coping with sad drunk people

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Essah
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coping with sad drunk people

Postby Essah » Mon Dec 13, 2010 5:30 am UTC

straight to the point.
what do you do when a friend starts writing badly typed IM messages to you about they love you and stuff. cos they are sad and decided to get drunk alone.
in this case a girl was disappointed cos a meeting with some guy didnt turn out as she was really hoping.

I told her to drink some water and sober up and she refused for a while until she finally wrote she had drunk the water they had.
thing is it makes me uncomfortably, I Think its a very bad solution to being upset and brings me in a strange mood.

what's the good friend supposed to do?
she didn't want to talk about it at all.

not sure if this should have been posted in LSR topic

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poxic
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Re: coping with sad drunk people

Postby poxic » Mon Dec 13, 2010 5:44 am UTC

Option one: "wow, looks like you're drunk. I'll talk to you after you've sobered up, okay?"

Option two: "wow, looks like you're hurting. Lay it on me and I'll listen for a while. I'll let you know when I've had enough and we can talk more after that when you're sober."

Option three: "wow, you obviously need to talk to someone. I don't feel comfortable listening to this right now, so can you find someone else online that you can talk to? I'll chat with you again when you're sober, because I do want to know how you're doing. Peace out."

Pick one, make up your own, whatever works for you. This is Life 301: What Do I Do When Things Get Weird. You'll need these skills at a few points in your life. :|
In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
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Essah
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Re: coping with sad drunk people

Postby Essah » Mon Dec 13, 2010 6:36 am UTC

thank you.
good advice.

chopoflamb
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Re: coping with sad drunk people

Postby chopoflamb » Mon Dec 13, 2010 6:42 am UTC

I've had a few experiences with this too. My favorite is when you haven't talked for months and they drop a bombshell on you. Getting something off your chest can be a good way to cope, so the best thing to do is just listen for a while. poxic has it right

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Plasma Man
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Re: coping with sad drunk people

Postby Plasma Man » Mon Dec 13, 2010 3:45 pm UTC

Don't take drunken ramblings too seriously. Drunkeness can lead to increased honesty, but it can also lead to coming out with a load of rubbish that will be regretted when sober. Don't let on that you're not taking it seriously, but don't let it get to you.
I generally follow the rule that anything said while drunk should not be taken down as evidence, it should be filed away and forgotten about.
Please note that despite the lovely avatar Sungura gave me, I am not a medical doctor.

Possibly my proudest moment on the fora.

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Jessica
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Re: coping with sad drunk people

Postby Jessica » Mon Dec 13, 2010 4:15 pm UTC

I disagree, Plasma. But, I've had many drunken weirdness which has caused endless amounts of problems. Much of which was honest, and really hard to ignore. Eh, it's hard to ignore when someone you adore tells you you're the person they love. Even when drunk.

What Poxic said seems the best - Deflecting seems to be the best thing. If you're skilled at steering drunken conversations, you can try and move it to something else, away from the weirdness. But otherwise, trying to stop the conversation is probably best.
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Kang
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Re: coping with sad drunk people

Postby Kang » Mon Dec 13, 2010 7:11 pm UTC

Actually, the beauty about IM is, that you don't even have to read it. Be along for the first few lines, then say 'tell me all about that', switch off the sound and just check back every few minutes. Chances after all are, that a) your friend only wants to spit that out b) might not remember telling you any of that the next day c) would regret telling you anyway. I'm not saying it was a good idea to ignore your friends, but in my admittedly limited experience with that sort of thing someone won't hold it against you that you don't provide meaningful advice (mostly because they are probably too drunk to act on it anyway) but might strangely remember you turning them away.

Essah
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Re: coping with sad drunk people

Postby Essah » Tue Dec 14, 2010 12:39 am UTC

thanks for the advice everybody.
got it sorted just know... the person in question of course doesn't remember anything of what was said, but no harm done.
Just hope she isn't gonna do it again.

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ImTestingSleeping
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Re: coping with sad drunk people

Postby ImTestingSleeping » Tue Dec 14, 2010 6:07 am UTC

Jessica wrote:If you're skilled at steering drunken conversations...


Friend: "Heyyyy Josssh, I-I-I jusht wanted to t-tell you that I lo-"

You: "Uhhhhhh hey let's take a shot!"

Friend: "SHOTS!"

Steering drunken conversation skill +1.
You feel tipsy.

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ameretrifle
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Re: coping with sad drunk people

Postby ameretrifle » Tue Dec 14, 2010 7:49 am UTC

I, for one, move that this topic continues and perhaps broadens to coping with drunk people in general. I am getting better at that, I think, but when I started I had no clue, and... it still tends to make me awfully sad and Prohibitionist. >_> Really wish this thread had been around then. Or that I'd bothered to start one.

Essah
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Re: coping with sad drunk people

Postby Essah » Wed Dec 15, 2010 6:38 am UTC

ameretrifle wrote:I, for one, move that this topic continues and perhaps broadens to coping with drunk people in general. I am getting better at that, I think, but when I started I had no clue, and... it still tends to make me awfully sad and Prohibitionist. >_> Really wish this thread had been around then. Or that I'd bothered to start one.


Sounds like a fine idea since no such thread exists.
i think the general rule is to not take anything you get from a drunk person too serious... thing is that most cases where i encounter drunk people i am...well, drunk myself so i behave differently as well.

Account20151023
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Re: coping with sad drunk people

Postby Account20151023 » Tue Dec 21, 2010 4:23 pm UTC

Being someone who gets drunk often with friends, I am quite a happy drunk. But frequently, someone new to the group will show up and be an angry or depressed drunk. Here's your watch word. The seriousness or permanence mood they're in is directly related to how easy it is to sway them out of it. I've seen people go into awful existential crises after 12 shots who seem like they're on the edge, staring out, only to be immediately shaken out of it by a high-five and the news that we're about to watch Freakazoid. On the other hand, someone who's looking sad at four beers in, but continues with the same demeanor for the next 9 regardless of what's going on around them, they need help. And not necessarily for the drinking (although they certainly could be dependent, it's not always the case). For instance, one of my friends got depressed drunk every night last summer because his 5-year girlfriend left him, and he was forcing himself to put up the appearance of being happy at work and at home. When I finally dragged that fact out of him, he realized it, got over her, and got a new girlfriend. He hasn't done it since.

I hope ths makes sense. I've had a lot of experience on both sides of the curtain, so I'd be willing to answer any questions. Chances are there are a bunch of people on these fora who are qualified to as well.

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Midnight
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Re: coping with sad drunk people

Postby Midnight » Wed Dec 22, 2010 2:57 am UTC

If they're really drunk and sad, get over there and put Chappelle's Show on the tv.
As far as the drunk honesty thing... yehhhh, but people are made up of so many layers & emotions that contradict each other. You can say just about anything to just about anyone and mean it, but some things are more true or more importantly true than others.
uhhhh fuck.

Account20151023
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Re: coping with sad drunk people

Postby Account20151023 » Thu Dec 23, 2010 4:35 pm UTC

Midnight wrote:You can say just about anything to just about anyone and mean it, but some things are more true or more importantly true than others.


So very this. And the only one who can decipher what is important and lasting is that drunk person at that very moment. Once they're sober, they might throw their hands up as much as you did. The only way to tell is by how often it happens. Someone who's a sad drunk once out of every thirty times is quantifiably not a sad drunk in general. Someone who cries about their ex every other time they drink is someone who needs help.

Korrente
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Re: coping with sad drunk people

Postby Korrente » Fri Dec 24, 2010 4:49 am UTC

Man, I wish some of the people I know would be sad or something when they're drunk, usually they're just really, really annoying. If they were sad I could maybe talk to them instead of wanting to punch them in the face when the fall flat on the floor and scream for six seconds.

That said, the other ones are happy and like to kiss me, so no intervention needed there :D

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Re: coping with sad drunk people

Postby Account20151023 » Fri Dec 24, 2010 4:58 am UTC

Being that I'm kindof drunk right now, I will say, if they're being annoying, tell them why. And be blunt. Subtlety is lost on the drunk. If they don't understand, do whatever you feel like.

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Whelan
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Re: coping with sad drunk people

Postby Whelan » Sun Dec 26, 2010 5:50 pm UTC

BomanTheBear wrote:
Midnight wrote:You can say just about anything to just about anyone and mean it, but some things are more true or more importantly true than others.


So very this. And the only one who can decipher what is important and lasting is that drunk person at that very moment. Once they're sober, they might throw their hands up as much as you did. The only way to tell is by how often it happens. Someone who's a sad drunk once out of every thirty times is quantifiably not a sad drunk in general. Someone who cries about their ex every other time they drink is someone who needs help.

I've a friend who's ended up crying at the end of every night out I've seen her at.
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