually Hydrogen Hydroxide, H-OH, Ionic, Tell your friends.

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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby Goplat » Mon Jan 05, 2009 4:59 pm UTC

H2O isn't ionic; it's polar covalent.

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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby PeteThePessimist » Mon Jan 05, 2009 11:33 pm UTC

Well then... That correction led me to do a little research, and I do concede that you are correct. I suppose I should thank you for giving me an oppertunity to learn.... I shall now slink away silently.


On a more on-topic note: The chemical formula for the liquid inside a firehydrant is H2O. The formula for the liquid outside is K9P.

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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby Klapaucius » Mon Jan 05, 2009 11:40 pm UTC

There are different breeds of dog because God got bored with just having Pomeranians.
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby Xaiv » Tue Jan 06, 2009 1:36 am UTC

Klapaucius wrote:There are different breeds of dog because God got bored with just having Pomeranians.


It's 'scienced up' lies. I don't think God is science.

And if he is, I've been living a lie. D:

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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby Ieatsoap6 » Tue Jan 06, 2009 2:13 am UTC

There's a great Calvin and Hobbes comic explaining how and why the sun sets along with other phenomena.

Here's a link to the text of the comic. A brief google search didn't turn up an image.

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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby the Cow » Tue Jan 06, 2009 9:51 pm UTC

A long time ago I was a camp counselor. We told several of the smaller children that they could skip years, as in go from age 5 to age 7 without passing through age 6. When they asked how they could do this, we asked, "didn't your parents tell you? ... Oh, well, we can't tell you if they didn't."

Sorry, no science. But a true story.
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby crowey » Tue Jan 06, 2009 11:59 pm UTC

Jellyfish don't have DNA. Because of this they can't breed, so there are a finite number in the sea. When one dies there is just one less jellyfish, eventually they'll run out.

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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby Klapaucius » Wed Jan 07, 2009 12:03 am UTC

Open umbrellas cause zones of ionic disturbance that release waves of antiprotons into the skies, causing precipitation. When it rains, someone nearby has an open umbrella.

I actually confused a girl my age in Algebra II with that one.
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby J3ssid33 » Wed Jan 07, 2009 12:18 am UTC

Klapaucius wrote:Open umbrellas cause zones of ionic disturbance that release waves of antiprotons into the skies, causing precipitation. When it rains, someone nearby has an open umbrella.

I actually confused a girl my age in Algebra II with that one.


i find it sad, that you managed to confuse her.... (sadder still if you had convinced her)
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby Klapaucius » Wed Jan 07, 2009 12:26 am UTC

J3ssid33 wrote:
Klapaucius wrote:Open umbrellas cause zones of ionic disturbance that release waves of antiprotons into the skies, causing precipitation. When it rains, someone nearby has an open umbrella.

I actually confused a girl my age in Algebra II with that one.


i find it sad, that you managed to confuse her.... (sadder still if you had convinced her)


I think that the use of polysyllabic phrases like "antiprotons" and "ionic disturbance" are what did it; despite being a thriving eleventh-grader, she still managed to ask the teacher of our Psychology class if you can't get pregnant while having sex in a tree.
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby rnew » Wed Jan 07, 2009 12:35 am UTC

Not so much a child but a rather dimwitted nice word friend of mine.

We told her that the hemisphere was a protective layer around the Earth, much like the o-zone layer,
but made of a material called hemis.

She honestly believed us.
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby InstinctSage » Wed Jan 07, 2009 1:21 am UTC

I once freaked out a roommate who was attempting to run a cable from the antenna to his TV by convincing him that if the cable got twisted the picture would be upside down. He was very careful about laying a neat cable, so I guess it was a useful trick.
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby mmx49 » Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:11 am UTC

Earthquakes are the results of harmonic vibrations in the earth's crust caused by walking. Bad earthquakes are caused by jumping.

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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby PeteThePessimist » Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:16 am UTC

I got this off some webcomic--internets for whoever can find it.


Electrical outlets catch fire because large solar flare can dent the Earth's magnetic field inward. The Earth's spin then induces a strong current in any long conductors, melting them and starting fires.

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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby fishyfish777 » Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:20 am UTC

Jenkem is a type of cologne.
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby benjhuey » Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:25 am UTC

PeteThePessimist wrote:I got this off some webcomic--internets for whoever can find it.
I hope you're kidding.
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby bigglesworth » Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:29 am UTC

benj, you're slipping.

Anyway, the amount of science you get out of universities is related to how much money you give them: if we gave them more, we'd have teleporters and plasma guns.
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby Ender » Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:38 am UTC

from my first grade science teacher "when it starts to feel cold it snows"
kid answers "then why doesn't it snow in my freezer?"
teacher "don't get smart on me"

spaceships get off the ground because when the fuel hits the ground, the ground doesn't like to be hot and so it pushes back and gets it out of the atmosphere.
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby GrimReaper » Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:52 am UTC

Yet another priceless Calvin and Hobbes comic:
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Also, my 11th grade Physics teacher's wife gave birth to twins. And he told us stories of how he wanted to name one "Control" and the other "Variable" and just teach everything to Variable backwards.
I.e. "You see the sky? That color is called orange!"
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby J3ssid33 » Wed Jan 07, 2009 4:51 am UTC

GrimReaper wrote:Also, my 11th grade Physics teacher's wife gave birth to twins. And he told us stories of how he wanted to name one "Control" and the other "Variable" and just teach everything to Variable backwards.
I.e. "You see the sky? That color is called orange!"


oh that is so evil... it wouldnt work though, unless you kept Variable away from Control
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby DaMullet » Wed Jan 07, 2009 6:00 am UTC

J3ssid33 wrote:
GrimReaper wrote:Also, my 11th grade Physics teacher's wife gave birth to twins. And he told us stories of how he wanted to name one "Control" and the other "Variable" and just teach everything to Variable backwards.
I.e. "You see the sky? That color is called orange!"

oh that is so evil... it wouldnt work though, unless you kept Variable away from Control

Ideally, it would be a Parent-Trap situation, where neither subject knew about the other.
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby Shakleton » Wed Jan 07, 2009 6:55 am UTC

GrimReaper wrote:Also, my 11th grade Physics teacher's wife gave birth to twins. And he told us stories of how he wanted to name one "Control" and the other "Variable" and just teach everything to Variable backwards.
I.e. "You see the sky? That color is called orange!"

Doooooooooo iiiiiiit!

2nd thought:
That would most likely be a problem...
"Hey, Control, see the sky? That colour is called 'blue'."
"Hey, Variable, feel the ground? That feeling is called 'orange'."

ans so on and so on and so on
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby PeteThePessimist » Wed Jan 07, 2009 1:39 pm UTC

benjhuey wrote:
PeteThePessimist wrote:I got this off some webcomic--internets for whoever can find it.
I hope you're kidding.



Quite so.

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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby sparkyb » Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:10 pm UTC

Teaspoons are actually what sweeten tea, and the dissolving sugar is just to measure how long to stir it for.

GrimReaper wrote:Yet another priceless Calvin and Hobbes comic


I think the best Calvin and Hobbes in this vein is the one where Calvin asks his dad why photos used to be black and white and his dad tells him that it was actually the world that used to be black and white and then became color.

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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby Meowgan » Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:32 pm UTC

Isaac Newton invented gravity. Before the 17th century people just floated around.
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby Xutar » Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:33 pm UTC

calvinandhobbes.JPG
calvinandhobbes.JPG (149.34 KiB) Viewed 6032 times

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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby sparkyb » Wed Jan 07, 2009 3:50 pm UTC

Xutar wrote:calvinandhobbes.JPG


Haha! I could have searched for it but I didn't really want to include it and I knew it just mentioned it someone would do it for me. Success.

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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby Thousand » Wed Jan 07, 2009 5:40 pm UTC

My Shadow wrote:"There's a dangerous chemical in our water supply called dihydrogen monoxide, and if you drink too much of it you'll explode in a giant puddle."


Orrrr you could make it so it's not even a lie at all!

"If you inhale it, you will die!" (props to How2; great show)

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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby bigglesworth » Wed Jan 07, 2009 5:57 pm UTC

It's a major component of acid rain!
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby Roland Lockheart » Wed Jan 07, 2009 6:06 pm UTC

The world is flat.
This is one thing up with which I shall not put!
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby Pirate.Bondage » Wed Jan 07, 2009 6:35 pm UTC

If you run while wearing corduroys, they will catch on fire.
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby tentacleTherapist » Thu Jan 08, 2009 12:14 am UTC

"If you drop a grand piano and a feather in outer space, both will fall for eternity but the piano will get there first."
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby crowey » Thu Jan 08, 2009 12:21 am UTC

Pirate.Bondage wrote:If you run while wearing corduroys, they will catch on fire.

I got burned by cheese so much I woke my housemate up :lol:

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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby Osha » Thu Jan 08, 2009 5:00 am UTC

crowey wrote:
Pirate.Bondage wrote:If you run while wearing corduroys, they will catch on fire.

I got burned by cheese so much I woke my housemate up :¡This cheese is burning me!:

:shock:

Ahem, anyway...
Lightbulbs actually suck up darkness.

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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby Meowgan » Thu Jan 08, 2009 5:26 am UTC

Osha wrote:Ahem, anyway...
Lightbulbs actually suck up darkness.

Gah! It's the CSIRO not the CRISO.
<L> dude. she made a motherfucking stargate.
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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby Osha » Thu Jan 08, 2009 6:34 am UTC

Meowgan wrote:
Osha wrote:Ahem, anyway...
Lightbulbs actually suck up darkness.

Gah! It's the CSIRO not the CRISO.


Hey, don't look at me! I just googled for "lightbulbs suck darkness".

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Re: Good lies to tell small children (scienced up!)

Postby Meowgan » Thu Jan 08, 2009 8:32 am UTC

Osha wrote:
Meowgan wrote:
Osha wrote:Ahem, anyway...
Lightbulbs actually suck up darkness.

Gah! It's the CSIRO not the CRISO.


Hey, don't look at me! I just googled for "lightbulbs suck darkness".
I find it rather amusing that I'm more fussed with misspellings of the Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation than I am about dodgy science.
<L> dude. she made a motherfucking stargate.
<L> you need to keep this girl. do whatever it takes.


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