[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Hammer » Thu Sep 01, 2011 4:40 pm UTC

Kilroy(ZTC) wrote:I don't know what good it does to post this, for me or for anyone, but I've come to admit to myself that even now I want to be a man and not a woman. And not for healthy reasons, and in spite of the knowledge that I fundamentally can't be. I just feel cheated. I was told I would "outgrow it", and people drew huge debts from me in the name of facilitating this, inflicting irreparable injury. I was promised that I would be a man and that promise justified a quarter of a lifetime of pain (and undoubtedly more to come), and gave me the means and motive to tolerate it and push through it. Learning to do that shaped me in a fundamental way. It accounts for my withdrawn and generally stoical nature, which I have tried to undo desperately and repeatedly but without success. It imbued me with the sort of discipline that I call upon daily just to continue to live; and knowing that said discipline comes, fundamentally, from a place of self-hatred and self-destruction leaves me conflicted even in the act of survival. I don't know how to reverse it or build it on a different foundation, so I wonder if maybe I would be more free and authentic if I simply resolved to starve to death or die of exposure on the street, since then I would be rid of it at least. I'm not sure what there is to be said about this, productive or not, so I assume any comment on the subject will be a surprise.

It sounds like you are thinking about the inherent issue, evaluating the success/failure of the actions of the past with regard to that issue, considering whether a change of direction is called for and, if so, how to effect that change. Those are all good things. They are part of a process which is often painful and rarely fun, but which can lead to a much improved situation. Is anyone helping you work through this?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Dobblesworth » Thu Sep 01, 2011 9:21 pm UTC

I nth the statement that 'Dragon' is an awesome name. Draco'd just make you sound a Harry Potter fan<gender>; Pendragon the same for Arthurian mythos and might make you sound a little more poncy IMO.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Fri Sep 02, 2011 4:23 am UTC

~90 hours after surgery update: catheters still suck. The external bandages are all off, but the internal packing is still in, so still the feeling of semi-constant constipation. Oh well. At least I'm allowed to actually sit up tomorrow (my back is killing me right now).


Edit: Signed on IRC to chat some to ease boredom, first interaction was someone criticizing something I manage; think I'll avoid IRC for now
Last edited by Aaeriele on Fri Sep 02, 2011 4:53 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Fri Sep 02, 2011 4:39 am UTC

YAY AAERI!

I mean, for you being here, not "yay semi-constant constipation". Boo that. But yay you.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri Sep 02, 2011 8:51 am UTC

*hugs* for Aaeri
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Fri Sep 02, 2011 10:53 am UTC

* very gentle virtual hugs for Aaeri *

I hope you don't get too bored while you're waiting to heal.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri Sep 02, 2011 1:59 pm UTC

https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/d ... atest.html Interesting Implicit Atitude Tests. There is one on gay - straight, too.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sarr » Fri Sep 02, 2011 7:46 pm UTC

Hooray Aaeriele!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Sat Sep 03, 2011 12:04 am UTC

In 2 more hours, I should theoretically be allowed to sit up. Theoretically.

No, I'm not counting the minutes.

Yes, I'm counting the seconds.


Edit: Oh god that shower was glorious. Utterly exhausted me, but was glorious.
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Sat Sep 03, 2011 1:55 pm UTC

Aaeriele wrote:In 2 more hours, I should theoretically be allowed to sit up. Theoretically.

No, I'm not counting the minutes.

Yes, I'm counting the seconds.


Edit: Oh god that shower was glorious. Utterly exhausted me, but was glorious.



Yay!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby The EGE » Sat Sep 03, 2011 2:16 pm UTC

Yay! I wish you a speedy recovery.
sillybear25 wrote:But it's NPH, so it's creepy in the best possible way.

Shivahn wrote:I'm in your abstractions, burning your notions of masculinity.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Nordic Einar » Sat Sep 03, 2011 11:02 pm UTC

Piling on the support Aaeriele. Best wishes from D.C

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Sun Sep 04, 2011 1:15 am UTC

Cross-posting from Google Plus for those who aren't on there...

Update from Amber (dictation taken by Ben): Yesterday they took out the IV hookup in her left hand, since there was some kind of problem with it (apparently). Today, they decided to set up a new IV hookup in her right hand for the rest of her stay. It hurt worse than anything else has so far, and she's understandably not at all pleased about it. Plus, now both her hands are sore, hence why I'm typing this. Thankfully, only 1-1.5 more days in the hospital.
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Van » Sun Sep 04, 2011 8:24 am UTC

Good luck with healing Aaeriele!

If you guys are going to go to Bangkok for sightseeing or anything, we should totally meet up for lunch.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby The EGE » Sun Sep 04, 2011 1:23 pm UTC

It's Van! We missed you!
sillybear25 wrote:But it's NPH, so it's creepy in the best possible way.

Shivahn wrote:I'm in your abstractions, burning your notions of masculinity.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby zombie_monkey » Sun Sep 04, 2011 3:02 pm UTC

Feddlefew wrote:
Shivahn wrote:
Feddlefew wrote:How should I explain to people the difference between Androgynous and Bisexual / Transsexual / Asexual? I don't care that I'm biologically female or being referred to as a she, but I have a hard time thinking of myself as a "girl" in the traditional sense.

I'm not quite sure I understand the question. Can you just define each one so that the difference is obvious? I mean, something along the lines of "bisexual people are attracted to people of both (binary) genders," and "androgynous people identify as neither strictly male or female," and so on?


That's what I usually do. There is probably a better word than androgynous, because I do identify as female (sex), just not as feminine or masculine (gender). The part that seems to throw people off is that I do not find other females physically attractive, while still finding males attractive.

It gets uncomfortable when you're one of two females in the room during a class discussion on the early feminist movement and the teacher asks you to provide a "woman's point of view" on something. Just because I am female does not mean I can give a perspective on how women approach every day life. :?

That's me, except I am male and cissexual rather than female and cissexual. But I don't identify with a gender. I find the term agendered
useful. I mostly like to hang out with gay girls (EDIT: and I mean as a subset of people, not of girls) and haven't had a straight girlfriend since once in high
school ten years ago, only bi. My presentation is pretty conventionally male.
Last edited by zombie_monkey on Mon Sep 05, 2011 2:21 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Sun Sep 04, 2011 7:26 pm UTC

Yay for being almost out of the hospital!

And hey Van!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NecklaceOfShadow » Mon Sep 05, 2011 6:10 am UTC

Hey-la.

My school (and most other schools, I'm sure, but I don't care about them) has a nice system in which any books not in the bookstore that one might want to buy, one can special order them. The typical thing is one book for you, one for the general shelves. They have a sizeable shelf of books on literary and societal feminist criticism, but as far as I can see, they're mostly centered around cis women. I'd really like to start reading farther into formal gender studies and criticism, so I'd appreciate suggestions on authors and works to request from them.

(Also, I'm sorry if this makes no sense at all. It's midnight and I'm tired and bah excuses and post~! the stream will be broken, I swear, by the button of teh posts!)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Mon Sep 05, 2011 10:06 am UTC

NecklaceOfShadow wrote:I'd really like to start reading farther into formal gender studies and criticism, so I'd appreciate suggestions on authors and works to request from them.

http://www.amazon.com/Delusions-Gender-Society-Neurosexism-Difference/dp/0393068382
and
http://www.amazon.com/Whipping-Girl-Transsexual-Scapegoating-Femininity/dp/1580051545
are probably the most commonly suggested works for such. Beyond that I don't really have any other good book recommendations yet.

======================================================================

Unrelated to above, status update for those not in my G+ circle for these (spoilered if there are any folks who don't like TMI stuff):

Spoiler:
Back at the hotel now after leaving the hospital around 1pm.

After we got back and got the things we had taken to the hospital squared away (well, more like Ben got them squared away and I sat and watched), I took a nap for a bit (oh glorious hotel bed, you are so much nicer than a hospital bed) while Ben ran to the 7-11 for some foodstuffs.

Right around when he got back (with yummy ham and cheese croissant, among other things), it was time for my second dilation. That went off without any real hitch (sessions take about 40-50 minutes - a few minutes prep, 30 minutes dialating, then another few minutes pack/cleanup).

Also notified the hotel front desk about the fact that our hotel shower seems to have some plumbing issues; it's lacking any significant water pressure, and there doesn't seem to be any significant cold water flow. Someone is supposed to be coming up in about 5 minutes to take a look at it.


Overall, things are going pretty good:

Image
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon Sep 05, 2011 10:24 am UTC

\o/

How do you feel?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Mon Sep 05, 2011 2:07 pm UTC

If you can read and make sense of authors like Sartre, Husserl, Nietzsche, Baudrillard, Derrida and etc, then you might consider reading Judith Butler, specifically Gender Trouble. Otherwise I second the Whipping Girl recommendation.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Tue Sep 06, 2011 12:35 am UTC

Monika wrote:How do you feel?


Tends to vary a lot between fairly good, slightly uncomfortable, drowsy, or exhausted.
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Tue Sep 06, 2011 5:52 am UTC

Aaeriele wrote:Tends to vary a lot between fairly good, slightly uncomfortable, drowsy, or exhausted.

I guess that's tolerable, considering that you've just been through major surgery.

I've made you a little virtual present to commemorate this special moment in your life. I hope you like it.

Image

(Rendered using POV-Ray, and post processed using GIMP).

* hugs *

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Tue Sep 06, 2011 9:32 am UTC

Haha, thanks! ^_^ (Though I'm more of a lip gloss than lipstick gal, myself. ;))
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Tue Sep 06, 2011 10:16 am UTC

Aaeriele wrote:Haha, thanks! ^_^ (Though I'm more of a lip gloss than lipstick gal, myself. ;))

I've tried lip gloss a few times, but I still prefer lipstick; I guess I'm a bit old-fashioned when it comes to feminine things. :) FWIW, I'm currently wearing Maybelline mascara & nail polish.

I created that lipstick model a few years ago. I originally intended to make a whole set of cosmetics, but I never got around to it... I think it would be a bit difficult to accurately model that lip gloss tube in POV-Ray, and engraving a name onto a plastic lip gloss tube wouldn't have the same effect. :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Glmclain » Tue Sep 06, 2011 12:27 pm UTC

---
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sarr » Thu Sep 08, 2011 2:07 am UTC

Went to the LGBT club on campus' first meeting today. We did an interesting icebreaker (go around, tell your name, year, labels, pronouns, and if your orgasm were a food, what would it be), and then talked about the club. It really made me realize how much differently I treat the two queer aspects of my life - pansexuality and transgenderism. The first I had no trouble announcing in front of a room of people, but I could only bring myself to say that I had no idea which pronouns I prefer. Have to work on that. Other than that, it looks quite awesome, and I should actually be able to go to meetings this year, which makes me happy.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Thu Sep 08, 2011 1:06 pm UTC

[redacted] wrote:Without saying too much... another person on my team just went full time today as a girl ^_^


Hurray! :)
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby AnnaArmour » Thu Sep 08, 2011 3:54 pm UTC

Sarr wrote:Went to the LGBT club on campus' first meeting today. We did an interesting icebreaker (go around, tell your name, year, labels, pronouns, and if your orgasm were a food, what would it be), and then talked about the club. It really made me realize how much differently I treat the two queer aspects of my life - pansexuality and transgenderism. The first I had no trouble announcing in front of a room of people, but I could only bring myself to say that I had no idea which pronouns I prefer. Have to work on that. Other than that, it looks quite awesome, and I should actually be able to go to meetings this year, which makes me happy.


Sounds awesome :D I just moved to Kansas City, and there's this LGBTQ youth group called Passages. It seems like a good way to make some friends, but I'm having trouble working up the courage to go.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sarr » Thu Sep 08, 2011 4:39 pm UTC

AnnaArmour wrote:Sounds awesome :D I just moved to Kansas City, and there's this LGBTQ youth group called Passages. It seems like a good way to make some friends, but I'm having trouble working up the courage to go.

It wasn't easy. I was nervous and freaking out, and when they announced the icebreaker (specifically the pronouns part) I was like "ohgod I should leave", but it was pretty rewarding to stick through it. It's one place where people are seriously not going to judge you - people there have the same issues, the same apprehension, the same everything that you do. I hope you work up the courage soon.
Rakysh wrote:Basically, xkcd is basically for punching into submission the dumb frat guy in your brain.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Thu Sep 08, 2011 5:39 pm UTC

I am curious which foods people used.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby meridian » Thu Sep 08, 2011 5:46 pm UTC

Me too!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Bassoon » Thu Sep 08, 2011 6:03 pm UTC

Yay, more people with the same lack of courage to go to a pride meeting!

At my campus, they had a student groups fair, and I was busy with classes through most of it. But I found the time to go over to the LGBTQ group table and at least take a pen and say a few words to the person at the table. Granted, none of them were anything about the group, but I still feel like I accomplished something...right?

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sarr » Thu Sep 08, 2011 6:07 pm UTC

There were a lot of different things. Peaches and cream, chocolate-covered strawberries, a nice juicy hot dog. Sadly, I can't remember some of the best ones (often because they were contextual to the person), but a couple of my favorites were "semen", and "a big Stromboli with lots of meat in it. Because I'm all about the meat." I personally went with hot chocolate with a shot of amaretto.
Rakysh wrote:Basically, xkcd is basically for punching into submission the dumb frat guy in your brain.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Fri Sep 09, 2011 2:14 pm UTC

Feminist Blog Outs Trans Women, Posts Pictures
I saw the toxic WBW radical feminist bullshit entry that QT talks about last night. She posted pictures, full names of trans women supposedly who had been to MWMF. Since womyn-born=womyn policy is no longer the official line of the festival, there were trans women who did attend. This is the first time I've seen someone essentially create a hit list of trans women, publicly shaming them, calling them men, accusing them of infiltrating the festival and outright lying.

It's fucking disgusting.

I hope that at least wordpress does something, if not, maybe a legal campaign can be taken against the blogger in question. Probably not.

Fucking disgusting.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri Sep 09, 2011 2:32 pm UTC

:shock:
This is horrible :?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby doogly » Fri Sep 09, 2011 2:50 pm UTC

Ugh. Didn't these people get the memo that they were supposed to just be straw, and not actually exist? That is awful.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby TaintedDeity » Fri Sep 09, 2011 3:53 pm UTC

I... fucking hell. I mean, even if you were of the opinion that those women aren't women because they weren't born like it or whatever, surely there's a point where you stop and think "You know, that's be a MASSIVE fucking douche move; I don't think I'll name them publicly like some kind of hitlist."
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri Sep 09, 2011 4:12 pm UTC

Unrelated:

Culture Drives Gender Gap in Spatial Abilities, Study Finds
I knew that girls/women score as high as boys/men in math tests when it is made sure not to inform them that this is a test that compares female to male math abilities and that the gender is not requested on the test form until after the test is taken ... except for spatial reasoning. 3D movements were still done better by the boys/men. So it seemed like lower average car parking skills were genetic.
But this study establishes a firm cultural link between patriarchy and lower female spatial reasoning skills.
- Two tribes, close to each other, one patrilineal and one matrilineal.
- 1,279 participants ... that should be a sufficiently large sample size.
- Task: complete a four-piece puzzle of a horse while being timed. Who was faster than 30 seconds got money.
- "In the patrilineal Karbi tribe, men completed the puzzle 36 percent faster than women. But in the matrilineal Khasi tribe, women and men were equally good at their task."
- "education ... play[s] a role. In the patrilineal tribe, men receive about 3.5 years more education than women, while men and women in the matrilineal tribes are equally educated. Controlling for education shrank the gender gap by a third"
- "family structure ... play[s] a role. [...] Despite the patriarchal structure of the Karbi tribe, some women are in charge of land and money when there aren't any sons in the family. So Hoffman compared households where women had ownership with ones that men owned outright. Again, he found that when women's financial power at home goes up, the gender gap shrinks by a third. It's possible that women who are better at spatial reasoning get put in charge more often, Hoffman said, but it might also be that living in a less unequal household boosts spatial reasoning skills."

I find this quite fascinating. I can see how the spatial reasoning difference could be caused culturally in our "Western" cultures: too much playing with dolls, too little playing with wooden and plastic bricks. But the study indicates that this is not the reason at all, or at least not all or most of the reason. How can being the household owner/leader / financially responsible person lead to increased spatial reasoning? Maybe the functionality for decision making and the functionality for moving objects in 3D are linked in the brain? So that people who need to make decisions often become better in 3D movements?
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sophyturtle
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby sophyturtle » Fri Sep 09, 2011 4:22 pm UTC

wow so gross.
I want to get to a place where I am neither conforming nor rebelling but simply being.


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