RAPTORS!

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razor
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby razor » Fri Jun 27, 2008 10:23 pm UTC

After watching Jurassic Park for the first time, at age 5, I realized I was a raptor. I appear human now, but don't let that deceive you.
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby screech » Sat Jun 28, 2008 3:02 am UTC

michaelandjimi wrote:
screech wrote:In other news, I thought I was a raptor once. I am unsure if that was some sort of brainwashing or what.
I am skeptical. But also deeply sympathetic. Do you often have to restrain yourself in public places? Is the sound of a beating heart enough to stir you into a frenzied bloodlust, only quenched by the soft, juicy taste of flesh between your jaws? Are you curious about the lack of pigeons in your area, and occasionally wake up with feathers stuck between your teeth?

These are things we need to know...


No, it was not like that. It was more of a hallucination than anything. That second statement stirs odd feelings though. :|

razor wrote:After watching Jurassic Park for the first time, at age 5, I realized I was a raptor. I appear human now, but don't let that deceive you.


Oh really? How is it that you are a raptor?
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby razor » Sat Jun 28, 2008 3:40 am UTC

screech wrote:
razor wrote:After watching Jurassic Park for the first time, at age 5, I realized I was a raptor. I appear human now, but don't let that deceive you.


Oh really? How is it that you are a raptor?
If you saw me at that age, you'd know.
"He who remembers much about things that matter not."

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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby screech » Sun Jun 29, 2008 9:19 am UTC

razor wrote:
screech wrote:
razor wrote:After watching Jurassic Park for the first time, at age 5, I realized I was a raptor. I appear human now, but don't let that deceive you.


Oh really? How is it that you are a raptor?
If you saw me at that age, you'd know.


But I didn't, hence why I'm asking. :|
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby J Spade » Sun Jun 29, 2008 7:39 pm UTC

Clearly we need to offer a live human sacrifice. How about Hillary Clinton?

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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby razor » Mon Jun 30, 2008 12:21 am UTC

screech wrote:
razor wrote:
screech wrote:
razor wrote:After watching Jurassic Park for the first time, at age 5, I realized I was a raptor. I appear human now, but don't let that deceive you.


Oh really? How is it that you are a raptor?
If you saw me at that age, you'd know.


But I didn't, hence why I'm asking. :|
The things I did, the hideous sounds I made, the people I killed played with.
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby screech » Mon Jun 30, 2008 12:34 am UTC

J Spade wrote:Clearly we need to offer a live human sacrifice. How about Hillary Clinton?


I don't know about Hillary - there are much better choices to sacrifice, and anyway one person would not keep them occupied for long.

I think business tycoons would be better. There are more of them, they are meatier, they are more annoying, and with any luck the cholesterol might slow the raptors a bit - an advantage not to be taken lightly.

r
razor wrote:
screech wrote:
razor wrote:
screech wrote:
razor wrote:After watching Jurassic Park for the first time, at age 5, I realized I was a raptor. I appear human now, but don't let that deceive you.


Oh really? How is it that you are a raptor?
If you saw me at that age, you'd know.


But I didn't, hence why I'm asking. :|
The things I did, the hideous sounds I made, the people I killed played with.


Ah, okay.
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Megatriorchis » Mon Jun 30, 2008 4:28 am UTC

There's a lab somewhere that actually theorizing about genetically engineering an emu back into a raptor.

Be afraid.
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Sir_Elderberry » Mon Jun 30, 2008 4:33 am UTC

Megatriorchis wrote:There's a lab somewhere that actually theorizing about genetically engineering an emu back into a raptor.

Be afraid.


I think we need an xkcd strike team.

Belial, care to come along?
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby razor » Mon Jun 30, 2008 4:31 pm UTC

Sir_Elderberry wrote:
Megatriorchis wrote:There's a lab somewhere that actually theorizing about genetically engineering an emu back into a raptor.

Be afraid.


I think we need an xkcd strike team.

Belial, care to come along?
Count me in. Oh wait, I'm a raptor, nevermind.
"He who remembers much about things that matter not."

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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Sir_Elderberry » Mon Jun 30, 2008 6:50 pm UTC

Yeah, having raptors on the strike time is rather pointless, you'd just eat us faster than normal. Besides, the people working at that lab are probably already raptors. Ancient dinosaur conspiracy. Much like the Mario movie.
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Account20151023 » Mon Jun 30, 2008 7:31 pm UTC

I must say, I'm a big proponent of watching out for bear attacks more. Raptors are NOT CUTE. Bears are. So they can infiltrate just about anywhere and go batshit with little to no provocation. However, if a raptor shows up, they immediately have no allies except for other raptors. Which we've already established would not be able to sneak in subtly anywhere.

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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Megatriorchis » Mon Jun 30, 2008 8:21 pm UTC

BomanTheBear wrote:I must say, I'm a big proponent of watching out for bear attacks more. Raptors are NOT CUTE. Bears are. So they can infiltrate just about anywhere and go batshit with little to no provocation. However, if a raptor shows up, they immediately have no allies except for other raptors. Which we've already established would not be able to sneak in subtly anywhere.

I aspire to be a bear caretaker at the zoo. No joke.
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Account20151023 » Mon Jun 30, 2008 8:49 pm UTC

Don't get eaten. More importantly, don't get between a sow and her cub, if you value your legs.

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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Luthen » Tue Jul 01, 2008 12:17 am UTC

BomanTheBear wrote:I must say, I'm a big proponent of watching out for bear attacks more. Raptors are NOT CUTE. Bears are. So they can infiltrate just about anywhere and go batshit with little to no provocation. However, if a raptor shows up, they immediately have no allies except for other raptors. Which we've already established would not be able to sneak in subtly anywhere.

Except with the aid of a hat.
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Random832 » Tue Jul 01, 2008 12:19 am UTC

razor wrote:
screech wrote:
razor wrote:After watching Jurassic Park for the first time, at age 5, I realized I was a raptor. I appear human now, but don't let that deceive you.


Oh really? How is it that you are a raptor?
If you saw me at that age, you'd know.


You weren't wearing a hat?

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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Sir_Elderberry » Tue Jul 01, 2008 2:59 am UTC

Luthen wrote:
BomanTheBear wrote:I must say, I'm a big proponent of watching out for bear attacks more. Raptors are NOT CUTE. Bears are. So they can infiltrate just about anywhere and go batshit with little to no provocation. However, if a raptor shows up, they immediately have no allies except for other raptors. Which we've already established would not be able to sneak in subtly anywhere.

Except with the aid of a hat.


Raptors would be anatomically incapable of wearing hats, which is why it's used as a test for humanity.
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Re:

Postby RAPTORATTACK!!! » Tue Jul 01, 2008 5:12 am UTC

no-genius wrote:No point. If you spot one and try to take action, it'll already be too late. All you can do is pray for a quick death... which you're not going to get.

Arghh!!! RAPTOR ATTACK!!!!!!


mmmmmmmdid someone call? :mrgreen:
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Random832 » Tue Jul 01, 2008 1:37 pm UTC

Sir_Elderberry wrote:
Luthen wrote:
BomanTheBear wrote:I must say, I'm a big proponent of watching out for bear attacks more. Raptors are NOT CUTE. Bears are. So they can infiltrate just about anywhere and go batshit with little to no provocation. However, if a raptor shows up, they immediately have no allies except for other raptors. Which we've already established would not be able to sneak in subtly anywhere.

Except with the aid of a hat.


Raptors would be anatomically incapable of wearing hats, which is why it's used as a test for humanity.


That's what they want you to think.

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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby SilentKiller » Wed Sep 10, 2008 7:22 pm UTC

LE4dGOLEM wrote:SILENTKILLER: YOU ARE A BAD PERSON AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD.
lol for real dude what are you trying to do, make me look back. Lol I hate noobs like you so please. SHUT UP
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby SilentKiller » Wed Sep 10, 2008 7:29 pm UTC

Hey whoever that noob is that said I was a bad person can go to heaven lol, oops did I say that, I mean HELL, ROT IN HELL NOOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
*They* say that the best weapon is the one you never have to fire. I respectfully disagree. I prefer the weapon you only have to fire once. That's how Dad did it, that's how America does it... and it's worked out pretty well so far.

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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby tryptanymph » Wed Sep 10, 2008 7:33 pm UTC

SilentKiller wrote:
LE4dGOLEM wrote:SILENTKILLER: YOU ARE A BAD PERSON AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD.
lol for real dude what are you trying to do, make me look back. Lol I hate noobs like you so please. SHUT UP

SilentKiller wrote:Hey whoever that noob is that said I was a bad person can go to heaven lol, oops did I say that, I mean HELL, ROT IN HELL NOOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

You've necro'd this thread twice now, and this time it was to shout and insult someone really badly.

Not just someone, though. A mod.

*Sigh* We need a spelling test before you can sign up here, seriously.
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Mo0man » Thu Sep 11, 2008 5:01 am UTC

He spells correctly, it's just the grammar... and the lols... and the noobs... And the angry, angry-ness of his angry posts... and the run on sentences which someone like me should not remark upon...
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby LE4dGOLEM » Thu Sep 11, 2008 7:16 pm UTC

After reviewing the cause of my post, I stand by what I said.
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby King of Frogs » Thu Sep 11, 2008 7:30 pm UTC

I don't really think we have that much to fear from Raptors, after all, from what we have seen from the source material (Jurassic park), they have poor grip on brushed steel or other slippery surfaces. All we need to do is hang out in kitchen stores!

Or just keep a pet Tyrannosaurus...
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby ParanoidAndroid » Thu Sep 11, 2008 7:43 pm UTC

I heard a rumor that admins keep a railgun around here somewhere to shoot stakes through the hearts of threads that won't die...

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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby PatchMonster » Thu Sep 11, 2008 8:03 pm UTC

Original poster is an intelligent raptor, don't go to any meetings of this "raptor safety association". It's a trap. Why do you think the "search this site" forwards to Google (A: It's fake)? IT'S A TRAP -- IP BAN ALL RAPTORS.
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Silvyr » Thu Sep 11, 2008 10:29 pm UTC

..did anyone else wish they had a flying raptor with a harness so you could ride on it as a kid?

XD Maybe I was just an odd child..
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Mo0man » Thu Sep 11, 2008 10:36 pm UTC

Clearly, you didn't quite understand the dangers of raptors yet. If Raptors had wings, the world would just end. They wouldn't even need to go on any hunt, once people realized they could fly, everything would just fold in on itself cause, heck, we'd be boned
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Silvyr » Thu Sep 11, 2008 10:48 pm UTC

Well clearly I had the power of mind control and teh raptor fell to my command. XD I had... a lot of time to plan things like this. I needed some form of defense from the easter bunny!
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby raptor.fortress » Fri Sep 12, 2008 2:42 am UTC

Velociraptors can spit acid-tar in Wayne Knight's face.

That does give them a bit of an advantage.
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby SilentKiller » Sun Sep 21, 2008 4:12 pm UTC

Mo0man wrote:Clearly, you didn't quite understand the dangers of raptors yet. If Raptors had wings, the world would just end. They wouldn't even need to go on any hunt, once people realized they could fly, everything would just fold in on itself cause, heck, we'd be boned

unless we have dragons on our side
*They* say that the best weapon is the one you never have to fire. I respectfully disagree. I prefer the weapon you only have to fire once. That's how Dad did it, that's how America does it... and it's worked out pretty well so far.

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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Silvyr » Sun Sep 21, 2008 5:05 pm UTC

SilentKiller wrote:
Mo0man wrote:Clearly, you didn't quite understand the dangers of raptors yet. If Raptors had wings, the world would just end. They wouldn't even need to go on any hunt, once people realized they could fly, everything would just fold in on itself cause, heck, we'd be boned

unless we have dragons on our side



ooh... good point.. I've never even thought of the possibilities of dragons...

o.O who would win in a battle of dragons vs. flying raptors?
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Nomic » Sun Sep 21, 2008 6:09 pm UTC

Drangons. They tend to be bigger and ,depending on the setting, smarter too. Not to mention they can breathe fire! Unless ofcourse, the raptors wouldn't be mere mortal raptors, but FLYING DEMON RAPTORS! In which case we would all be screwed.

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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Silvyr » Sun Sep 21, 2008 6:17 pm UTC

Shit. Flying demon zombie raptors.

Then they go straight for the head. Then were completely fucked.

Although, if we were able to have flying demon zombie raptors, couldn't we simply mutate teh dragons to be better for us as well? Like.. wow.. I don't even know.. flying demon zombie raptors would just kill us.. there is no saving the world in taht scenario..
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Random832 » Sun Sep 21, 2008 8:26 pm UTC

raptor.fortress wrote:Velociraptors can spit acid-tar in Wayne Knight's face.

That does give them a bit of an advantage.


That was not a velociraptor.

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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby TaintedDeity » Sun Sep 21, 2008 8:42 pm UTC

Hang on, no.
It's so obvious now!
Dragons are flying raptors! That's where the legends come from.
Obviously, the flying raptors knew they were the gods of this world and killed everything.
Then, the world in ruins, they flew into the endless expanse of space to rain death upon other planets.

You may wonder why the legends live on if everyone was killed.
I'll tell you why. In the Earth's infinite wisdom it remembered.
It remembered for us to warn of the incoming danger.
Raptors!
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Cheese » Sun Sep 21, 2008 9:12 pm UTC

TaintedDeity wrote:You may wonder why the legends live on if everyone was killed.
I'll tell you why. In the Earth's infinite wisdom it remembered.
It remembered for us to warn of the incoming danger.
Raptors!
...the cockroaches survived. And there were a couple of those parasites daring enough to feed on raptors that remained on earth when they left, preferring to stay here on a planet devoid of competition*. The genetic memory kept the tales going, so that when life sufficiently intelligent to possibly ever combat the raptors evolved, the memory would arise from their subconscious thoughts and hopefully they would heed the warning. Sadly, few humans did that, and the story turned into legend, and the legend into myth. Hopefully, when they do return to kill us all, people will have heeded their ancestors' guidance and prepared - unless, of course, we are too late and they are already among us...

*and things to feed on, but I think this plot hole can be conveniently ignored
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby TaintedDeity » Mon Sep 22, 2008 4:30 pm UTC

Nah, there's no raptors among us.
We'd know about it.
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Re: RAPTORS!

Postby Not A Raptor » Mon Sep 22, 2008 9:26 pm UTC

I am most definitely NOT a raptor. That could be a problem when they come around to eat everybody and set up a new raptor society built upon the ruins of human civilization.
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