sambot5 wrote:I probably should talk to my friends about my sexuality, but I've always had problems with self-confidence and I'm worried that it would make for an awkward conversation. Also, I don't really talk about personal stuff to them that often, so I don't know how to bring up the topic.
"Hey, can we talk about something personal? It'll probably be really awkward. Saying no is okay." [It helps to mean the last part.]
sambot5 wrote:I don't know how to explain it to them. Also, what if this is just a phase and I turn out to be totally gay or totally straight? It's like, I don't feel 'gay' enough that another guy would ever want to date me, and I don't feel 'straight' enough that another girl would want to date me. I just feel lonely and that there's no one to talk about it amongst my friends and family.
"I'm attracted to both guys and girls now. I'm not sure if it'll settle one way or the other or if I'll stay flexible." [You may find a word besides 'flexible' to be more appropriate.]
Sexuality doesn't have to be part of your identity; it's not a major in college that you have to officially choose and then put in a form to change. If you're unsure about it, you're unsure about it, and you might as well present yourself that way.
As for what guys and girls are into- I think you'd be surprised at the variety of desires. I also expect that every gay guy has a story about the straight guy(s) he crushed on: you hardly have to be gay to receive male interest.
sambot5 wrote:I like watching those "it gets better" videos because they make me feel better, but I never feel like I'm their target audience
Emphasis mine. It's for you.
sambot5 wrote:Instead, I just wage this silent war with myself that I don't tell anyone about. I don't feel like I've experienced the adversity that others struggling with their sexuality have, I just feel sad and lonely.
Why compare adversity? Focus on your sadness and loneliness as what they are, not what they are in relation to others.