[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Veora » Thu Jul 22, 2010 10:36 am UTC

wow Van. :shock: i can't believe that change.

Oh, err Hi all, i've been lurking around in this thread, the sheer amount of what people have been through has really been insightfull
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ » Thu Jul 22, 2010 11:43 am UTC

Wow, Van! Those pictures don't even put me in mind of the same person. In a way I'm amazed that one could transition from one to the other in a year and a half. You look awesome, btw. And I love that shirt!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby podbaydoor » Thu Jul 22, 2010 12:22 pm UTC

Van...I don't pull out this kind of language normally, as tweenage-speak is not generally my style...but you look Totes Adorbs. Totes.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sungura » Thu Jul 22, 2010 12:25 pm UTC

Van, you look amazing and the shirt is awesome on you! :)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Thu Jul 22, 2010 2:00 pm UTC

I wish I could see it right now.

And if it looks as good as everyone else is saying, I might try and do that myself.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Whelan » Thu Jul 22, 2010 2:50 pm UTC

Wow, that is really impressive. Thanks for showing us, I'm sure it'll do some good for people.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby InfamousAnarchist » Thu Jul 22, 2010 3:54 pm UTC

Holy goodness, Van. I'm... literally speechless, and any of my friends will tell you that never happens. Go you! You look great. I think you are very brave for putting up those pictures, because as good as they look, I'm sure you were nervous. But I'm really happy for you.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PhillipCup » Thu Jul 22, 2010 6:15 pm UTC

Hey y'all, first time posting on this thread. But WOW Van, I must say, you look FAB-U-Lous! I love it, love it, love it :D !

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby sophyturtle » Thu Jul 22, 2010 6:48 pm UTC

I think you are making a very cute face. You also look shorter in the 'after' photo. This might not be accurate, but now I am all figuring out how to do that.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Thu Jul 22, 2010 7:52 pm UTC

I just came back from the last LGBT meeting for this year. I'm still not fully realizing it's over... I'll be back next year (around October), but I'm a bit sad right now. These kids are so wonderful, and I earned so much from volunteering there. I feel I've grown so much and learned to truly accept myself since I started volunteering. I wish we didn't have to quit.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby meatyochre » Thu Jul 22, 2010 8:22 pm UTC

sqeek! Van you are super cute :D Definitely make a cuter girl than me, though I don't know if that's saying much. And I love the face you're making too.

sqeek! Thanks for sharing.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby solitaddict » Thu Jul 22, 2010 8:45 pm UTC

InfamousAnarchist wrote:Holy goodness, Van. I'm... literally speechless, and any of my friends will tell you that never happens. Go you! You look great. I think you are very brave for putting up those pictures, because as good as they look, I'm sure you were nervous. But I'm really happy for you.

I can testify to that. That never happens.

Oh my goodness, Van! You look great! Kudos to you for being so brave as to post those!
It must have been hard. I'm so happy for you!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Thu Jul 22, 2010 11:27 pm UTC

d'awwww you look cute in that photo with your new shirt :D so happy!! :D
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Lumpy » Thu Jul 22, 2010 11:33 pm UTC

Van, you look fantastic and your new shirt is awesome. Looking at photos of people further along transition than I am has always given me hope and strength for the future, so thank you very much for sharing them here.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Fri Jul 23, 2010 1:27 am UTC

You look absolutely fabulous, Van.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Fri Jul 23, 2010 12:57 pm UTC

Thanks for being brave and sharing those pics, Van. You look great!
* awards Van medal of honour *

And I'm not at all jealous. Not one little bit.
* whimpers * :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Van » Fri Jul 23, 2010 5:13 pm UTC

:oops:

I'm, um, not even sure how to reply to all this. At all.

The shirt is LGBTerrific from Topatoco, and it just says "LGBTerrific!" against a rainbow. I like it :D

I should probably point that picture was mercilessly cherrypicked. Mercilessly! I do not believe I am really one to be described as Totes Adorbs and/or awesome :)

Still, thank you... like, emphatically.

Oh, thinking of size, I think I have shrunk some. It's not a super huge amount, but I happen to work with a bunch of tall guys, and it seems like I do not look them in the eye anymore. Maybe an inch or a little less? I should try and measure myself sometime.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Fri Jul 23, 2010 5:37 pm UTC

I posted a link to this on my facebook. But I thought I'd post a blog entry about it here.
Major trigger warning.

Dead Firefighter’s Family Sues His Widow Because She is Trans

The title itself makes me shudder and cry. The URL is to the curvature, which covers a lot of triggering news but in a good way.

I just... I have to make sure people hear about this, because it's absolutely disgusting that this can happen today. It makes me completely sick that someone would be so vicious, and spiteful to do this. God, it makes me sick. Angry and sick.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby meatyochre » Fri Jul 23, 2010 10:14 pm UTC

Jessica wrote:I posted a link to this on my facebook. But I thought I'd post a blog entry about it here.
Major trigger warning.

Dead Firefighter’s Family Sues His Widow Because She is Trans

The title itself makes me shudder and cry. The URL is to the curvature, which covers a lot of triggering news but in a good way.

I just... I have to make sure people hear about this, because it's absolutely disgusting that this can happen today. It makes me completely sick that someone would be so vicious, and spiteful to do this. God, it makes me sick. Angry and sick.
Her lawyer, Phyllis Frye? My hero of the day. I really appreciate the fact that the article was written from a pro-trans POV.

It's also unfortunate that they live in Texas. I would say there's practically no chance of winning her case, based on the precedent cited that
Spoiler:
genetic sex is the only thing that matters to the courts
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Sat Jul 24, 2010 1:05 am UTC

You look wonderful, Van!


Also, yeah, Texas is !!@##$@#$. I'm not looking forward to when I get to changing my birth certificate (I was born in Texas, even if I was only there for the first year of my life...).
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby TheGrammarBolshevik » Sat Jul 24, 2010 1:08 am UTC

meatyochre wrote:It's also unfortunate that they live in Texas. I would say there's practically no chance of winning her case, based on the precedent cited that
Spoiler:
genetic sex is the only thing that matters to the courts

That ruling was in the Fourth District. It may not apply to this case, since Wharton County is in the Thirteenth District.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby meatyochre » Sat Jul 24, 2010 1:09 am UTC

TheGrammarBolshevik wrote:
meatyochre wrote:It's also unfortunate that they live in Texas. I would say there's practically no chance of winning her case, based on the precedent cited that
Spoiler:
genetic sex is the only thing that matters to the courts

That ruling was in the Fourth District. It may not apply to this case, since Wharton County is in the Thirteenth District.

Let's hope :oops:
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Ubik » Sat Jul 24, 2010 2:57 pm UTC

The fireman's family should respect their dead family member. He married her, so they should have nothing to say about it. Retconning his life apparently out of transphobia, and maybe greed too, is really horrible.

------------------

There was a pride parade here today, I took pictures:
Spoiler:
The front of the parade:
img_2736.jpg
Sateenkaarikulkue means roughly "rainbow parade."
img_2728.jpg
Boom-boom, that thing was loud.
img_2743.jpg
Who watches the watchmen? I do. There was a lot of people with all sorts of cameras. I had only a small pocket camera with me.
img_2751.jpg
I was in the parade too.
img_2760.jpg
The parade ended up next to a very phallic statue.
The parade wasn't huge, but it was still pretty cool. Police was everywhere, because a few weeks ago there was a teargas and smoke grenade attack in a pride parade in another city. (It was mentioned in the rant thread.) This time there was nothing violent and I didn't even hear any hateful shouts. I also bought a small rainbow flag.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby crickets » Sat Jul 24, 2010 5:02 pm UTC

Van wrote::oops:

I'm, um, not even sure how to reply to all this. At all.

The shirt is LGBTerrific from Topatoco, and it just says "LGBTerrific!" against a rainbow. I like it :D


It's a questionable content shirt! and looks wonderful on you!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby qbg » Sun Jul 25, 2010 6:06 am UTC

PM 2Ring wrote:
qbg wrote:(I'm terrible at naming things)
Well, you'd better not get into programming then. :P

It's ten years too late for that. :)

Van wrote:I hope you appreciate the sheer amount of effort that went into making such a goofy face! Anyway, on the previous note, here's me a year and a half ago. Eesh. Woo hormones, but that picture is still painful to look at.

Wow. That completely blew away my expectations!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Bassoon » Sun Jul 25, 2010 8:08 am UTC

I think I need to tell my parents I'm gay, but I'm really, really scared to. They're rather conservative, and I'm afraid they'll kick me out or refuse to help me pay for college.

I guess I need advice, and this is pretty much the only place where I can really get it. :?

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Sun Jul 25, 2010 8:14 am UTC

Why do you think you need to? It's OK not to and it's OK to wait, if you want. And you can tell friends around you without having to talk with them about it. First know that it's OK not to tell them and take your time.

Second, you can try testing them - bring up an article you read in the paper or saw on the news, see how they react. Maybe they won't react too badly. It's not definite proof that they'll accept it completely and immediately (there never is), but it can help.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Bassoon » Sun Jul 25, 2010 7:38 pm UTC

Zohar wrote:Why do you think you need to? It's OK not to and it's OK to wait, if you want. And you can tell friends around you without having to talk with them about it. First know that it's OK not to tell them and take your time.

Second, you can try testing them - bring up an article you read in the paper or saw on the news, see how they react. Maybe they won't react too badly. It's not definite proof that they'll accept it completely and immediately (there never is), but it can help.


It feels like the most logical next step. I want to be out completely at school/work, and the only thing that feels like it is stopping this is my parents' not knowing. If my parents knew, I don't think anything else would matter. But if my parents didn't know, then I'd have to worry about them finding out through another person, and stuff like that. So I think it'd be easier and less stressful to just tell them myself.

From the articles that come on the news, they're not bigots, but they're not completely supportive or anything. Say Ellen DeGeneres is on. They'll watch her, but they're always have to make some comment about how she's a lesbian, or they call her "Ellen the Degenerate." Just little stuff like that.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby podbaydoor » Sun Jul 25, 2010 7:47 pm UTC

Yeah, that's how my parents are. No vitriolic rants or anything, but if someone is out of the closet, it's like all my parents see is the homosexuality and nothing else. Or even just people who break gender roles - my mom loves watching ice skating, but never fails to remark on the male skaters' effeminate looks or "He's probably gay" or something, every time. I'm sorry to be gloomy, but it's indicative of real discomfort with the concept and being unable to see sexuality as just one facet of a person and not the whole. "Homosexual" gets pigeonholed into the same mental category as "freak" or "unnatural," so they have to comment on how "wrong" it is every time.

That said, sometimes it helps if someone they know and care about comes out - it forces them to confront this concept that they're uncomfortable with, and can't be turned off or blocked out the way TV and news can. They can't reduce you to one flat characteristic. But the risk is that they might be convinced it's a phase or can be "fixed."
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Mon Jul 26, 2010 4:45 am UTC

What podbaydoor says is true, but you still probably wouldn't want to be the guinea pig to test your parents' tolerance. First, you should know you can be completely out to your friends and people at work and still not tell your parents. Many people do this and it's not wrong. You don't have to halt the rest of your life just because your parents don't know. I do understand the fear of them finding out - that's what stopped me from doing anything and telling practically anyone until I was 23, when I told them. I think you should still consider it. It's probably not that likely they'll find out.

Another option, and this might be a little uncomfortable but you should know it's OK and legitimate, is to tell only one of your parents. It's a start, and it's fine. If you've got a relative you know and trust you can tell them and then tell your parents together, so you have support. Just think what would be most comfortable for you - there are many options.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Mon Jul 26, 2010 6:43 am UTC

Zohar wrote:Another option, and this might be a little uncomfortable but you should know it's OK and legitimate, is to tell only one of your parents. It's a start, and it's fine.


Yeah, this is definitely an option to consider as well. My mother knew I was trans about 5 months earlier than my father. Sometimes not having to worry about how 2 people will react at the same time makes things easier.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Mon Jul 26, 2010 12:27 pm UTC

qbg wrote:
PM 2Ring wrote:
qbg wrote:(I'm terrible at naming things)
Well, you'd better not get into programming then. :P

It's ten years too late for that. :)

Yeah, I guessed as much. :)
BTW, did you check out the Lynn Conway page I linked to in the Fake Programming Language thread? I bet a lot of people would be amazed to know that a trans woman was so important to the development of computers, but I guess I understand why she's not very famous.


Bassoon wrote:I think I need to tell my parents I'm gay, but I'm really, really scared to. They're rather conservative, and I'm afraid they'll kick me out or refuse to help me pay for college.

I've already spoken about the difficulties in coming out to one's own family a page or 2 back. And in this case, my advice is: if there's a chance that they'll react badly, don't tell, until you have the resources to support yourself. Trying to live in a hostile home environment is not easy, and your studies will probably suffer if home life becomes unbearable & you can't afford to move out.

Do your parents hassle you about not having a girlfriend? Most parents want their kids to give them grandkids, but ultimately they want thir kids to be happy. They may not like the idea of you being in a gay relationship, but unless they have strong anti-gay feelings, they'd probably prefer you to be in a gay relationship than to be alone for the rest of your life, although it might take several years for them to adjust to the idea, especially if they justify their anti-gay attitude for religious reasons.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby meatyochre » Mon Jul 26, 2010 8:57 pm UTC

Yeah it is more important that you are happy and have your parents' financial support than that they know you like to sleep with other people of the same sex. My sister came out to my mother as lesbian the second she graduated college. My mom was pissed that my sister didn't come out sooner, but you know what? If you're such a hateful jerk that you would excommunicate your gay child from your life, then you won't get any sympathy from me.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby meatyochre » Mon Jul 26, 2010 9:17 pm UTC

Also my sister may be moving to Texas for a job very shortly. I'm kinda worried because I know that TX is potentially very hostile to gays (and she lives with her girlfriend). I don't know the place that well though, just that it seems like the state is always in the news for something homophobic. sigh.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby podbaydoor » Mon Jul 26, 2010 10:01 pm UTC

It depends on the location. There's a lesbian couple living next door to my parents since we moved there and to my knowledge nobody's ever mentioned it - they help run some of the neighborhood association events, etc. But we live in the more well-to-do suburbs of Fort Worth. I'm guessing your sister would have an easier time in the bigger cities with more wealth, as usual. And Austin is generally a little blue bubble in a sea of red, if she's moving anywhere near there.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby meatyochre » Mon Jul 26, 2010 11:09 pm UTC

I just found out it is Austin! And they actually elected a gay mayor so I am not so worried :)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ » Mon Jul 26, 2010 11:19 pm UTC

Yeah Austin is one of the bits we're keeping when I take over the country and excommunicate most of Texas.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Bassoon » Tue Jul 27, 2010 5:32 am UTC

PM 2Ring wrote:
Bassoon wrote:I think I need to tell my parents I'm gay, but I'm really, really scared to. They're rather conservative, and I'm afraid they'll kick me out or refuse to help me pay for college.

I've already spoken about the difficulties in coming out to one's own family a page or 2 back. And in this case, my advice is: if there's a chance that they'll react badly, don't tell, until you have the resources to support yourself. Trying to live in a hostile home environment is not easy, and your studies will probably suffer if home life becomes unbearable & you can't afford to move out.

Do your parents hassle you about not having a girlfriend? Most parents want their kids to give them grandkids, but ultimately they want thir kids to be happy. They may not like the idea of you being in a gay relationship, but unless they have strong anti-gay feelings, they'd probably prefer you to be in a gay relationship than to be alone for the rest of your life, although it might take several years for them to adjust to the idea, especially if they justify their anti-gay attitude for religious reasons.


They don't hassle me about not having a girlfriend. They don't really...comment much about that kind of stuff. My dad kinda says stuff about when I get married or have kids, but it's just the generic parent->child advice about future life stuff. I really see my mother having more of an issue with it than my dad, actually. She's always been more...conservative, I guess. But she also usually looks to my dad to help define her opinion, so if he's okay with it, then she'd probably get used to it. If I had to tell one parent and one only, it'd be my dad.

*ETA: Not really relevant, but this is page-topping the 50h page! Woo, 50 pages! Here's to another 50!

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Esperite
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Esperite » Thu Jul 29, 2010 2:29 am UTC

Rarg. It's so hard to find a time that my friend can make it to my house, and I really want to come out to him. And to add to things, I won't be able to invite him over for another week now, because my relative will be here all next week. I want to tell my friends =(.
"A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it."
— Oscar Wilde

Sharlos
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sharlos » Thu Jul 29, 2010 11:31 am UTC

Does anyone else feel pissed off at the world? Just lots of little things over and over again that would take too much effort to fight or argue about one after the other. Or to make people see how close-minded or heterosexist they really are.

So yeah, posting in the safespace thread cause I wish I had a safespace IRL.


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