[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon May 07, 2012 10:29 am UTC

So cute <3

Oh by the way I have two girlfriends now. And on a recent weekend I went with my husband to a concert girlfriend 1 participated in so they got to meet. I had met her husband once before, also pretty recently.

With girlfriend 2 things are a bit different, I met her husband and her kids on the very first meeting.

The kids are not informed about the nature of our relationship/meetings, but kids are just too damned observing :D . "Mommy, why are you dressed up like this?"
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Amie » Mon May 07, 2012 2:37 pm UTC

"Hey it's lunch time and we have nothing substantial to talk about so let's do some gay bashing. People announcing publicly that they're gay is so weiiiiirddd, no?"

Every. Single. Time.

FML.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Mon May 07, 2012 2:42 pm UTC

Okay, booked another doctor's appointment for Monday ... hope everything goes well this time. I want to start HRT before my birthday.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon May 07, 2012 4:32 pm UTC

When's your birthday?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Mon May 07, 2012 7:18 pm UTC

Amie wrote:"Hey it's lunch time and we have nothing substantial to talk about so let's do some gay bashing. People announcing publicly that they're gay is so weiiiiirddd, no?"

Every. Single. Time.

FML.


Ugh, yeah. I hate that... because not only is it disrespectful, but it's made worse by the fact that they obviously assume everyone agrees with them.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Mon May 07, 2012 9:36 pm UTC

Monika wrote:When's your birthday?


In June, so another month and a half away.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Black Dynamite » Tue May 08, 2012 12:47 am UTC

I hope it goes well. I belieeeeeeeve in you!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Tue May 08, 2012 3:43 am UTC

* big hugs * to natashatasha, Shivahn, natraj, [redacted] & others going through problems with HRT & family acceptance.

sambot5 wrote:Argh! My brother outed me to my uncles! They were very accepting, but I wasn't ready to tell them yet.

I'm so angry at my brother. I thought I could trust him to wait for me to tell people, not have him blurt it out! What if he's told a bunch of other people?!

Oops! It can be scary when people out you without permission. *hugs* But don't be too hard on your brother: he probably thought he was being helpful. So rather than being angry with your brother gently explain to him why he can't out you without your explicit permission. When you're not out except to selected individuals you effectively drag them into the closet with you. That can put a lot of psychological pressure on them to keep your secret, and some people don't cope well with that pressure. Or they don't see it as the big deal that you do and feel that it's ok to tell others, since they believe that it's going to be common knowledge in the near future.


Aaeriele wrote:
Amie wrote:"Hey it's lunch time and we have nothing substantial to talk about so let's do some gay bashing. People announcing publicly that they're gay is so weiiiiirddd, no?"

Every. Single. Time.

FML.


Ugh, yeah. I hate that... because not only is it disrespectful, but it's made worse by the fact that they obviously assume everyone agrees with them.


The anti-gay sentiments are bad enough, but the accompanying smarmy self-righteousness really makes it unpleasant. While I don't like it one bit, I can kind of forgive people for feeling uncomfortable about gay stuff, as that's just an unfortunate result of their social conditioning, but it makes me angry when such people act as if they're defending traditional Family Values against the evil / immoral non-straight people.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Bassoon » Tue May 08, 2012 4:18 am UTC

Spoiler'd for my roommate's friends' terrible, terrible hate speech.

Spoiler:
I just spent a terrible hour with roommate and his vile friends. My roommate really isn't bad at all, but while they were playing video games, I heard so much nigger this and retard that, and of course the obligatory gay smears and stuff.


I'm so glad semester is almost over. One more week! And then I don't have to see these people ever again!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Tue May 08, 2012 4:13 pm UTC

I'm still a straight A student :3
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Роберт » Tue May 08, 2012 4:40 pm UTC

Brace wrote:I'm still a straight A student :3

w00t.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby XJ_0 » Tue May 08, 2012 9:47 pm UTC

Went to the NH DMV, to-day, because of a change of address.
Spoiler:
They used my old photo (which was taken when I had hardly begun T, and I look much different now). Also, I had altered my ID so that the sex marker was now "M," but they changed that back (without saying anything; am thankful for no confrontation). Am unhappy. v_v,

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Black Dynamite » Wed May 09, 2012 5:13 am UTC

I'm happy you didn't have to fight anyone over your ID, for any reason, but I'm sad it isn't how it should be. :(
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shro » Wed May 09, 2012 8:19 pm UTC

Obama's new stance on gay marriage
-Interview with Good Morning America will air Thursday

Breakdown of gay rights in the US by state
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Wed May 09, 2012 11:41 pm UTC



Now if only news sources would stop using 'gay' as a shorthand for anything not "hetero cis"...
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby eternauta3k » Thu May 10, 2012 8:08 pm UTC

Last edited by eternauta3k on Sun May 13, 2012 11:07 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Thu May 10, 2012 8:37 pm UTC

Part of me just thinks that Argentina will vote in favor of anything that costs money, but that is still amazing and wonderful.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Black Dynamite » Fri May 11, 2012 6:01 am UTC

Tom Gabel, the lead singer for a band called Against Me! came out as trans a few days ago. I think that's totally awesome, even though I've never listened to any of the band's music.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri May 11, 2012 6:27 pm UTC

Brace wrote:I'm still a straight A student :3

Yay! \o/ Congrats.


Totally awesome!

XJ_0 wrote:Went to the NH DMV, to-day, because of a change of address.
Spoiler:
They used my old photo (which was taken when I had hardly begun T, and I look much different now). Also, I had altered my ID so that the sex marker was now "M," but they changed that back (without saying anything; am thankful for no confrontation). Am unhappy. v_v,

That's mean :( . *hugs*

I had noticed a long time ago that German driver's licenses do not have gender markers, which is not so surprising, as they are not legal IDs. Mine doesn't even have my legal name, I wanted to change it after my marriage and they told me no, I don't have to do that. But only recently (like last week or so) I realized that German IDs also don't have a gender marker, after I read a German trans person writing about this. So we only have gender markers in passports. I googled some German birth certificates, some mention gender, some don't, apparently depending on the year of birth (some also mention the religion of the parents and the profession of the father ... yeah, the older ones), e.g. this one mentions no gender: http://www.saar-nostalgie.de/Bilder/Dok ... unde1a.jpg OTOH until very recently (2005 or so) it was legally required that children be given at least one name that is not genderneutral. And there must have been some other kind of register of the legal gender ... change of the first name with an exemption of matching the legal gender is done fairly early in transitioning in Germany, but the legal gender marker is only change in the end, according to what I read. (Since the beginning of last year surgery requirements were declared illegal by a higher court, finally.)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Amie » Sat May 12, 2012 4:32 am UTC

PM 2Ring wrote:
Aaeriele wrote:
Amie wrote:"Hey it's lunch time and we have nothing substantial to talk about so let's do some gay bashing. People announcing publicly that they're gay is so weiiiiirddd, no?"

Every. Single. Time.

FML.


Ugh, yeah. I hate that... because not only is it disrespectful, but it's made worse by the fact that they obviously assume everyone agrees with them.


The anti-gay sentiments are bad enough, but the accompanying smarmy self-righteousness really makes it unpleasant. While I don't like it one bit, I can kind of forgive people for feeling uncomfortable about gay stuff, as that's just an unfortunate result of their social conditioning, but it makes me angry when such people act as if they're defending traditional Family Values against the evil / immoral non-straight people.

Trouble is, I have to somehow find a way to be friends with them. I've just started this new job that couldn't get any better for me but I have to blend in and somehow tolerate these people.

In other news, the music webzine that I write for has told me that they'll put up the disclaimer that I proposed... they edited it a bit from what I'd given in initially but could some of you please take a look and let me know if anything should be changed? Here's the whole text:

“If you have the skills and the talent, we have the scope. Calling all writers, photographers, designers, developers and videographers to join our teams in Goa, Chennai, Delhi, Mumbai, Pune, Kolkata, Hyderabad and the North East.

What's the Scene does not discriminate on the basis of gender (or non-association with gender), class, race, sexual orientation or disability. We believe that any "handicap" only exists because people let it. We don't subscribe to conformist views and are open to innovation and creativity from anyone with the time and inclination.”
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PerchloricAcid » Sat May 12, 2012 11:39 pm UTC

Melissa is so amazing.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PerchloricAcid » Sat May 12, 2012 11:48 pm UTC

Monika wrote:Oh by the way I have two girlfriends now.

I reaaally don't mean to be rude, it's just very intriguing :)
How do you manage to do that? How did you end up in such a relationship with your husband?
That's completely wonderful :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Sun May 13, 2012 12:08 am UTC

Edit:
"The future is the only kind of property that the masters willingly concede to the slaves" - Albert Camus

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wednesday » Sun May 13, 2012 8:43 pm UTC

Whelp. A whole two years have passed since I've last posted here, and absolutely *nothing* about my sexuality has become more clear. What the fuck, brain. What the fuck.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sun May 13, 2012 10:05 pm UTC

PerchloricAcid wrote:
Monika wrote:Oh by the way I have two girlfriends now.

I reaaally don't mean to be rude, it's just very intriguing :)
How do you manage to do that? How did you end up in such a relationship with your husband?
That's completely wonderful :)

Considering how much I was fretting about how I could get a girlfriend having a husband, it was surprisingly trivial. There are loads full of beautiful bisexual women married to men / living together in a primary relationship with a man who are just waiting to date other bisexual women in the same situation. :D
I can't speak for all bisexual women, but just in my dating community this applies to about 80-90% or so of the women there. The other 10%-20% are mostly single bisexual women and a couple of lesbians who prefer to date bisexual women or are at least open to this idea.
(There are lesbian groups in this dating community, too. They put up a sign they don't want bisexual women :P . I guess what they mean is that they are looking for monogamous relationships.)
Oh and my husband simply is okay with it. Of the non-single women 90% told their male partner they are dating women and 10% kept it a secret. (For this we had a survey in the group.)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PerchloricAcid » Sun May 13, 2012 10:24 pm UTC

That's really interesting!
My boyfriend would very much not like me having other girlfriends (I'm a bi cis girl).

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wednesday » Sun May 13, 2012 10:37 pm UTC

Poly++ ?

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Cathy » Mon May 14, 2012 1:01 am UTC

Monika,

I'm a cis bi woman married to a man and I have a male lover. Poly++! I've had little success finding women interested in women... I am happy for your happiness!

As to how things end up this way, my hubby and I had been talking about my curiosity about poly for quite a while, and when an opportunity came up, I talked to him about it and he was great about it. The conclusion he came to was what makes me happy is what makes me happy! I do these things on my time, not in "us time" and I come back home to him. It's wonderful that he *trusts* me to come back home to him. Communication! Hubby and I talk about any new thing - going to a scary movie late night, I didn't want to drive home in the dark, so he decided it was okay with him to have me stay over with lover. Another time, I was at a party near lover's place and hubby decided that he'd be more comfortable driving me home. It does help that lover's moving out of the state in about 2 months. It gives it definite time limits. Lover's very determined to not fuck with my marriage and is good about communication and understanding.

I was pleasantly surprised by how well all this works out.

Uhm, sorry, I know this isn't a poly safespace! You guys are great and I hope you're happy!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Mon May 14, 2012 2:48 am UTC

Screw that. Poly is great. :D I'm much more ignorant and perhaps even bigoted about monogamy, particularly the state sanctioned variety.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Mon May 14, 2012 7:55 am UTC

Two things happened today. First, I bought a beautiful necklace/choker and it arrived:
Image
So that put me in a good mood ^_^

And then the doctor's appointment. First off, she had no idea what a trans woman was, so I explained it to her, and naturally she said it wasn't her field. Fair enough, we can't all be specialists in everything, so I asked if she could refer me to someone who could help, and she said she would try to find out.
She phones me an hour later, saying that there's absolutely no one in Canberra who can help me get HRT, and that I may be able to get help with 'someone Bennett' (her words, not mine) who used to work in Sydney.

Now I have absolutely no idea what to do, and feel lost. I was hoping to start HRT by my birthday, but now it looks like I won't be able to start it even this year if it's true :(
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby dragon » Mon May 14, 2012 12:42 pm UTC

natashatasha wrote:So that put me in a good mood ^_^

And then the doctor's appointment. First off, she had no idea what a trans woman was, so I explained it to her, and naturally she said it wasn't her field. Fair enough, we can't all be specialists in everything, so I asked if she could refer me to someone who could help, and she said she would try to find out.
She phones me an hour later, saying that there's absolutely no one in Canberra who can help me get HRT, and that I may be able to get help with 'someone Bennett' (her words, not mine) who used to work in Sydney.

Now I have absolutely no idea what to do, and feel lost. I was hoping to start HRT by my birthday, but now it looks like I won't be able to start it even this year if it's true :(
That sucks! You did well for going but wow, I'm amazed that the doctor you saw could know nothing of trans people.

Going from completely oblivious to "absolutely no one in Canberra" in an hour, I wouldn't trust that she's correct on this. Your local support groups are most likely to know where to try next. I found this listing of some transgender support contacts in the Canberra area, they might be able to help with where to go from here. The yahoo group for the new Canberra Transgender Network group is pretty active.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Mon May 14, 2012 6:52 pm UTC

I'm quite sure you can find someone there, natashatasha. It's hard, but don't get too discouraged. dragon has great ideas.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon May 14, 2012 7:53 pm UTC

Cathy wrote:I'm a cis bi woman married to a man and I have a male lover. Poly++! I've had little success finding women interested in women... I am happy for your happiness!

I don't think I would have managed reallife. I do onlinedating.

natashatasha wrote:She phones me an hour later, saying that there's absolutely no one in Canberra who can help me get HRT, and that I may be able to get help with 'someone Bennett' (her words, not mine) who used to work in Sydney.

Now I have absolutely no idea what to do, and feel lost. I was hoping to start HRT by my birthday, but now it looks like I won't be able to start it even this year if it's true :(

In one hour, how many people can she have called? She apparently called ONE colleague who told her there is no one and s/he only knows of some Bennett person who used to work in Sydney. This is not particularly likely to be true. *hugs* Try others & get recommendations from other trans people.


In other bad news one of my lesbian colleagues is being harassed by her manager. :( The anti-discrimination officer is with her (the lesbian colleague), but anyway the situation is so bad she will look for a different job within the company as soon as possible.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Tue May 15, 2012 1:15 am UTC

Monika wrote:In other bad news one of my lesbian colleagues is being harassed by her manager. :( The anti-discrimination officer is with her (the lesbian colleague), but anyway the situation is so bad she will look for a different job within the company as soon as possible.

I'm sorry to hear that :( . That people have to do that is unfortunate.

In slightly happier news...
Spoiler:
I went to Planned Parenthood today and talked to their trans-expert-doctor person. She is super cool and friendly and basically all for people being in charge of everything in regards to themselves. I asked (and she agreed to) give me a prescription for spironolactone that I could just call her and tell her I was gonna start, then make a follow up. No "Well, if you're not absolutely sure about everything forever," or "Well, unless you're gonna go all the way" crap. So now I have a little piece of paper I can turn in to the drug people and get anti-androgens. I told her I wasn't sure, but I'm pretty sure I'm just still weird about talking to it to doctors. Because I wanted to start as soon as I left the clinic.

I'll see where I'm feeling in a few days.

Also, it turns out that in some regards, MtF folks are lucky - pretty much the only irreversible effect of going on full HRT is breast growth. Everything else can revert if you stop taking the drugs, which means.. well, frankly, I am in about as much control of my body as biology is. So that's neat.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Cathy » Tue May 15, 2012 2:33 am UTC

Please forgive me for my lack of knowledge, I just have a few questions in response to Shivahn's spoiler.
Spoiler:
In FtM, I would guess that some non-reversible things would be hair growth and perhaps body frame change, if you were young enough? Like broader shoulders and facial structure? I know that XX's with testosterone imbalances generally get hair and muscle growth, but I don't actually know how much testosterone changes things.


Separate thing
Spoiler:
There is a really pretty MtF transwoman who is a grad student in my CS department. I see her pass every now and then and say hi because she was nice enough to talk me through a presentation of hers - most of the grad presenters blew me off. It makes me happy to see that the grad students and teachers I know treat her well. This is a random ramble, but I hope she does well. I hope we all do well!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Tue May 15, 2012 2:53 am UTC

Spoiler:
I'm not actually sure why I spoilered that, but I might as well continue in spoilers :P

Testosterone is the more... potent? Permanent of the sex related hormones. Body frame changes are definite if you're young enough. Either way, though, it turns on facial hair, turns up body hair, turns down the voice, starts balding, and so on. I think there are a few others. Estrogen, by contrast, mainly just breast development in regards to permanent effects.

That is my understanding anyway.

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Brace
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Tue May 15, 2012 3:02 am UTC

I'm feeling a strong compulsion to quit my job, just based on a renewed sense of self-respect, even though I have no definite prospects for finding a new one or any other work of any kind.
"The future is the only kind of property that the masters willingly concede to the slaves" - Albert Camus

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Cathy » Tue May 15, 2012 3:36 am UTC

Shivahn wrote:
Spoiler:
I'm not actually sure why I spoilered that, but I might as well continue in spoilers :P

Testosterone is the more... potent? Permanent of the sex related hormones. Body frame changes are definite if you're young enough. Either way, though, it turns on facial hair, turns up body hair, turns down the voice, starts balding, and so on. I think there are a few others. Estrogen, by contrast, mainly just breast development in regards to permanent effects.

That is my understanding anyway.

I appreciate it. I think I will activate my Google-Fu for more information. :)

Brace: I'd suggest searching for a new job in your off time, if you can! For me, there's nothing like getting a job offer to make me feel freakin' fantastic. And while you have a job, the search isn't as frantic.
Amie wrote:Cathy, I now declare you to be an awesome person, by the powers vested in me by nobody, really.
yurell wrote:We need fewer homoeopaths, that way they'll be more potent!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Tue May 15, 2012 12:25 pm UTC

Shivahn wrote:I went to Planned Parenthood today and talked to their trans-expert-doctor person. She is super cool and friendly and basically all for people being in charge of everything in regards to themselves. I asked (and she agreed to) give me a prescription for spironolactone that I could just call her and tell her I was gonna start, then make a follow up. No "Well, if you're not absolutely sure about everything forever," or "Well, unless you're gonna go all the way" crap. So now I have a little piece of paper I can turn in to the drug people and get anti-androgens. I told her I wasn't sure, but I'm pretty sure I'm just still weird about talking to it to doctors. Because I wanted to start as soon as I left the clinic.
Yay \o/
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Brace
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Tue May 15, 2012 5:44 pm UTC

I found an article of clothing that I actually like and look ok in. Also a butterfly pendant necklace.
"The future is the only kind of property that the masters willingly concede to the slaves" - Albert Camus


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