[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ powwow - Queer Support!

Postby animeHrmIne » Fri Apr 01, 2011 1:26 am UTC

I wrote a long, ranty essay that I posted on Tumblr. I was going to reproduce it here, but then I remembered what week it was. So, it's here instead.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ powwow - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Fri Apr 01, 2011 2:04 am UTC

For anyone trying to read it, the wordfilter is changing the letter s into an ſ, so change that in the url.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ powwow - Queer Support!

Postby joshz » Fri Apr 01, 2011 2:10 am UTC

animeHrmIne wrote:I wrote a long, ranty essay that I posted on Tumblr. I were going to reproduce it here, but then I remembered what week it were. So, it's here instead.
Well written. I really liked it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ powwow - Queer Support!

Postby hanecter » Fri Apr 01, 2011 2:58 am UTC

animeHrmIne wrote:I wrote a long, ranty essay that I posted on Tumblr. I were going to reproduce it here, but then I remembered what week it were. So, it's [url=http://animehrmine.tumblr.com/poſt/4247257059/a-pro-bisexuality-essay-that-is-panphobic]here[/url] instead.

Well written.

Ugh. The article you responded to frustrates me to no end and really offends me...both as someone who identifies as androgynous and pansexual. The complete ignorance of individuals outside of the gender binary. It saddens me that in the course of fighting bisexual erasure...he does the same to pansexual people and those who fall outside the gender binary.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ powwow - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Fri Apr 01, 2011 9:10 am UTC

animeHrmIne wrote:I wrote a long, ranty essay that I posted on Tumblr. I were going to reproduce it here, but then I remembered what week it were. So, it's [url=http://animehrmine.tumblr.com/poſt/4247257059/a-pro-bisexuality-essay-that-is-panphobic]here[/url] instead.


Ugh. Yeah, it sometimes hurts even more to see people who are going in the right direction... and then just totally drop the ball.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ powwow - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri Apr 01, 2011 10:38 am UTC

"Relevant bits (I’ll put it in a block quote later, on my iPhone now): >
No. Just absolutely fucking no."

I suppose there is a (non-block-quoted) quote meant to be there? There is no link either, so I wonder what this is in reply to.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ powwow - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Fri Apr 01, 2011 3:42 pm UTC

Wish I could read it. I'm sure it's awesome though...
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ powwow - Queer Support!

Postby animeHrmIne » Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:45 pm UTC

Sorry, fixed. The quote that made me angry:

I have more problems with the term pansexual. This is just my take on this and I might be wrong, but I feel there is a certain transphobic aspect to how this term is used. Pansexual is usually used by people who want to indicate that in addition to men and women, they are attracted to transgender folks as well — as if transgender folks fall outside of the male and female paradigm. It seems like transphobia to say that a person who has transitioned from male to female or female to male is, in fact, something “else” entirely other than the gender with which they identify.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ powwow - Queer Support!

Postby joshz » Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:48 pm UTC

Yeah, that's a fairly awful 'understanding' of what 'pansexual' means. And when one's post is based on fallacious assumptions, well...
You, sir, name? wrote:If you have over 26 levels of nesting, you've got bigger problems ... than variable naming.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ powwow - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Sat Apr 02, 2011 12:09 am UTC

It's also a "thanks for the good intentions, but..." with regards to the "as if transgender folks fall outside of the male and female paradigm" phrase. As it turns out... some do!
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afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Sun Apr 03, 2011 2:53 am UTC

:\

I've met people who call themselves pansexual because they like trans people. I've had people say they were pansexual because they were attracted to me.

Eh. I know that it's not everyone. But that has coloured my own perception of the word.
doogly wrote:On a scale of Mr Rogers to Fascism, how mean do you think we're being?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby hanecter » Sun Apr 03, 2011 4:20 am UTC

Jessica wrote::\

I've met people who call themselves pansexual because they like trans people. I've had people say they were pansexual because they were attracted to me.

Eh. I know that it's not everyone. But that has coloured my own perception of the word.

That's unfortunate...I didn't realise people used it like that. That's rather transphobic and extremely irritating.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Sun Apr 03, 2011 7:49 am UTC

Hi everyone, I need your help!

In the group I'm instructing, we want to do a series of lectures about LGBT history. The first is about ancient times. There's tons of information available, but I couldn't find anything about Aboriginals or anything about Native Americans (either America) - almost everything was about Europe and Asia and a bit of Africa. Does anyone know anything about these? Any possible resources? Any help would be appreciated.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby GraphiteGirl » Sun Apr 03, 2011 9:12 am UTC

Zohar, this might be a trail you can follow.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sun Apr 03, 2011 11:47 am UTC

This WP: Two-Spirits seems to be relevant to (some) Native Americans.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby TheGrammarBolshevik » Mon Apr 04, 2011 1:16 pm UTC

I fucking hate the Crimson. So hard.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon Apr 04, 2011 2:11 pm UTC

For this?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby TheGrammarBolshevik » Mon Apr 04, 2011 2:30 pm UTC

[suicide/self-harm trigger warning on link]

Nope. For the lead in this.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Mon Apr 04, 2011 5:00 pm UTC

TheGrammarBolshevik wrote:[suicide/self-harm trigger warning on link]

Nope. For the lead in this.


For the love of...

Dear Media,

Trans people are not your pet spectacle. It'd be nice if you could treat us like everyone else. Thanks.

~Us
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sarr » Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:35 pm UTC

Spoilered for "I've said this before, but here it is again and there's nothing I can do about it" rantings.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Tue Apr 05, 2011 12:57 am UTC

Sarr wrote:Spoilered for "I've said this before, but here it is again and there's nothing I can do about it" rantings.


*hug*
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby joshz » Tue Apr 05, 2011 1:03 am UTC

I'm just going to leave this here: http://www.change.org/petitions/demand- ... on-victims (possible trigger warning for hate crimes/homophobia)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Tue Apr 05, 2011 10:46 am UTC

I had my third date yesterday. This time we not only cooked/ate/talked/watched TV/played with her cats like the last two times :D . It was nice.
One of her cats is a voyeur 8) .
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby felltir » Tue Apr 05, 2011 10:54 am UTC

Monika wrote:I had my third date yesterday. This time we not only cooked/ate/talked/watched TV/played with her cats like the last two times :D . It was nice.
One of her cats is a voyeur 8) .


Nice. 8)
Spoiler:
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Tue Apr 05, 2011 2:54 pm UTC

Felltir wrote:
Monika wrote:I had my third date yesterday. This time we not only cooked/ate/talked/watched TV/played with her cats like the last two times :D . It was nice.
One of her cats is a voyeur 8) .
Nice. 8)
Agreed! :D
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Tue Apr 05, 2011 5:00 pm UTC

Monika wrote:One of her cats is a voyeur 8) .


nyaa~~? ^_^
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Tue Apr 05, 2011 5:23 pm UTC

I had a nervous breakdown at work on sunday and got sent home. They gave me a phone number to call, which was apparently a mental health hotline. That doesn't really address the whole problem of not making enough money to transition properly. *heavy sigh*

Something else I want to say too but I don't want to hear the reactions. I'm tired of useless platitudes. They do nothing to change my situation.
Spoiler:
But as it stands I've been giving serious thought to suicide over the past few days
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby sophyturtle » Tue Apr 05, 2011 5:25 pm UTC

*hug*
I want to get to a place where I am neither conforming nor rebelling but simply being.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Tue Apr 05, 2011 5:33 pm UTC

*hug* Please don't do anything bad... :(
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby viscusanima » Tue Apr 05, 2011 5:57 pm UTC

*hugs* What Jessica said :(

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Tue Apr 05, 2011 10:25 pm UTC

Kilroy(ZTC) wrote:I had a nervous breakdown at work on sunday and got sent home. They gave me a phone number to call, which was apparently a mental health hotline. That doesn't really address the whole problem of not making enough money to transition properly. *heavy sigh*

Something else I want to say too but I don't want to hear the reactions. I'm tired of useless platitudes. They do nothing to change my situation.
Spoiler:
But as it stands I've been giving serious thought to suicide over the past few days

Set up a ChipIn now instead of killing yourself. Please. Thanks.

Also, I vaguely remember you can code, can you? Do you have time to do this besides your retail job and classes? There are some websites where people look for coders for fixed, limited-scope tasks for a price agreed up front. Also I have heard that when going online in Second Life with a profile (or whatever it's called there) that indicates you can code quickly results in other players asking for homework coding help in exchange for real money or for Linden dollars, for which there is apparently some way to be exchanged back into real dollars (sold to other players, I guess).
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Van » Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:03 am UTC

Kilroy(ZTC) wrote:*heavy sigh*

*hugs*

Unsolicited dubiously useful advice button
|
|
V
Spoiler:
I don't know your whole situation, but it seems like you've got a couple of similarities to my early transition. So, with that in mind, what worked for me:
  1. If you are having suicidal thoughts, you need to get help. Maybe that is a hotline, or a finding a therapist, or a really good (and well grounded) friend, but find an outlet.
  2. Having people to vent to (or just listen to) can be very helpful. For about 18 months I was very involved with the Gender Identity Center here in town. The tuesday (iirc, 7:30pm) is the Transition meeting, and it is aimed at just that. I haven't been there in about 6 months, since before they moved, but they helped me through some pretty bad times.
  3. Technically speaking (and again, assumptions), you don't need a lot of money to transition properly:
    Laser - Affordable Laser @ 120th & Wadsworth-ish, entire face is $100/6 weeks
    Hormones - varies. You, iirc, know about Inhouse, but that isn't exactly cheap. Try to get it covered through work insurance. I pay $5 for a 30 day supply of both 200mg Spiro and 4mg Estradiol.

    That is all you need to start. Maybe you need a bunch of surgeries, maybe you don't. Worrying about that right now will drive you crazy (as a crazy person, I am well qualified to speak on this). Let hormones do their thing (Estrogen can be goddamn magical) and give it a year or two. In the meanwhile, use that time to put yourself in a better position financially. I think you said you work at the Pepsi Center? Assuming you're not management (and also because you said you lack money), that probably isn't that amazing pay. If it isn't, go where the money is:

    King Soopers (union) starts at $9.17 with raises every 1040 hours to $17.50-ish for non-management. Has great insurance - see: $5/month for HRT.
    UPS starts above $11, iirc.
    Sam's Club or Costco (I forget) goes to $19 non-mgmt.

I don't mean to be all *bootstraps* on you, it's just... I remember how much it sucks. Actually, right about this time 5 years ago, I was $6000 in debt, making $7/hour, and had just gotten kicked out of a rehab center. So. Yeah. There is room in life for plenty of fuckups and mistakes, but you're young, 22-ish is nothing, and you have plenty of time to make your life into anything you want. Try and take it one day at a time, don't look at it as "for my life to be the way I want it, I must do LAUNDRY LIST of things", because that is just goddamn discouraging, even if your life is pretty close to where you want it.

Hopefully that mess helped somehow. If you need a list of therapists or electrologists or other suggestions, I can probably put you in touch with some good people in the city.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Wed Apr 06, 2011 1:10 pm UTC

Thanks for the support guys.

Monika wrote:Set up a ChipIn now instead of killing yourself. Please. Thanks.


The funny thing is, I think I can afford at least my endocrinologist now. It's just that for the past year or so I was too strapped for cash for that to be possible, so my first year of hormones was probably a complete waste and likely even did irreversible damage. I can say definitively that I've been through male puberty twice now, for instance, because when I first saw my endoc I had dieted my way down to 142 lbs, and was then prescribed a dose which was effective at that weight... but became ineffective as I gained weight back. So part of me thinks I'm permafucked because of that, and that just because I'm getting back on track now doesn't mean I'm going to be able to make progress. Anyways, I'll keep it bookmarked in case the issue arises again, which is pretty far from implausible.

Monika wrote:Also, I vaguely remember you can code, can you? Do you have time to do this besides your retail job and classes? There are some websites where people look for coders for fixed, limited-scope tasks for a price agreed up front. Also I have heard that when going online in Second Life with a profile (or whatever it's called there) that indicates you can code quickly results in other players asking for homework coding help in exchange for real money or for Linden dollars, for which there is apparently some way to be exchanged back into real dollars (sold to other players, I guess).


I can't, really. I mean, I studied Java, and coding is incredibly simple as far as I can tell, but one semester of experience with it hardly seems sufficient. Although I have considered the whole make money through Second Life thing. This will probably be more of an option in a couple years, if I continue with my Comp Sci studies.

The Van branch of convo wrote:
Spoiler:
Van wrote:I don't know your whole situation, but it seems like you've got a couple of similarities to my early transition. So, with that in mind, what worked for me:
  1. If you are having suicidal thoughts, you need to get help. Maybe that is a hotline, or a finding a therapist, or a really good (and well grounded) friend, but find an outlet.


I have those, but they're not really helping much because they don't do anything to solve concrete issues.

Van wrote:
  • Technically speaking (and again, assumptions), you don't need a lot of money to transition properly:
    Laser - Affordable Laser @ 120th & Wadsworth-ish, entire face is $100/6 weeks
    Hormones - varies. You, iirc, know about Inhouse, but that isn't exactly cheap. Try to get it covered through work insurance. I pay $5 for a 30 day supply of both 200mg Spiro and 4mg Estradiol.


  • I don't think my work has insurance, and it wouldn't help profoundly much because my anti-androgen atm is Androcur, which I can only get through Inhouse.

    Van wrote:I think you said you work at the Pepsi Center? Assuming you're not management (and also because you said you lack money), that probably isn't that amazing pay. If it isn't, go where the money is:

    King Soopers (union) starts at $9.17 with raises every 1040 hours to $17.50-ish for non-management. Has great insurance - see: $5/month for HRT.
    UPS starts above $11, iirc.
    Sam's Club or Costco (I forget) goes to $19 non-mgmt.
    I don't mean to be all *bootstraps* on you, it's just... I remember how much it sucks. Actually, right about this time 5 years ago, I was $6000 in debt, making $7/hour, and had just gotten kicked out of a rehab center. So. Yeah. There is room in life for plenty of fuckups and mistakes, but you're young, 22-ish is nothing, and you have plenty of time to make your life into anything you want. Try and take it one day at a time, don't look at it as "for my life to be the way I want it, I must do LAUNDRY LIST of things", because that is just goddamn discouraging, even if your life is pretty close to where you want it.

    Hopefully that mess helped somehow. If you need a list of therapists or electrologists or other suggestions, I can probably put you in touch with some good people in the city.


    I'm a student. I'm not available for full time work, really, and if I was to get work I would prefer it to be in the field I'm studying. If you know a place to get electrolysis cheap though that would be cool. I also just really hate interviewing, and having to explain the TG thing... which needs to be explained because I don't want to be misgendered, but always ends with me not getting hired.
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    Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

    Postby Monika » Wed Apr 06, 2011 1:57 pm UTC

    Kilroy(ZTC) wrote:The funny thing is, I think I can afford at least my endocrinologist now.

    That sounds like an improvement.

    It's just that for the past year or so I was too strapped for cash for that to be possible, so my first year of hormones was probably a complete waste and likely even did irreversible damage. I can say definitively that I've been through male puberty twice now, for instance, because when I first saw my endoc I had dieted my way down to 142 lbs, and was then prescribed a dose which was effective at that weight... but became ineffective as I gained weight back. So part of me thinks I'm permafucked because of that, and that just because I'm getting back on track now doesn't mean I'm going to be able to make progress.

    From what I have read, if you didn't get anti-androgens from the onset of puberty (or at least some time during the first puberty), it does not seem to make too much of a difference later. I.e. not taking hormons for a while undoes the effect of taking them, but cannot fuck your body up more than the original male puberty already did anyway. But I am not a doctor. You should raise that concern to your endocrinologist. Hopefully he or she can eliminate this worry.

    Anyways, I'll keep it bookmarked in case the issue arises again, which is pretty far from implausible.

    Yes, do that.

    Monika wrote:Also, I vaguely remember you can code, can you? Do you have time to do this besides your retail job and classes? There are some websites where people look for coders for fixed, limited-scope tasks for a price agreed up front. Also I have heard that when going online in Second Life with a profile (or whatever it's called there) that indicates you can code quickly results in other players asking for homework coding help in exchange for real money or for Linden dollars, for which there is apparently some way to be exchanged back into real dollars (sold to other players, I guess).

    I can't, really. I mean, I studied Java, and coding is incredibly simple as far as I can tell, but one semester of experience with it hardly seems sufficient. Although I have considered the whole make money through Second Life thing. This will probably be more of an option in a couple years, if I continue with my Comp Sci studies.

    As mentioned, on Second Life these seem to be mostly high school and college students asking for someone to (help them) code their homework. You can probably solve these. If you have no qualms about helping them cheat ... but I see it this way, they will get the bill for being lazy during their finals.
    Also on the "bounty"-based websites, some coding requests are relatively small and easy, like writing programs that evaluate lists of data in some way, and the experienced programmers don't take these because they want to get on the longer, larger projects.

    What is it that you are studying now?


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    Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

    Postby Brace » Wed Apr 06, 2011 9:30 pm UTC

    Monika wrote:
    Kilroy(ZTC) wrote:The funny thing is, I think I can afford at least my endocrinologist now.

    That sounds like an improvement.


    Maybe. If her response to me showing up after like 8 months is colored with any shade of disappointment I think I'm buying a bottle of Blue Label and using it to wash down my entire supply of meds at once.

    From what I have read, if you didn't get anti-androgens from the onset of puberty (or at least some time during the first puberty), it does not seem to make too much of a difference later. I.e. not taking hormons for a while undoes the effect of taking them, but cannot fuck your body up more than the original male puberty already did anyway. But I am not a doctor. You should raise that concern to your endocrinologist. Hopefully he or she can eliminate this worry.


    Yeah, this is... I dunno, I just think I can sort of tell what changes have happened to my body and they seem to have made it more masculine.

    What is it that you are studying now?


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    Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

    Postby Monika » Wed Apr 06, 2011 10:30 pm UTC

    Kilroy(ZTC) wrote:I dunno, I just think I can sort of tell what changes have happened to my body and they seem to have made it more masculine.

    Well that sucks. But wait and see what new/more hormones will do to undo also this. Together with facial hair removal hopefully you can feel better in your body soon.

    Computer hardware and networking, with specific classes designed to prepare me for the CompTIA A+ and Net+ certification exams.

    I googled what this involves. It sounds similar to the kind of certifications D., my former room mate (flat mate / apartment mate ... not really in the same room) and now my sister's boyfriend had (actually his was probably even lesser, even though it also involved both PC support and networking support) when he started studying math and computer science together with me. He always had a job with this all through college and he earned a lot more than I did through student teaching. I can't imagine there are truly no jobs for this, as some people have told you ... there is always a need for techies.
    He additionally had knowledge of troubleshooting Macs, this helped him get more tech support jobs / tasks.
    /edit: Not all of his jobs was employment, he was also self-employed and working as a contractor. That avoids the problem of interviews, so it may be interesting to you, too. (The reason he wants to avoid those are that he has an invisible disability of 50%, which means someone who hires him cannot fire him and has to give him more vacation ... so getting hired is hard.)
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    Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

    Postby videogamesizzle » Wed Apr 06, 2011 11:26 pm UTC

    So I just came out to the guy I have a stupid crush on. God that was more stressful than it should have been.
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    Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

    Postby poxic » Thu Apr 07, 2011 12:21 am UTC

    videogamesizzle wrote:So I just came out to the guy I have a stupid crush on. God that was more stressful than it should have been exactly as stressful as this kind of shit is, all the time, for no good fucking reason.

    Fixed. :(

    Edit for actually saying things: hell, coming out as asexual is nerve-wracking. I haven't yet tried telling an actual not-family-nor-friend person about it, aside from (duh) AVEN members I've met, or maybe the xkcders I met in Seattle last year (can't remember if the subject came up, but I'm certainly not hiding it here).

    I can't imagine how absobloodylutely stressful it would be to sit in front of someone I'm attracted to, whether or not I think they're attracted to me, and say "um hey, have you heard of this thing called asexuality? 'Cause that's me. I mean, not the whole thing, no, I'm not all of asexuality, just someone who is ... um ... can I start again?" :oops:
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    Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

    Postby Zeroignite » Thu Apr 07, 2011 12:37 am UTC

    It didn't come up in Seattle, but I did love cuddling you, Poxic. You're a great cuddler :)
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    Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

    Postby felltir » Thu Apr 07, 2011 12:59 am UTC

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