[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ » Wed Jun 16, 2010 12:57 am UTC

Most of my guy friends that I consider really truly awesome are former boyscouts, and most of them are eagle scouts. I guess I've just got a really special sample size because a vast majority of all these guys are not bigoted or homophobic at all, and some of them have expressed to me having to make the choice of staying in Boyscouts despite the organization's stated policies. I think it's kind of ultra crap, because a lot of stuff about Boy Scouts is really awesome, and kids are endeared to it long before they have a notion of social justice, let alone sexuality.
I suppose I just have to say a hooray for finding people that can survive in the woods and also be cool with whatever.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby pheonixduprese » Wed Jun 16, 2010 3:08 am UTC

Yeah, BSA is pretty heffing awesome. I'm Bi, and i'm in it. I'm just not out. Shhhh!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby SecondTalon » Wed Jun 16, 2010 3:14 am UTC

The quality of a Boy Scout Troop is directly related to it's immediate leadership. There's really no other way to say it. If you've got a hyperreligious homophobe scoutmaster, then you're going to be forced to recite prayers and be thrown out for having teh gay.

The awesome Scoutmasters are too busy taking the scouts camping or canoeing or shooting to worry about that shit.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby podbaydoor » Wed Jun 16, 2010 11:09 pm UTC

Meaux_Pas wrote:Most of my guy friends that I consider really truly awesome are former boyscouts, and most of them are eagle scouts. I guess I've just got a really special sample size because a vast majority of all these guys are not bigoted or homophobic at all, and some of them have expressed to me having to make the choice of staying in Boyscouts despite the organization's stated policies. I think it's kind of ultra crap, because a lot of stuff about Boy Scouts is really awesome, and kids are endeared to it long before they have a notion of social justice, let alone sexuality.
I suppose I just have to say a hooray for finding people that can survive in the woods and also be cool with whatever.

Yeah, every Eagle Scout I've come across has been a pretty cool person and more liable to be a stand-up guy than anything else. As far as I know, none of them are homophobic. They also make for excellent people to randomly call up and go hiking with. :D
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sourire » Thu Jun 17, 2010 1:54 am UTC

I have no comment on the boy scouts, but do come to the thread with a question.

Does anyone, or has anyone, used dlist? I've been thinking about getting into it, but can't really figure out whether I think it's a "let's go to hangout" gay site, or a "let's go to trade illicit pictures and cyberz" gay site. Feedback would be mucho appreciated. :)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Bassoon » Thu Jun 17, 2010 2:30 am UTC

Huh, dlist looks pretty interesting. It looks pretty reputable. It'd be pretty neat to look at, to say the least. And even if it does wind up as a hookup site, it's not like you can't delete your profile. Worth a shot?

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Fri Jun 18, 2010 6:44 am UTC

Have an appointment at http://www.dimensionsclinic.org/ next thursday. Excited/nervous/banana.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Esperite » Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:56 pm UTC

I'm having a good time today =). My clothes came in recently, and I'm wearing some of my new girl clothes now! :] My mom said they look really good so I'm happy. Also, via facebook my friends/friends of friends are being very awesome about being bi, and in that category there are 3 other bisexuals there =) My friend and a couple of his friends, one of whom I know. So we have a small group of bisexals there and it's pretty awesome.

Current coming out as transexual plans:
1st - Tell my bisexual friend
2nd - either tell other friends or skip
3rd - Facebook status update!
4th - somehow tell people in my neigborhood (thinking about just using signs and an email contact for questions, since I don't want to actually tell any of them, nor do I expect my brother to do it for me)
5th - Tell my grandparents
6th - Tell my relatives who will be visiting for a week (I want to tell them so that I can explain why I don't want to go to the waterpark we live near, in addition to them being family and all)
7th - ???
8th - profit!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby doogly » Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:09 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:The quality of a Boy Scout Troop is directly related to it's immediate leadership. There's really no other way to say it. If you've got a hyperreligious homophobe scoutmaster, then you're going to be forced to recite prayers and be thrown out for having teh gay.

The awesome Scoutmasters are too busy taking the scouts camping or canoeing or shooting to worry about that shit.


Word. I am a happy member of the organisation. Pretty much every eagle in the troop from my era is atheist and cool with all forms of sexuality, so the national policies have not quite trickled all the way down.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wyvern » Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:16 pm UTC

Esperite wrote:the waterpark we live near


Oh gods, water. Even thinking about this is ugly. On the other hand... People say I look pretty androgynous, so I could probably just year swim trunks and a bikini top and end up confusing everyone. (Our poor minds, that person is different! There's no possible way to handle that. Lets freak out.)

Or... not. Maybe when I'm better equipped to deal with that sort of thing. Regular clothes shopping first.

(And woo, new clothes! I should get some. I want some. And coming out is hard. good luck.)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Kewangji » Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:38 pm UTC

My cousin goes swimming in trunks and bikini top, I don't think anyone's ever stared awkwardly at her because of that.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wyvern » Fri Jun 18, 2010 11:08 pm UTC

That's good to hear. Cause that's my plan :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Kewangji » Fri Jun 18, 2010 11:32 pm UTC

:)

Her reason is it's cold without them, btw, in case anyone asks.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby podbaydoor » Fri Jun 18, 2010 11:40 pm UTC

I've seen cisgender girls in bikini top and swim trunks. It's a bit of a tomboyish look, but isn't all that unusual, I think.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Esperite » Sat Jun 19, 2010 12:07 am UTC

Well, if I managed that type of look at least it would probably hammer in "GIRL" to my relatives. I shall keep that in mind (although they aren't coming up for a while). Now I'm off to (hopefully) start practicing voice stuff over at tsroadmap.com
Edit: Changed my mind about practicing today; feels way to weird to do it when my mom and brother are home, so I'll just wait until my brother is gone camping (for, ironically enough, boy scouts.)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wyvern » Sat Jun 19, 2010 2:03 am UTC

Old childhood friend just showed up at the door. haven't really seen him since he moved away 9 years ago. We used to be best friends. Then he moved to Arizona. He's been in the army, and apparently he got moved to New York, and just decided to take a weekend and drive over here, where he used to live. And he just showed up. no announcements or anything. Apparently it took him awhile to remember his way around town, but he figured it out.

The last time we talked was maybe 4 months ago. We were fighting over trans stuff on facebook.

I don't even know how to react. Mostly friendly, with a few guarded and awkward glances thrown into the mix. I didn't really get to talk tonight, since he wasn't here for long and the rest of the family was ecstatic to see him, and he was sharing stories from the army the whole time he was here. He'll be here again tomorrow though, and I'm sure I'll have time to talk to him.

He just left maybe 5 minutes ago. I came back upstairs, and burst into tears. I don't even know.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Sat Jun 19, 2010 2:04 am UTC

I can see bikini top + swim trunks being rather handy, among other things it means not worrying about shaving bikini lines...

Also, Wyvern, *hugggggggggggggggg*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Sat Jun 19, 2010 2:10 am UTC

Wyvern wrote:He just left maybe 5 minutes ago. I came back upstairs, and burst into tears. I don't even know.

I don't know either, but I can maybe feel. :|

It sounds like he wants to connect, but he'll be awkward about it. And you'll be awkward about it, too, because our culture doesn't have canned scripts about how this is supposed to go. Just stay true to yourself, but respectful toward him, and let him do the same. Maybe it will turn out okay. No one will know until it's tried.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Hyphe » Sat Jun 19, 2010 12:03 pm UTC

Well, I know where to get guy clothing from, and guy haircuts, and the importance of layering (I already have many vests and tshirts, yay for forgetful exes). But where can I get bindings/bandages from? I looked for cotton bandages, but the only ones I've found for sale are 1-2m long, too short to go around me more than once or twice, and also made of flimsy gauzy material that rips really easily... I have no idea what else would work, and I can't buy things on the internet. :/ Any suggestions?

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby podbaydoor » Sat Jun 19, 2010 2:45 pm UTC

Chai once posted her tips for breast binding, and they didn't involve bandages:
The key, as I found it, was layers:
1. Sports bra. Very tight one.
2. Dance leotard. These are designed to restrict movement of breasteses anyway, and flatten you out. You may choose to omit bra in favor of this alone because a leotard can be very effective. Bra probably non-optional, though, for C cups and above.
3. Women's undershirt (tight)
4. Men's wifebeater OR Plain white t-shirt (dependent on temperature/look you're going for)
6. Dress shirt/polo/whatever you're going to wear as your top shirt.

Make sure the top shirt isn't tight; it should hang like a normal shirt would on a man. Even if you're going for a more fey look, do so with the type of dress shirt you pick, rather than the tightness thereof.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Sat Jun 19, 2010 3:43 pm UTC

There are also specifically designed breast binders, though that's the slightly more pricey option.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby crickets » Sat Jun 19, 2010 4:56 pm UTC

I have a competition swim suit that makes me go from a D to an A. Thing is /tight/.
I've also always /wanted/ to wear swim trunks over my bathing suit because i have huge thighs, but could never find ones that fit cause there's never enough room in the bum.

If you don't care too terribly much about looking "pretty", and you really just want to have fun then just go for it. I'm a bigger fan of the trunks-over-one-piece, but that's cause I'm too big to wear pretty bathing suits anyway and therefore i look at them with a certain level of bitter grumpy.

Just me encouraging everyone, ever, to go swimming because i love it and it's good for you.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby animeHrmIne » Sat Jun 19, 2010 9:55 pm UTC

Definitely in support of the bikini over trunks. Actually, what I've always done is a bikini/short tankini top and bottoms under shorts of some kind (or possibly a thigh-length skirt). Just remember when getting a top, girls with small chests and boyish figures should get ruffly tops, because they give the illusion of some sort of shape. At least according to every style advice thing I've ever read (I'm less than an A cup). And it really shouldn't be too hard to find tops and trunks that match, what with boys styles getting brighter every year.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Vaniver » Sun Jun 20, 2010 12:19 am UTC

Hyphe wrote:But where can I get bindings/bandages from?
Someone I know uses these, and seems happy with them.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Curiouser » Sun Jun 20, 2010 1:44 pm UTC

As a costume designer, I've sometimes had full-breasted folks cast as boys. We use ace bandages—sometimes two of them—and safety pins. Just try to find the ones that aren't sticky all over (they are usually advertised as self-stick) as they are super uncomfortable. Wrap the bandage around once, trying to hit the exact middle of the breasts (usually over the nipples) so they don't squish up or down, and pull it tight, then safety pin it and continue wrapping until you come to the end of the bandage. Cover above and below the middle of the breasts. Pull it tight and keep it even. This may be more effective with someone to help you, but it is possible to do on your own. Hope that's helpful!

Edit: And Ace bandages should be available at most pharmacies. Ask around.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Teapot » Sun Jun 20, 2010 2:55 pm UTC

I've heard Ace bandages can be really uncomfortable if you're wearing them for any amount of time but I've never tried that out. Maybe it's one of those things that varies from person to person?

I don't know why I never thought of the dance leotards thing... I'm sure I have one of those somewhere from when I used to do lessons. I may have to investigate as it's lighter material than my binder and that means I'm less likely to get all sweaty and gross wearing it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Mon Jun 21, 2010 4:34 am UTC

A poorly composed, confused rant:

Spoiler:
Aaagh, I'm having a gender-related freak out. I want to cry. It's not even related to anything in particular. I just feel a huge pain and that I wish things were different. I'm so confused. I suddenly feel like I kind of want to transition. I've never felt that before. But I don't know why. And it's not logical at all. I don't feel any more sure than I did about myself than I did when I wasn't thinking about transition at all. I wish I knew why I was thinking about it. I wish I could be sure it wasn't related to some stupid reason. It probably is.

I wish I knew why it was so sudden. I haven't had any strong transgendered thoughts in a long time. A few days ago, all of a sudden, seeing a female avatar on Rock Band upset me. And today, in the car, for no reason I know, I just felt really... wrong. I hate doubt.

At least I'm home. I talked to my mom. She basically had a transgender reading streak over spring. Apparently she went to the library and tore through the transgender-related books. She is really awesome. I told her that if I were to, hypothetically, transition, there is a family member I'd never want to see again, and she said she understood, agreed, and that it'd be ok if I didn't want to go to family events involving him. I'd be sad to miss Christmas, but I really appreciate that she understands.

I'm so paralyzed by doubt and confusion. I wanted to hide and cry during Father's day dinner. Nothing happened, I just... I wanted to cry. I wanted to get away. I don't know. I want to write what I'm feeling, but the only thing that's coming out of my hands is "I want to cry I want to cry I want to cry" over and over again.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Mon Jun 21, 2010 4:52 am UTC

*hugs for Shivahn*

Then find yourself a safe place, and go ahead and cry. As long and as hard as you need to. Let it all out. Listen to yourself for when you're done with the grieving, because it will be time to stop at some point, and you'll feel much better. It might come back sometimes, and that's fine. Let it do what it has to do to bring you back to health.

Trust yourself when these things come up. Don't rush off into anything, but pay attention and respect your intuition. You are your own best guide through your life. One day you'll know this for a fact.

*more hugs, a warm fuzzy blanket, and a hot chocolate with cookies for Shivahn*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Mon Jun 21, 2010 5:12 am UTC

Thanks, poxic. You're sweet.

I don't have a safe place right now. Sadly, home is where my room is right next to the living room where my sister is. I will cry when she goes to bed. I hope it's soon.

I wish I could trust my intuition. But it just confuses me more.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Mon Jun 21, 2010 8:15 am UTC

Shivahn wrote:Thanks, poxic. You're sweet.

I don't have a safe place right now. Sadly, home is where my room is right next to the living room where my sister is. I will cry when she goes to bed. I hope it's soon.

I wish I could trust my intuition. But it just confuses me more.


*huggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg* You'll figure things out eventually, I know you will. I give you my best wishes in that regard.




Also, good for a laugh or two: http://camelswithhammers.com/2010/06/19 ... ay-people/
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afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wyvern » Mon Jun 21, 2010 2:54 pm UTC

That was a funny read, thanks for that :)


As for things going with My old friend. None of the touchy subject came up. Mostly cause they weren't visible I think. We just enjoyed each other's company. It was pretty nice. we went and saw where we used to live, the mall we used to go to, the pizza place we used to eat at... it was nice. 10 years is a long time.

(edit) Posted in facerity thread too, cause I'm feeling happy like that. Also, guess who plans on getting their hair cut today? =D )

Also: Hai!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Tue Jun 22, 2010 2:50 am UTC

Hi there, you look wonderful! ^^
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Tue Jun 22, 2010 4:01 am UTC

I'm envious of those shoulders. :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Bassoon » Tue Jun 22, 2010 5:47 am UTC

You look really nice in your photo, Wyvern! I'm glad you're doing good. :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Ubik » Tue Jun 22, 2010 7:53 pm UTC

This day was a good one. I came out to my mother, and she was very much okay with it and supportive even though we both were awkward with calling me gay. Strangely this time I didn't have this heart-beats-like-hell-can't-really-think reaction afterwards which I was expecting from the earlier experiences.

Really, really, really sucks I didn't have the gut to do this earlier. Like a decade earlier.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby StrengthInFaith » Wed Jun 23, 2010 12:28 am UTC

I'm happy it went so well, Ubik! That's wonderful. :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Curiouser » Wed Jun 23, 2010 2:50 am UTC

Shivahn wrote:A poorly composed, confused rant:


*Hugs* Good you can talk to your mum! Blessings to you. (Are you near some relatively secluded trees? I often find a tree when I'm feeling overwhelmed with tears. Not sure if that helps other people.)

Ubik wrote:This day was a good one.


Yay! Congratulations!

Wyvern wrote:Also: Hai!


Hai! :D
Around 1770, hairstyles required beef fat & flour to hold up and would only be redone every month or so. Fashionable ladies slept sitting & invented the backscratcher to fend off vermin who tried to make homes out of their coiffures.

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Esperite
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Esperite » Wed Jun 23, 2010 3:33 am UTC

Hey Shivahn, I know how you feel. Sometimes I get strong transgender feelings, and it does bring out alot of emotions. I really wish I had something poetic and very helpful to say, but I' don't, and I can only say I understand how you feel, and I'm sure it will get better eventually. Sometimes, crying is the best thing you can do, and it can be helpful. Also, your mom reminds me of my mom; she is very supportive and has immersed herself in transgender information. She's probably read more than I have :P For example, she's using an LGBT library as the basis for a school project she's doing (getting a master's in library science.) If your mom is anything like mine, then you are lucky to have someone who will be supportive of you no matter what, so you could probably lean on her for support if you need to.

Wyvern! You look great! I'm glad you and your friend had a good time, even if it was awkward. It just sounds like you two are working out the new changes, and I hope you find your friend to be supportive.

Yay Ubik! Coming out to family is always terrifying, awkward, and an amazingly wonderful experience. I'm glad your mom is okay with everything, it's great to have your support.

As for me, I'm hopefully going to do voice stuff this week. I've had two days to start, but it's really hard for me to just begin practicing. It's just like doing homework, which I've never been motivated for at all, so I have a hard time starting it for that reason. And with that comes another barrier: talking to yourself is incredibly awkward. Even if I'm just talking normally it's really awkward, but talking in a weird new voice is amazingly awkward. If I can't bring myself to start now then I might start my school summer assignments in hopes that I can get used to doing homework and at least work on that barrier.
I really want to be able to sound female when I tell my friends, mostly because I want to be able to tell them and then either be a girl to them or, if it's not a good opportunity for that right then, instead I could at least show off being a girl to hammer in the point of how serious and real this is. Although if I can't get myself to practice this soon I might just tell people anyway, but that isn't my preferred method.

Edit: Also, I get the feeling that I'm going to come out when it's very late, because I can tell I'm much looser about trans stuff when I'm tired. I could probably put it on facebook right now if I had told a friend or two already. At least I know I could use that later when I plan on coming out.

END RANT
"A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it."
— Oscar Wilde

Ubik
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Ubik » Wed Jun 23, 2010 7:56 am UTC

Thanks to you all!

I feel that the supportive atmosphere of this thread and these forums overall has helped me with these sexuality-related things. I mostly just lurk here - I don't think I have all that much to actually contribute to this thread, but if it means anything, I really wish luck and hope that things go well for all of you. The "all of you" naturally includes my co-lurkers too.

General_Norris
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby General_Norris » Wed Jun 23, 2010 5:23 pm UTC

Hey, I realized I don't really know exactly how expensive a sex change operation is. Since you guys know much better than I do could you give me a rough estimate?


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