I want to depress my coworkers

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Spambot5546
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I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Spambot5546 » Tue Sep 21, 2010 5:04 pm UTC

My bosses moved my desk to an out-of-the way cubicle, since i won't be around much longer. It's not punitive or anything, they're just making room for the people who will be here for a while to all be together. However, in my cubicle is the coffee pot and a white board. I have decided to put something depressing on the whiteboard every day, that way whenever someone comes for coffee they are forced to leave a little bit sad.

Today it reads "If life gives you lemons, use those lemons as an excuse to never work hard enough to achieve your dreams." I figure i can pull a few from A Softer World or whatever, but i figgered i'd ask you guys for some other ideas, just to add variety.
"It is bitter – bitter", he answered,
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

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Zohar
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Zohar » Tue Sep 21, 2010 5:15 pm UTC

You're an asshole.
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Dave_Wise
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Dave_Wise » Tue Sep 21, 2010 5:15 pm UTC

Something along the lines of "never forget: you're going to die and it's all pointless"? Dress that up a bit and I feel we have a workable product.
The future is always bright. Bombs generate quite substantial amounts of illumination
-a friend.

Spambot5546
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Spambot5546 » Tue Sep 21, 2010 5:18 pm UTC

Dave_Wise wrote:Something along the lines of "never forget: you're going to die and it's all pointless"? Dress that up a bit and I feel we have a workable product.

Something like this?
"It is bitter – bitter", he answered,
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

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rigwarl
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby rigwarl » Tue Sep 21, 2010 6:18 pm UTC

If this isn't a big joke, I cannot for the life of me understand your way of thinking.

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Kang
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Kang » Tue Sep 21, 2010 6:20 pm UTC

I don't really see the point either, especially because if I came across it, I'd probably find it amusing, but my suggestion would be (keeping in mind that you are sitting in the soon-to-be-sacked-cubicle): «You are visiting now, are you staying tomorrow?»

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Dave_Wise
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Dave_Wise » Tue Sep 21, 2010 6:44 pm UTC

Something like this?

That style of gothic memento, yeah. Maybe ham it up with some emo shit as well though.
The future is always bright. Bombs generate quite substantial amounts of illumination
-a friend.

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AngrySquirrel
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby AngrySquirrel » Tue Sep 21, 2010 6:48 pm UTC

Just simply put up a note saying "It is not Friday". And when Friday comes change it with one that says "It is soon Monday."
Putting the fist into pacifist.

they/them/theirs

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podbaydoor
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby podbaydoor » Tue Sep 21, 2010 6:50 pm UTC

Print out any number of Demotivators. Mission achieved.
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

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OBrien
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby OBrien » Tue Sep 21, 2010 11:54 pm UTC

"Don't worry too much about fuck ups. In less than a century you'll be rotting underground no matter what you do" or: "The voices are back"
Spelling and grammar can go screw themselves.

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Vapour
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Vapour » Wed Sep 22, 2010 9:10 am UTC

AngrySquirrel wrote:Just simply put up a note saying "It is not Friday". And when Friday comes change it with one that says "It is soon Monday."



Thats enough to depress me.

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ameretrifle
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby ameretrifle » Wed Sep 22, 2010 9:38 am UTC

Not to be an ass, but it's possible any such efforts, particularly if successful, will just make them happier when they remember that soon, you'll be gone. :/

Or is that what you're aiming for? Cruel to be kind? ;D

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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Dave_Wise » Wed Sep 22, 2010 9:39 am UTC

It's what I thought the aim was. I'd be laughing my ass off if I came in and found a memento mori alongside all the demotivators...
The future is always bright. Bombs generate quite substantial amounts of illumination
-a friend.

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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby TheKrikkitWars » Wed Sep 22, 2010 9:57 am UTC

"You were under the impression
That when you were walking forwards
You'd end up further onward,
But things ain't quite that simple"
Great things are done when Men & Mountains meet,
This is not Done by Jostling in the Street.

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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Felstaff » Wed Sep 22, 2010 10:01 am UTC

"Your existence is defined by the comic strips you put up in your cubicle"

Or copy a qwantz t-shirt:
Image
Away, you scullion! you rampallion! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe.

Spambot5546
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Spambot5546 » Wed Sep 22, 2010 2:06 pm UTC

Dave_Wise wrote:It's what I thought the aim was. I'd be laughing my ass off if I came in and found a memento mori alongside all the demotivators...

Well my goal is to do this just in text, so i'm not going to waste paper printing up demotivational posters. I'm fully aware that this is mostly going to be viewed as humorous, if anyone bothers to notice at all. I harbor no grudge, it's not like i'm getting fired, i'm just moving on because i got a new job in the same organization and haven't started it yet. That said, if i do make someone sad and introspective, well, that's just a bonus. :P

For today i'm using a variation of Felstaff's suggestion. "Not all dreams come true, or are you an astronaut?"
"It is bitter – bitter", he answered,
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

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LaserGuy
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby LaserGuy » Wed Sep 22, 2010 2:12 pm UTC

How about, "No matter how much good you do, or how much you possibly accomplish now, your great-grandchildren probably won't even know your name."

Spambot5546
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Spambot5546 » Wed Sep 22, 2010 2:14 pm UTC

That, my friend, is exactly the kind of thing i'm looking for!
"It is bitter – bitter", he answered,
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

General_Norris
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby General_Norris » Wed Sep 22, 2010 2:40 pm UTC

Making people feel worse! How nice of you!

Hope you die soon ^^ You reap what you sow =D

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Thesh
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Thesh » Wed Sep 22, 2010 2:43 pm UTC

Completely fill the whiteboard with incoherent rantings in as small of letters as is readable. Then if people do read it, they will be wasting company time.
Summum ius, summa iniuria.

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Dave_Wise
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Dave_Wise » Wed Sep 22, 2010 5:48 pm UTC

Well my goal is to do this just in text, so i'm not going to waste paper printing up demotivational posters. I'm fully aware that this is mostly going to be viewed as humorous, if anyone bothers to notice at all. I harbor no grudge, it's not like i'm getting fired, i'm just moving on because i got a new job in the same organization and haven't started it yet. That said, if i do make someone sad and introspective, well, that's just a bonus.

Well there we are... I had visions of you making small sculptures of emo skeletons with inscriptions like "You'll die. It's pointless." underneath. Not to be, I suppose.
The future is always bright. Bombs generate quite substantial amounts of illumination
-a friend.

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Fat Zombie
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Fat Zombie » Thu Sep 23, 2010 9:55 pm UTC

Wait:

"Don't worry too much about fuck ups. In less than a century you'll be rotting underground no matter what you do"


Does anyone else see this as reassuring more than anything? I'd be more worried if whatever I did followed me after death.
...And before you ask: yes, I do like to listen to myself talk!

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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Fractal_Tangent » Thu Sep 23, 2010 10:16 pm UTC

I think it would be better put as:

'Don't worry too much about the people you love. In less than a century, you'll all be rotting underground and everything you've strived for will count for nothing.'

That said, I think Mr./Mrs./Miss/Ms. Spambot is not someone I'd like to spend my time with normally. I do not like being saddened for no reason and I generally keep all my nihilist ramblings to myself.
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right now, that means it's Nazi punching time.


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Dave_Wise
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Dave_Wise » Fri Sep 24, 2010 10:06 am UTC

I'm sure he/she is a sweetie really. Then again, I'm fairly undepressable, except on those occasions when I am clinically depressed, and an extremely poor judge of character.
The future is always bright. Bombs generate quite substantial amounts of illumination
-a friend.

Spambot5546
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Spambot5546 » Fri Sep 24, 2010 11:29 am UTC

No, you're right, i'm pretty awesome. And also a dude.
"It is bitter – bitter", he answered,
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

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Overdosed on Apathy
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Overdosed on Apathy » Fri Sep 24, 2010 6:33 pm UTC

The best quotes for this come from Fight Club. Love that shit.

"On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero."

"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time."

"If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?"

" Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. "

Etc, etc
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby broken_escalator » Fri Sep 24, 2010 6:44 pm UTC

You mean like Woody Allen humor?
“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.”

“I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me”

or some Kurt Vonnegut maybe
“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.”

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Weeks
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Weeks » Fri Sep 24, 2010 7:09 pm UTC

Spambot5546 wrote:That said, if i do make someone sad and introspective, well, that's just a bonus. :P
What the fuck
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llamanaru
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby llamanaru » Fri Sep 24, 2010 8:18 pm UTC

What about, "Health is the slowest form of dying"?

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podbaydoor
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby podbaydoor » Fri Sep 24, 2010 8:30 pm UTC

"Statistically, 10 out of 10 people die."
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

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Thesh
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Thesh » Fri Sep 24, 2010 9:07 pm UTC

Weeks wrote:
Spambot5546 wrote:That said, if i do make someone sad and introspective, well, that's just a bonus. :P
What the fuck


It's called sadism. Me, I prefer to just smack masochistic women around.
Summum ius, summa iniuria.

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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby fyrenwater » Sat Sep 25, 2010 7:23 am UTC

Spambot5546, you're an asshole and a monster. Depression should be prevented and/or resolved, NOT be some fucked up "goal".
...It made more sense in my head.

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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Spambot5546 » Sat Sep 25, 2010 11:25 am UTC

Weird that so many people don't want to ruin other people's good moods. Maybe...maybe i'm the weird one? No, that's silly. It has to be everyone else...
"It is bitter – bitter", he answered,
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

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OBrien
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby OBrien » Sun Sep 26, 2010 11:13 am UTC

fyrenwater wrote:Spambot5546, you're an asshole and a monster. Depression should be prevented and/or resolved, NOT be some fucked up "goal".

The internets: Srs business.
If you're depressed you'll be wrapped up in your own problems to care about some shit someone in the office put on their whiteboard, and if you're not you'll see the funny side of it.
Spelling and grammar can go screw themselves.

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SecondTalon
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby SecondTalon » Sun Sep 26, 2010 5:58 pm UTC

OBrien wrote:The internets: Srs business.
If you're depressed you'll be wrapped up in your own problems to care about some shit someone in the office put on their whiteboard, and if you're not you'll see the funny side of it.

Hey, Morbo.. what's your take?

Image
DEPRESSION DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!

Thanks, Morbo!
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby Fractal_Tangent » Sun Sep 26, 2010 6:19 pm UTC

Beat me to it. SexyTalon strikes again.
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right now, that means it's Nazi punching time.


she/her/hers
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby suffer-cait » Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:42 am UTC

Spambot5546 wrote:Weird that so many people don't want to ruin other people's good moods. Maybe...maybe i'm the weird one? No, that's silly. It has to be everyone else...
i feel that whoever spambot is that are immature, being all different and edgy in this way was cool back when we were 14. Chances are anyone working in a cubical is over 14 and therefore immature.
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby DecemberSoul » Sun Oct 03, 2010 10:55 pm UTC

Spambot has my full support. Also love. :D If anyone's offended by this, you should hear some of the stuff paramedics joke about (people who see a lot of death develop a dark humour!). Coping with the tough stuff in life with humour is natural.
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby SurgicalSteel » Mon Oct 04, 2010 2:57 am UTC

DecemberSoul wrote:If anyone's offended by this, you should hear some of the stuff paramedics joke about (people who see a lot of death develop a dark humour!). Coping with the tough stuff in life with humour is natural.
And what does that have to do with what Spambot is doing?
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Anchorman screams that he's seen a monster (mayday)
There's blood stains on his shirt (mayday)
They say that he's gone berserk."
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Re: I want to depress my coworkers

Postby hintss » Mon Oct 04, 2010 6:21 am UTC

I kept yelling out "Its almost monday!!" on friday. Thanks for the idea!!


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