[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sat Sep 17, 2011 9:05 am UTC

Kilroy(ZTC) wrote:I sent off the FBI packet with the cover sheet that was linked a few posts ago. I'll be sending off the CBI one in another couple of weeks. Hopefully all goes well. I can't believe my nerves got the better of me for over a year. I thought I was over that.

Good luck.

natashatasha wrote:I told my mother about being transexual and she didn't care at all. I hadn't expected her to react badly but still ... she just took in stride like I was telling her about the weather. She even asked me if I was considering getting SRS casually. After all the horrible things I've heard about people coming out to their family, and how nervous I was, this made tears come to my eyes.

Wow, your mom is cool. :D
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Sat Sep 17, 2011 3:46 pm UTC

natashatasha wrote:I told my mother about being transexual and she didn't care at all. I hadn't expected her to react badly but still ... she just took in stride like I was telling her about the weather. She even asked me if I was considering getting SRS casually. After all the horrible things I've heard about people coming out to their family, and how nervous I was, this made tears come to my eyes.

Josephine wrote:That's great news!

It's been a while since I posted in here. Been on hormones since May. I'm extremely happy with it. They are the more expensive imported ones, but I don't mind doing that, for now anyway. My mom's even been buying refills for me. Things are looking up.


Both of these things are awesome. I'm so glad for you guys!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Sun Sep 18, 2011 12:17 pm UTC

more yay :)
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afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sun Sep 18, 2011 12:32 pm UTC

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Sun Sep 18, 2011 2:21 pm UTC

I'm having a hard time balancing school with work. On the one hand, I'm taking 5 classes this semester and it would really hurt if I lost my 4.0 GPA. On the other, I am saving up eagerly for a new motorcycle in spring. I'm looking at a Ninja 250r, since it is affordable to buy (msrp = $4k), insure (<$300/yr), and ride (60-70mpg), and will still go fast enough to make it worthy on the highway, and I just... I would almost be willing to graduate with a 3.x just for the sake of getting back on a bike again. That's probably horribly stupid and immature, but... ;_; ... I need a bike so bad...
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Sun Sep 18, 2011 3:11 pm UTC

Kilroy(ZTC) wrote:I'm having a hard time balancing school with work. On the one hand, I'm taking 5 classes this semester and it would really hurt if I lost my 4.0 GPA. On the other, I am saving up eagerly for a new motorcycle in spring. I'm looking at a Ninja 250r, since it is affordable to buy (msrp = $4k), insure (<$300/yr), and ride (60-70mpg), and will still go fast enough to make it worthy on the highway, and I just... I would almost be willing to graduate with a 3.x just for the sake of getting back on a bike again. That's probably horribly stupid and immature, but... ;_; ... I need a bike so bad...


4.0 GPAs are massively overrated. I am saying this quite seriously.

If it will hurt because you'll feel bad about it, then that's one thing, but if you're just doing it for potential benefits in what others see in it... yeah. 4.0 GPAs are massively overrated.
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby podbaydoor » Sun Sep 18, 2011 3:26 pm UTC

Do your scholarships depend on 4.0, though?
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
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a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Sun Sep 18, 2011 3:33 pm UTC

podbaydoor wrote:Do your scholarships depend on 4.0, though?


True, that is one factor that had slipped my mind. Though in my experience (which is limited, but not nonexistent), most scholarships that require maintenance of a GPA do not require a 4.0, but usually something more like a 3.0 (or even just a passing 2.0).
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Sun Sep 18, 2011 11:19 pm UTC

My scholarships require a 3.25. Also, I know 4.0's are overrated in general, but a few things:

1. I want to transfer to CU next fall, which is a pretty good school. I didn't graduate high school and only have a GED aside from the college experience, so the college experience needs to stand out as immaculate.
2. Being visibly transgender puts me at a disadvantage in finding employment which a 4.0 might offset at least slightly.

The scholarships I am currently getting won't follow me to 4 year, and I have so many credits right now that unless I get D's in all of my classes it is literally impossible for it to drop below the scholarship requirement. Still, I have made it more than halfway through my program with straight A's, and I feel like it would be a waste to slack off at this point. That plus general paranoia dictates that a 4.0 is a serious obligation for me. I have two different classes that I am currently borderline on getting an A in if I were to continue to work at my present rate. Looking over my finances again I should be able to afford the bike even if I dial back on work a bit. I was kind of hoping to be able to afford a cheap car for winter also (Festivas seem to go for $800 consistently), but oh well. I guess that will be what gets sacrificed to make everything happen. That plus assorted other feel-good expenses like games and occasional eating out. I can start living the high life once I've graduated CC and can get decent quality summer jobs, I guess.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Thu Sep 22, 2011 7:22 am UTC

DBC and I are now safely back in San Francisco; the trip was relatively uneventful.



Also, @ Kilroy[ZTC]: Being overly stressed can offset things in a subtle but often much more broad fashion, so take that into your considerations as well - if hitting a certain goal like saving up for that motorbike would help your stress levels a bunch, the reduced stress may counterbalance a lot.
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Thu Sep 22, 2011 9:15 am UTC

@Kilroy(ZTC): To me the logical thing seems to be to work a bit less now, finish with 4.0 or as close to it as possible, get a good summer job (hopefully better paying with the associates degree (?) you have then) and buy the motorcycle in August instead of April.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Thu Sep 22, 2011 9:38 am UTC

Aaeriele wrote:DBC and I are now safely back in San Francisco; the trip was relatively uneventful.

Oh, good. I trust that you are both well, and that you are pleased with your new "plumbing". :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby animeHrmIne » Thu Sep 22, 2011 1:06 pm UTC

PM 2Ring wrote:
Aaeriele wrote:DBC and I are now safely back in San Francisco; the trip was relatively uneventful.

Oh, good. I trust that you are both well, and that you are pleased with your new "plumbing". :)

I keep trying to "Like" things but this isn't Tumblr. I'm happy you're home safe. ^_^
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Thu Sep 22, 2011 4:06 pm UTC

Aaeriele wrote:DBC and I are now safely back in San Francisco; the trip was relatively uneventful.

Welcome home!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Thu Sep 22, 2011 5:34 pm UTC

Monika wrote:@Kilroy(ZTC): To me the logical thing seems to be to work a bit less now, finish with 4.0 or as close to it as possible, get a good summer job (hopefully better paying with the associates degree (?) you have then) and buy the motorcycle in August instead of April.


I would only have it for 5 months of riding season at most if I did that (probably more like 3.5). How about I work less now but rely on the summer job to pay the increase in monthly financing? That makes more sense. And yeah, pretty sure I'm going to scale work back to just weekends. At any rate, I am committed to showing up for my first day at CU on a motorcycle (although I wonder how parking will work...)

Edit: Also, tracking confirms that my background check documents were delivered to the FBI on the 16th, so the name change thing is now full steam ahead.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Fri Sep 23, 2011 8:30 am UTC

I can't believe how cowardly I am. I wanted to ask the hairdresser for a more effeminate haircut — but I didn't. I went to Big W specifically to buy a hair-removal cream for my chest, arms and legs (unfortunately I'm rather hairy) — but I walked out empty-handed. I was going to make an appointment with the university counsellor, to see if they could recommend a support group or a psychiatrist (I am hoping eventually to take hormones) — but I gave up after finding it would take a whole phone-call. I meant to tell my father and brother than I'm a woman — but I shied away at the last moment, and am now several hundred kilometres away.

I am so pathetic, I don't think I'll ever work up the courage to present as female, and it's killing me. The only relief I get is practising my voice and even that sounds male. I am just so close to tears right now that I had to get this off my chest.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Fri Sep 23, 2011 9:58 am UTC

*hugs* natashatasha.

I'm sure lots of us here know exactly what you're talking about. It can be frustrating & depressing.
Perhaps you'd find it less nerve-wracking to go shopping with a friend. Do you have any girl friends who know about you being trans? Generally speaking, women seem to cope with friends being trans better than men do (although of course there are always exceptions). And non-family members will usually have a different attitude to family members. If you can find a friend to go shopping with it will boost your confidence, and fun for both of you.

Hair removal creams can be very effective, but they contain very potent chemicals. You're supposed to test them on small areas a day or so to check for allergic reactions, etc, before you use them on a large scale. And I definitely wouldn't recommend using them to remove all unwanted body hair in one go, definitely not on your first session. So don't feel too bad about chickening out on buying some.

Another option you might want to try is dry shaving, using baby powder for a lubricant.
Spoiler:
From leg shaving/my legs
Robin Leigh wrote:Rapid Body Shaving

Introduction

I've seen a few posts recently regarding body hair removal, so I
thought I should pass on a great method that was taught to me by a
sympathetic girlfriend 20 years ago. My body hair is fine but wiry
(I don't take hormones) and this method should work on all body
hair, no matter how long it is, although I do not advise its use on the beard.

The secret is dry shaving, with a modified single-blade disposable
razor, using talcum powder as a 'lubricant'.

The razor is modified by removing the safety guard. Thus there is
nowhere that the hair can get caught, clogging the blade.

Now don't get alarmed! This isn't as dangerous as it may sound,
since you aren't putting the razor on wet skin. You do have to be
careful at first, of course, until your razor handling 'instincts'
have become 'reprogrammed'.

Safety guard removal may not be totally necessary if you have very
fine and sparse body hair, or are just doing a quick touch-up, but
once the guard is gone there can be no clogging of the blade. As we
all well know, unclogging the blade is normally tedious and slows
down the whole body shaving process. Eliminating this task makes
body shaving less tedious as well as much faster.

Razor modification

I use a simple razor - fancy gel strips are definitely not wanted in
this application! Any plain razor can be used, but I often use "Bic
for Sensitive Skin", which come in a reasonably large pack size.
Very cheap razors have thinner and thus weaker blades, so these are
best avoided, especially if you have tough hair.

The safety guard rail can be removed using a variety of techniques.
With some brands, wire cutters or other small snippers can be used.
Most brands are best modified using a mini hacksaw or a small coping
saw.

Cut the guard rail as close to its end supports as possible, taking
care to not actually damage the supports or the blade itself. When
you have cut through the guard rail at both ends, it will still be
attached to the razor head by several thin pieces of plastic.

Pliers can be used to separate the guard rail from the razor head by
grabbing the guard rail (with the pliers!) at each attachment point
and twisting it gently back and forth. Once again, be careful not
to damage the blade. I'm not very mechanically skilled myself, but
I can modify two or three razors in a couple of minutes, without
damaging the razors or my fingers. Usually.

The Method

1. Have a quick bath or shower. This softens the hair, and removes
dead skin, sweat and excess body oils. Dry shaving rarely causes
shaving rash but if you're susceptible, use an antibacterial soap or
similar.

2. Allow your body to dry completely before liberally applying
talcum powder (baby powder) to the regions you intend to shave. I
normally lay out several sheets of newspaper to catch all the talc
and hair. Make sure you cover all areas well, you can always apply
more talc if you need it.

3. Shave the areas of softest hair and softest skin first. This
will help keep the blade sharp. I normally work in this order:
upper part of both legs, lower part of legs, knees and then feet.
Then I take a fresh blade for my arms, hands, chest and underarms.
Try to shave in the direction of hair growth to prevent ingrown
hairs.

4. Since there is no guard on the modified razor, you will have to
be careful at first with the angle of the razor, but it will soon
become second nature, and the guard rail supports will help guide
you and will also prevent most bad cuts from occurring. The
guardless razor is much more manoeuverable than normal razors and
can get to tricky spots that are normally a pain to remove all hair
from.

5. The blade can't become clogged with hair, but talc can build up
behind the blade. A quick tap of the side of the razor head on any
hard surface will generally remove this unwanted talc.

6. When finished, bathe to remove all the talc etc, from your body,
and apply something antibacterial to prevent shaving rash and
ingrown hairs. I use (and recommend) Australian Tea Tree oil
solution.

Summary

Other advantages of dry shaving include:

* Talc is cheaper than shaving creams and gels.
* It's easier to see hairs through talc than through foam.
* No sitting or standing in wet bathrooms for ages.
* No steam, so short-sighted people can shave wearing their glasses!
* Dry shaving can give a closer shave than wet shaving.
Sometimes dry shaving will fail to remove some very fine hairs.
This is no big deal though, since it makes re-growth look more natural.

I hope this information is of use to someone out there.
All comments welcome.

---------------------------------------------------------------

This document is freely distributable and translatable.
Last edited by PM 2Ring on Mon Mar 05, 2012 3:59 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Vaniver » Fri Sep 23, 2011 2:24 pm UTC

I can't tell the difference between dry shaving and using a straight razor. Does wet vs. dry lubrication make that much of a difference?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Fri Sep 23, 2011 4:19 pm UTC

natashatasha wrote:I can't believe how cowardly I am. I wanted to ask the hairdresser for a more effeminate haircut — but I didn't. I went to Big W specifically to buy a hair-removal cream for my chest, arms and legs (unfortunately I'm rather hairy) — but I walked out empty-handed. I was going to make an appointment with the university counselor, to see if they could recommend a support group or a psychiatrist (I am hoping eventually to take hormones) — but I gave up after finding it would take a whole phone-call. I meant to tell my father and brother than I'm a woman — but I shied away at the last moment, and am now several hundred kilometers away.

I am so pathetic, I don't think I'll ever work up the courage to present as female, and it's killing me. The only relief I get is practicing my voice and even that sounds male. I am just so close to tears right now that I had to get this off my chest.
I know how you feel, and have done that many times.
Before I started presenting as female full time, I went to the hairdresser a few times with the intent on asking for a "feminine" cut, and not saying a word. I've chickened out on getting clothes, makeup, and other things as well. It's hard.

But, if you want it, you can do it. It just take time.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zeroignite » Fri Sep 23, 2011 4:31 pm UTC

Something I found useful when coming out to people I was nervous about was to tell them beforehand "There's something I'd like to talk to you about." It's marginally easier than saying "I'm trans" directly but essentially doesn't allow run-hiding as an option anymore, so you self-commit to it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Sat Sep 24, 2011 12:43 am UTC

Prefacing it is good, but it's also good to keep it simple when you first come out. If you try to prepare some perfect speech that captures every facet of your thoughts and feelings on the subject, you'll end up choking. Two or three words should be sufficient. Or two or three words per sentence. After doing that a few times it starts to get easier.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Sat Sep 24, 2011 1:29 am UTC

Attention people who may be nervous about going to buy skirts but really want one: I have one long swishy colourful skirt left!

Here's me (awkwardly) modeling my skirt, which looks exactly like the one I have available. Yes, I have two of the same skirt. I wanted one, and I figured someone else would like the other one. (Modeled awkwardly because I'm leaning forward to blindly aim the camera at my legs. >.<)

Spoiler:
butterfly_skirt.jpg

It will fit a waist of about 26 inches up to 36 or 38 inches, or maybe a touch bigger if you don't mind it tight. It's 35 inches long and puffs out a little bit when you twirl in it. :D Made of rayon.

I'll ship it free. The purchase price is one donation by you to a worthy cause, plus one pic of you in the skirt when you get it (if you're comfortable with that).
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Sat Sep 24, 2011 2:45 am UTC

Thank you all for your words of support. Prefacing like you suggest, Zeroignite & Kilroy, is how I told my friends, although I chickened out on actually telling them by linking them to this thread. It's just so much easier to tell people who are hundreds of kilometres away than to tell them to their face. I suppose I need to face up to it eventually, I just know my father is going to be really worried for me no matter how he takes it.

PM 2Ring, I do not have any female friends ... here at uni, I have two friends and two other people I speak to, and I'm quite sure none of them enjoy shopping in the slightest. Thank you for your advice on shaving too, I shall have to try it, although in truth I've never used a razor before in my life (either straight-edge or safety), just my old electric one which is about as good at shaving as a pair of scissors.
I am the way into the doleful city. I am the way into eternal grief. I am the way to a forsaken race ... You who enter here, abandon all hope.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby TaintedDeity » Sat Sep 24, 2011 1:41 pm UTC

poxic, I love that you're offering an alternative option for people who migt have trouble going out and buying skirts for themselves. It's good of you :)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Sat Sep 24, 2011 6:11 pm UTC

'Twasn't my idea, originally. It began via PM as a half-joke about an airlift of skirts. :D
In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
- Albert Schweitzer, philosopher, physician, musician, Nobel laureate (14 Jan 1875-1965)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Sat Sep 24, 2011 6:16 pm UTC

It's an awesome thing to do!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sarr » Sat Sep 24, 2011 8:25 pm UTC

Indeed it is. <3
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sun Sep 25, 2011 9:43 pm UTC

Stuff ahead mostly not particularly relevant to this thread.

My grandmother's sister died. I do not know my other grandparents' siblings, but I was close with this greataunt. She had no partner and no children. The funeral was on Friday.
It was the first funeral I attended. When my grandfather died 20 years ago, our parents did not let me and my siblings attend because there were like 200 non-family members present, because he was a professor. When my greatgrandmother died 10 years ago, I could not attend because of uni.
It was a nice. The funeral itself was sad but nice. And during the rest of the time it was like a nice family meeting. Even my mom was there and kinda cheerful and talked to family members, which she usually doesn't do (except to me and my siblings).
I was surprised that it was a religious funeral with a priest and in a small chapel on the cemetery. I know everybody in my grandparents' generation was baptized. But they never attended church and said they do not believe in God (like the majority of East Germans).
This leaves me to wonder what non-religious funerals are done like. What my parents' funerals will be like (how we should arrange them) ... what mine will be like.
What was not fun was going through her apartment. Her last wish was that her things not be thrown away as far as possible, but shared among the family.

Others seem more affected by her death than me. Everybody cried more intensively and more often. What is wrong with me? :( I was only able to cry during the sad organ music in the chapel. I guess that is what it is for, being able to center on the sad feelings.
When my greatgrandmother died I had only been able to feel the sadness months later. But there I had been expecting her death, I had visited her at the hospital and it was sure she would die soon. So I thought the lack of being able to feel the sadness directly after her death was because it was no surprise. But this time I had no idea how ill my greataunt really was. I knew she had heart surgery, but I thought it was not something really major ... just a new bypass, something most people survive.

The next part is about clothes. Spoilered for useless whininess. :? (Note: I do not know the English words for most clothes and shoes, I look them up in dictionaries, so maybe I get them wrong.)
Spoiler:
So I had put on a black skirt (one of the two I have had longer) and a nice black top and new shoes I had recently bought online and I felt reasonably pretty and dressed appropriately. Things I learned on Friday:
- Apparently mid-height shoes with shoelaces should not be worn with skirts; doing this looks hick.
- Socks should not be worn with skirts, either. Instead pantyhoses or stockings are required. I don't have such things.
- Redbrown shoes do not go with black skirts.
- Redbrown shoes should not be worn to funerals. That's the one thing where I say I should have figured that out myself, that funerals require black shoes.
- Even my little brother (who wears no skirts) and my sister's boyfriend (who only wears a cargo skirt) knew this stuff.
My mom and sister went to buy black open shoes and stockings with me. (They wanted to go for pantyhoses but I said no to that.)
I suggested leggings. A lot of women here wear skirts with leggings. My sister says:
- Leggings are to be worn with short skirts, not with long skirts.
- Leggings should only be worn by thin women. (My sister is also overweight.)
There goes my plan to wear leggings with my recently online bought short skirts and dresses. :?
I put on one of those dresses on Saturday, a darkblue one. Over my jeans pants. I had been worried about that combination because nobody seems to wear this together, except the guy with the skirt at my booth on the Linuxtag; or maybe it was not jeans but a different kind of pants, I did not pay that much attention then. My sister wears dresses with pants sometimes, but not jeans pants, but a thin kind of cloth.
- My sister commented "nice top". I said it's not a top, it's a dress (it's even one of the medium-long ones, about to my knees). But she said: "but you wear it as a top". Okay. But apparently this is not a terrible faux pas then, at least in her eyes. That's good.
- She said: "A bit too blue, though." Oh well, whatever. I don't care. I bought mostly colorful skirts and dresses. I like these right now.

Anyway. This reality is too complicated for me. Can I restart and play at a lower level?

On Friday at the restaurant after the funeral I got the idea I should take this possibility and tell my mom that I am bi (my sister and brother already know). We went outside to the car together to exchange things. But then too many people, more distant family members, were around on the parking lot. And I did not want them to overhear the conversation. Another time.
During the supper something else happened. My sister asked our mom if she was currently dating a man. Mom said she needs no man anymore. Then my sister asked if she's dating a woman :D . Heh. I had imagined the conversation before (the question was prone to come up eventually). But I had imagined to ask this then.
Last edited by Monika on Sun Sep 25, 2011 11:20 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby bluebambue » Sun Sep 25, 2011 9:58 pm UTC

You shouldn't feel bad that you didn't cry more. You mourn your great aunt in you own way.

Spoilered for fashion advice
Spoiler:
I would agree with most of that fashion advice, except for "leggings are only for skinny people." I think that as long as the leggings fit correctly, then they look good on any weight. The problem is that most of the leggings I have tried on are made for people who don't have curvy legs.* I have very curvy legs and have trouble finding leggings that both aren't too tight around my calf and aren't baggy around my knee.

*I am not using curvy as a euphemism for overweight here. I actually mean curvy.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Sun Sep 25, 2011 10:03 pm UTC

Firstly, I'm sorry for your loss. This in particular, though, jumped out at me:

Monika wrote:Others seem more affected by her death than me. Everybody cried more intensively and more often. What is wrong with me? :( I was only able to cry during the sad organ music in the chapel. I guess that is what it is for, being able to center on the sad feelings.


People experience grief differently. There's nothing wrong with you. Please accept that! You're an awesome person and don't doubt that because of how you cried at the funeral.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sun Sep 25, 2011 11:23 pm UTC

Thank you.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Boris Veganofsky » Tue Sep 27, 2011 2:53 am UTC

I'm late to the party, but all my congratulations go to Aaeriele. All of them.

Monika, there is nothing wrong with you. Grief is a complex process. When my grandmother unexpectedly died I did not cry for a long time, then months later, out of nowhere I felt overwhelmingly sad and frustrated.

I came out as pansexual in meatspace for the first time. My friend's reaction was: *high five* "Me too". <3

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby animeHrmIne » Tue Sep 27, 2011 3:24 am UTC

Awesome, Boris! That hasn't quite happened to me yet, the general reaction is usually "What the hell is that" followed by "Oh, cool, whatever".

Also, something I found on Tumblr that seems to be pretty fucking cool.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Tue Sep 27, 2011 5:24 am UTC

* big hugs * for Monika.

Monika wrote:The funeral itself was sad but nice. And during the rest of the time it was like a nice family meeting. Even my mom was there and kinda cheerful and talked to family members, which she usually doesn't do (except to me and my siblings).

Excellent.

Monika wrote:Others seem more affected by her death than me. Everybody cried more intensively and more often. What is wrong with me? :( I was only able to cry during the sad organ music in the chapel. I guess that is what it is for, being able to center on the sad feelings.

There's nothing wrong with you, Monika. People experience a whole spectrum of feelings at funerals. A lot of the males in my family have a weird tendency to giggle at funerals, but we try to keep it under control so we don't offend others who are in a more sombre mood. I've attended many funerals. Sometimes the mood of sadness is just too intense, but often they are times of re-connection between family members and remembering all the positive qualities of the person who has died. In my experience, the best funerals are ones where there are a number of young children present who are fairly oblivious to it all - they remind us that life goes on.

Thanks for talking about the clothing stuff. It reminds us that people are not born with an innate fashion sense - it's something that has to be learned.



Wow!!! :D

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Tue Sep 27, 2011 9:14 am UTC

*Hugs Monika* There's nothing wrong with you, we all deal with our grief in our own way. You're a beautiful person, and don't deserve how hard you're being on yourself.

On an unrelated note, I finally gave into the chorus of demands from my friends over the past three years to see a counsellor today. She spent the entire time avoiding talking about how I'm a woman, opting for "have you considered that you have Asperger's instead?" Because clearly hating your fucking genitals is a symptom of Asperger's and has nothing to do with gender identity. It wouldn't be so bad if she were suggesting it aswell, but she kept suggesting it instead.
I am the way into the doleful city. I am the way into eternal grief. I am the way to a forsaken race ... You who enter here, abandon all hope.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Feddlefew » Tue Sep 27, 2011 12:47 pm UTC

natashatasha wrote:On an unrelated note, I finally gave into the chorus of demands from my friends over the past three years to see a counsellor today. She spent the entire time avoiding talking about how I'm a woman, opting for "have you considered that you have Asperger's instead?" Because clearly hating your fucking genitals is a symptom of Asperger's and has nothing to do with gender identity. It wouldn't be so bad if she were suggesting it aswell, but she kept suggesting it instead.


From my experience growing up in an area with an abnormal high* preportion of ASD kids, people with (noticable) AS tend to be at least somewhat androgynous and not care about their sex or other people's sex. You should find another counselor.

Edit: I'm not saying that you might not have AS, but that it's definetly not why you want to change your biological sex to match your sex. I'm sorry if that came out wrong, I'm still learning how to talk about transexuality. :oops:

---s
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Tue Sep 27, 2011 2:53 pm UTC

Yeah, new counselor time. Do you live in an urban area? If so, you should be able to do a google search for trans or LGBT friendly counselors in your area. If you don't, you may have to drive to find a good counselor.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Tue Sep 27, 2011 3:39 pm UTC

Copy-pasting this here for those who aren't on G+ (or who somehow slipped through my setting up the 'Thailand Status' circle):

Spoiler:
Alright, taking a page out of something +Fizz ., +Delirium Sama, and +Dan Boger have reminded me of/demonstrated to me in the recent past, and start this post with:

I'm fine.

Now that I've properly spoiled the ending to avoid any undue worry, we can get on to exactly how yesterday went - which was to say... "interesting." Specifically, I managed to spend a good portion of the day in the ER (after jumping through about 2 other clinics for, in hindsight, no good reason).

To explain a bit more: starting the night before surgery and continuing during the weeks of recovery thereafter in Thailand, I had been on a prescription of Xanax (1mg/day at bedtime) to help me be able to sleep smoothly et cetera. That prescription finished about a day after we returned to the US (by which point I'd been taking it for about 3.5 weeks).

Something to know about Xanax: it is one of the kinds of drugs that your body gradually adjusts to having in its system and thus compensates for - which means that it's also the kind of drug that is best only taken for short periods of time (which, theoretically, <4 weeks was), and gradually tapered back on (so that the body can re-adjust and re-compensate for the lowering presence of the drug).

As a result, when the prescription finished a day or so after we got back, and I essentially stopped taking them cold-turkey... bad stuff happened. Fairly severe withdrawal symptoms all over the place - lightheadedness, nausea, insomnia, gassiness, tiredness, and just generally feeling weak all around.

Didn't initially associate it with going off the Xanax, but after the symptoms persisted for a (rather tortuous) day or two, went digging/thinking about potential causes for how I was feeling and realized the correlation between stopping the prescription and the onset of the OMGPLEASESTOP.

Thankfully, one ER visit later, I now have a small temporary prescription for Ativan (another benzodiazepine, like Xanax) so that I can have something to slowly taper off of, while minimizing the withdrawal effect in the meantime.

While I sort of wish that the solution for withdrawal from a mind-altering drug wasn't "here, take this more different mind-altering drug, at least temporarily," I'm still glad that I now have a clear path to getting things completely fixed and back to a normal state.

And thank you, oh so much, to +Dan Boger for taking the morning (and then eventually, the rest of the day too) off work to get me to the care I needed.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Tue Sep 27, 2011 4:02 pm UTC

I am in an urban area, but I don't have any money (or a car, and public transport in Canberra is abhorrent) ... at present, I'm seeing the university counsellor, because it's free. I didn't want to go in the first place, and now that I've been I definitely don't want to go and be forced to pay for it.

And hugs for Aeriele.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Tue Sep 27, 2011 6:50 pm UTC

I keep losing hair and I can't stand it. I've been on hormones for two years, and at last checkup my levels were perfect. Why am I losing hair? This isn't fucking fair at all. It's kind of my biggest trigger and it keeps getting worse...
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