[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Esperite
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Esperite » Mon Jan 25, 2010 2:41 am UTC

Well, as of now I have contacted the gender clinic (okay, so my mom made the calls and stuff, but still...), but I'm still waiting for a response to get appointment times and stuff set up (which might take a while.) My mom and I have discussed about looking for a different place/counselor if the clinic doesn't call back pretty soon though. Also, my mom talked with her finace about me being transsexual (after consulting with me though), but I havent talked to him yet so I'm still anxiously anticipating/dreading the next conversation I have with him.

It is still really hard talking about being transsexual. I have so many doubts, and while I'd like to be able to give a definite "Yes I want a sex change, I am a girl." I can't say that in good conscience. I feel llike that sometimes, but my feelings shift around alot. Sometimes it feels like all of this is made up as just another fantasy, or like something I'm trying to make myself believe, and other times I'll just wish I already sounded and looked like the girl I am. I know it can't help her deal with this while I'm only really able to answer questions with stuff like "Well, I'm pretty sure about this. I can't say for certain, but I'd like to look into this more and try to find more about how I feel about this." It also makes me feel bad that my mom stresses about this alot, while I, as a generally indifferent person, am not very stressed about this. I wish I could just get her to not worry so much, but I really don't want to say that I think this isn't a big deal, because it kind of is, and I've been glad she's been my impetus to keep moving forward, because on my own I am very good at losing motivation to continue things.

(Little rant about how I wish I wasn't so worried/nervous/awkward and was more confident):
Spoiler:
A few days ago, I wore my girl shirt at school. I generally have a hoodie on (it's cold) which covers it, but I take it off to eat because the sleeves get in the way. Someone in the room with me when I was eating noticed my shirt and mentioned it looked like a girl's shirt. The couple of people there debated it, until they eventually asked a few more people nearby. All I did was act ignorant and get embaressed, and I really wish I could've just said yes. I want to be confident enough to be comfortable doing things like that, and I plan to be, but it just doesn't work out like that, I just fall into awkward. It also makes me feel bad that I kind of wanted someone to notice I was wearing a girl's shirt, so that I could say yes and get that over with, but it just ended badly =(.


And as a celebratory note: Congratulations on your operation Jessica! (I know it's late, but I've just been in a lurking mood for a while.)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Mon Jan 25, 2010 3:18 am UTC

Esperite wrote:I kind of wanted someone to notice I was wearing a girl's shirt, so that I could say yes and get that over with, but it just ended badly =(.

* Hugs * Well done for wearing that shirt. Remember, most people don't know much about trans stuff, so they were probably trying to figure out if you're gay.

Hope the counsellor contacts you soon, or you find another one.

Do you know about the TS Roadmap site? (I think I've posted the link here.) It has stacks of info & personal anecdotes about transitioning. Some of it may be helpful to you, your mum & her fiance.


Oh, and congrats to Jessica & her girls. I'm not jealous, removable silicone forms will do me fine. * sobs *

:)


Edit: Also check out the site of computer whizz Lynn Conway. She was working for IBM on supercomputer architecture, but they sacked her when she transitioned. She literally wrote the textbook on VLSI computer chip design.

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/conway.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mead_&_Conway_revolution
The term Mead & Conway revolution stands for the VLSI design revolution which had an impact by a worldwide restructuring of academic education, and by being the breeding ground for new kinds of industries based on microelectronics application.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby DarkKnightJared » Tue Jan 26, 2010 6:44 am UTC

Esperite wrote:Well, as of now I have contacted the gender clinic (okay, so my mom made the calls and stuff, but still...), but I'm still waiting for a response to get appointment times and stuff set up (which might take a while.) My mom and I have discussed about looking for a different place/counselor if the clinic doesn't call back pretty soon though. Also, my mom talked with her finace about me being transsexual (after consulting with me though), but I havent talked to him yet so I'm still anxiously anticipating/dreading the next conversation I have with him.

It is still really hard talking about being transsexual. I have so many doubts, and while I'd like to be able to give a definite "Yes I want a sex change, I am a girl." I can't say that in good conscience. I feel llike that sometimes, but my feelings shift around alot. Sometimes it feels like all of this is made up as just another fantasy, or like something I'm trying to make myself believe, and other times I'll just wish I already sounded and looked like the girl I am. I know it can't help her deal with this while I'm only really able to answer questions with stuff like "Well, I'm pretty sure about this. I can't say for certain, but I'd like to look into this more and try to find more about how I feel about this." It also makes me feel bad that my mom stresses about this alot, while I, as a generally indifferent person, am not very stressed about this. I wish I could just get her to not worry so much, but I really don't want to say that I think this isn't a big deal, because it kind of is, and I've been glad she's been my impetus to keep moving forward, because on my own I am very good at losing motivation to continue things.

(Little rant about how I wish I wasn't so worried/nervous/awkward and was more confident):
Spoiler:
A few days ago, I wore my girl shirt at school. I generally have a hoodie on (it's cold) which covers it, but I take it off to eat because the sleeves get in the way. Someone in the room with me when I was eating noticed my shirt and mentioned it looked like a girl's shirt. The couple of people there debated it, until they eventually asked a few more people nearby. All I did was act ignorant and get embaressed, and I really wish I could've just said yes. I want to be confident enough to be comfortable doing things like that, and I plan to be, but it just doesn't work out like that, I just fall into awkward. It also makes me feel bad that I kind of wanted someone to notice I was wearing a girl's shirt, so that I could say yes and get that over with, but it just ended badly =(.


And as a celebratory note: Congratulations on your operation Jessica! (I know it's late, but I've just been in a lurking mood for a while.)


Sorry to hear--while I haven't had that exact situation, I totally grok wanting to be confident enough to be able to proudly proclaim who you are but then finding yourself mousilly conceding. All we can do is hope that we'll do better next time. :)

Since I haven't posted here before--hi. Bi male, though I (sadly) haven't really had a lot of experience with either gender. How're you all doing? :mrgreen:

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Esperite » Tue Jan 26, 2010 8:04 pm UTC

Hello! Welcome to the thread! I hope you find everything welcoming and, despite the density of transgendered related posts, that you get to express yourself =).

I have a set-up appointment at the gender clinic on Tuesday. (Yay!) That's when we'll figure out the besy way for me to do things, so it should be good. I need to figure out what to tell my brother I'm doing, but that's not a big issue right now.

(Quote by PM2Ring; I don't know the code for putting that name up there and I don't really feel like looking =P.
* Hugs * Well done for wearing that shirt. Remember, most people don't know much about trans stuff, so they were probably trying to figure out if you're gay.


Thanks =). I do want to point out that I was wearing a hoodie all day except for when I ate, so it wasn't like I was displaying my pink shirt all day, just for maybe 20-30 minutes at most, probably less. Although the vibe I got was less of "Are you gay?" than "Did you accidentally wear a girl's shirt." I still wish I could have been more confident, but it's not really an issue outside of that.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby DarkKnightJared » Wed Jan 27, 2010 7:01 am UTC

Esperite wrote:Hello! Welcome to the thread! I hope you find everything welcoming and, despite the density of transgendered related posts, that you get to express yourself =).


It's no problem--if something happens worth expressing, it won't stop me. 'Til then, I'm more than happy to support. :)

Esperite wrote:I have a set-up appointment at the gender clinic on Tuesday. (Yay!) That's when we'll figure out the besy way for me to do things, so it should be good. I need to figure out what to tell my brother I'm doing, but that's not a big issue right now.


Good luck with that. :)

Esperite wrote:(Quote by PM2Ring; I don't know the code for putting that name up there and I don't really feel like looking =P.


[ quote = " insert name here " ] without spaces, in case you wanted to know.

Esperite wrote:Thanks =). I do want to point out that I was wearing a hoodie all day except for when I ate, so it wasn't like I was displaying my pink shirt all day, just for maybe 20-30 minutes at most, probably less. Although the vibe I got was less of "Are you gay?" than "Did you accidentally wear a girl's shirt." I still wish I could have been more confident, but it's not really an issue outside of that.


Nothing wrong with taking baby steps, you know.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Lumpy » Wed Jan 27, 2010 7:25 am UTC

For two or three weeks I'd gone without masturbating because my libido was super low from being on spironolactone and estradiol, so eventually my body flushed itself of dead sperm and when I woke up my clothes were wet, and I either had to spend $4 on laundry because I live in a hotel with moneygrubbing landlords, or spend 20 minutes dealing with it and washing them out by hand in the sink before class. It feels disgusting, it feels awful, it feels horrible, it felt like my body was holding my clothes ransom to do things I don't want to do, I don't have pajamas to wear tonight, this is the second time it's happened, and I really can't stand it. Masturbate? What if I'm too busy, too lazy, too tired, keep forgetting, or just plain don't want to? It's going to come out if I don't, but this isn't exactly the sort of thing I want to put on a to do list and make it like ritual hygiene. Ugh. I don't think I'm going to be happy until I get SRS.

Between having to dress in guy's clothes to school, my parents not wanting to call me by the pronouns and name I want (my mom said she was all right with it, but later when I tried correcting her, she said she just wouldn't call me anything, then proceeded to use male pronouns later), and my last best voice attempt being told it sounded like Michael Jackson's, so I can't use it.

I don't have money for textbooks, so I'm having to borrow from the library over and over and *really* hope no one else checked out the single copies before I did. I might not be able to go to school because my parents' truck's catalytic converter was stolen and without that the license can't be renewed, and I don't have money for transportation any other way. My Pell grant is going to pay for my textbooks, hormones, and laser treatment, but I'll only have $100 to $200 left so it's on shaky ground, and I can't afford an endocrinologist or a therapist until October. I don't have any friends at college, and the day before yesterday I was really intent on making friends, but right now I feel more like sitting alone.

As for my username and subtitle ... before I found DIY HRT, I felt a lot, lot worse. My attitude that was that my body is already wrecked anyway, so in the mean time I'll just eat my way out of feeling sad as much as I want, and I'll just work it off later. I was full of self-loathing and I guess at least I didn't send myself to the emergency room.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Wed Jan 27, 2010 4:59 pm UTC

@lumpy: *hugs*

I know about the nocturnal emissions. It was really annoying. the worst was when I was at a friends house and it happened while I was crashing on their couch. Fuck I was embarrassed by that. I hate that sooo much :(

*hugs* again for everything else. Stupid Hormones... I'm glad the DIY is working for you though.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wyvern » Mon Feb 01, 2010 2:33 am UTC

Speaking of DIY, I just bought myself some hormones. I'm having a hard time believing that I just did that. Oh wow. Talk about getting yourself a birthday gift.

I am super excited, shocked, and amazed at myself. But most of all. This is AWESOME. I don't think I've ever taken such initiative in my life. It feels good. I can't wait.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Mon Feb 01, 2010 1:54 pm UTC

Some poster from Feministing is going to be doing a talk here in town.

I'm not sure if I'm happy about this. I can't remember if she's transphobic or not.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby abitha » Mon Feb 01, 2010 3:36 pm UTC

This is interesting. I was just browsing some patient information leaflets online as part of my revision for a medical finals exam i've got coming up, and chanced upon an NHS leaflet on gender dysphoria. Just wondered what any trans people here think of the information they give and the way it's presented (as a sort of introductory primer for people who are completely unfamiliar with the subject)? To my eye, it seemed a pretty fair and comprehensive explanation, but i'm not trans so maybe it's easy to miss things in it that are untrue/offensive. Is 'gender dysphoria' an ok term to use, for example?

Also, i wondered, do the healthcare systems in other countries have similar provision of information on this stuff? (NB. It's certainly likely that not all UK doctors would have read such a leaflet or even realise it existed, so i'm sure there's still plenty of prejudice and ignorance around, even if the leaflet itself is good!).

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Mon Feb 01, 2010 3:47 pm UTC

It's very medical, and sex essentialist. Quotes like "For example, a man with gender dysphoria feels that he is actually female, but was born into a male body." make the statement that the person is actually a man, with a "weird condition" that makes them "think" they're female. but they're still male. I understand what they're trying to say.

I hate the medicalization of being trans, so that's part of what I don't like. I don't like thinking that I'm just an insane man, or just a diseased person. But, that's my own issue, and is kind of an issue with a medical pamphlet about it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Esperite » Mon Feb 01, 2010 11:16 pm UTC

Stuff like that can be annoying, but I think it does more help than harm, and it is confusing to explain the exact way things work, and it is probably easier for other people to wrap their head's around the idea of transsexualism the way it is described in that link.

I have my preliminary meeting tommorrow! Yay! I'm exited and really nervous. It's mostly (as far as I know) a meeting to decide the best way to go about counseling, and not as much about beginning the counseling, but it's still a big deal.


Rant 1, about what to do:
Spoiler:
I've been thinking about how to go about starting my transition. I don't really know exactly how to go about doing that. Everything just seems like it would be really awkward and embarassing. I almost want to just go to school in a dress this Wednesday (Wednesday because I'm going to a play, so I don't have to be in school all day and I don't really care if people I will never see again see me crossdressing. Besides, a play is probably the best place, imo, for any transgender activities. There is enough gender barrier breaking (and in Shakespear, enough crossdressing) that it is reletively comfortable. This sounds like a really fun idea to me, at least until I actually imagine wearing a dress to school, which is a terrifying though =P. I'd also have to deal with my bus ride, which is the least comfortable place for me to imagine doing anything transgendered. (I don't really have any friends on the bus, many of them are smokers/probably druggies, and I can't imagine any of them really being supportive, so my only strategy is to do the same thing I usually do; stay quiet and ignore them.) I can imagine all the things I could say to people about why I'm wearing a dress or whatever, but actually managing to think clearly and say that stuff instead of shutting down from being embarassed and messing up seems like it would be hard. I don't know if I should. I probably won't; it does seem like a good opportunity that won't come again for a while, but I don't know if I'm ready or if I'm okay with it.


Rant 2, about doubts:
Spoiler:
I've had a harder time dealing with all kinds of doubts recently, partly because I have that meeting tomorrow. It really makes things much more real, and it's hard for me to put my thoughts into what feels like reality, instead of daydreams and thoughts. I think my biggest problems come, ironically enough, from the fact that I want to be a girl. I know that's part of being transexual, but it makes it so much harder to decide if I really feel like I am a girl, because I'm so unconsciencely biased. I'm also really bad at realistically understanding how people would react, partly because I cannot understand how anyone could be against this, so any opposition I can think of is flat. I can udnerstand people being weirded out, and needing time to understand, but it still boggles me how anyone can be against the LGBT group at all. The last thing I have a hard time with is that I have such an aversion to embarassing/awkward situations, that I'd have an incredibly hard time if I came to the conclusion I was wrong, so that's another bias I have to keep feeling transsexual. Trusting my feelings is really hard when I'm biased, know I'm biased, but don't know how to account for the bias. It's frustrating.


Sorry for making rants almost every time I come here, it just happens, I swear! =P. Congratulations on the hormones! Yay!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Teapot » Tue Feb 02, 2010 11:20 am UTC

I think the leaflet looks ok maybe as a starting point. Something you could show friends or family who had no idea about transgenderism before explaining things like "the bit where it says that a man with gender dysphoria feels they are a woman in a man's body? That person is a woman, not a man."

*hugs for Esperite* Hope your meeting goes well.

Spoilered for my own rant.
Spoiler:
I am fed up of my boobs. So fed up of them. They're small enough that when I'm in girl mode I have this voice telling me they're too small for me to look like women are supposed to look - a distinct absence of bras in my size in places other than Debenhams (where I can't really afford anything right now) seems to back this up. However when I'm in boy mode they're just a pain. Binding doesn't even seem to make enough difference and I don't feel safe binding at uni yet either (I'm not entirely sure what my friends at uni think of cross dressing and things and I have no clue how to bring that up in casual conversation). This leads to situations like yesterday where I broke down when I was getting dressed because everything made me look like a girl and I didn't want that. I reached a kind of compromise with myself today though - I have on boxers and boys jeans and a hoodie so I'm leaning more into gender neutral than I was yesterday. It still doesn't feel right though and I hate that.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby abitha » Tue Feb 02, 2010 4:13 pm UTC

Teapot wrote:
Spoiler:
I am fed up of my boobs. So fed up of them. They're small enough that when I'm in girl mode I have this voice telling me they're too small for me to look like women are supposed to look - a distinct absence of bras in my size in places other than Debenhams (where I can't really afford anything right now) seems to back this up. However when I'm in boy mode they're just a pain. Binding doesn't even seem to make enough difference and I don't feel safe binding at uni yet either (I'm not entirely sure what my friends at uni think of cross dressing and things and I have no clue how to bring that up in casual conversation). This leads to situations like yesterday where I broke down when I was getting dressed because everything made me look like a girl and I didn't want that. I reached a kind of compromise with myself today though - I have on boxers and boys jeans and a hoodie so I'm leaning more into gender neutral than I was yesterday. It still doesn't feel right though and I hate that.


Sorry to hear this. What cup size are they? I guess i'm kind of surprised that you feel they're both 'too small' to be feminine and yet also too large to bind flat, mostly because my own experience is that my B/C cups (which i feel are plenty large enough) can pretty easily be hidden if i wear the right stuff. I don't own a binder and have never tried one on, but sometimes it's surprising what works. I have a rather tight tube top which, when worn on its own with a skirt, looks pretty 'feminine' - however, because it's so tight, if i stick a men's shirt over the top, my chest looks almost completely flat (can post photos to try and demonstrate this if desired). It might help to try playing around with some ideas like this - visit some charity shops and try a bunch of different stuff on, perhaps? Sorry if this doesn't help - it isn't meant to come across as some kind of weird i-can-make-my-chest-look-smaller-than-yours brag, i'm just saying that this is what worked for me!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Teapot » Tue Feb 02, 2010 5:06 pm UTC

They are an A cup, so because they're really small in the first place they don't really get all that much smaller when I bind. They actually have more of a tendency to just start poking out of the sides rather than squishing flat too (although that could be the binder - it got distorted in the wash recently so it's not binding as well as it used to). It's probably nothing that anybody else would notice but I can feel it and it leads to having to constantly readjust myself which is rather more noticeable (if there exists a subtle way to lift the binding part of your binder up to flatten your chest I haven't found it yet).
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby attempt » Tue Feb 02, 2010 10:43 pm UTC

Delalyra wrote:I'm... well. I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual, but more a 2 than a 3 on the kinsey scale. I mostly want sex at this point, but I'm in a hetero relationship, and it bothers the dickens out of me that a lot of lesbians/people in general won't take me seriously because of it. On the other hand, there are much bigger problems in the world than getting me laid more than once.

Anyhow, hi to the thread. *hugs*

From page 2
This is how I feel, although I am assuming that Delalyra is female. I am in my early twenties and have only told two people. Both of these people were told in the past month, even though I have known all my life that I have felt this way. This girl has recently started talking to me and I keep rejecting her invitations to get physical, she wants to know why, but I just cant get the words, "I am more interested in dating a guy," out of my mouth. The whole "coming out" thing has been on my to do list for years and has yet to be done, I feel like I need to get on with my life. I will read more of the thread later, I have to go to study now. oh, of course, HI EVERYBODY!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Esperite » Wed Feb 03, 2010 1:08 am UTC

Hello!

And yay! I went to the counseling center and it was awesome! I had to fill out alot of paperwork, with alot of redundant questions (alcohal/drug/sex based questions), but alot of stuff that was good for me to actually write down. I talked with one person for a while about how I felt and what led me here so that she could send in that information to get things started, and it was great! I expected to be really uncomfortable and embarassed/awkward, but I was so comfortable that I didn't even mind the intern who was observing! Talking about this stuff also really made me much more certain about being transsexual and it seems so much more real now! I'm just happy! I should get contacted sometime after Monday about scheduling stuff, and right now the current plan is a youth (under 25) group event in about 2 weeks, and weekly counseling, and I'm looking forward to it!

:D
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Lumpy » Wed Feb 03, 2010 3:25 am UTC

http://taxprof.typepad.com/taxprof_blog ... ender.html
http://www.glad.org/current/news-detail ... taxpayers/

U.S. courts have ruled SRS and GID treatment is tax deductible, not cosmetic surgery.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Teapot » Wed Feb 03, 2010 3:25 am UTC

Yay Esperite! I'm glad it went well. :)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:36 am UTC

Lumpy wrote:http://taxprof.typepad.com/taxprof_blog/2010/02/tax-court-gender.html
http://www.glad.org/current/news-detail ... taxpayers/

U.S. courts have ruled SRS and GID treatment is tax deductible, not cosmetic surgery.


This is pretty awesome. I am very happy with this.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby DarkKnightJared » Thu Feb 04, 2010 4:58 am UTC

Lumpy wrote:http://taxprof.typepad.com/taxprof_blog/2010/02/tax-court-gender.html
http://www.glad.org/current/news-detail ... taxpayers/

U.S. courts have ruled SRS and GID treatment is tax deductible, not cosmetic surgery.


That's all the medication and surgery stuff that's required for gender reassignment, right? Pretty cool. :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Esperite » Fri Feb 05, 2010 2:36 am UTC

Yay! Progress!

And also: I havent been thinking about being a girl as often as I usually do, and for the first time this doesn't make feel feel doubting and uncertainty! Yay! Things are going so well =). I think I'm going to get more clothes next week too; I'd like to have jeans and more shirts, and, hopefully, a skirt I really like. Opaque, knee or higher length socks would be awesome too, but thats in the hosiery section, so it's harder for me to feel comfortable getting them... At the very least, I hope I can buy want I really want with my money.

Good times =).

Ooh, I forgot: A couple days ago my mom put on a special on sexual identity, and the 10 or 20 minutes that it was on were interesting. It showed good points, and I think the FtM man on there was completely normal and manly looking, which helps people realize that yes, we can look normal. However, they made EVERYTHING as dramatic as possible, talking about how "It can make people scared that their belief in only two genders in wrong!" and "They have to rethink all the gender lines!" which was less helpful. I personally laughed (it was verging on parady to me), but I wish it would have handled that better, and less dramatically. It had to make everything obscenely important "THEY GO THROUGH LARGE AMOUNTS OF BODY CHANGING SURGERY!!!!" I only watched 10 or 20 minutes, but that's my take.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Van » Sat Feb 06, 2010 1:09 pm UTC

Esperite wrote:Ooh, I forgot: A couple days ago my mom put on a special on sexual identity [...] However, they made EVERYTHING as dramatic as possible [...] It had to make everything obscenely important "THEY GO THROUGH LARGE AMOUNTS OF BODY CHANGING SURGERY!!!!"

Well, yeah. Transition is srs bsns, after all.

I'm so sorry.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Esperite » Sat Feb 06, 2010 11:26 pm UTC

My mom knew it was rediculously dramatic too, so it wasn't like it was a really bad experience. We both kind of laughed at how ludicrous that part was. I wish it was done better, but it didn't givem my mom the wrong idea or anything.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Josephine » Sun Feb 07, 2010 12:15 am UTC

Van wrote:
Esperite wrote:Ooh, I forgot: A couple days ago my mom put on a special on sexual identity [...] However, they made EVERYTHING as dramatic as possible [...] It had to make everything obscenely important "THEY GO THROUGH LARGE AMOUNTS OF BODY CHANGING SURGERY!!!!"

Well, yeah. Transition is srs bsns, after all.

I'm so sorry.

You should be. that was terrible.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Esperite » Mon Feb 08, 2010 12:53 am UTC

Ah the superbowl is on. Funny comercials, as well as (and I forgot about this; silly me!) the highest concentration of gender sterotype ads. Argh. And they have the nerve to be funny! (mostly) So then I laugh, and dislike the ad I'm laughing at. =(
On the good side, funny ads!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Josephine » Mon Feb 08, 2010 2:39 am UTC

Shit. I've been thinking of telling my mother a lot lately, but there is somewhat of a problem. I'll find myself using the "wrong shampoo", or brushing my hair back around my ear in a feminine pattern, and she catches on, telling me things like "you don't want to smell like a girl". I'm scared of telling her now.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby doogly » Mon Feb 08, 2010 4:30 am UTC

Esperite wrote:Ah the superbowl is on. Funny comercials, as well as (and I forgot about this; silly me!) the highest concentration of gender sterotype ads. Argh. And they have the nerve to be funny! (mostly) So then I laugh, and dislike the ad I'm laughing at. =(
On the good side, funny ads!

Many were definitely cream soda.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Lumpy » Mon Feb 08, 2010 6:02 am UTC

I don't know how I'm going to take the pressure of having a three day eight hour job, taking five college classes, living in one room at home, not being able to drive to school on my own or have reliable transportation, on top of my transition issues (I have yet to start therapy, endocrinologist visits, or laser treatment) all at the same time until mid-May.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sourire » Mon Feb 08, 2010 12:50 pm UTC

Lumpy wrote:I don't know how I'm going to take the pressure of having a three day eight hour job, taking five college classes, living in one room at home, not being able to drive to school on my own or have reliable transportation, on top of my transition issues (I have yet to start therapy, endocrinologist visits, or laser treatment) all at the same time until mid-May.

Cliche moment: "One day at a time."

Serious moment: You definitely sound like you have a very full plate. But I really think you just need to feel the situation out. I know if it were me, I'd try it for a while, and continually tell myself there was always a way out of it if I needed/wanted to quit. Even if I didn't plan on it, I think it'd help me to feel like I wasn't trapped with the stress.

Personal moment: I'm damned sick and tired. And I wish I could put something on the end of that sentence, but I really don't have anything in specific. Or maybe it's too many things in specific. I'm sick and tired of retreating into academics every time something in my personal life goes awry-because that happens a lot. I'm sick and tired of feeling romantically out of place...everywhere. In every situation. I moved to an area of the country where out LGBT folks are fewish and far between(ish), so I've become a force for change in the ways that I can. And it's worked, to some extent, because multiple people have found me and talked to me about their own situations, even when they didn't tell some of their friends. But at times I look around at the vast majority of my friends being straight, and really begin to feel out of place. And I know I just used that expression-pardon the repetition, but I don't know a better way to put it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby the_stabbage » Mon Feb 08, 2010 1:12 pm UTC

I keep getting weird fears. I'm in a stable hetero relationship and it's become clear in the last few weeks it's going to be a long one. I'm really happy. But I am a little scared: if/when this ends, I'll be completely inexperienced with the same sex. Will that make having a gay relationship hard? I'll be completely sexually inexperienced with the same sex. Even in high school when we all got too drunk and started making out with everything, I abstained. I don't even know how to flirt with men, how to meet them, etc.

If this relationship ever breaks apart, I feel I'd be cheating myself if I took the easy way out and continued to date only women.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Mon Feb 08, 2010 1:21 pm UTC

I don't know how old you are, but it doesn't really matter. Men are not that different from women. I'm assuming you're bi or pan, which means you're lucky enough to have a much larger dating pool than most LGBT people. If this doesn't work, then you can try dating men. Sure, the mechanics are a bit different, but it's not such a big transition. I never dated women and the first time I had sex was at 23 or so, but it wasn't too awkward. Besides, you have the added benefit of knowing what feels good to you and there's a good chance it will feel good to your hypothetical future boyfriend. Basically, don't worry. Enjoy the relationship you're in now and take your time.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby crickets » Mon Feb 08, 2010 5:04 pm UTC

I second what Zohar said, for sure. Given my interesting circumstances, i've given myself some pretty awesome panic attacks about "what if this relationship ends? where will i go?".

I find that it's best to just let your relationship make you happy, and not fret about what will happen if it should end. Being happy now is prefferable to being freaked out about what may or may not happen in the future. Also, i find that LGBT people are somewhat more accepting of that lack of experience that can happen... because the majority of them have dealt with the difficulty of coming out, and can better comprehend how that experience gap can arise.

Besides, even in this hypothetical future, it's not like you can't learn. If anything, learning new things can be fun and exciting and sexy in its own way. I wish i had more opportunity for that.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Esperite » Mon Feb 08, 2010 8:39 pm UTC

nbonaparte wrote:Shit. I've been thinking of telling my mother a lot lately, but there is somewhat of a problem. I'll find myself using the "wrong shampoo", or brushing my hair back around my ear in a feminine pattern, and she catches on, telling me things like "you don't want to smell like a girl". I'm scared of telling her now.


While that might mean a little, she probably just doesn't want you to be embarassed. Most guys don't want to smell like a girl, or look like a girl, and she probably just thinks you did it unknowingly and wants you to know. I know it might seem like she doesn't want you being girly, but it probably is just her trying to make sure you don't get picked on or embarassed. I don't know the exact situation you're in with your mom, but it has definately helped me alot to tell my mom. Good luck!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby tentacleTherapist » Mon Feb 08, 2010 8:51 pm UTC

More gender stuff:

Spoiler:
So I've been seeing somebody from the pastoral team in my school about various problems I've been having, but I'm unsure whether it would be a good idea to bring up my genderqueerness/androgyne/what-have-you. My gender itself isn't causing me any grief, it's just that I'm anxious about this bullshit two gender system and how it keeps on trying to shoehorn me into one of two boxes and school uniform isn't exactly helping, and that it's the real reason I want to go to university on the mainland. I'm worried that maybe she'll think that it's the real cause of all my negative emotions of late, or keep bringing it up. My school so far has been supportive of LGB folk, but I've no idea how they feel about trans/gender variant people. And it's not as if I have any room to express my gender due to the aforementioned uniform, and my mother's constant attempts to feminize me D: Any advice?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Tue Feb 09, 2010 11:32 am UTC

Patrick Strudwick wrote:Tuesday 9 February 2010 08.00 GMT

Last year, in Britain, a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist tried to "cure" me of my homosexuality. What they didn't know was that I was working undercover investigating what happens during so-called conversion therapy. The results of my investigation, published last week in the Independent, have sparked a bushfire of anger and outrage.
Spoiler:
It's hardly surprising. The psychotherapist told me I had been sexually abused by a member of my family (which I hadn't). The psychiatrist tried to induce arousal in me during a "therapy" session. He also claimed to have "resolved" his own sexuality while admitting that he still masturbates over gay pornography. Perhaps more scandalous was the discovery that the NHS was at times inadvertently funding such treatments.

The response has been overwhelming. Countless former victims of conversion therapy have contacted me, describing the years of suffering they endured during and since treatment – some of whom were forced into it by their families. Therapists have written in impotent frustration about how they are left to mop up the psychological mess left by conversion therapists. Many readers were simply astounded that this goes on in the comparatively secular UK.

Beyond the western countries, the response has been more troubling. Gay men and women have contacted me begging for help. Others have conveyed the growing climate of fear in Uganda. James Nsaba Buturo, the minister for ethics and integrity, said recently that under the proposed new anti-gay bill, therapy would be used on those convicted of homosexuality to help "attract errant people to acceptable sexual orientation". Enforced conversion therapy may not be as bad as the death sentence that was originally proposed in the bill, but it can certainly be a life sentence.

In light of all this I've set up a Facebook group called the Stop Conversion Therapy Taskforce (Scott). Hundreds joined within the first 24 hours, determined to do something.

Our first target is a conference of conversion therapists taking place on 19 February in Northern Ireland. Mario Bergner is the guest of honour. He wrote Setting Love In Order, a book in which he claims to have become heterosexual through prayer. He also says that he was in hospital with "eleven symptoms of Aids" before being visited by "the Spirit of the Lord", who made him better overnight, and so later tested negative for the virus.

Last April, as part of my investigation, I went to a similar conference in London for therapists and clergy wanting to learn how to "cure" their clients. I witnessed Joseph Nicolosi, the most notorious American conversion therapist, whose techniques are the basis of many of the practices in this country, treating a nervous young man in front of a live audience. I felt like I was watching a blood sport.

The belief system of conversion therapy, that gay people aren't just ungodly and wrong but are inherently damaged and that they can be "healed" or reprogrammed constitutes a fascistic, fundamentalist ideology. Mental health professionals who harbour such an agenda are a supremely dangerous proposition.

The work of Scott will therefore not stop at disrupting conferences. We want professional bodies such as the Royal College of Psychiatrists and the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy to add into their code of conduct specific stipulations condemning attempts to alter orientation (currently they have more general ones about not letting personal feelings about sexuality affect treatment).

We will also continue to expose individual therapists and report them to their professional bodies. It won't be easy. Many operate using euphemisms that cloud what they're really doing. They also defend their techniques vehemently, claiming: "We offer choice! We only treat those who come looking for it!" It's like a Venus flytrap blaming the hungry insect that wanders into its gaping mouth. But we are determined to root them out however long it takes. This won't be a battle. It's war.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sourire » Tue Feb 09, 2010 3:34 pm UTC

That's...just...

Ugh. It's really not surprising, but it is awful. I really can't stand people sometimes.

I mean, even if you don't "agree" with homosexuality, how on earth can you subject your loved one to a process like this?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby abitha » Tue Feb 09, 2010 6:18 pm UTC

Sourire wrote:That's...just...

Ugh. It's really not surprising, but it is awful. I really can't stand people sometimes.

I mean, even if you don't "agree" with homosexuality, how on earth can you subject your loved one to a process like this?


Presumably because you agree with the premises upon which the process is based (i.e. that homosexuality is unnatural, goes against the will of God, therefore MUST have resulted from some kind of deep-seated damage, therefore OUGHT to be cured).

I know of at least one gay guy from my former church who has undergone something along these sorts of lines - i'd really like to ask him what happened and what the results of it all have been for him, but we're not all that close any more, and he was never 'out' to more than a handful of people at our church anyway. He has certainly had a couple of girlfriends in the last couple of years (i don't think he's ever dated a man - not only was he closeted, but also considered it wrong), but i don't know whether he feels that anything has changed inwardly with his orientation. I suspect that his counselling may have been handled a little more sensitively than the sort of thing reported in the article (at least, i'd like to hope that it was, given that i know some of the people involved), but i'm still pretty dubious about it.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Esperite » Sat Feb 13, 2010 3:06 am UTC

My Shadow wrote:So I've been seeing somebody from the pastoral team in my school about various problems I've been having, but I'm unsure whether it would be a good idea to bring up my genderqueerness/androgyne/what-have-you. My gender itself isn't causing me any grief, it's just that I'm anxious about this bullshit two gender system and how it keeps on trying to shoehorn me into one of two boxes and school uniform isn't exactly helping, and that it's the real reason I want to go to university on the mainland. I'm worried that maybe she'll think that it's the real cause of all my negative emotions of late, or keep bringing it up. My school so far has been supportive of LGB folk, but I've no idea how they feel about trans/gender variant people. And it's not as if I have any room to express my gender due to the aforementioned uniform, and my mother's constant attempts to feminize me D: Any advice?


I do recommend finding someone to talk with, I know even the small stuff I did has alreafy helped me out alot. As for whether to see the person on the pastoral team or not, I can't really say. If you think you can trust whomever it is to be confidential, tolerant, and helpful, then sure, go ahead and do it. I would try to make sure you feel as comfortable as possible about who you talk to. I'm still new to this stuff too, but I hope this helps.

Not as important personal stuff:
Spoiler:
I think I'm gonna go out shopping for more clothes to wear this week. I have money now, the snowstorm (which is why I didn't go this week) is over, and I'm really anxious. I don't like that I don't really have a full outfit that I like, and I wish I had something really cute. I'm also thinking about getting a girly haircut. I have no idea what style I'd want or where to begin finding out, so the best way would probably just get something as a surprise. Right now I think my goal is twofold: Get girly stuff that I like, for private use, and unisex/leaning towards girly stuff to slowly bring things out to friends/family that don't know. I think it would be good for me to start getting stuff though, because then I think I'll be able to legitimize my feelings; right now I know how I feel (to an extent), but without doing anything it doesn't feel very strong. Going to the gender clinic made me able to feel about this more, but I havent gotten contacted again (understandable; too much snow to really do much). I think that doing some stuff at the clinic and some things on my own will really help too.


I always feel bad posting personal stuff as the bulk of my message when someone asks important questions. I feel like I should be helping, but I always ending up having more personal stuff than answers, and it seems greedy and selfish.I've decided that I'm splitting the difference and spoilering my stuff =D.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Sat Feb 13, 2010 8:29 pm UTC

This weekend I went to a seminar of the organization I'm volunteering at. It was two days, including sleepover, from yesterday morning until this afternoon. It was lots of fun (last night was tiresome but cool as well). It's fun to meet all the people I don't know (and those I've briefly met and am meeting again), it reinforces a sense of community. Some of the lectures were really interesting as well - a really short piece about LGBT in the Holocaust; a fascinating, funny and long lecture by a FTM transgender man; some talk about what happens in each of groups and so on.

Whenever I'm in this sort of event, I always worry I'll miss stuff. Turns out I did, but I don't really need to see the two guys going at it in one of the rooms. :P The lengthy "never" game was interesting, although from time to time someone would say "I've never touched a breast" to foil all the lesbians or something similar for all the gays. Funny, overall. :)
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