[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby a_fuzzyduck » Fri Aug 12, 2011 2:56 pm UTC

Aaeriele wrote:Image

Found on tumblr. Saved right away. v.v


well we alllllll knew that in -q anyway :P
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby DaBigCheez » Fri Aug 12, 2011 5:30 pm UTC

superglucose wrote:I'd believe it. I love Fluttershy regardless though either way.


Bonus meta-flutterlove from me, for reasons some of you may know
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby D.B. » Fri Aug 12, 2011 7:15 pm UTC

Deva wrote:
Monika wrote:Are the pony videos available on Youtube or elsewhere completely? Like not only a few seconds with the cutest/funniest/most famous scenes?

Begin here. Look through the uploader's profile for the remaining twenty-five episodes.


Ponychan is a good place to find other youtube links, etc.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Bassoon » Fri Aug 12, 2011 8:12 pm UTC

The small things that count: my roommates have apparently been talking to each other, and the other day, they basically told me that they don't care about what I like and don't like, I'm still "a bro" and "we've gotta watch out for fellow bros." I love my roommates.

Also, my boyfriend came out to his mom and told her about our relationship, and she didn't really care too much, it seems. She trusts him and is okay with it. Also, she really like me, apparently.

Let the good times roll!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby superglucose » Sat Aug 13, 2011 2:18 am UTC

DaBigCheez wrote:
superglucose wrote:I'd believe it. I love Fluttershy regardless though either way.


Bonus meta-flutterlove from me, for reasons some of you may know

Just so we're clear, my statement was to mean "I love fluttershy regardless of whether she's bi/straight/homo/pan/genderqueer/trans male/trans female/male/female. Fluttershy is someone I love and the rest of it doesn't matter to me."

Regardless seems the correct term since I really do mean "her gender identity doesn't matter to me and will not change that I love her."

EDIT: And I do not know your meta-love.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Feddlefew » Sat Aug 13, 2011 4:33 am UTC

I have a question for the community here.

One of my close friends is extremely, flamboyantly gay. He has a history of making incredibly bad decisions, including pursuing my best friend (male, strait, has Asperger's syndrome and a girlfriend) for two years. He likes strait men, or at least men that identify as strait, and has told me repeatedly that the man he wants is "still in the closet". I'm worried about him, because I'm going off to college and won't be around to talk him out of... doing stupid things. He's been lucky so far in that the men he's been chasing have been ignoring him. The only time he's had a relationship, he dumped the poor guy and started going after my best friend again by the end of the week.

Every time I tell him to stop, he either claims I have no understanding of love or that I'm not supporting him in his exploration of his sexuality. Help?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sat Aug 13, 2011 9:18 am UTC

I think your straight friend needs to tell your gay friend that he's not interested and to stop persuing. Can you ask the straight friend to have a talk about this with the gay friend?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby superglucose » Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:37 am UTC

Feddlefew wrote:I have a question for the community here.

One of my close friends is extremely, flamboyantly gay. He has a history of making incredibly bad decisions, including pursuing my best friend (male, strait, has Asperger's syndrome and a girlfriend) for two years. He likes strait men, or at least men that identify as strait, and has told me repeatedly that the man he wants is "still in the closet". I'm worried about him, because I'm going off to college and won't be around to talk him out of... doing stupid things. He's been lucky so far in that the men he's been chasing have been ignoring him. The only time he's had a relationship, he dumped the poor guy and started going after my best friend again by the end of the week.

Every time I tell him to stop, he either claims I have no understanding of love or that I'm not supporting him in his exploration of his sexuality. Help?

What he is doing has a term. It is called "sexual harassment." It is rude, it is wrong, and it needs to stop and I congratulate you on telling him.

One day your friend will get in a rather lot of trouble by making a straight co-worker extremely uncomfortable... and will probably end in his termination if not legal action taken against him. What if the situation were different? What if he wasn't gay and your best friend was a woman? His actions are threatening and overbearing towards your friend.

If he says you have no understanding of love, remind him that harassment and obsession are not love. If he says you're not supporting his exploration of his sexuality, remind him that his exploration of his sexuality must not include creating situations where others are uncomfortable. You can't, ethically and legally speaking, explore your sexuality by hitting on a woman over and over and over again after she's asked you to stop.

If after all of this he still doesn't understand, well...

He'll find out soon enough. He'll probably even blame the resulting lawsuit and termination of employment or even enrollment as "homophobia." If he's really, really, REALLY lucky, maybe he'll just get a warning and realize how much of a jackass he's being.


<---- has been the victim of sexual harassment. It's not fun and it's really uncomfortable. Don't let the men in your friend's life experience it. They may be "ignoring" him and saying nothing but... I ignored her. It still really, really sucked to be around and was very uncomfortable.

If someone is not interested whether it's because they present as an orientation and gender combination that does not lend itself to, well, dating you or whether it's simply because they don't like you that way, it's not ok to keep pressing the issue.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Feddlefew » Sat Aug 13, 2011 10:33 pm UTC

Monika wrote:I think your straight friend needs to tell your gay friend that he's not interested and to stop persuing. Can you ask the straight friend to have a talk about this with the gay friend?


He did talk with him. Repeatedly. My strait friend only started ignoring him after it didn't work.

My gay friend has been sent to a councilor (sp?) over this. By me. Several times. He's what you would call "unstable".


@ Superglucose: I know that's what will happen, hopefully instead of him getting shanked or something. I've wanted to terminate the friendship for a long time, but he's so entangled in my limited friendship-web and so "dramatic" about things that he would make social gatherings impossible. I've already kicked him out of the D&D group I run because he was sexually harassing the male players (ALL OF THEM.) above the age of 16.

I'm hopping that once we all scatter for college, he'll stop being a major hub for my friend-web.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Boris Veganofsky » Sun Aug 14, 2011 1:03 am UTC

I've got spots, I've got stripes too.*

I've yet to come out to anyone in meatspace, but I've planned to come out to a few select friends, next time I get one-on-one time with them.

I've been 'questioning' and identifying as straight for a while but now I've accepted myself as queer. For now I identify as 'attracted to people'.

I'm hesitant to come out to my family. My father is pretty homophobic. Right now I'm not seeing anyone so it's easy enough to sweep the issue under the rug but when and if I get a SO with a gender identity other than 'woman' things might get messy.

I don't have a close relationship with him to start with so I'd be inclined to run to the hills at the first sign of trouble. I don't have a close relationship with my mother either but I think she'd be unfazed.

Then there's my sister. I have no idea how she feels about queerness. She assumes I'm straight. I've been trying to improve our relationship, and I'm going to be the godfather to her yet-unborn child; I wouldn't want to burn bridges there.

As far as I know I have exactly zero non-straight extended family members.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby feyayeruka » Sun Aug 14, 2011 4:42 am UTC

wisdom from my 8-year-old daughter last night:
Mama, I don't really want to have a lesbian mother... but if you're happy, then I'm okay with you being gay. I support you to be whatever you want to be, no matter what.

:oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: naaaw
Ironically, this is bog-standard stereotypical parent-child "coming out" conversation, only from the reverse direction. LOL


In other news, I broke up with my ladyfriend :(
and met someone new :)
but it's not quite the same :(
rebound sex is great :)
missing my still-very-much-loved ladyfriend :(
ponies are cute :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby TheGrammarBolshevik » Sun Aug 14, 2011 4:44 am UTC

feyayeruka wrote:ponies are cute :)

Ponies.
Nothing rhymes with orange,
Not even sporange.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Sun Aug 14, 2011 4:51 am UTC

Deva wrote:Begin here. Look through the uploader's profile for the remaining twenty-five episodes.


Damn you! I was supposed to be doing homework! Instead, I wasted productively utilised two days watching My Little Pony!
That said, I love you for the link ♥

And Fluttershy rocks.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby superglucose » Sun Aug 14, 2011 5:06 am UTC

natashatasha wrote:And Fluttershy Aaeriele rocks.


FIFY.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby feyayeruka » Sun Aug 14, 2011 5:16 am UTC

+1

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Vaniver » Sun Aug 14, 2011 5:54 pm UTC

So, I have an intersex friend who has various medical issues which he wants to correct with surgery. As I understand it, it's pretty similar to the FtM transition process. He's looking at a price tag of $22k to get it done in the US, and so I suggested he look into getting it done in Thailand (or some other medical tourism destination). He's asked me to help him look for info, and since I don't know where to look besides googling I figured I would ask here, as I imagine someone else has looked into it.

Are there any numbers on how much riskier this is (if it is riskier)? How much should he expect to pay to have his uterus / ovaries / genitals removed? (He's not interested in constructive surgery and wants to end up like a Ken doll.) Is there a particular surgeon or hospital he should try to get treated by? Is there a travel agent for this sort of thing or should he plan it out himself?

Thanks in advance!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby scienceroboticspunk » Mon Aug 15, 2011 2:19 am UTC

I would like to thank everyone for the suggestion of the garment district in boston. I am back home and went there last week. I got some really cute things there.
Also ponies look adorable
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Mon Aug 15, 2011 7:15 am UTC

superglucose wrote:EDIT: And I do not know your meta-love.


The bit that DBC was referring to is the fact that we're engaged.
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby superglucose » Mon Aug 15, 2011 7:30 am UTC

Aaeriele wrote:
superglucose wrote:EDIT: And I do not know your meta-love.


The bit that DBC was referring to is the fact that we're engaged.

Well belated congratumalations then! :D When I sneak down to SF we'll have to all three meet! Well I oughta meet you two, I suspect you've already met :wink:
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Tue Aug 16, 2011 2:09 pm UTC

Well ... I came out to my room mate and only other friend within 700km.

I got "This is... surprisingly unsurprising" ... I was so relieved. This has been much more positive that I was expecting. I'm glad I had the confidence to do so now ... I'm so lucky to have these friends ♥
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Enuja » Tue Aug 16, 2011 2:13 pm UTC

Yeah! This is so good to hear! I'm glad your friends are being supportive!

You probably already have, but do make sure to tell the first friend you told that he now has some other people he doesn't have to keep your gender identity secret from.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Tue Aug 16, 2011 4:16 pm UTC

natashatasha wrote:Well ... I came out to my room mate and only other friend within 700km.

I got "This is... surprisingly unsurprising" ... I was so relieved. This has been much more positive that I was expecting. I'm glad I had the confidence to do so now ... I'm so lucky to have these friends ♥


Yay!


Edit: Someone just pointed out to me that an alternative acronym for this thread could be "QUILTBAG" (assuming we're going with unique letters and letting the Q stand for both Qs there).
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby TheGrammarBolshevik » Tue Aug 16, 2011 5:37 pm UTC

What's the U? Just the second letter in "queer" and "questioning"?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Tue Aug 16, 2011 5:40 pm UTC

Unidentified.

(Those who don't feel like picking a term.)


=====


Also, for those who were unaware of it via IRC/G+/etc: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/1 ... 28285.html
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby podbaydoor » Tue Aug 16, 2011 7:15 pm UTC

Awesome! I'm glad your story has a happy ending and hope it continues to do so. //crosses fingers//
tenet |ˈtenit|
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tenant |ˈtenənt|
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Tue Aug 16, 2011 7:33 pm UTC

Yay Aaeriele! I get all warm and fuzzy when haters get thumped (through legal and civilised means, that is). :D
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby superglucose » Tue Aug 16, 2011 7:47 pm UTC

yay!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Vaniver » Tue Aug 16, 2011 8:53 pm UTC

Congrats!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Tue Aug 16, 2011 9:18 pm UTC

Yay! That's awesome!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby kinigget » Wed Aug 17, 2011 12:24 am UTC

I just found that on thinkprogress! Well done!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sarr » Wed Aug 17, 2011 12:36 am UTC

Congratulations!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby animeHrmIne » Wed Aug 17, 2011 2:24 am UTC

Yay Aaeriele! That's awesome.

Also, QUILTBAG has no P, but I've resigned myself to the fact that and multisexuals besides bisexuals will never get their own parts of an acronym.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby podbaydoor » Wed Aug 17, 2011 2:26 am UTC

I've always been given to understand that Q - Queer was the letter in the acronym meant to catch anyone else who wasn't specifically named.
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby animeHrmIne » Wed Aug 17, 2011 6:21 am UTC

podbaydoor wrote:I've always been given to understand that Q - Queer was the letter in the acronym meant to catch anyone else who wasn't specifically named.

It is, and I'm totally queer as well, it's just kind of sad to not get a letter. If all else, it means that a frakton of people have no clue pansexuality even exists, whereas when people add the Qs and the As and the Is and the Gs they start getting recognition.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby superglucose » Wed Aug 17, 2011 6:26 am UTC

Well to be fair, I'm pan and I don't identify as "queer" if that makes sense.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Wed Aug 17, 2011 6:41 am UTC

animeHrmIne wrote:
podbaydoor wrote:I've always been given to understand that Q - Queer was the letter in the acronym meant to catch anyone else who wasn't specifically named.

It is, and I'm totally queer as well, it's just kind of sad to not get a letter. If all else, it means that a frakton of people have no clue pansexuality even exists, whereas when people add the Qs and the As and the Is and the Gs they start getting recognition.

Perhaps part of the problem is that pansexuality would be the first letter that forces the acronym-writer to admit to more than a gender binary. That, unfortunately, blows many people's minds.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby superglucose » Wed Aug 17, 2011 7:50 am UTC

You know my issue with the acronym is that it keeps growing. I wish it wasn't so damn long because it feels like there's this assumption that if you're not in the acronym then you're not included. If the principle is "you're included if and only if you're part of the acronym" then the community sucks because it's inherently exclusive... otherwise, tacking on letters to an infinitely growing acronym just seems wildly inefficient at best.

I wish I had the power to simply say "Why don't we stop using this acronym which is causing more problems than it solves, and simply make this a generic safe space for people to express their sexualities and genders?" "Gender and sexuality safespace" sounds a lot better than "LGBTIQQA" which should really probably be "LGBTIQQAGAPH" (to tack on "andro," "genderqueer," "heteroflexible" and "pansexual") and even then it's only a matter of time before we find the next identity people discover. It all really makes my head spin...

I guess that's why I don't really identify with the "community." I don't feel like it goes about it the right way and I don't feel like there's a cohesive community. I feel like whatever community is invented is really invented as a sort of "Us vs them" mentality which I think fosters resentment for people who don't think the same way you do (if straight people are "the enemy" then you start harboring resentment towards straight people). Heck, just look at the way certain camps within the so-called community treat other camps. Some LGBs don't accept the Ts, some LGBTs don't accept the As, and some LGBTAs don't accept the Ps. Then we're all boiled down to some letter.

I just can't help but think of going up to someone and saying, "Hi, I'm a P C." "Ah, well I'm a G Tm." Which, of course, makes me think, "Hi, I'm a M A C" and "Hi, I'm a P C." (MAC would be male-asexual-cis and PC would be pan-cis). But still, it's frustrating to think that this is how LGBT is going down. We keep realizing that gender and sex are more complicated than we've ever realized and our solution is to simply try to create more categories.

What if there aren't categories? What if we're all just our own individual people with our own individual feelings and own individual thoughts? I know that if you're "straight" there are wildly different views on what's attractive. My best friend is dating a girl I think is ugly and a total bitch... but he loves her, so whatever. Why not just allow that within the LGBTIQQAHCKPSDXXDD?

So that's my opinion on it. I'm not "pansexual" and I'm not "genderqueer." The most I can say about myself is that I was born with a penis and testes. I have some traits that people consider masculine and a lot of traits that people consider feminine. I would rather have been born with a vagina and more feminine traits than I currently have. When looking for a partner I prefer people who look feminine but beyond the soft lines that I prefer, I don't actually care what parts you've got because far more important is that you are a sweet, loving, and caring person. So far I've found that I prefer mostly feminine traits with a few masculine ones thrown in, but even that's not a hard fast rule. Beyond that if you have questions, go ahead and ask them. If you want to know if I could be attracted to you or if I am attracted to you or interested in you? Ask. But don't label me and for the love of god don't hear what I say and then respond with "Ah, you're clearly X" or "Ah, well you're not Y but you could X." I'm Superglucose, that's the only label I can safely wear.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Wed Aug 17, 2011 8:07 am UTC

Aaeriele wrote:Also, for those who were unaware of it via IRC/G+/etc: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/1 ... 28285.html

Yay!

- - - - - - - -

So where do we want to stick the P?
LGBTIQQAP
LGBTIQQPA <- I think I prefer that, the P seems to feel happier in the vicinity of the Q, it's used to being there in the alphabet
LGBPTIQQA <- makes most sense, but breaks the most-known / most-used LGBT acronym


I am pansexual (or let's say pansexual is the most appropriate term for how I feel to the degree I have figured this out).
I say "bisexual" for those outside the LGBT community who are unlikely to know the word.
I like the abbreviation LGBTIQQA the most. I don't mind that there is no P. I find it is sufficiently covered by an intersection / mix / approximation of B, Q and A.
I also don't think LGBTIQQA denies that there are more than two gender identities. Transgender also encompasses genderqueer people, not just FTM and MTF transgender people.
And queer catches sexual orientations that go beyond homo-hetero-bi-a-sexual, so what could that be besides pan/multisexual? If there were only two genders, the four categories would cover everybody.
But: If it hurts other pansexual people that there is no P ... let's add it.

Recently I was googling something related to this, not sure exactly what it was. I had thought LGBTIQQA plus possibly P would cover everybody. But in other communities apparently there were discussions about adding M for multisexual, O for omnisexual and/or U for Unidentified for those who don't want a label/box ... in the end they changed from various LGBTQ extensions to MSAGI for Minority Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity (not sure why an A and no O is used). The problem with that is that it is hardly known and few people understand it.
#xkcd-q on irc.foonetic.net - the LGBTIQQA support channel
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby animeHrmIne » Wed Aug 17, 2011 8:21 am UTC

I've seen GSM for Gender and/or Sexual Minority before, which I personally like a lot, especially since it's vague enough that "sexual minority" could refer to both the ace/demi/gray-a spectrum and the non-straight orientations.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby feyayeruka » Wed Aug 17, 2011 9:56 am UTC

yay to aeriele!!!!


my thoughts on the ever-expanding acronym is that it's starting to get shorter to say "non-heteronormative" or "non-heterosexual" or something like that.


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