[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby felltir » Sat Apr 26, 2014 7:31 pm UTC

Not useful for people in relationships with non-binary people, though
Spoiler:
RoadieRich wrote:He's a super flexible furry martial artist from London. She is a Rabbit breeding mad scientist from Michigan. They fight crime!
The Great Hippo wrote:I THINK THE SOLAR SYSTEM MIGHT BE AN ATOM OF OXYGEN.


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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Kewangji » Sat Apr 26, 2014 7:47 pm UTC

"My person."
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Sat Apr 26, 2014 8:00 pm UTC

Reminds me of one friend happily announcing "I have a person!" one day. Took me a moment to work it out.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ShortChelsea » Sun Apr 27, 2014 12:00 am UTC

I've been with mine since I was basically a kid, so I call him my (life) partner. Life partner sounds stupid, though.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Pfhorrest » Sun Apr 27, 2014 12:32 am UTC

The Mighty Thesaurus wrote:I guess that means straight virgins aren't really straight.

This is a great point.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Sun Apr 27, 2014 6:31 am UTC

Pfhorrest wrote:
The Mighty Thesaurus wrote:I guess that means straight virgins aren't really straight.

This is a great point.


And that gay virgins aren't really gay.
Which reminds me of this powerful song by Michael Franti & Mark S. Pistel.

The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy - Language of Violence
[Spoilered for lots of triggers].
Spoiler:
The first day of school was always the hardest
The first day of school, the hallways the darkest

Like a gauntlet
The voices haunted
Walking in with his thin skin lowered chin
He knew the names that they would taunt him with

Fagot sissy punk queen queer
Although he'd never had sex in his 15 years
And when they harassed him, it was for a reason
And when they provoked him, it became open season

For the fox and the hunter, the sparks and the thunder
That pushed the boy under, then pillage and plunder
It kind of makes you wonder
How one can hurt another

But dehumanizing the victim makes things simpler
It's like breathing with a respirator
It eases the conscience of even the most conscious
And calculating violator

Words can reduce a person to an object
Something more easy to hate
An inanimate entity, completely disposable
No problem to obliterate

But death is the silence
In this language of violence
Death is the silence
But death is the silence
In this cycle of violence
Death is the silence

It's tough to be young, the young long to be tougher
When we pick on someone else it might make us feel rougher
Abused by their fathers but was at home though
So to prove to each other that they were not homos

The exclamation of the phobic fury
Executioner, a judge and jury
The mob mentality, individuality was nowhere
Dignity forgotten at the bottom of a dumb
Old dare and a numb cold stare

On the way home it was back to name calling
Ten against one they had his back up against the wall and
They reveled in their laughter as they surrounded him
But it wasn't a game when they up jumped and grounded him

They picked up their bats with their muscles straining
And they decided they were gonna beat this fella's brain in
With an awful, powerful, showerful, an hour full of violence
Inflict the strictest brutality and dominance

They didn't hear him screaming, they didn't hear him pleading
They ran like cowards and left the boy bleeding
In a pool of red 'til all tears were shed
And his eyes quietly slid into the back of his head
Dead

But death is the silence
In this language of violence
Death is the silence
But death is the silence
In this cycle of violence
Death is the silence

But death is the silence
In this language of violence
Death is the silence
But death is the silence
In this cycle of violence
Death is the silence

You won't see the face 'til the eyelids drop
You won't hear the screaming until it stops
The boy's parents were gone and his grandmother had raised him
She was mad, she had no form of retaliation

The pack didn't have to worry about being on a hit list
But the thing they never thought about was that there was a witness
To this senseless crime, right place wrong time
Tried as an adult one of them was gonna do hard time

The first day of prison was always the hardest
The first day of prison, the hallways the darkest

Like a gauntlet
The voices haunted
Fagot, sissy, punk, queen, queer
Words he used before had a new meaning in here

As a group of men in front of him came near
For the first time in his life the young bully felt fear
He'd never been on this side of the name calling
Five against one they had his back up against the wall and

He had never questioned his own sexuality
But this group of men didn't hesitate in their reality
With an awful, powerful, showerful, an hour full of violence
Inflict the strictest brutality and dominance

They didn't hear him screaming
They didn't hear him pleading
They took what they wanted and then left him bleeding in the corner
The giant reduced to Jack Horner

But dehumanizing the victim makes things simpler
It's like breathing with a respirator
It eases the conscience of even the most conscious
And calculating violator

The power of words, don't take it for granted
When you hear a man ranting
Don't just read the lips, be more sublime than this
Put everything in context

Is this a tale of rough justice
In a land where there's no justice at all?
Who is really the victim
Or are we all the cause and victim of it all?

But death is the silence
In this language of violence
Death is the silence
But death is the silence
In this cycle of violence
Death is the silence

But death is the silence
In this language of violence
Death is the silence
But death is the silence
In this cycle of violence
Death is the silence

You won't see the face 'til the eyelids drop
You won't hear the screaming until it stops

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby philsov » Mon Apr 28, 2014 2:30 pm UTC

Sungura wrote:A quick search reveals "lovefriend" and "paramour"
Any more ideas?


Companion? idk.

I view 'partner' as committed long term stuff; only alternate seems to be (boy/girl)friend.

Sucks that there is no intermediate term.

~

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Mon Apr 28, 2014 3:12 pm UTC

I have new shoes. ^_^

They're cheap sneakers, but they're the largest size you can generally find for women's shoes of all types without needing to go to special stores, and they almost fit.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby felltir » Mon Apr 28, 2014 10:46 pm UTC

PM 2Ring wrote:
Pfhorrest wrote:
The Mighty Thesaurus wrote:I guess that means straight virgins aren't really straight.

This is a great point.


And that gay virgins aren't really gay.
Which reminds me of this powerful song by Michael Franti & Mark S. Pistel.

The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy - Language of Violence *SNIP*


I know you spoilered that, but is that really appropriate to be posting in any way in a safespace?
Spoiler:
RoadieRich wrote:He's a super flexible furry martial artist from London. She is a Rabbit breeding mad scientist from Michigan. They fight crime!
The Great Hippo wrote:I THINK THE SOLAR SYSTEM MIGHT BE AN ATOM OF OXYGEN.


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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby XJ_0 » Tue Apr 29, 2014 2:06 am UTC

felltir wrote:
PM 2Ring wrote:Which reminds me of this powerful song by Michael Franti & Mark S. Pistel.

The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy - Language of Violence *SNIP*


I know you spoilered that, but is that really appropriate to be posting in any way in a safespace?

I'm not seeing what the problem is, here. If anyone of us had experienced violence and needed to share, would we not be welcome to do so in this thread? For me, the lyrics are representing an experience, and thus should be allowed to posted.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby felltir » Tue Apr 29, 2014 6:44 pm UTC

That is true. My apologies, PM 2Ring.
Spoiler:
RoadieRich wrote:He's a super flexible furry martial artist from London. She is a Rabbit breeding mad scientist from Michigan. They fight crime!
The Great Hippo wrote:I THINK THE SOLAR SYSTEM MIGHT BE AN ATOM OF OXYGEN.


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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Tomlidich the second » Tue Apr 29, 2014 10:14 pm UTC

I got myself a cheap suit to go with the new shoes, I look positively FABULOUS

Im kidding, i think I struck the happy medium I wanted to go for, where there is a good chance either sex will find me attractive.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Tue Apr 29, 2014 10:51 pm UTC

Sweet.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Thu May 01, 2014 10:06 am UTC

ShortChelsea wrote:I've been with mine since I was basically a kid, so I call him my (life) partner. Life partner sounds stupid, though.

I find life partner sounds quite nice.

Wonderbolt wrote:I have new shoes. ^_^

They're cheap sneakers, but they're the largest size you can generally find for women's shoes of all types without needing to go to special stores, and they almost fit.

Yay for girl shoes!

felltir wrote:I know you spoilered that, but is that really appropriate to be posting in any way in a safespace?

A LGBTIQQA safespace means: No homo-/trans-/bi-/queer-/acephobia/heterosexism/cissexism, no mandatory (hetero)sexuality, no having to defend one's gender identity or sexual orientation (or lack of either) or gender presentation or anything related to it.
It also means: no racism, sexism, ableism and so on, so that the queer/trans/intersex/ace people of color, women, people with disabilities are safe here.
It doesn't mean: Don't mention violence. Put it in spoilers with appropriate trigger warnings, yes, so that it doesn't jump on people with PTSD who would be triggered by it and then would not be able to read this thread safely anymore. Not only do we have to be able to talk about violence that happens to us, we also have to be able to talk about violence against oppressors. Fantasized or real. Admiring non-violence is taught to us from a young age by those in power. Gandhi is held up for non-violence. Non-violence being successful in achieving anything is an exception. Most revolutions weren't non-violent. Stonewall wasn't non-violent.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Thu May 01, 2014 4:36 pm UTC

In other news:

I told a team member at work that I'm bi. So far I have only been "kinda out" at work. I go to the LGBT meetings, which I have in my calendar, which is shared, so everyone could see them (not sure if they know that "HomoSAPiens" is the SAP LGBT group, though). And female colleagues at the business women network kinda knew, because once a year the different diversity communities meet, so they could have figured it out from that I hang out with the other LGBT people there. But except for one ex-team member I never told anyone outside the LGBT group.

Her reaction was nice :) . She mentioned that her masseuse is lesbian. (It fit into the conversation, we were talking about how male colleagues were [trigger warning for sexual harassment] discussing the legs of female colleagues :evil: but lesbian and bi women don't do such shit.)

I don't usually see my team members, as it's an international team. I was at a big work event the last three days where they were, too.

It was in Den Haag. I met with a non-binary Twitter friend from the area while I was there. It was very nice.

Not nice: [trigger warning for death] A colleague whom I know died in a car crash on the way to the conference. His pregnant wife was with him and died, too. :( It's very upsetting.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Thu May 01, 2014 5:11 pm UTC

This post had objectionable content.
Last edited by Brace on Mon Oct 06, 2014 12:54 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Thu May 01, 2014 9:01 pm UTC

*hugs*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Fri May 02, 2014 8:02 am UTC

Sorry I didn't reply earlier - I've been sick in bed with the 'flu.

felltir wrote:That is true. My apologies, PM 2Ring.


No problem, felltir. I almost didn't post that stuff here, because it is pretty scary. But it's probably the most eloquent song / poem about homophobic bullying that I've ever encountered, and I felt that it might be beneficial for some of the people who read this thread.

[There's no explicit mention of violent incidents in this spoiler, but just in case...]
Spoiler:
At first, I liked it because the bully gets his comeuppance (I used to get bullied a lot at school, and have been in quite a few very scary situations since then), but then I realised how brilliant the song is. Firstly, because it doesn't try to claim that there's a simple solution to the problem of bullying, and secondly, because it can actually make you feel sorry for the bully, and indeed all the people caught up in the cycle of violence:
"Who is really the victim
Or are we all the cause and victim of it all?"



@Monika
Nicely put. Thankyou.

It's sad to hear about your colleague. :~(

Monika wrote:we were talking about how male colleagues were [trigger warning for sexual harassment] discussing the legs of female colleagues :evil: but lesbian and bi women don't do such shit.)

That sort of pervy sex-object shit gets so tiresome, and it's hard to eradicate from a workplace if it's entrenched in the culture. Generally, if women try to discourage them, they just get worse. And if a male tries to discourage them, they not only get worse, they can also start attacking him with homophobic slurs. However, sometimes it's possible to get positive results if all the people who disapprove of that sort of talk let the perpetrators know that that their behaviour is juvenile.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Tomlidich the second » Fri May 02, 2014 4:12 pm UTC

That sort of behaviour is terrible! I know my workplace tolerates no such thing.

even if its a client. we won't deal with people harassing our employees, we will just drop you and not answer the phone for ya anymore.

*hugs for Monika*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Fri May 02, 2014 9:56 pm UTC

Have been having a weird tightness in my chest all day I feel when breathing in deeply. It's probably nothing, but I'm somewhat of a hypochondriac so I'm constantly worrying it's DVT due to estradiol pills. I suppose there's a good chance it's just because I slept with the nose of my stuffed toy under my chest or something. Also, I have a cold, so blah. Hopefully it's gone tomorrow.

EDIT: Dammit. I looked around on the internet a bit, and apparently this is not something you should just ignore? Clearly I'm going to have a heart attack or a blood clot or whatever and I'll die. Having a hard time figuring out whether I'm worried for no good reason again (I've survived the entire day, after all), or whether I should seek out a doctor right nao.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Fri May 02, 2014 10:13 pm UTC

If there's no pain, and you can breathe just fine, I'd suggest going to a clinic when you have time to get it checked out. If it were me, I would probably wait another day, but then I had some heart testing a couple of years ago so I know things are fine there.

If you're going to worry nonstop until it's checked out, then do that. Worry isn't good for your heart. :wink:
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Fri May 02, 2014 10:17 pm UTC

It mostly hurts a bit when I breathe in deeply. The problem is that it's midnight, and I *always* start worrying about this kind when it's way too late to go to anything other than an emergency department. Since I've survived the day, I can't really justify doing that.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Fri May 02, 2014 10:21 pm UTC

Like a sharp pain around the heart/lungs when you overfill your lungs? That might be a ... harmless thingy I've never learned what it really was, but it's like a bit of lung is caught on a rib or some shit like that. Grabbing my pecs and wiggling things around sometimes fixed it for me.

There's a remote chance that it's a collapsed lung, but those tend to hurt a lot more and fix themselves after a week or so. Either way, go see a clinic in the morning if you're still worried and it still hurts. It's not gonna kill you in the next 24 hours, I'm pretty sure.

Edit to add: also, if you have any gastric reflux it can be irritated by inhaling deeply. Stress, fatty or acidic foods, dairy, alcohol/coffee, and eating before bedtime can do that to you.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Fri May 02, 2014 10:26 pm UTC

Yep. It does kind of... sting when breathing? Ish. Somewhat like a sore throat, but lower. It really does feel like I'm just having a weird cold, and if it were a blood clot I figure I'd be noticing a lot more by now, but eh, worries and things.

But thanks for the advice. *smiles* Going to sleep now seems like a particularly good idea.

Unrelated and rather TMI thing I just thought of:
Spoiler:
I haven't masturbated in I think two weeks or so now that I'm on HRT. I definitely had to once every two or three days before. Actually liking not really having a libido, although it's a bit weird. Just now I was "well, maybe I should masturbate again to relax and feel good before going to sleep," immediately followed by "fuck that, it's cold and I'm tired, don't care enough about it." *jumps in bed*

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Sat May 03, 2014 9:19 am UTC

I'm still not dead! :) Still hurts a bit when I breathe in deeply, but I figure I'll probably be fine.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Sat May 03, 2014 2:52 pm UTC

Yay! Try eating a blander diet today and avoid caffeine/alcohol (I know, it sucks). See if it feels better tonight.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Sat May 03, 2014 4:41 pm UTC

poxic wrote:avoid caffeine/alcohol (I know, it sucks)


As a mostly teetotaler who also quit caffeine when she finished college, I'd like to note that it doesn't have to suck! :)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Sat May 03, 2014 5:21 pm UTC

Amended: it sucks to have to avoid caffeine/alcohol when one is used to enjoying a regular dose thereof. (Better? :wink: )
A man who is 'ill-adjusted' to the world is always on the verge of finding himself. One who is adjusted to the world never finds himself, but gets to be a cabinet minister.
- Hermann Hesse, novelist, poet, Nobel laureate (2 Jul 1877-1962)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Sun May 04, 2014 2:27 pm UTC

Spoilered for hopelessness feelings trigger. I apologize for posting here so much.

Spoiler:
I'm just... an emotional mess right now. I also don't really have anyone to talk to in Real Life^TM unfortunately, except on a very superficial level when it comes to these issues.

Although I'm only 20, I looked in the mirror today and noticed that pulling my hair back I already have a bit of a receding hairline near my temples. It's also impossible to not notice my huge nose, and... well, I just hate myself so much right now. So many people claim to be so much happier once they're on HRT for a month, but I've only started hating myself more because of how wrong everything about my body is.

I really don't know what to do. I'm already borrowing as much as I can (student loans) to pay for some HRT, but that's pretty much it. I'm not exactly employable in my current mental state, either. Heck, I'm even thinking of begging my parents for financial help - I doubt they'd do anything, but I'm just exhausted and can't do it anymore.

This week I've even been seriously thinking about just stopping transitioning. I really don't want to stop, but maybe it's easier to go back to my suicidal-filled existence than to deal with all of *this*. I just can't really deal with it anymore. I feel like giving up on life.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby The Mighty Thesaurus » Sun May 04, 2014 2:38 pm UTC

In my experience, self-hatred never goes away.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Sun May 04, 2014 3:00 pm UTC

This post had objectionable content.
Last edited by Brace on Mon Oct 06, 2014 12:54 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Sun May 04, 2014 11:09 pm UTC

This post had objectionable content.
Last edited by Brace on Mon Oct 06, 2014 12:54 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Mon May 05, 2014 7:37 am UTC

Wonderbolt wrote:Spoilered for hopelessness feelings trigger. I apologize for posting here so much.

Post as much as you want to; there's no need to apologize. We're here to support you however we can. :big hugs:

Spoiler:
I'm just... an emotional mess right now. I also don't really have anyone to talk to in Real Life^TM unfortunately, except on a very superficial level when it comes to these issues.

That does suck, but it's better than having nobody, isn't it? And thanks to the Internet you have us, and tons of stuff written by other trans people about their transitioning experiences. Have you looked at the stuff on Lynn Conway's site?

Although I'm only 20, I looked in the mirror today and noticed that pulling my hair back I already have a bit of a receding hairline near my temples. It's also impossible to not notice my huge nose, and... well, I just hate myself so much right now. So many people claim to be so much happier once they're on HRT for a month, but I've only started hating myself more because of how wrong everything about my body is.

Testosterone blockers (eg spironolactone) generally help with that receding hairline stuff, but they can take a while to start having a noticeable effect. Nose size & shape can be modified some time in the future, when you have the funds for it. Remember that you're kind of going through puberty again (but with the right hormones this time), and having emotional roller-coaster rides and being upset over you body image are fairly common things to experience in puberty.

I really don't know what to do. I'm already borrowing as much as I can (student loans) to pay for some HRT, but that's pretty much it. I'm not exactly employable in my current mental state, either. Heck, I'm even thinking of begging my parents for financial help - I doubt they'd do anything, but I'm just exhausted and can't do it anymore.

If your parents are (relatively) positive about you transitioning then there's no harm in asking them for financial assistance, presuming they can afford it.

This week I've even been seriously thinking about just stopping transitioning. I really don't want to stop, but maybe it's easier to go back to my suicidal-filled existence than to deal with all of *this*. I just can't really deal with it anymore. I feel like giving up on life.

Lots of us here can relate to those sorts of feelings. But somehow, we've manged to survive.
You've only just started with HRT, and despite your current negative mood, I get the feeling from your recent posts that it's probably the right thing for you. Really, one month is far too early to decide that it's not working.

:more hugs:

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Mon May 05, 2014 7:41 am UTC

The Mighty Thesaurus wrote:In my experience, self-hatred never goes away.

If it's any consolation, it can get less intense as you get older, though. I guess that's one of the benefits of turning into an old person. :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Mon May 05, 2014 10:30 pm UTC

Yeah, I'm now at a point where I'm better described as "self-tolerating". :wink:
A man who is 'ill-adjusted' to the world is always on the verge of finding himself. One who is adjusted to the world never finds himself, but gets to be a cabinet minister.
- Hermann Hesse, novelist, poet, Nobel laureate (2 Jul 1877-1962)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Tue May 06, 2014 8:50 pm UTC

This post had objectionable content.
Last edited by Brace on Mon Oct 06, 2014 12:53 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Tue May 06, 2014 8:53 pm UTC

Congrats!
#xkcd-q on irc.foonetic.net - the LGBTIQQA support channel
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Wed May 07, 2014 6:58 pm UTC

Congratulations! ^_^

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Wed May 07, 2014 7:12 pm UTC

This post had objectionable content.
Last edited by Brace on Mon Oct 06, 2014 12:53 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
"The future is the only kind of property that the masters willingly concede to the slaves" - Albert Camus

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Wed May 07, 2014 9:13 pm UTC

Transphobic asshole clerk :(

Congrats on the fantastic grades!
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